Babysitter Vent

[drunkpeggy]

We pay a woman to watch Sophia during the day. She lives around the corner and is my BFF's older cousin. The set up isn't bad and we feel comfortable with her. She watches another little girl a year older than Sophia and they get along great.

The last few weeks the sitter has been driving me crazy though. My scheduled switched with all the layoffs so two days a week (Tuesday and Thursday) I'm in the office until 4. She forgets this all the time (despite reminders) and then texts me at 4:20 realizing her mistake and telling me she's carted the kids off somewhere because she needed to run an errand or take her son to baseball/karate/whatever other activity he's in. Yesterday I got the text just before getting off the highway to go to her house. I had to turn around and go all the way back up the highway to the karate studio and pick Sophia up. I have no problems meeting her wherever she may be to pick up Sophia...I just need to know BEFORE I leave the office.

Pick up is never easy either. She wants to gab all day long. I completely understand dealing with two kids all day will make you long for some adult interaction but I'm exhausted from working, still have to take care of my kid when I go home and my other responsibilities. I say every day "Okay Sophia, let's go" and we're there for another 10 minutes...talking about the other little girl's potty training or her own kid is vying for my attention. I double parked my car behind her's yesterday at the karate studio and she didn't take the fucking hint or the "let's go Sophia" she just continued to feed Sophia her snack as they sat in the back of her SUV. I had to move my car because someone else needed to leave. HELLO?!

Today she texts me and says "Tim didn't bring money again LOL". Um, he rarely brings you the money, I normally do it after I pick Sophia up. This has been a guaranteed text every Friday for the last few weeks. We have never forgotten to pay her on a Friday with exception to the second week she had Sophia and promptly paid her the following Monday. I'm completely put off by the money texts too...we treat her well IMO. We pay her (always in cash) for days that she couldn't take Sophia because her son was sick and for days that we keep Sophia at home.

Am I being unreasonable here, short sighted because I'm stressed out? I'm really tempted to start shopping around for an actual center. I don't really want to bring someone into the house because I want Sophia to have playmates and what not.

[softspot]

From a babysitters POV: the pick-up situation is annoying. I would never just leave without letting the parent(s) know and I definitely would let them know before the scheduled pick-up. The gabbing is also annoying. I've been on your end of it and I hate feeling like I'm stuck talking to someone.

Now, about the money. It may be her passive way of hinting that she wants you to pay her on Friday mornings, not evening.

The drop-off situation would be enough to make me look for another sitter only because I would want to know where my kid is when not in the home. The other things are just minor annoyances IMO.

[GracieLouFreebush]

I don't think your expectations that she 1. not ask to be paid each Fri and 2. remember your work schedule (she should write it down!) are unreasonable. I'd actually be much more annoyed than you seem to be that she's driving S around multiple times per week (but maybe that was part of your original agreement?).

I do think you have to live with the chattiness...there's a Chatty Kathy in every situation, trust me. :/ There's probably a better way to cut her off though. I usually make up a situation that we just *have* to get to quickly.

If she's affordable and flexible right now, it may be smart to stick around while your job situation is iffy.

[drunkpeggy]

May 25, 2012 12:01:50 GMT -5 softspot said:

From a babysitters POV: the pick-up situation is annoying. I would never just leave without letting the parent(s) know and I definitely would let them know before the scheduled pick-up. The gabbing is also annoying. I've been on your end of it and I hate feeling like I'm stuck talking to someone.

Now, about the money. It may be her passive way of hinting that she wants you to pay her on Friday mornings, not evening.

The drop-off situation would be enough to make me look for another sitter only because I would want to know where my kid is when not in the home. The other things are just minor annoyances IMO.

I don't mind her going out of the house with Sophia, that was discussed prior to hiring her, but it's definitely annoying when she's not at the house when we go to pick her up (it's happened before) or I'm half way home and she texts me that she's walking out the door.

The passive aggressive BS really gets under my skin.

We definitely need to stick with her until my job situation becomes more stable but I'm glad I'm somewhat justified in my annoyances.

[honeybadger]

I had the same issues with our sitter for Isaac while I was working. Pick-up turned into 20-30 minutes of her venting about her husband, being a sahm, etc. I totally understand (like you mentioned) how it is after having no adult interaction by the end of the day. But it's part of the gig. After my 1.5 hour commute home, It was 6:30 and I needed to get home, get dinner and start bed time routine. I wanted to spend the time with my kid/family not at the sitter's.

She also did the same thing with money and we had arranged for payment on Friday at pick-up, not drop off. I was eventually so fed up with the passive aggressive BS that I said look we can arrange for drop-off pay time on Fridays if you would prefer, not that I am sure it would make a difference. Since she was home all day and it was cash. And I am sure my husband would have forgot most of the time anyway. She said it was fine and played it off as not being "sure which we had decided on" and didn't mention it again. I addressed the pick up issue by telling her via text one afternoon that I really didn't mean to be rude but since I got home so late and Isaac had a 8pm bed time, if she could have his shoes on and his bag ready and at the door ready to go, that it would help me out so much. She agreed and it wasn't an issue after that. I just shot her a text when I was pulling on base.

All of that to say, if you can find a way to address it with her, I would do that. But like GLF mentioned, with the work scenario...hopefully you can just find a way to make it less aggravating than have to make a big change. Atleast until the job situation plays itself out.

[NomadicMama]

As far as annoyances go, I'd be irked, too. But, as others have said, none are deal-breakers. But I get what you are saying! Vent away!

I like HB's manner of dealing with pick-ups. Tell her that you have started putting Sofia down a bit earlier for bed, and don't want to be rude, but can you have her ready to go at such and such time? Also, you could shoot her an email at lunch confirming pick-up location. Yes, you should not have to do this, but if it lessens your stress level, it might be worth it.

Is there something that you could do for her, that is inexpensive and easy, that shows her that you appreciate what she does? If you "goose" her, positively, she may step back a bit. This works for some people (perhaps it's a non-marriage approach to the Five Languages of Love).

[booyah]

I had this exact situation except she babysat in our home and brought her 2 kids. I'd get home at 5 and she wouldn't leave until close to 6. It was so frustrating.
I also had a sitter who babysat at her house and I'd get to her house at least twice a week and there would be a note on the door telling me what location she was at with the kids. I hated it.
I ended up leaving both of them and going with a center and it has been soooo much better.