advocating for yourself during labor & delivery?

[CloudBee]

My cardiology team is at a large university hospital in a nearby city, but I was sent to see a local cardiologist as a "meet and great" yesterday in the event that I am able to deliver at our local hospital. They want the head of this practice to be aware of my situation, know my face, etc., as he will be seeing me in the hospital and/or giving orders for heart meds during delivery to the hospital over the phone. So far I am doing amazingly well and if things stay this way, I will be able to deliver locally. This is unreal. I really hope I can deliver at the local hospital.

Anyway . . .

I keep hearing different stories. - You aren't allowed an epi. - We will do a vacuum assist. - If you need a C/S you will receive general anesthesia. And now - We may suggest an epi as adrenaline may bring on your v-tach (arrhythmia).

It is stressful. I want to go natural, but I really don't know what I'll be allowed to strive for once I step foot into the labor and delivery wing. Up until yesterday I knew it would be natural, natural + vacuum assist, or C/S. Now I'm being told they may push an epi? ugh

I feel like bringing in a birth plan with my labor/delivery wants would be absolutely worthless in my situation. I would need too many scenarios spelled out.

My question - how do doctors and nurses accept input/requests/demands from laboring women in the heat of the moment? I have a bad memory of being in the room when my sister delivered her first. She told the doctor several times she did not want an episiotomy during the end of her labor. Then her doctor told her he thought she should have one while she was delivering, she said please no, and he did it regardless, and honestly was rude with how he verbally took control. I don't know if episiotomies are ever necessary, but I know I would rather tear naturally as I hear starting that smooth cut can actually cause a deeper, longer tear. The fact that he didn't listen to her, or seem to care, scares me. It's as if he was dismissing her because she was in pain and not thinking straight or something.

How can I keep some control in the heat of the moment? I know my husband is there to be my support and my advocate, but again, I may not know what I personally want or need until I am actually in the moment, as there are just so many variables for me right now.

Give me your insight and stories, please.

Thanks!

[Brie]

First thing--episiotomies absolutely can be necessary. I pushed for 3.5 hours and my body refused to tear. I was completely physically exhausted and borderline delirious at that point. My doctor respected my wish to avoid an episiotomy for that long but eventually he asked if I would be okay with one because it just wasn't happening naturally and I was out of steam. He explained everything to me beforehand and I trusted that it was the best decision at that point. C was born 2 or 3 pushes afterwards.

We had an ongoing dialogue with my nurses and doctors from the beginning. They knew my preferences and nothing was done without my consent. However, I went in very flexible and I think that was what made my birth experience so positive.

[UnderProtest]

I think it really depends on your doctor and your medical condition. While you will have some extra challenges with your heart, you should still be able to have an open dialogue with the doctor. But it has to be someone you trust and can talk to before you go into labor. You have to be able to trust them if they tell you that intervention is necessary. Just like some non-OB doctors have a better bedside manner and are better about listening and responding to patients, OBs are the same. I had some horrible checkups with OBs at my practice, so when I scheduled my c section, I made sure to pick one I liked and trusted. Because you will probably not have that option, just make sure your husband is on the same page and can advocate for you.

Page kateausten or chillerellanos. They are both L&D nurses and can probably give you some advice about birth plans given your unique situation.

[hilwithonelary]

I found it extremely difficult to advocate for myself during labor. Because I found it so difficult, my two deliveries were like night and day. DS's was not the experience I'd hoped for, but DD's was amazing. I think the best thing you can do is to have a provider you can trust in the first place. That was the difference in my two labors.

For example, with DS, the doctor pretty much said, "We're going to break your water now." I just accepted it even though prior to labor I wanted to avoid artificial breaking of my water. With DD, my midwife asked, "Would you like us to break your water?" I was able to say "no" because 1) I was asked a question, not given a command and 2) I felt comfortable enough with my midwife to decline

Definitely discuss your desires and fears with your provider ahead of time. Don't be afraid to write a birth plan just because you aren't sure how things are going to go. It might be as simple as requesting that you and your DH have a moment to discuss non-emergent procedures in private before accepting/declining them (should we start pitocin now? do you want an epidural?).

You might consider a doula. While a doula shouldn't be intervening for you, she can remind you of your wishes and help you advocate for yourself.

Finally, I think a great book if you're considering going med free in a hospital is "Natural Hospital Birth." It really helped me prepare for DD's birth.

Good luck!

[CloudBee]

Thanks, ladies.

I'm rotating through all of the OBs in my practice, so I don't know who will be with me on delivery day. At my next appointment I am going to address my concerns about not being able to have much of a plan in advance. Hopefully they'll have some suggestions as well.

Speaking to that cardiologist who said he might want me to get an epi if I experience v-tach just threw me for such a loop. And again, I know no one has their expectations fully realized as your experience can't be predicted. I just want a rough plan.

Maybe I should do a little punch list for a handful of scenarios. Such as "if the cardiologist doesn't suggest or insist on an epi, I do not want to OB to push the epi".

[sewpinkgal]

I agree that having a provider you trust in the first place and feel that will listen to you is huge. I asked my OB questions ahead of time and was confident that she wasn't going to try and spring something on me without my consent. I lucked out with a fairly short labor and delivery, but I don't feel as though things were pushed without sound medical reason.

As far as the episiotomy goes, I specifically asked her thoughts on them way ahead of time and she said that she rarely does them. That yes, there are circumstances where one may be medically necessary (Brie's example sounds like it fits that category), but that she does not routinely perform them. I tore naturally and that was that. Talk about this stuff now and find out what your doctor's stance is on this and any other specific questions you may have.

Lastly, a doula may indeed be a good option for you. It might be really nice to have a separate person that can help to remind you of your wishes, things to ask etc, that isn't your husband. If you find a good one, I think they could really help during l&d.

[Brie]

Also, make sure your H knows the plan backwards and forwards and can help you advocate for what you want. A lot of the time I was so focused on myself I wasn't great at being assertive.

[froggy76]

I feel like a doula would be good in this case. I didn't get one because I didn't have any specific wishes... but I definitely wouldn't have wanted to put the pressure on DH to be my advocate.

[gibbinator]

Can I start out with I'm so thrilled for you too? I remember you posting years ago about wanting children but not knowing if you'd ever be allowed to. Your situation really stuck with me and I couldn't be more excited for you now so I just wanted you to know that this internet stranger is rooting for you!

To the question at hand, it really depends on your particular nurses and doctors. Have you gotten a chance to tour the hospital and/or meet them? My nurses were very supportive of my desire to have as few interventions as possible and my dr was cool with me wanting to continue labouring for pretty much ever.

You also need your dh to advocate for you - let the nurses know what you are/aren't interested in doing. It's tough to do it yourself when you're in pain and tired.

In the end I did need some help though - after about 20hrs in labour, and sitting at 9cm for over an hour, the overnight dr pretty much told me he was going to break my waters. As well, after 2hrs pushing with zero progress, and discovering ds' s heartrate was falling dramatically during contractions I remember the dr saying "you're having this baby now" and quickly explaining he was going to perform a vacuum assist and if that went awry it would be c/s. I needed an episiotomy for the vacuum.

All that to say, as long as there were no concerns, my hospital staff was very accomadating of my birth plan and tried their best to help me achieve the experience I wanted. but when trouble arose, they were very decisive. Which I think was a perfect mix. My dh keeps raving to his friends about how great the drs were and how the nurses helped him be useful, and I like to go by his memory since I was fairly delirious by the end

[starlily]

I went into pre-term labor at 35 weeks, when my regular ob was away on vacation. I had seen only him through my pregnancy, so I didn't know any of the doctors I ended up seeing during 34 hours in labor.

I found all the doctors, including the ones that came by from NICU, to be very polite and respectful. The nurses were too. They explained their strategy, my options to me as they were needed, answered any questions, and didn't rush me in any decisions.

Fwiw, I didn't have much of a birth plan other than "go with the flow."

[arch01]

I'd make sure DH knows what you want. Also, it may be helpful that when it comes to drug interventions (epi) that you request the cardiologist and OB speak with each other and everyone gets on the same page-with you. I'm guessing your cardiologist will be on call/there, correct?

I had no issues with my OB or nurses (well, after we got admitted at least). Actually, my OB was amazing. My records very clearly indicated that I didn't want an epi, and DH knew this as well. When my contractions were 2 minutes apart, lasting 60 seconds each, DS wasn't tolerating them well (bad HR decels) and I was on oxygen, I was the one who spoke up and said to give me the drugs. Each person then asked me if I really wanted them (DH, nurse, OB, and another nurse) to be sure that I wasn't just whining and I really wanted it. I found out later that because of the situation, the OB was going to push the epi only because she thought that it would help me relax which would then hopefully help the HR decels and we'd avoid a c/s.

I was able to advocate for myself throughout labor, even after the 2.5 hours of pushing and the consent to do the c/s. DH was there as backup-but I truly believe that a lot of my ability to advocate for myself had to do with the staff, especially the OB who I had just met that morning.

[Deleted]

Ditto the suggestions to make sure your H knows what you want. I also didnt care if I annoyed any of the doctors or nurses during labor, in that I would say "you won't do X right? Dr. H said that wasnt a good idea with me" and things like that. I'm sure it was annoying bc i have no clue if anyone was ever going to do X lol, but I wanted to cover my tracks.

You may not want a birth plan but you may want to write down the top 5 things that are most important to you or the like - things where if they cant go that way, you want to be consulted about options.

[Deleted]

I had similar concerns after reading so many horror stories of women having horrible births because they felt pushed into doing things. I am taking a multifaceted approach. I have hired a doula in training. She is fairly inexpensive but a doula was $$$$ in my area so I feel this is a great comprimise. She is working on a birth plan with me. My doctor has been speaking to me alot about my birth wishes and so I believe he is very open to a birth plan. I am also meeting with the holistic birth person at my local hospital. They too will help develop birth plans and explained that they will ahve the nurses all know my wishes and it will be in my chart ahead of time. I meet with the doula starting at 30 weeks and we start drafting the plan and then I meet with these holistic people 4 times over the course of the next several weeks to iron out my wishes.

I was very scared initially but feel like once i went to the doctor and started discussing this and got the doula i felt a ton better. You should start discussing your wishes with the doctors now and feel them out and if you are still concerned get a doula. Also check and see if your hospital offers any holisitc or birth planning services. Mine have it for free. Its just a lot of appointments to go to but it is giving me peace of mind.

[liveintheville]

You're high risk and seeing an MFM, right? I understand where everyone is coming from with the doula suggestion, but I don't think I would bother with a high risk delivery.

I delivered both at MGH. Rotating OBs and midwives. Attending, Resident, etc. Being high risk I was automatically seen by the senior attending. However I had 3 OB's and couple of nurses in the room while I was delivering kid 1. And like 15 medical staff with kid 2. It was literally 2 OBs, 2 midwives, few nurses, 2 anesthesiologists, and a bunch of nicu staff.

Both kids were delivered vaginally without intervention. It was offered and when I said I wanted to continue as is they respected that. But they, also, drew a line in the sand. Like if I didn't hit x by y time they'd have to do something. And then they very clearly laid out my options and gave me pros and cons of each and asked what I'd like just in case. I chose c/s over vacuum or forceps, but nothing was required in the end.

I did have an epi with both kids. It only kind of worked. But up until I got it I was allowed to walk and sit in a rocking chair. They definitely monitored both kids externally. And with kid 2 I needed internal monitoring. But I really did need it, it wasn't pushed on me for no reason. And they did respect my wish to not have a c/s. They did so much to allow me to have a vaginal delivery without vacuum or forceps because that was my wish. But that included fetal monitoring, and an IV, various drugs via IV to control both my and the kid's dropping blood preassure, oxygen (puking with an oxygen mask is to be avoided), and who knows. With kid 2 my husband did not get to cut the cord and I did not get to hold him immediately. They handed him over to the NICU staff immediately. Who declared him fine and then my husband was allowed to trim the cord and I held him. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Getting an all clear was highest priority.

Anyway, the point of my long ass story is that being high risk you sort of have to pick your battles. And the staff should, and in my case did, work with me. But they were very insistent on heavy monitoring since I turned down a c-section both times. A doula can advocate for you, but honestly so much depends on your medical condition and health during delivery that I don't think it's worth it.

[ECB]

Dec 5, 2012 22:40:51 GMT -5 Brie said:

First thing--episiotomies absolutely can be necessary.

Ditto this. The cord was wrapped around DS's neck and his heart rate was starting to drop. They had to get him out ASAP and as such, did an episiotomy.

[DarcyLongfellow]

I honestly don't know how I feel about written birth plans. I don't think they're all that common in my area, so I didn't have one. I didn't want the nurses or my doctor to be rolling their eyes at me behind my back.

However, I did have a lot of strong feelings about how I wanted things to go. I just shared them verbally. Sadly, a lot of the things I wanted I couldn't have because I ended up being induced. So, instead of a hep lock I had to have IV fluids and pitocin. I didn't get to walk around because I had to have continuous monitoring due to the pitocin, and the monitor could only pick up DD's heartbeat if I was in a very uncomfortable position on my side.

But I did communicate what I wanted, and the staff listened to me for the most part. My doctor really wanted me to have a c-section, but she respected my wishes, and I didn't end up having one. I did have an episiotomy, which I wasn't happy about, but my doctor apologized and said that she knew I didn't want one, but I had to have one. It turned out she was really tense at that moment because she was afraid DD would get stuck (I'd been pushing for three hours). I did have the eye goop for DD delayed, but I didn't get to have the cord cutting delayed (1) because I forgot to ask and (2) because the cord was caught around her neck and my doctor cut it the second she could.

So I'd just make sure you know what you want. I'd express your wishes respectfully, but clearly. Write out simple birth plan if you think it will help you. I think a doula would be a great idea because she'll have a clear head and will be able to help you remember what it is you want.

[SusanBAnthony]

There are definitely doulas that are experienced with working with high-risk moms. Even if there aren't medical choices, a doula can provide you and your DH support and help you talk through what is happening. I would hire one, for sure, in your case.

Another thing is that a lot depends on your nurse. Ask for a nurse who is supportive of natural birth when you come in, or ask your OB to note it on your chart.

[Deleted]

Another vote for a doula. I think you said before your DH wasn't a fan, but I would insist on one. I had a doula and it just took my stress level way down because I didn't feel like I had to advocate for myself. I had discussed things with my doula for a few hours ahead of time and she knew how I felt and what I wanted. She kept and eye on things and made sure I was comfortable without having be on guard.

I just don't think DH could have given me that sense of security. He was as new to birth as I was, so he was also emotional and stressed and generally that's not a state where I want to push his recall on details. For me, the most important thing was not that I avoid all interventions, it was that I had total confidence that everything that happened was necessary.

[ijack]

Dec 6, 2012 8:53:34 GMT -5 liveintheville said:

You're high risk and seeing an MFM, right? I understand where everyone is coming from with the doula suggestion, but I don't think I would bother with a high risk delivery.

I delivered both at MGH. Rotating OBs and midwives. Attending, Resident, etc. Being high risk I was automatically seen by the senior attending. However I had 3 OB's and couple of nurses in the room while I was delivering kid 1. And like 15 medical staff with kid 2. It was literally 2 OBs, 2 midwives, few nurses, 2 anesthesiologists, and a bunch of nicu staff.

Both kids were delivered vaginally without intervention. It was offered and when I said I wanted to continue as is they respected that. But they, also, drew a line in the sand. Like if I didn't hit x by y time they'd have to do something. And then they very clearly laid out my options and gave me pros and cons of each and asked what I'd like just in case. I chose c/s over vacuum or forceps, but nothing was required in the end.

I did have an epi with both kids. It only kind of worked. But up until I got it I was allowed to walk and sit in a rocking chair. They definitely monitored both kids externally. And with kid 2 I needed internal monitoring. But I really did need it, it wasn't pushed on me for no reason. And they did respect my wish to not have a c/s. They did so much to allow me to have a vaginal delivery without vacuum or forceps because that was my wish. But that included fetal monitoring, and an IV, various drugs via IV to control both my and the kid's dropping blood preassure, oxygen (puking with an oxygen mask is to be avoided), and who knows. With kid 2 my husband did not get to cut the cord and I did not get to hold him immediately. They handed him over to the NICU staff immediately. Who declared him fine and then my husband was allowed to trim the cord and I held him. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Getting an all clear was highest priority.

Anyway, the point of my long ass story is that being high risk you sort of have to pick your battles. And the staff should, and in my case did, work with me. But they were very insistent on heavy monitoring since I turned down a c-section both times. A doula can advocate for you, but honestly so much depends on your medical condition and health during delivery that I don't think it's worth it.

I agree with this. I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want to come across as supportive, but when you're having a high-risk delivery things are a little bit different. I think "picking your battles" is a really great phrase here. I obviously don't know enough about your condition, but I do worry that having a specific plan in your mind could be detrimental. I know we've talked a lot here about there only being a very small level of control that you have over the birth process, and in your case you have even less IMO. I would hate for you to be disappointed in the way things work out because of something that happens in regards to your heart. I'm the type of person that would rather plan for the worse case scenario and then be pleasantly surprised if it doesn't happen. I didn't have that attitude with Emma and it really, really wrecked me.
I think that the idea of a high risk doula is a good one - maybe you would be able to walk through the possible outcomes with her and how you would like each one handled, so that she can speak up and know what you would like at each step.
And I don't mean to sound negative, I really don't, I just know that high risk deliveries are sooooooo different than a "normal" one.

[w2w]

I would be sure to communicate with your med team at the start that you want minimal interventions if at all possible and let every doctor know at each appointment (and make sure they put it in your charts). I had a high risk pregnancy/bad delivery/awful c-section, and even with that, the entire OB/NICU/MFM team was incredibly respectful of trying to accommodate whatever I wanted and trying to make sure I was comfortable.

[mrshandy]

I agree that advocating in the heat of the moment is difficult and probably something I would have trouble doing.

I think really the most important thing is having trust in your OB or MW that they will respect your wishes.

I had a birth plan that my MW read and she was really my advocate with the nurse who was getting stressed at how long I was pushing. I did have a doula, but my MW was so awesome that my doula didn't need to act as an advocate.

[dcrunnergirl]

Dec 6, 2012 9:34:26 GMT -5 ijack said:

Dec 6, 2012 8:53:34 GMT -5 liveintheville said:

You're high risk and seeing an MFM, right? I understand where everyone is coming from with the doula suggestion, but I don't think I would bother with a high risk delivery.

I delivered both at MGH. Rotating OBs and midwives. Attending, Resident, etc. Being high risk I was automatically seen by the senior attending. However I had 3 OB's and couple of nurses in the room while I was delivering kid 1. And like 15 medical staff with kid 2. It was literally 2 OBs, 2 midwives, few nurses, 2 anesthesiologists, and a bunch of nicu staff.

Both kids were delivered vaginally without intervention. It was offered and when I said I wanted to continue as is they respected that. But they, also, drew a line in the sand. Like if I didn't hit x by y time they'd have to do something. And then they very clearly laid out my options and gave me pros and cons of each and asked what I'd like just in case. I chose c/s over vacuum or forceps, but nothing was required in the end.

I did have an epi with both kids. It only kind of worked. But up until I got it I was allowed to walk and sit in a rocking chair. They definitely monitored both kids externally. And with kid 2 I needed internal monitoring. But I really did need it, it wasn't pushed on me for no reason. And they did respect my wish to not have a c/s. They did so much to allow me to have a vaginal delivery without vacuum or forceps because that was my wish. But that included fetal monitoring, and an IV, various drugs via IV to control both my and the kid's dropping blood preassure, oxygen (puking with an oxygen mask is to be avoided), and who knows. With kid 2 my husband did not get to cut the cord and I did not get to hold him immediately. They handed him over to the NICU staff immediately. Who declared him fine and then my husband was allowed to trim the cord and I held him. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Getting an all clear was highest priority.

Anyway, the point of my long ass story is that being high risk you sort of have to pick your battles. And the staff should, and in my case did, work with me. But they were very insistent on heavy monitoring since I turned down a c-section both times. A doula can advocate for you, but honestly so much depends on your medical condition and health during delivery that I don't think it's worth it.

I agree with this. I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want to come across as supportive, but when you're having a high-risk delivery things are a little bit different. I think "picking your battles" is a really great phrase here. I obviously don't know enough about your condition, but I do worry that having a specific plan in your mind could be detrimental. I know we've talked a lot here about there only being a very small level of control that you have over the birth process, and in your case you have even less IMO. I would hate for you to be disappointed in the way things work out because of something that happens in regards to your heart. I'm the type of person that would rather plan for the worse case scenario and then be pleasantly surprised if it doesn't happen. I didn't have that attitude with Emma and it really, really wrecked me.
I think that the idea of a high risk doula is a good one - maybe you would be able to walk through the possible outcomes with her and how you would like each one handled, so that she can speak up and know what you would like at each step.
And I don't mean to sound negative, I really don't, I just know that high risk deliveries are sooooooo different than a "normal" one.

Ijack just said everything I was thinking but couldn't put into words. When I found out it was twins and would be a c/s (two transverse breech babies) and I may go into pre-term labor (b/c I had complications almost my entire pregnancy), I let go of almost any expectations I had and just let things run their course. I still questioned everything they were doing and advocated for myself when I thought maybe there was a better way to do things, but I generally just relaxed and didn't let myself picture the delivery in any particular way, so I wouldn't be disappointed.

[CloudBee]

This is all really helpful. And ijack, you don't sound negative. None of you do.

I'm going into this knowing that I can't have any expectations, so I really wanted to know how doctors tend to respond to patient requests in the moment.

I like the idea of having a very simple list as a reminder of my wants when possible. The main thing on here is no epi unless the cardiologist says I should have one.

I have gone on a hospital tour, and like the idea of maybe asking for the charge nurse when I'm admitted, and explain some of my concerns. Maybe she can better pair me with a nurse who is a good fit.

I really appreciate everyone's reminder that I shouldn't go in with too many expectations. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

I will consider a doula again, but honestly feel less inclined to use one now, than I was. I think she would be a constant reminder of what I want that I can't have. I know I'm not explaining that well.

I was also told I'll be on a heart monitor while laboring. So much for thinking I could be one of those patients who requests to be on the belly monitor (what's it called?) for say, 15 minutes of every hour vs. non-stop. If they're doing the heart monitor constantly, I'm sure I'll have that other one strapped to my belly constantly as well.

[dcrunnergirl]

Dec 6, 2012 10:02:32 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

This is all really helpful. And ijack, you don't sound negative. None of you do.

I'm going into this knowing that I can't have any expectations, so I really wanted to know how doctors tend to respond to patient requests in the moment.

I like the idea of having a very simple list as a reminder of my wants when possible. The main thing on here is no epi unless the cardiologist says I should have one.

I have gone on a hospital tour, and like the idea of maybe asking for the charge nurse when I'm admitted, and explain some of my concerns. Maybe she can better pair me with a nurse who is a good fit.

I really appreciate everyone's reminder that I shouldn't go in with too many expectations. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

I will consider a doula again, but honestly feel less inclined to use one now, than I was. I think she would be a constant reminder of what I want that I can't have. I know I'm not explaining that well.

I was also told I'll be on a heart monitor while laboring. So much for thinking I could be one of those patients who requests to be on the belly monitor (what's it called?) for say, 15 minutes of every hour vs. non-stop. If they're doing the heart monitor constantly, I'm sure I'll have that other one strapped to my belly constantly as well.

I think this idea of talking to the charge nurse to find the right nurse is great. The right nurses can make all the difference.

[ijack]

I will say that my first delivery was very "fly by the seat of your pants" and my doc and nurses did an amazing job. I had developed a very close relationship with them over my stay, so that might have played into it as well, but they were very, very aware of my wishes. They gave me an epi solely to slow down my labor in hopes that H would arrive in time (I was completely dilated when I got it), and let me wait as long as possible to push - once E was in trouble though that went out the window. When my dr reached for the scissors and I screamed at her not to cut me, she even didn't do that and worked harder to stretch me first before cutting (which worked, no snip needed). And the neo let me glance at E and give her a quick kiss before they wheeled her away (after they checked her out first), which I will forever be grateful for. I was very, very lucky that they listened to me regardless of what was going on (obviously we were both still safe).
I know that there are some experiences where people don't feel listened to during birth, but I didn't have one of those. I think it's very possible to advocate for yourself, even during a high risk situation, as long as what you're asking for is plausible.

[Deleted]

Dec 6, 2012 9:20:53 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Another vote for a doula. I think you said before your DH wasn't a fan, but I would insist on one. I had a doula and it just took my stress level way down because I didn't feel like I had to advocate for myself. I had discussed things with my doula for a few hours ahead of time and she knew how I felt and what I wanted. She kept and eye on things and made sure I was comfortable without having be on guard.

I just don't think DH could have given me that sense of security. He was as new to birth as I was, so he was also emotional and stressed and generally that's not a state where I want to push his recall on details. For me, the most important thing was not that I avoid all interventions, it was that I had total confidence that everything that happened was necessary.

Ditto the doula recommendation! Ours was awesome and made the whole process so much more comfortable for both of us. H was skeptical at first but afterwards he was all "can she be a sister-wife?!"

[SusanBAnthony]

I am no doctor, but I dont know if the heart monitor for you, and monitor for the baby will necessarily be related. Your heart monitor can be a wireless one, right? (assuming the local hospital has wireless ones). If that is the case, you would still be able to be out of bed and moving around. That would be a good thing to ask the cardiologist, bc even if they don't keep wireless monitors on L&D, they may be able to get one if they know in advance.

[water*drop]

I'm sure this is hospital-specific, but my nurses were huge advocates for me. My hospital has a 1:1 nurse:patient ratio for L&D, and my nurses were amazing. When I got there, my nurse went over basics (did I want to be offered meds or would I rather they not offer; if time allowed, did I want the medical professionals to leave the room while I discussed options with my husband; did I have any specific anxieties/fears; etc). They made it clear that they would try to follow my wishes as long as things were going well, but if things started going badly, obviously they would do what they needed to do to keep us both safe. The results of that conversation were communicated to the doctor and any other medical professional in my room, and that was that. I never had to ask a single question - my nurse did it for me. My nurses absolutely ran the show, and when they had to take DD right away instead of giving her to me (just across the room, but still), my nurses made sure that I got her back as soon as they knew she was okay instead of doing the measurements and everything first. I sincerely loved my nurses.