Intro and tell me I'll be fine

[janedoe]

I'm 30, and have 2 kids, one is a teenager and one is barely a toddler.
The first is from a previous marriage and the second is from STBXH. STBXH and I work at the same place but are on opposite schedules (hence us growing apart-not even one day off together). Couple that with an age difference (he is 16 years older), two high stress jobs, and we have a disaster in the making.

After much discussion and junk in our past that I can't give over we have decided to part ways. I'm the primary decision maker on this and damnit I'm scared.

I've been single before but not it's not the same. Rents are incredibly high now and day care costs are as well. Financially I know I can make it but STBXH brings home a hell of a lot more than I do.
I'm looking at a place today and it's a nice 3bd/2ba. It just scares the hell out of me to "pull the trigger" on our marriage.
We are going to stay living in the house through the holidays and the move in date on the place is January 1st (if I get it).
I need some "you can do it" because so far my mom and my BFF have said things like "I'm not sure...it's going to be hard,,,yadda yadda".

I know people in worse situations get by but why am I so scared, like seriously?

[Deleted]

Well your STBX will have to pay support and that will help with the bills. Make sure you get a good attorney in order to get a good arrangement. This will take some of the burden off your shoulders. Have you had the child support talk with him?
Also make copies of all finacial papers, including his pay stubs.

[ro]

You will be fine! You can do this! Stay strong!

I just did the same. I looked at places for months. The place I bought I initially looked at in June, and then finally decided to put the offer in in Sept. Then had a 2 week closing! I didn't even tell STBXH until 5 days before I was scheduled to move that I had bought a house. No turning back. It was scary as hell. But, as soon as I moved I felt a huge weight lifted off of me. I knew it was the right decision, not only for me, but for my kids, and him as well.

It is scary, and it's ok to be scared. But, you have to do what's right for you. You will be fine! ((hugs))

[prettyinpearls]

You’re scared of the unknown, which is completely normal!! It sounds like you know in your heart this is the right decision; just keep reminding yourself of that! For me, the hardest part was taking the first step (filing for divorce…my XH was the one who moved out), but once I did that it was almost as if a weight was lifted.

You can do this!

[bostonterrier]

It's amazing what you can do when you have to! Get good counsel, protect yourself legally and financially as best as you can. Good luck! I'm in awe of the ladies here who have children and are going it alone--you'll get lots of good advice.

[doriswe]

You've done it before, you can do it now!

Change is hard....but necessary

[janedoe]

Dec 10, 2012 8:40:49 GMT -5 mags said:

Well your STBX will have to pay support and that will help with the bills. Make sure you get a good attorney in order to get a good arrangement. This will take some of the burden off your shoulders. Have you had the child support talk with him?
Also make copies of all finacial papers, including his pay stubs.

We looked at our county's child support calculator and he said he will give me the same. We are waiting for us both to get settled until we file officially.

Even with child support my bills will be high. The place I'm looking at today is a bit over $2100 a month, scary but do"able". Plus the bank is either going to have to let us short sell our home or foreclose. Obviously I'm not thrilled about it but I can't stay just because of my house and credit score.

It's just scary, completely scary

[prettyinpearls]

Dec 10, 2012 9:10:03 GMT -5 janedoe said:

Dec 10, 2012 8:40:49 GMT -5 mags said:

Well your STBX will have to pay support and that will help with the bills. Make sure you get a good attorney in order to get a good arrangement. This will take some of the burden off your shoulders. Have you had the child support talk with him?
Also make copies of all finacial papers, including his pay stubs.

We looked at our county's child support calculator and he said he will give me the same. We are waiting for us both to get settled until we file officially.


It's just scary, completely scary

Please tell me you mean that he’ll be paying you “the same” during the filing process…and not that you’re going to not go through the courts for child support…..

[Deleted]

Change is always scary! That's a very normal feeling. Once you make the move and settle in, it will get easier! You CAN and you WILL do this...and you will be proud of yourself. Moving to a new place really helped me! It's peaceful and it's mine! No ugly reminders of him.

[janedoe]

Dec 10, 2012 9:25:22 GMT -5 prettyinpearls said:

Dec 10, 2012 9:10:03 GMT -5 janedoe said:

We looked at our county's child support calculator and he said he will give me the same. We are waiting for us both to get settled until we file officially.


It's just scary, completely scary

Please tell me you mean that he’ll be paying you “the same” during the filing process…and not that you’re going to not go through the courts for child support…..

The calculator says how much he would owe in our county. He will pay me xx amount now and then we will go through the courts to put xx amount on paper

[prettyinpearls]

Dec 10, 2012 10:17:39 GMT -5 janedoe said:

Dec 10, 2012 9:25:22 GMT -5 prettyinpearls said:

Please tell me you mean that he’ll be paying you “the same” during the filing process…and not that you’re going to not go through the courts for child support…..

The calculator says how much he would owe in our county. He will pay me xx amount now and then we will go through the courts to put xx amount on paper

Ok good, I was hoping that’s what you meant by that. I just cringe anytime I see someone wanting to exclude the courts in child support and assume their X will pay on-time and in full every month. Sadly, it never works out that way…

The very first step is really, really hard. It makes everything seem very real, which is scary. Stay strong and know that you can do this!