? for those that left abusive/"bad" marriages?

[wrathofkuus]

I've found that most people feel mostly relieved after a breakup, regardless of the relationship beforehand.

[dakotadangerdog]

Oh yes. My XH was emotionally abusive, yelled at me a lot, especially near the end. Honestly I was so relieved when everything was over. Sure I'd get sad sometimes, because the good times were fun and it's hard going back into the single world and realizing you have to start over in that aspect, which can really suck sometimes. But man, the relief definitely outweighed the sadness.

[starryfish]

Dec 10, 2012 13:42:13 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I've found that most people feel mostly relieved after a breakup, regardless of the relationship beforehand.

This. Blessed I was in a similar situation to you. I only cried a couple of times after we separated. I thought it was strange I didnt cry more (even tho i wanted the divorce) but I think it was bc i cried so much during the end of the marriage, that I didnt have much tears left and I had already done all my crying over the bad stuff. When I cried after we separated, it was mostly just crying over lost future plans and starting over. I did feel very relieved.

[dakotadangerdog]

The time I cried the most was the last month we were "together", he had been staying somewhere else, every day he was changing his mind, divorce, stay togther, one day he wanted a baby immediately, it was SUCH a rollercoaster. I cried so much. I just wanted a divorce but was too scared to just say it. as soon as I found out he cheated and kicked him out everything was so much better.

[Deleted]

I had serious relief when I left. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. 99% of the time I walked on eggshells waiting for the next outburst. I really never had sadness about leaving him. I was angry, not sad. I was relieved of the stress.
After I left there was exactly one time I cried, it was to my mom...and it was a "why the fuck did I have to go through this shit and waste my time" cry. Other than that I've been happier than I ever was or could be with that asswipe.

[Bernadine]

I felt the same way. I did go to counseling for about 3 months, which was very helpful, but by the time I left my marriage, I had really come to peace with it.

[achase123]

My XH was emotionally and verbally abusive, cheated on me and was addicted to meth. It was a huge relief when we split AND things had been horrible for almost a year before we actually separated that it felt like an immense relief.

you might have trauma from the aftermath of what you went through, once the dust settles a little. Just something to think about.

[achase123]

I like to think I cried all of the tears I had for XH during our marriage. I had a full on meltdown/cry fest at least once a week when we were together. When we were done I just had none left.

[bostonterrier]

+1 to everyone who said that they were cried out by the time they actually separated. I was incredibly relieved to have him move out of my house.

[mandimija]

Oh dear God, yes. I was sad, yes, and I grieved. But I felt so much relief that I thought that I must be doing something wrong. I grieved the life I thought we were going to have, and I grieved for the man I'd slowly watched die as his depression and other demons took over.

I realized that I didn't have to put on a face anymore or hide anything from anyone. I didn't have to show up to church every Sunday and pretend to be the 'perfect little minister's wife,' only to return to a life of hell once the service was over. I didn't have to hide the abuse or pretend that I was just tired from work (by the end of my marriage, I looked like hell from all the stress). I could just be open, and just be me.

[marigoldgirl]

I gave my XH 25 years to change and be nice. It never happened. I felt nothing when the time came. I never cried. I only felt extreme relief. The should I go or should I stay was over. I got strong and never looked back. It was very hard for him to see that he could no longer hurt me. I did not care. Nothing he has said or done has hurt me since I left. He killed all feelings I ever had for him slowly over the years. I had nothing left to give.

Life has never been better for me since I made that decision. You deserve more than 90% happiness. We all do.