If you had TTTc

[Deleted]

We've been trying since June 2011 without any luck. We have a consult with the RE on the 21st. We've kept our ttc plans to ourselves, at what point if any, did you tell family/parents what was going on? I'm very nervous for the appt and have some serious thinking to do regarding just how far We're willing to go to make this happen. We've been married for a little over five years, so we are definitely getting the side eye from friends and family.

I'm feeling very conflicted and frustrated. I charted for a while and used opks for a while and seem to function as I should. I threw in the towel on tracking cycles several months back. I have a nearly textbook 28-30 day cycle and haven't been so much as a few days late ( my longest cycle was 34 days). We're both in our early 30s and relatively healthy. I weigh more than I should, but have been working on that.

Thanks for letting me vent!

[pugz]

I think I shared with my mom when we began testing, but we never told the ILs until after we were pregnant.

[rosetyler]

I shared with my mom after my first RE visit. I think she assumed we were just dragging our feet when we didn't get pregnant within the first year of being married. That's also the point I shared with a couple of close friends - my best friend since junior high, and another very close friend who has had a long struggle with getting and staying pregnant.

Good luck, I hope you get some answers from the RE!

[egishere]

when we started seeing an RE I told family and close friends. Best of luck at your appt!!

[egishere]

Has your DH had a sperm analysis yet?

[KaraOrNot]

We haven't told anyone yet. I wanted to tell my mom, for support and because she keeps bugging me about babies, but H really doesn't want anyone to know (we have a primary diagnosis of MFI).

[Deleted]

Thanks ladies! No testing yet ( incl. sperm analysis), we've been busy with work/ life/ travel and living in denial. I'm sure it'll be one of the first things to tackle.

[kittycatlove]

The only person that I told in the beginning was my sister. I didn't want to answer a bunch of questions during the process in case it didn't work. I also ended up telling my boss at work since I had so many appointments.

[chia]

We didn't tell family IRL about the RE. I made some reference to seeing an "endocrinologist" - but, sort of alluded to the fact that the visits had to do with other issues (abnormal thyroid testing, some weird insulin stuff, etc.)

Even after we got our BFP, we've kept the IUI details to ourselves... well, aside from my BFF and the GBCN and Local boards.

[statlerwaldorf]

I told my mom back when TTC#1. We told our whole families when TTC#2 for a couple of years and moving toward IVF.

[Deleted]

I was an idiot and told my mom the minute we stopped bcp. So she was kinda in it from the start. At 8 months I asked her how long it had taken her to get pregnant and she said she didn't know but definitely not more than a few months. She's the one who urged me to make the appointment with the RE.

We told the inlaws right before we started our first (cancelled) IVF.

[pamela]

Our families knew early on because of repeated m/c and a tubal resulting in surgery. I didn't keep my MIL up to date on all the details, but I did need to tell my sister, mom, grandma and aunts because I needed their histories as part of our troubleshooting as everyone except my mom all had trouble.

[changedname]

I told my mom and grandma because they were bugging me and kept calling at really inopportune moments (CD 1 when I was crying etc).
We haven't told DH's family at all and the hints about babies and how we'll be parents soon are getting very annoying - I almost just want to say something to shut them up.

I wish I had never told anyone to be honest. I stupidly told a friend we were ttc after about 2 months and now I hate facing her knowing she knows I'm not pg yet. (She never asks but still - it's unspoken between us).

ETA - I hadn't realized so many of you had had tttc - it's comforting to see all the moms/MTB on this post.

[GailGoldie]

so sorry you have been having a hard time- but glad you are seeing an RE - that is the way to go!

Your husband's sperm will be tested (could just be an issue with that), you'll have tests to make sure your tubes are not blocked, etc... and hopfully you will get pg with just some clomid and IUI - which is usually the first step (depending on the reason for IF).... that's how I got all my boys - both times.

As for telling family- i'm an open book - i have always talked very openly about my IF struggles - because I know that having people tell me about theirs was VERY helpful for me (if it wasn't for a good friend telling me about her PCOS issues getting pg- i might have gone undiagnosed for a while, but b/c of what she shared with me I knew right away I had it and didn't waste time trying forever on my own).

If you aren't comfortable telling people - then don't- it's not anyone's business but yours.

I still get rude questions about my fertility b/c I have twins... the old "are they natural??"... and my favorite, one time an older woman told me, "my daughter has twins. She didn't have to do any IVF or anything- like I"m sure you didn't" - HUH??? This was a woman sitting next to me at Sesame Place - that I met 30 seconds before, lol. Normally I'll tell people "we had some help - clomid and IUI"... but since this was an older woman and telling her wouldn't benefit her at all - i just smiled and moved on.

Many women I have told about my IF then opened up to share their story with me.... and a few even saw an RE b/c of our conversation (one was my hair stylist who now has 3 little kids and she always tells me it's thanks to me telling her about my IF issues that she went to the RE). so, I see being open about it as a good thing- it helps other women feel less weird, and can help educate people.

best of luck to you!!

[drloretta]

My family knew as we went along. I had 3 m/cs and my mom had 2 so she could relate. ILs knew nothing until we started the adoption process.

[UnderProtest]

We didn't tell our families about anything until after I was pregnant (and about 14 weeks) and then we only told my family about the repeated IVFs. We never told his family anything. And I really wish we hadn't told my mom now. Neither of us are close with our families and they don't live in our city so that was easy. We told some friends in the beginning and more as it went on. By the time my fourth IVF came around, my entire department at work knew about it. It was nice for me because they were really rooting for me. Now most of my friends know we conceived through IVF and it's amazing how many people have similar troubles. It's like it's this horrible secret that you shouldn't talk about. But the only way to get through it is to talk about it.

[gnomesweetgnome]

We told our parents that we were TTC after we'd been trying for a few months. We took a break while I was in school, and then started TTC again. We told our families and some close friends that we were doing testing, and then when DH had surgery to try and correct the issue.

We skipped IVF (and IUI wasn't an option for our diagnosis) and are moving on to adoption. I'm glad we had the support of our families and friends while we figured everything out, but that's not the right decision for everyone.

[everam01]

I told my parents and my sister that we were having TTTC after I had testing done and found out what was wrong.

I ended up having uterine surgery, so my mom came down to help out during my recovery.

[evynsmama]

Once I had a diagnosis I shared with my mom, when my brother called to tell me his gf was ku, I started bawling and shared with him, when we got to the IUI stage we shared with the IL's which made me really uncomfortable but DH wanted their support & prayers. We got pg and miscarried and DH had told his brother & sister so we were force to share then. Now I don't mind sharing our story but while in the middle of TTTC I really wanted to keep it to ourselves

[yellowbrkrd]

I told my mom when I went to see my OB after 10 months of trying. We didn't tell the in-laws until we made our appointment with the RE (at about a year of trying). I also have a couple of friends that I confided in because they were also TTC. I'm glad we decided to let a few people know. It really is much harder than I ever imagined and I'm so glad we had support. Our parents were awesome about shutting down other family members when they'd get nosy and start asking questions, which was super helpful when I wanted to kill just anyone who dared ask "what's taking so long?".