J's father died when we were in high school. I didn't remember how, but my youngest sister's bf is J's second cousin and told me that he died of pneumonia, but was misdiagnosed with lung cancer, but wasn't clear on the whole story.
Of course I'm curious to know what happened, but this is something I should let him bring up, right? Or can I ask?
He mentions him every once in a while, but not often. I think he gets really emotional about it (understandably), and I think he doesn't want to cry in front of me.
Post by revolution on Dec 12, 2012 14:02:22 GMT -5
If it were me, the next time he mentioned his dad, I'd probably and very casually just tell him that if he ever wanted to talk about it, that I would listen.
Post by Ruby Gloom on Dec 12, 2012 14:27:33 GMT -5
There are a lot of things (details) that I am curious about wrt H's family past that are painful for him to discuss. Usually when we are talking and the discussion is heading into those directions, I ask some questions/for clarifications until I can tell that it is starting to become uncomfortable for him. It's a real piece-by-piece thing.
I'd wait for him to bring it up. I think he will eventually. That's super hard, I'm sorry. Daniel's uncle died before he was born, he was named after him. I've not heard the story yet, I figure he'll tell me if/when he wants to.
Post by lovesherheels on Dec 12, 2012 14:39:51 GMT -5
My DH's husband died while he was in high school as well. (We knew each other/dated briefly then, so he and I were friends when it happened ... but that's probably not relevant. Sorry.) He doesn't talk about it or his dad very often, but when he does I feel comfortable asking him questions about his dad, both alive and about his passing. I don't usually bring his dad up without being prompted by him or something else pretty obvious, though. That said, I don't think DH minds me bringing up his dad unprompted; I just feel more comfortable when there's a good reason for me to do so.
I think it depends how J seems when he talks about his dad now. If he's still pretty sensitive about it, I'd wait till he brings it up to ask.