Dying to get this out/ MIL related

[CakeLover]

DH is at work today on Saturday and I'm dying, dying to get this out. I think I've told people about the guy my MIL is dating. A short recap is MIL and Guy have been dating since Thanksgiving/ Christmas time. IMHO he is controlling and incredibly needy. He monopolizes all her time; everyday they HAVE to do something. We never get to talk to her anymore and yeah I'm bitter about it. There is a little more to it all but in a nutshell I don't like the guy.

FF to today. SIL wrote me on FB and told me that he wants to get married. I knew it was just a matter of time before this subject was brought up. I told DH that I wouldn't be surprised if by Christmas time of this year they were in engaged. Well I'm shocked because MIL is sort of a pushover and I thought for sure she would say yes if and when it was brought up. She said no and he's pissed. So pissed they may break up. Also apparently he said he was married and divorce once before and that was a lie. Try twice. I know it sounds like I'm being bratty about this guy for monopolizing the time away from us but I really do have reservations about this guy and if I need to I can elaborate more. I know its hard to understand someone's feelings when you are getting only one side and a short side of the story. I just didn't want to make this an epic long post.

I have no idea if I'm going to tell DH. He probably hates the guy more than I do. So I don't see how telling him this information will help and SIL asked me not to tell MIL that I know. Whew! So glad that all out now. Thoughts, advice, questions or suggestions. I'm open to all of it.

[elenetxu]

I'd tell DH.

MIL's BF sounds pretty nasty.

[wise_rita]

Definitely tell your H. But since you guys aren't supposed to know, make him promise not to tell anybody (his mother) before you tell him.

This boyfriend sounds no good. Is your MIL wealthy? I'd be afraid he's going after her money. Does she have low self-esteem and would put up with abusive behavior? I'd be afraid he has abusive tendencies and is trying to control her because he knows he can get away with it.

Let's hope she dumps his ass and he's out of your lives forever!

[CakeLover]

May 26, 2012 3:41:39 GMT -5 wise_rita said:

Definitely tell your H. But since you guys aren't supposed to know, make him promise not to tell anybody (his mother) before you tell him.

This boyfriend sounds no good. Is your MIL wealthy? I'd be afraid he's going after her money. Does she have low self-esteem and would put up with abusive behavior? I'd be afraid he has abusive tendencies and is trying to control her because he knows he can get away with it.

Let's hope she dumps his ass and he's out of your lives forever!

I don't know if I would classify as wealthy in the traditional sense. She's frugal with her money and has always been that way. Her house is paid off and has been for decades. She's now retired but if something major came up she wouldn't have a problem paying for it. Her mother is the one with the money but she doesn't spend it either. She does live in small town so it wouldn't be surprising if BF knew that there was money somewhere.

The low self esteem thing? She's just mousy. When they first starting dating he said that she shouldn't drink anymore because of his religion (I think it's Southern Baptist). Now she wasn't the type to get drunk and after two drinks she would complain that she was hot. She enjoyed a drink every now and again, but stopped doing it. So I don't think she has low self esteem but a need to please everyone.

[crimsonandclover]

May 26, 2012 4:34:47 GMT -5 @coffeecream said:

I'm sorry gblake. I know how awful this has been for you. I would definitely tell your H. I recently had to do something similar with my H because my SIL told me. I just sat him down and said, I never expected to say this to you, but.... Your sister told me and I felt it right to tell you. And then I just listened. I feel it would be worse if he found out later that I knew.

This. I think you should tell your H in confidence. Other than surprise birthday parties and the like, I don't think anyone should expect someone to keep a secret from their spouse, especially if it's something that directly concerns the spouse as in your case.

I think the guy sounds like a controlling jerk and I completely understand that you're excited your MIL stood up and said no. Hopefully that will tick the guy off enough that he'll leave.

[Deleted]

May 26, 2012 4:34:47 GMT -5 @coffeecream said:

I'm sorry gblake. I know how awful this has been for you. I would definitely tell your H. I recently had to do something similar with my H because my SIL told me. I just sat him down and said, I never expected to say this to you, but.... Your sister told me and I felt it right to tell you. And then I just listened. I feel it would be worse if he found out later that I knew.

This. Furthermore, it is my opinion that whatever information a person decides to share with me he/she cannot possibly expect me to not to tell my husband. All the more so if the information regards someone so close to him like his mom; in fact, I'd feel it was almost my duty to tell him. Maybe it's an unpopular opinion but I tell MH everything, and would expect no less from any other married couple.

[clickerish]

I'd probably tell him. The only way I would keep a secret of that sort would be if the person had told me they wanted to tell themselves and would do so in X amount of time. I'm anti-secrets in relationships.

[CakeLover]

Thanks everyone! I told him last night. Thankfully I had cold beers in the house and he enjoyed two before I shared the news. He was upset about it and he didn't want to talk about it after I told him. He just said 'she'll say yes eventually because she's a pushover'. I told him per SIL she said that MIL and BF look like they may break up.

I think it sucks that she wouldn't tell us. I think DH is a little hurt too that we're not suppose to know and MIL won't tell us herself.

[americaninoz]

well that's great you told him - I hope she can get away from that guy if he's such a bad influence - hopefully this will be the straw that broke the camel's back - but at least you & your dh are in the know now