Are there any stepmothers on here?

[ErinExpat]

Joenali

[iamali]

Me.

[karmasabiotch]

Me!!

[hisno1girl]

Me. What's up B?

[joenali]

Me!

[Bernadine]

How are your relationships with the mother? How much interaction do you have with her? What's her relationship like with your h?

I'm just trying to think things through for down the road.

[joenali]

Good. We chat sometimes at soccer or baseball games. We aren't best friends or anything! But we are cordial and nice. DH's relationship with her waxes and wanes. Sometimes it's good. Like the communication is good and no silly requests are being made. Other times (which is rare) it can be strained. But overall, I'd say we are all pretty healthy with each other.

[cc]

I'm not, but my daughter has one, does that count?

I get along really well with her stepmom and actually prefer to talk to her instead of my ex.

I am grateful for her because, before she married my ex, my daughter rarely saw her dad and he never paid child support. If it weren't for the step-mom, I doubt that DD's dad would make much of an effort to be in her life.

[iamali]

I have an ok relationship with their mom. We aren't bff's, but I've chatted with her before and I'm cool with her / she's cool with me. We're actually FB friends (at the request of my dsd, lol).

My H and her actually have a good relationship too. It wasn't always that way, but they've learned over the years that them having a good relationship is best for the kids.

[Bernadine]

Dec 13, 2012 9:49:15 GMT -5 iamali said:

My H and her actually have a good relationship too. It wasn't always that way, but they've learned over the years that them having a good relationship is best for the kids.

I'm really hoping they can get to this point.

[hisno1girl]

How are your relationships with the mother? We are pleasant and polite and friendly to each other but I wouldn't call her my friend. She's calmed down over the years because she used to say and do some pretty horrible things but she doesn't anymore. Of course, rule #1 is to never say anything bad about the biomom, but I know you already know that. We have a much different parenting style than she does and that was difficult, but we always stuck to our guns about rules at our house v. rules at her house. My stepsons are big now, the youngest will be 16 next year but they've been a part of my life for 10 years and it's been a growing process.

How much interaction do you have with her? Very little. If she needs something she calls DH's cell, not the house phone. She doesn't have a house phone either so if we need something DH calls her directly or we call SS directly.

What's her relationship like with your h? She & DH have reached the point were they are friendly and civil/polite to each other. It's been such a long time since they were divorced. She's remarried and has other children, so it's just like everyone has moved on from their divorce and now we just do what we have to with the kids.

I'll add this about being a potential stepmom, and I'm not saying this to discourage you or rain on your parade because I don't want to do that.

If I were single and didn't have children, I would never get involved with someone that had children. The drama of dealing with an ex-wife, or ex-gf is just too much. If the mother starts acting like a whackadoodle about her kid and the relationship with her child's father, it could potentially explode and create a lot of chaos.

Our drama with DH's ex was kinda limited because she lives three hours away from us. We dealt with emails and phone calls and text messages. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if she lived in the same town. The drama has stopped now, but it was pretty bad for a couple of years.

Most of the women/men I know that are involved in blended families always have some horrific stories about the exes and there's always problems and drama. I hope that doesn't happen to you because you deserve peace.

Sorry to be such a downer

[joenali]

We don't/didn't have horrific drama. Some drama? Yes. Horrific? No.

[sweetday]

I am too.

We get along fine. Like Joenali - we arent bestfriends or anything but we dont have drama.

[thebamker]

(not a step-mom but...) my advice is to try to take the high road for a while and just commit to not taking it personally and just being a decent person. If she doesn't see that for what it is and stops being nasty, feel free to do what you want. lol

I think it's hard to entrust your children to others... she may just be reacting to some panic.

[CurlyQ284]

Another step mom here. We are polite and can communicate fine. We aren't friends but we are FB friends and share pictures. Its a little hard, DH and I don't respect her much. She dumps the girls off with her mom all the time to go out drinking with her boyfriend. She hasn't spent a holiday with the girls in 2 years. She doesn't go to their concerts and stuff. Nothing she does is bad enough for us to get full custody though, so we just have to watch SD1 get more and more bitter. We live 9 hours away, we're trying to move there after the new year. I second what His said, its so complicated.

[laptopvixen]

How old is the kid?

[Bernadine]

He's 4.

[luvvy]

Me! The biggest issue is she holds all the power and well, isn't always the most considerate person in the world. I'm censoring how I really feel because I'm feeling charitable.

[pickel]

Lurker new stepmother here. I don't really have any relationship with my H's ex, but we are friendly when we see each other. We don't speak on the phone or by email really unless SD is coming for a long visit. Some days I don't mind her, other days, she gets under my skin. Mainly because she has a husband she can talk to but feels the need to call H and chit chat about things not relevant to SD and because she expects us to treat SD like she's 5 when she's 15 then gets upset when we don't coddle SD.

Its really about as good as it can get, based on other stories I've read, but I'm still counting the days until SD is 18. :-)

[ladyk]

Stepmom here. My SD is almost 12 & I've been in her life since she was 5. She lives with her mom, stepdad & 3 younger sisters. They were about 3.25 hours away but now they are about 5-6.

The biomom & I have a good relationship. We don't talk much on our own but she knows I'm not trying to 'replace' her and I love my SD and the rest of her girls like they were my own. In fact, depending on who has to work, has duty or was deployed, we all hung out at the park, water park, dance recital, at their house, what have you. Since they moved so her stepdad could go to grad school, we've not been able to see her as much. It was once a month but now, not as often. We need to get a computer so we can Skype.

My hubby & her talk only when it comes to their daughter but it's cordial. She has physical & legal custody but has never limited our visitation. They had been apart 3+ years when I came into the picture.

[nomad100]

Me.

How are your relationships with the mother? She refuses to acknowledge my presence whenever DH and I have seen her. (she live in another state so I rarely have to interact with her) The only time she even mentions me is related to money since she made comments that she should get more CS since I have a good job and my parents are well off (like that has any relevance to anything). DH and I have been together for 8 years and married for more than 5 years and this has been going on since we started dating. DH gave up trying to change this when he heard that the more he talked about me the more she said awful things about him and me to the kids. Yup, she is a peach.

How much interaction do you have with her? None.

What's her relationship like with your h? Combative. They now only really communicate via email and text so there is a "paper trail" There have been instances where she will try to go back on visitation, etc until DH shows her that he has proof of her saying hat she agreed to it.

OSS is almost 18, SD is 16 and YSS is 14 so we don't have too many more years of having to go through her. Once the kids are over 18, we will deal directly with them.

[Linie]

Me, but I have not a good relationship with him

[Bernadine]

Thanks for giving me some things to think about.

[Linie]

Dec 13, 2012 11:47:12 GMT -5 Les Paul said:

I am a SM.

How are your relationships with the mother? There is exactly one person on Earth that I hate. Her. She is a greedy, entitled whore who bankrupted DH and completely turned their children against him. They had a terrible, dysfunctional relationship that never should have happened. I have written proof of the lies she told them (DH and his brothers are all alcoholic, DH caused her to have PTSD, DH left her destitute with 2 children to raise 'alone'). ALL LIES. I will not be sad when she dies.

How much interaction do you have with her? Fortunately, very little now that the children are adults.

What's her relationship like with your h? Minimal contact, although she can still guilt him into anything remotely related to their children. He gets stuck with paying for all sorts of inappropriate expenditures because she weilds the guilt stick like a light sabre.

Our story is like this but perhaps with more drama.

We started out quite ok, she even told DH that she and their son were lucky that he met a "nice" woman (lol) - This was ten years ago. DH continued to work with her because they had a business together. That did not worry me at all. ("Let's all be adults")

Fast forward to today : she's has been a raging alcoholic for the last 4 to 5 years. DH has tried to get custody of his son through the courts and was refused because his son (who was 14+ at the time) wanted to stay with mummy, because he had total freedom there.

DH refuses to drop her completely because of the kid (who is now 18+), but there is drama every week : about school, about her addiction and money troubles, about SS who is totally addicted to computer games, dropped out of school last year, has no social skills and has a horrible attitude.

He has been with us for more then a week now, because they were hitting each other (mother and son) and she called the police on him in a drunken stupor.

And even with all this, SS does not want to live with us permanently.

I will get flamed for this, but I'm not comfortable when he is here : 2 months ago he hit DH twice and hard, because DH forced him to go to school and took away his computer. What happened ? DH refused communication until he apologized (which he did) and Mummy dear bought him a new game computer for 2,500 EUR.

I would never - in a million years - marry a father of a young child again. We dated 4 years before our marriage, I lived with him and SS for 1.5 year before our marriage. I was 34 at the time and I did not see this coming.

Sorry for this long and unhappy story.

Linie

[ralphlauren]

Are you guys engaged?

[Linie]

Dec 13, 2012 12:45:54 GMT -5 Les Paul said:

Also, ditto His on how much the exW and stepkids can affect your marriage and relationship with your H. I firmly believe that first marriages fail because of the two people involved, and second marriages fail because of the external forces of kids, exes, etc. My fights with DH are almost exclusively related to the kids, his exW, and money.

Do not take lightly entering into a relationship with someone who has children with someone else. And, no matter how fantastic that man is with your own children, it will not stop them from being horrible asshole teenagers down the road.

I couldn't agree more with this

[pittsmcgee]

Stepmom, checking in.

My relationship with the mother is civil. I don't like her, but we act civil to each other for SD's benefit.
H hates her, but does the civil thing, too.
1.5 years to go until we don't have to answer to her. Woot

[hisno1girl]

I wish it wasn't all so doom and gloom.

On the plus side, I've developed a wonderful relationship with my stepchildren. For the older ones, I'm just "Mom" and have been "Mom" for a long time (their mother is deceased). I have issues with some of my stepchildren but not because they're my stepchildren, but because of the choices they've made in their lives. My DH has the same issues with them too, so it's not a stepmom thing.

Raising children is so hard. Adding a third party (2 bio parents and 1 stepparent) just makes it harder sometimes.

Also, hello! I have five grandchildren because of our kids and that's the best part ever. I'm just "Grandma" (or Memaw, or Mimi) to the babies.

[karmasabiotch]

Friendly but I wouldn't call her my friend. I haven't ever talked with her on the phone or been in her house (she's been in mine). Sometimes we sit together and make small talk at outings but not always. She's alway's friendly to J when she see's him.

If her and my H were on bad terms I never would have married him. I didn't want to get caught up in that kind of drama.

[jena]

I have little interaction with her. I've been SM for 10 years, SS just turned 18, finishing his senior year. We have him every weekend.

As far as his mom, the time around our wedding was the only time she has completely jerked us around. We are friendly at school events, but that is it.

Dh doesn't chat with her except about their son. We do back up each other's parenting so grounded at one house=grounded at both, etc. When ss went running to his mama after I was "mean" she took the time to figure out that "mean" meant I made him use table manners and help in the kitchen and told him that was great and since he knew how to help in the kitchen now he could help her too. (he never carried tales home again)

Sent from my HTCEVOV4G using proboards