Are your kids aware of the news?

[anna7602]

DD is 4. I opened Facebook this morning and saw a ton of friends (with kids DD's age) posting questions about how to discuss what happened in CT and other people posting links with resources, how to talk about tragedy, etc.

I do not plan to tell DD what happened in Connecticut yesterday. I can barely process it myself, much less imagine how DD would react.

[Deleted]

I hope note. I'm a new junky and usually listen to NPR all-day in the car, but for the next week it will be christmas music all the time.

[chessie]

My friend is a teacher, and according to them, they explained to the kids in the middle school, what was going on in a low level sorta manner. There was no escaping it, every page, everyone was talking about it.

[luvmagoldn]

I hadn't planned to say anything but I am pretty sure the priest will mention it at mass tomorrow. If he does I will answer any questions they have but I don't plan to bring it up. But my kids are five and three so it will be easier to keep it under wraps than an older child who is more aware of current events.

[Deleted]

I am very, very thankful that my DD is too young and that I don't have to explain this to her. I have been more emotional about this event than any news story since 9/11 so I think I would have a very difficult time with it if I had to.

[Deleted]

Yes. I didn't tell them but they saw the news lead up during a commercial.

Same as other news, I just say there are sad things and bad people in the world but aren't we lucky to be safe.

[h]

At this point, we still have pretty good control over the news that DS1 is exposed to--which means he knows about things we think he should know about, like the election, but not things we don't think he should know about, like the CT shooting. We have no plans to tell him about this tragedy and have kept he TV off the news channels. Should he be exposed to it some other way, I am not sure how we will deal with it. I just think 5 is too young to have to deal with the reality of something this awful, and I certainly don't want him to fear going to school.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Not really. She's 3, so she pretty much only knows what we tell her.

DH just said something to me about it, and she asked what happened. I just told her some people got hurt by someone who wasn't very nice. She asked where, and I told her in Connecticut, which is very far away from here.

Last night DD and I did pray together for the families, but, again, I didn't give her any specifics -- just, please be with all the families in Connecticut.

[drloretta]

DD isn't even 3. It doesn't register.

But everything I've read says that kids will most likely hear about it one way or another, and it's better for their parents to explain it than for them to overhear or mis-hear something.

If DD was 4 and had heard even a whisper about this, I would address it with her.

[Deleted]

No. DD is less than 3. But I was really annoyed this morning waking up to gunshots at 8:30am. :@

DD woke up and asked "Mommy, what's that noise?" Then she continued to attentively listen to the "noise."

We heard several random shots in a 30min span at varying distances (some sounded close, some far). But it's legal here for people to shoot their guns at their residence. Not really sure if there's any restrictions at all. At a local board, someone said a new resident called the police on gunshots heard, then on the 3rd time, police told them to stop calling because it's legal for anyone to shoot their guns in their property.

[cjeanette]

Nope, they are kids and I want them to stay that way for a while longer.

[statlerwaldorf]

I won't. We just started discussing death after my grandma died and I still don't think DD really understands.

[Deleted]

No & I didn't want to at all but I got an email from DD1s 2nd grade teacher asking that they be made aware before Monday because she's sure it'll be brought up by kids that do know. I have no idea how to broach the subject & frankly she's a worrywart & I really don't want to.

[SusanBAnthony]

Nope. DS is in preschool, so I am not worried about him hearing about it, and we will make sure the news is off. If he was in elementary school I would probably explain a bit (very vague) just in case he heard something from another kid.

[zeewifeandmama]

Nope. DD is in preschool I don't plan to bring up at all.

[rootbeerfloat]

No, and I don't want plan to. But I did ask DS (who's in K) about lockdown procedures at his school, and was somewhat relieved that he was able to explain them so clearly.

[bronxgirl]

DD is only three, so it won't be an issue now, but I am also making an effort to not have the news on when she's up and not talk about it with anyone when she's around. My MIL of course doesn't seem to understand that and keeps yammering on, but luckily DD hasn't noticed. By the time she's 5 or 6 I think we'll have to discuss things like this with her before she hears it ewlsewhere.

[anna7602]

Dec 15, 2012 13:26:22 GMT -5 rootbeerfloat said:

No, and I don't want plan to. But I did ask DS (who's in K) about lockdown procedures at his school, and was somewhat relieved that he was able to explain them so clearly.

The preparedness is good, but man, it makes me sad that this is the world we live in.

[pierogigirl]

My kids are too young. I am a teacher in an elementary school and we are having an early morning meeting on Monday to to talk about how to address it with the kids because it will surely come up.

[mollybrown]

I was wondering about this too. I'm not saying anything to my 4 and 1 year olds, and the 4 year old has seen a few minutes of news coverage but is completely oblivious. Adult shows just don't register for him yet, and I see no reason to draw his attention to this tragedy.

A FB friend of mine posted about talking to her 2 and 3 year old about the shooting, and I thought it was odd that she was even having that conversation with them. It's easy to limit a toddlers access to this type of information, and I can't imagine they'll be discussing it at preschool.

[knitty]

Dec 15, 2012 15:16:43 GMT -5 mollybrown said:

I was wondering about this too. I'm not saying anything to my 4 and 1 year olds, and the 4 year old has seen a few minutes of news coverage but is completely oblivious. Adult shows just don't register for him yet, and I see no reason to draw his attention to this tragedy.

A FB friend of mine posted about talking to her 2 and 3 year old about the shooting, and I thought it was odd that she was even having that conversation with them. It's easy to limit a toddlers access to this type of information, and I can't imagine they'll be discussing it at preschool.

Older siblings could bring the news home from school, then the younger sibling could bring it to preschool. I'm crossing my fingers that my kid's bubble lasts past Monday.

[anna7602]

Just this opinion piece in the NYT and thought it was pretty good.


How Not to Talk With Children About the Sandy Hook Shooting

By KJ DELL'ANTONIA


“First, find out what they have heard.” That’s the first line of Benedict Carey’s article on how to talk to your children about the mass shooting that took place Friday at an elementary school in Connecticut. I received a similar e-mail from my own children’s school, encouraging parents consider our individual children and their needs as we try to find words. How to talk to our kids is paramount, but I found myself focused on a different side of the question: how not to.

Part of me wants to talk to my children. I want to tell them what happened, and then drill them wildly on how to protect themselves. I want to promise them that it could never happen here, and at the same time reassure myself.

“First, find out what they have heard” is advice that puts the focus where it needs to be: on the child, not on the parent. Many of us think our children will be thinking and worrying about what happened in Newtown because we can’t avoid thinking about it ourselves. But what if the answer is that they know very little? What if the child in front of you doesn’t appear worried at all? Do we have to “talk to our children” about every tragedy? As awash in information as adults are, many children, especially younger ones, simply aren’t in that position. It may be difficult, but also unnecessary, to protect them from hearing about a news event at all. And a child whose television comes from Disney and whose primary use of a mobile device involves throwing birds at pigs may not be inundated with information in the ways we fear.

“Most kids are pretty self-centered,” Nancy Rappaport, associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of school-based programs for the Cambridge Health Alliance, said. “Some may be more vulnerable to these kinds of fears, but many may just say, ‘Oh, that’s too bad,’ and move on.” This is a reaction that’s hard to understand for an adult, but fine, Dr. Rappaport said, for children whose focus is still naturally on themselves.

So as a parent, you’re left with the question not just of how to talk to your child about tragedy, but of whether you’re talking to your child for your child — or for yourself. There’s the question of what to say, but also when, and if, you should say it. “If you’re feeling panicked, and like there’s no place safe in the world, then that’s a good time to step back and get those thoughts in order,” Dr. Rappaport suggested. “But if we try to wait until we’ve fully come to terms with something like this, then we’ll never be able to talk. In fact, we’d never be able to get out of bed in the morning.”

She brought up a strategy that’s commonly used for anxiety in children: “worried thought, brave thought.” “We teach kids to counter a worried thought with a brave thought,” she said, and to “know that although the worried thought may come back, the brave thoughts are always there as well.” A worried thought might be “A shooter will come to my children’s school and there is nothing I can do about it,” with the brave counter “School shootings are still rare, and countless people are working to make them rarer still.”

If you’re going to talk to your children, start with a brave thought, she said. If the worried thoughts return while you’re talking, acknowledge them — out loud, with your child. It’s all right to show that you, too, worry. But then bring a brave thought back again. If you sense anxiety in your child, you could even share the same strategy. And remember that you don’t have to get it right in one single talk. In fact, perhaps the most important thing to remember is that “talking to” your children isn’t the goal. It’s talking with your children that will matter in the long run.

More immediately, though, I keep coming back to the question of whether this a conversation that you have to have at all. Do you have to tell a small child what’s happened, on the theory that her equally small classmates may be chattering about it on Monday, or might you just be creating an anxiety that never existed to begin with — making yours the child who begins the chattering? I don’t know. My own children had a half day on Friday, and came home just as this news began to appear. Judicious management of the car radio and any newspapers means it really was up to me to decide whether and what to tell them before Monday. (They’re 11, 8, 7 and 6, only watch children’s networks on television and are completely uninterested in social media.)

Ultimately, I told them, fairly simply. We did talk about what you’d do, a little bit, if you wanted to get away from “someone bad.” And then we left it. (I had a slightly more nuanced discussion with my oldest later, but because he seemed truly unconcerned, I let it go for now.) I suspect they won’t be thinking about it at all when they go to school on Monday morning, and I hope that if their classmates bring it up, my kids will know enough to manage any fears.

But I’ll be thinking about it, and so, if you’re a parent, will you. I don’t know how sending all of our children back to school this week can be done without those “worried thoughts” rushing in hard and fast. If one of my children asks, I’ll admit it. I’ll try to find a “brave thought” to back it up. And if (when) words fail me, I’ll remember that a hug sometimes says the only reassuring thing there is to say.

[GailGoldie]

I have no plan to tell my kids about it - but I am concerned my 5yo will hear about it tomorrow in school- from kids with older siblings, etc - so i just sent his teacher an email letting her know that I didn't want Griffin to know about it- but if kids were talking about it, then I am not against her talking with the class as she feels is needed.

the school has not sent out any info about how they plan to talk about it, etc - i know some people have received emails from their schools... i'm not sure if anything will be done- and I"m OK with that IF the kids don't know about it -- but some of them surly will.

[dragonfly08]

I am not planning to bring it up with my 6 and 9 yo DDs. We don't watch TV at home other than Netflix or videos and DH and I have been keeping the front page of the paper at the bottom of the stack. If they hear something on Monday and come home asking questions I'll deal with it then, but I want it to be their idea. It's possible they won't hear anything so why put the idea in their heads just to make *myself* feel better? The truth is I don't see any way to teach them how to avoid a situation like that other than to run away and hide from anyone they thinks might hurt them, and to always listen to their teachers, both things they already know from stranger danger assemblies, fire drills, etc.

[whitepicketfence]

Nope. My kids are too young, thankfully. I don't typically watch any news channels around them anyway so that has not been an issue either.

[Here]

Too young to know.

When I was six, there was a big earthquake in California. I saw the news. Freaked me out. Even in college, I wouldn't even consider a job in California because i was so scared of the earthquakes. I've softened up, but I still vividly remember the images on TV. I will watch what we have on TV as she gets older.

[mie]

My oldest knows, but i don't think she knows the ages of the victims. We haven't had the news on and she's on her winter break.