Extended family and holiday gift giving

[fortmyersbride]

My kids are currently the only grandkids on both sides of the family. This has resulted in getting showered with gifts at birthdays and Christmas from 3 sets of grandparents (DH's parents are divorced and remarried) as well as multiple aunts and uncles. And certainly in the process some popular toys are given in duplicate. When it happens I don't say anything if it's something they unwrap on the holiday, but instead either return it or donate it.

Lately though MIL has bought several large gifts for DD that we already have. These items are already sitting out in our house and have been for some time. She then tells me before the holiday that she bought her the item, to which I end up replying in an almost embarrassed fashion "oh, unfortunately we already have it right here" and then nearly apologizing for the inconvenience. She then appears annoyed to have to return another item, makes a comment about how my kids have too much stuff anyway (and they do, but that's largely due to the grandparents buying all of it!). I can give her suggestions as to what to buy but she likes it to be "surprise". But DD is 14 mos, so who's to say what isn't a surprise . And apparently clothes and books aren't fun to buy.

I guess I'm not really looking for advice, but if anyone else wants to commiserate with some family-related holiday stories, do share!

[momof2boys]

At my house my parents, aunts and grandparents don't like to shop, while I DO like to shop! That said, they give me money and ask me to shop for my kids, then they wrap them. That way they know they get what they want, what we need, and no duplicates Doesn't sound like that will work at your house though!

What you might suggest they do is buy a savings bond or contribute to a college fund in lieu of a big gift. My parents have done a 500.00 savings bond for my kids since they were born every year at christmas. Some day my kids are going to be so thrilled to get all that money! And it helps cut back on all the stuff we get at christmas.

I'm also a fan of an activity....last year my parents bought my kids a round of swimming lessons.

[h]

We are totally overwhelmed by grandparent gifts. It is astounding, really. And I can't take it back or donate it, because my kids are old enough to know what they opened, and they would question what happened to the X from grandma. Our parents are thoroughly unwilling to do money, savings bonds, college fund contributions, or experiences in lieu of toys--we have asked. We have asked them to limit themselves to one toy, one book, and one clothing item per kid, and that didn't work either. My mom promised to limit herself this year, then proceeded to buy each kid a Pottery Barn Kids sleeping bag, a large Lego set, a DVD/Wii game, some foam airplane shooter thing, several books, a board game, a giant Avenger action figure, a backpack, a stocking full of markers, stickers, coloring books, candy, etc. and who knows what else. I honestly don't know what to do about it.

They do ask for ideas and buy off Amazon wish lists, which is the only saving grace.

[Deleted]

Amazon wishlist and doing very little shopping yourself is really all I can suggest. And clearing out older stuff as new stuff comes in, as much as you can. We have very little room and it seems like he never plays with much anyway. The best toy remains the kitchen sink.

[af1212]

We do an amazon wish list (at the request of the grandparents) and also ask for gift certificates for things like a zoo membership, children's museum membership, $$ for gymboree classes, swim lessons, etc.

[bunch]

My ils are like this as well. I don't care now, but I'm going to be irritated when she's older and they show up Santa and when I can't easily get rid of stuff. We did convince them to get a museum pass instead of gifts for h and I, but the toys are still out of control. I hate stuff we don't need!

[SusanBAnthony]

At a younger age, I just threw stuff out or gave it away, or returned it and bought whatever I actually needed at Walmart/target/etc.

Now I am screwed because the kids totally know what they got. My mil is the worst in terms of random stuff that we just don't need. Luckily (or not, lol) it is all junk so it breaks and then I can get rid of it.

My fil has always given the kids 50$ each for every birthday and Xmas. We always use the money for things like swim lessons, zoo membership, etc. but honestly it sort of gets lost in the budget bc we would have bought those things anyway. This year fil told DH he either wants the money put in college savings, or he will just start buying them toys. Argh! The last thing we need is toys! So apparently we are going to be starting savings accounts that will rack up a whole 100$ a year, which is sure to make a huge dent in their college costs. I realize we need to start accounts for the kids and put monthly contributions in ourselves, but we are prioritizing retirement for the time being, and haven't (and my grandpa has accounts for them already). I know it is stupid and illogical and hello, this is mm so saving the money for college should be a good thing! But I am irritated at being told what to do with a gift, and logistically I don't want to mess with specifically saving "his" 50$ gift, but I will do it bc I don't want him buying them random crap.

So pretty much, I a, going to be flamed for that, but whatever, that is how I feel. It is no doubt colored by my general dislike for fil.

[pugz]

I was going to suggest zoo/museum/legoland/etc. passes.

and an amazon wishlist.

[Willis Jackson]

My MIL buys DD breathtakingly gorgeous clothes that are too small.

It's torture.

[speckledfrog]

Ditto pugz. I would tell her that since your LO has so much stuff that it might be really special for her to get the chance to do things she wouldn't otherwise get to do. Gymboree classes, aquarium, etc.

[jackpackage]

Dec 15, 2012 23:01:38 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

My MIL buys DD breathtakingly gorgeous clothes that are too small.

It's torture.

DS is 6 months-wears 3-6 mo. MIL always buys 2T or 3T, and says, "It's cotton, it'll shrink right up!" She keeps getting pissed that I don't dress him in anything she has bought for him. I finally put him in a (huge) shirt she bought him, and she was like "Is your mommy making you wear a dress?" :@ I guess I can be grateful that he'll at least grow into them!

[fortmyersbride]

Ah, I forgot to mention that we have have amazon lists for the kids. The ILs know about them. They choose not to shop from them, even when they shop on Amazon. I've never gotten a good explanation as to why.

They don't want to give memberships or experiences, college savings or whatnot. They want "fun stuff" to unwrap.

I guess given these parameters, I need to just stop feeling guilty when I have to tell them we already have the duplicate toys, or give away the excess to make space. It's nice to know others are dealing with this as well. DS is starting to notice when I donate a gift from grandma/aunt/friend from school, so I've stopped donating out gifts from school friends so he doesn't go to school and tell his little friends that I gave the toys away.

[fortmyersbride]

Dec 15, 2012 23:01:38 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

My MIL buys DD breathtakingly gorgeous clothes that are too small.

It's torture.

Ah yes, we have this too. MIL's step grandkids were all preemies and are still very petite kids. In her mind, all kids conform to the size for their age (or smaller). Ie- when the kids were 6 mos she was buying them 3-6 mos. And then she was annoyed that the kids didn't wear the stuff. This year DD will be 15 mos at Christmas, she got her a size 12 mos dress and didn't understand why it doesn't fit.

[pugz]

Gah, they sound dense.

[Deleted]

Dec 16, 2012 0:03:13 GMT -5 pugz said:

Gah, they sound dense.

Yeah really! Especially the too-small clothes thing. That's uber silly. Who on earth expects a 12m dress to fit a 15m old non-preemie?

This is DS's first holiday and Christmas (he'll be one in February). I am grateful that my parents have bought age-appropriate gifts, albeit a lot of them. If they want to spoil DS fine, we're on one income so we can't. I have no idea what DH's family is doing, they haven't said a peep to us. I plan to store all the toys he longer plays with. Hopefully that will cut things down.

[SusanBAnthony]

Super green, that is what we do. I have two huge Rubbermaid tubs. Every few months (more often in the winter when we are stuck inside) I switch them out. Any toys that have no been played with for a few rotations get donated, and they usually don't notice at that point since they have been out away for awhile.

[Deleted]

Yay, glad to know it works! Off to Target to buy bins....

[cjeanette]

Some of the kids gifts stay at the grandparents house. Perhaps duplicates could do that.

Otherwise I would not feel guilty. Let them be wasteful.

Sent from my SPH-L710 using proboards

[ilikedonuts]

I totally was a brat and had my husband tell his mother that she needed to tone down the gifts for Christmas. He did it last year when DD was super small so we would have a few years to make sure she reins it in. He also told her that Santa comes to our house and our house only. I don't try to sugarcoat stuff when it comes to my MIL because she will just continue to play dumb and do what she wants anyways.

Oh and I had to have a talk with my mom too this year. She knew the big gift that "Santa" was getting DD. We go over to her house 3 weeks ago and she has like 10 gifts for DD ("just because" gifts) one of which was the gift she was getting from Santa. I was like "Seriously, mother? She's already getting this and you know it. Stop trying to one up us or we just aren't going to come over."

[drloretta]

That's pretty much what happens here.

How close is she? If she gets a duplicate, can she keep it at her house for your children to play with?

[fortmyersbride]

Dec 16, 2012 14:57:51 GMT -5 drloretta said:

That's pretty much what happens here.

How close is she? If she gets a duplicate, can she keep it at her house for your children to play with?

We did move back home last summer, so the majority of the extended family is here in town. Depending on how over the top this year's Christmas is, I may be driving some presents back to grandparents' houses anyway.

DS came back from an afternoon with MIL last week with a bag of toys. He said "grandma told me I could have them". Oh really, well I guess what she meant is have them to play with during the time that you spend at her house, because that better be what she means. And back to grandma's house they went.

[schrodinger]

My MIL is over the top about Christmas. DH and I have talked to her about it so many times, and it is getting frustrating. This year we told MIL and FIL that we would buy the gifts for the girls that would be from them. When they showed up, they had ~20 gifts per kid. We are pissed about it, its way too much for them and for the house. DH is planning on telling MIL that if she continues to disrespect his wishes, they won't be welcome to celebrate Christmas with us. This is the 4th Christmas in a row that they've pulled this, so we're pretty tired of it.