Post by LauraMoser on Dec 27, 2012 15:43:20 GMT -5
I'm BFing baby #3 now. BFing has been a constant struggle thus far and he's not quite six weeks old. Both DDs were easy, had no latch or supply issues, etc. I quit at 8 months with DD1 because what was probably a nursing strike I took as self weaning. Oh well, I don't regret it one bit. Hell, I made it to 8 months! That's 8 months more than my mom ever did, lol! With DD2, I had gotten the stomach flu something like three times within two weeks and my supply tanked. I tried what I could to get it back up, but I had pretty much dried up, so I quit at three months. At first, I was a little disappointed in myself, but hell, I still made it three months, which is still quite an accomplishment.
This time around, things have been completely different. I'm dealing with a lot of pain while and after nursing. I haven't been able to get into see the LC yet, but I did talk to her over the phone, which was helpful. I have symptoms of Reynaud's, the main one being terrible pain in my breasts when I walk outside into the cold. I suspect a tongue-tie, and told her such. She gave me a couple of things to check to help determine if that is what it is, and from what I can tell, that's likely the cause of all my pain. That aside, when I'm having a bad day with a lot of pain, I pump and supplement. There are times when I just don't want to BF because of the pain, and that makes me feel guilty. So to make it easier on myself, I will give him a bottle of pumped or formula to give my nips a break. It has helped tremendously. I also find that setting seriously short term goals helps me through the bad days too. I'll tell myself that if I just make it through the day, then I can stop if I want to. Once I make it through the day though, I'm fine and keep going the next day. Seriously, taking it day by day like this really helps me a lot.
Hang in there momma, BFing isn't always easy, as you can see here in these replies. You're doing the best you can and that's all that matters.
Post by nonsenseabound on Dec 27, 2012 15:50:10 GMT -5
Do what you have got to do. I was FF. My kids are BF. Your kid will be alright.
FWIW, it got so much easier for me at about 6 months with both kids. When I could give them real food it took the pressure off breastfeeding so much. I was able to drop feedings and my life got so much easier with both kids.
We went to one year, but I don't know how I did it. I remember it was really tough since I felt like I was pumping all the time and not getting much. It got better when I decided not to do extra pumpings and just pull from the freezer if we were short. We didn't need to use formula, but your kid will be fine if you use it. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
Also, I think bfing messed with my hormones and left me nutso.
thanks LSF. It makes total sense. I worry that in the short term when she gets sick at daycare (I know it's a WHEN not an IF) I will be wondering if she would've been less sick with more breastmilk. My mom BF'd my sister for 3 months and as soon as she gave up my sister got chronic ear infections for months. Who knows why but my mom thinks it was led to her weaning. I know I will beat myself up big time if that happens but I shouldn't...
Please don't blame yourself when your LO gets sick. In daycare she will get sick regardless of being breast fed or formula fed. And you cannot always think, what if I did this or what if I did that. Or she would not have been as sick if I did. It is too hard on you. Figure out what works best for you and your LO and that is the best answer. Although, it may not be the easiest to figure out, you will.
BM doesn't actually have super magical properties. Babies get sick and get ear infections. All babies. Even babies who stay at home and don't go to child care (shocking!).
I think giving yourself permission to supplement is the first step in making you a happier Mom. From months 3-6, I gave my son 1-2 bottles of formula a day to supplement what I could not pump when I was away at work. I went from being in a total panic over milk production to relative calm......and my supply maintained, and he stayed healthy. (Seriously, it's a crapshoot with daycare if they will catch anything)
And just to make you feel better, mine is a week older than yours and she has had a horrible few weeks -- sleep has gone from perfect to craptastic, and she is very fussy. She has also been eating like a crazy baby..... Hopefully they come out of this stage soon!
My DD is not much older than yours (5 months) but it really has gotten so much easier. The cluster feeding is over and she nurses much faster. I NEVER EVER EVER thought this would happen!
A couple thoughts: 1) I wanted to EBF so badly but it was really hard on me and causing me so much stress since leaving her at all required so much work and planning (pumping). Knowing that if she got hungry before I returned from Target DH could just make up a formula bottle really took the pressure off of me. Ironically, once the pressure was off, I was able to relax and manage it all better (including pumping) so she very, very rarely gets a straight formula bottle.
2) With the perspective of the little time I've had, I can see that I was putting so much unnecessary pressure on myself. There is nothing wrong with using formula as a back up or letting DH feed the odd bottle of formula on the very occasional night when you just absolutely can't take it anymore.
3) Since she doesn't get a straight formula regularly, I very rarely pump to replace her feeding but I've never noticed a supply drop.
Good luck and don't beat yourself up. It doesn't have to be all breastmilk or all formula and mixing the two doesn't have to mean death to your supply. Don't drive yourself crazy over this!
Post by vanillacourage on Dec 27, 2012 19:44:48 GMT -5
It's not true that you don't know anything about babies. You've kept yours alive, and thriving, and growing, for a whole pregnancy plus almost four demanding months. You're a mom - and doing great at it!
In your situation, I'd get through a bad day (or stretch) by going into the freezer stash of pumped BM. I'd rather be a teeny bit stressed about pumping more to replenish the stash than struggling with the "big picture" issues of using formula vs. EBF.
No matter what - there are a million zillion babies who are just fine on formula. So, a happy mama and a happy daddy, with a happy baby taking down some formerly-frozen BM (or heck - some formula in a pinch) are of course going to be just fine as well.
The pumping pushed me over the edge too. I got almost nothing when I pumped and I spent every nap just trying to get enough during the week for ONE bottle on the weekend. I felt much better when I stopped doing that.
This has nothing to do with bfing, because I think you've already gotten a lot of good advice, but it was really hard for me to accept that I had a "fussy" baby. She was just generally pissed off for the first year of her life. I wanted her to be one of those chill, happy babies, but she wasn't. At all. I remember the first time dh came home and I was so proud that she hadn't had a major melt down all day. All this to say, sometimes you have more bad days than it seems like anyone else does. It's frustrating. I feel like now I can see that a lot of dds anger was really frustration. She's very intense and aware and likes a lot of stimulation. I pretend that this means she's bright . She also got teeth really early. It was a pita, but now she's done except for her 2 yr molars and its like she's a different child. So, all of this rambling brings me to that your dd just might have a trying personality right now. I hope things settle down soon. Good luck!
Oh, I just read all the comments - I agree I'd put her down earlier. I was terrified to do that because I was sure she wouldn't sleep as long and would wake more during the night, but she never did. She'd sleep 8 to 4 or 10 to 4, it didn't matter.
Post by hannamaren on Dec 27, 2012 22:21:42 GMT -5
And maybe putting her down earlier wont work. Try not to compare your baby to other babies. Or think that your baby isnt working right. My child didnt do any of the things she was supposed to do. None! She still grew and thrived
Your a good mom. Period. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby. It matters that you feed your baby. The fact that you are so caring and concerned that you are even questioning what is best for your family makes you an EXCELLENT mother.
Do what YOU feel is right for YOUR FAMILY. Period.
This exactly.
FWIW, I went back to work at 5 weeks, and LO went to daycare at 8 weeks old. She seemed way too little to go but she thrived there. And yesterday at the in-laws, she cried when anyone but me or DH held her. That was some much-needed validation for me.