All these 2 kid posts are getting me thinking

[hannamaren]

I want a second but the first 6 months of baby life terrify me. I can't afford to put L in daycare/preschool a few days a week to keep her occupied so it seems scary.
I know it will be over in a flash and the next 10 yrs may be pretty great but, that time will be "eek!"
We are going away in Feb so maybe after that we will reassess and start trying again.
And hopefully we will have a house so my Mom can spend nights with us as needed.

[lindyanne]

I don't have personal experience but it can be 'bad'. My friend has a 2 year old and a 9 month old. The 2yo sttn at 4 mos. The 9 mo old is still not and wakes the two year old up frequently so they can't even trade off. They are both walking zombies. She does however manage it. He works FT at a university three days a week and she WFH and gets a sitter when she has to be offsite or has an important call. Otherwise she works on his days off, when they are napping or playing and in the evening when he's home.

[knitty]

Your baby's only 12 months old. In 18 months it will seem more doable. Thinking about it now is like 22 year olds swearing they'll never have kids.






(mistly because you'll feel better about sitting her in front of the TV half the day.

[Deleted]

Me too Hanna. My DS is like a week older than your DD and I am thinking it "may " be time to start thinking about starting trying LOL!

We are working on getting our house ready for the market, and buying a bigger house in the spring, maybe once we are settled in a new home.

I wish whitepicketfences was around, she has two very close in age and could give advice and possible warnings LOL.

[Deleted]

The first six months are going to be hard. I think you just have to acknowledge that if you want to have another baby. But day by day, little by little, it gets progressively easier until you stop feeling overwhelmed all the time. Then one day you realize that you haven't thought of it as being hard in a while. It's very similar to the adjustment that you go through after you have your first. Over time it just becomes your new normal.

We had our third about 5.5 months ago. Oh my god, it was HARD work at first. She was a colicky baby, we weren't used to three, DH wasn't used to wrangling two kids at once all the time, it took the boys a little while to adjust so there were some behavior problems. But I knew we'd eventually get through it. We're coming up on half a year and it already feels like a night and day difference. She's not crying inconsolably for two hours at night anymore. She's STTN more consistently. Hallelujah! lol.

I know you've been going back and forth on this issue a lot. It might be that you don't want to go through the newborn stage again and that a family of three is perfect for you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We always knew that we wanted to have at least two and we're thrilled that we ended up having DD as well. Of course we love her to bits but I also love that the kids have each other. I wanted them to have those kinds of relationships growing up so the extra stress and work are more than worth it to me.

When you're in the trenches, just keep reminding yourself over and over "this too will pass." Because it will. One day you'll look back and laugh at how difficult it all felt at first. We do all the time about how hard we thought it was with just DS1, lol. Best of luck to you.

[Deleted]

Dec 27, 2012 11:34:23 GMT -5 hannamaren said:

I want a second but the first 6 months of baby life terrify me. I can't afford to put L in daycare/preschool a few days a week to keep her occupied so it seems scary.
I know it will be over in a flash and the next 10 yrs may be pretty great but, that time will be "eek!"
We are going away in Feb so maybe after that we will reassess and start trying again.
And hopefully we will have a house so my Mom can spend nights with us as needed.

We felt and still feel this way. Frankly I am not fond of pregnancy and I hate the newborn phase. Things began to get better month by month after DD hit 4 months and that trend continues, she is more and more fun by the day. (I suspect that trend will reverse itself in 10 years or so, LOL.)

We just look at the first year as an investment toward a really enjoyable future.

But we are still scared out of our minds sometimes.

[Deleted]

I'm scared shitless re TTC #2 but I want to start trying again in the summer. They really do get more fun after they turn one. Heck, even between 12 and 18mos I think DS is way more fun now despite the tantrums.

I hated the newborn phase too but it does pass quickly. I'm hoping it will feel faster the second time around since I also have to wrangle the older one.

[ijack]

I thought the newborn phase was easy, it's once they're both mobile that makes things crazy

[Deleted]

Dec 27, 2012 15:12:23 GMT -5 ijack said:

I thought the newborn phase was easy, it's once they're both mobile that makes things crazy

:-( You are supposed to lie to me woman! I was happy as a clam from months 4-10.5 with DS. Seriously, way more fun than I ever expected. It went downhill when he started walking.

[Willis Jackson]

Dec 27, 2012 13:26:16 GMT -5 @lcap said:

The first six months are going to be hard. I think you just have to acknowledge that if you want to have another baby. But day by day, little by little, it gets progressively easier until you stop feeling overwhelmed all the time. Then one day you realize that you haven't thought of it as being hard in a while. It's very similar to the adjustment that you go through after you have your first. Over time it just becomes your new normal.

I completely agree with this.

DS is now almost 4 and DD is 15mo. They spend a lot of the day entertaining each other and ignoring me. It's awesome.

[ijack]

Dec 27, 2012 15:20:39 GMT -5 @choco said:

Dec 27, 2012 15:12:23 GMT -5 ijack said:

I thought the newborn phase was easy, it's once they're both mobile that makes things crazy

You are supposed to lie to me woman! I was happy as a clam from months 4-10.5 with DS. Seriously, way more fun than I ever expected. It went downhill when he started walking.

I thought it was cake from 0-10ish months, and then it got wild. It's awesome that they can play together, but there is a lot of arguing now over toys. And Q is already in the "I'm a big girl and I'll do it myself!" stage at 16m :/

[Deleted]

Dec 27, 2012 15:55:30 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

Dec 27, 2012 13:26:16 GMT -5 @lcap said:

The first six months are going to be hard. I think you just have to acknowledge that if you want to have another baby. But day by day, little by little, it gets progressively easier until you stop feeling overwhelmed all the time. Then one day you realize that you haven't thought of it as being hard in a while. It's very similar to the adjustment that you go through after you have your first. Over time it just becomes your new normal.

I completely agree with this.

DS is now almost 4 and DD is 15mo. They spend a lot of the day entertaining each other and ignoring me. It's awesome.

I'm so close!!!!

Lol things around here are still overwhelming for me. She didn't sttn till this month though which had a lot to do w it. He's a little rough w her and she's pulling up and unsteady but that will pass soon...oh and the fighting!!! My ears will bleed.

[hannamaren]

The first 10 weeks were crying from 6 pm until 2am every night.

And then we couldn't put her down. There was no schedule. And I napped in the day every day.

[whitepicketfence]

Dec 27, 2012 13:08:07 GMT -5 @savestheday said:

Me too Hanna. My DS is like a week older than your DD and I am thinking it "may " be time to start thinking about starting trying LOL!

We are working on getting our house ready for the market, and buying a bigger house in the spring, maybe once we are settled in a new home.

I wish whitepicketfences was around, she has two very close in age and could give advice and possible warnings LOL.

Ha! The first 6, oh hell, the first 12 months are sort of a blur at this point. I'm not sure I have any good advice to offer, LOL.

It certainly can be a challenge at times. In some ways, it was easier when DD2 was a newborn and slept most of the time. It got rough once she started teething and becoming more mobile at around 6 months. Honestly, you just do what you have to do and each day is a little easier than the day before. Just like with being a FTM, you learn your way and figure out how to (mostly) manage two kids at the same time. You'll have your rough moments, but it's not all bad.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Is there a reason you want or need your kids close in age? I feel like almost everyone these days has two under two. Our kids will be 6 or so weeks shy of three years apart, and I'm very happy about the age difference!

I'm scared of #2's newborn phase because DD was colicky and miserable for the first four months! But I'm very happy with how independent DD is -- she can get herself water, go to the bathroom by herself, fetch thongs for me from another room.

Also, you said you can't afford preschool, but do you plan on sending L to any school before kindergarten? I know in Florida, the state covers 4 year old preschool (for anyone, assuming you choose a covered preschool -- it's not income-based).

[Deleted]

DD is 3 and I still wonder if we are ready. No was I ready at any time before DD was 2.5- only then we began to consider it.

Every family is different. At this point, the closest in age they could be is 4 years apart and I'm fine with that.

[Willis Jackson]

Dec 27, 2012 21:38:11 GMT -5 hannamaren said:

The first 10 weeks were crying from 6 pm until 2am every night.

And then we couldn't put her down. There was no schedule. And I napped in the day every day.

Is your H home by then? You'll have to tag team the kids- one gets the screaming baby and one gets the older kid. If not, the older kid gets to watch TV and eat pretzels while you take the screaming baby into another room.

I wore DD in the Ergo a lot more than I wore DS. I also became able to do a lot more stuff one-handed, like making a sandwich or (eww) emptying potties.

But, no, naps didn't happen. "Sleep when baby sleeps" is a first baby thing.

[housegeek]

Mine are 15 months apart. I don't have any downside, it's all been awesome, but I did have family help when they were babies so it wasn't as overwhelming.

[bronxgirl]

Dec 27, 2012 23:45:50 GMT -5 DarcyLongfellow said:

Is there a reason you want or need your kids close in age? I feel like almost everyone these days has two under two. Our kids will be 6 or so weeks shy of three years apart, and I'm very happy about the age difference!

I'm scared of #2's newborn phase because DD was colicky and miserable for the first four months! But I'm very happy with how independent DD is -- she can get herself water, go to the bathroom by herself, fetch thongs for me from another room.

Also, you said you can't afford preschool, but do you plan on sending L to any school before kindergarten? I know in Florida, the state covers 4 year old preschool (for anyone, assuming you choose a covered preschool -- it's not income-based).

New York does, too as part of the Universal Pre-Kindergarten program. It's awesome. This year we are spending 5 grand to send DD to school 3 days/wk. Next year she will go to the same school 5 days for free!

[MrsDarcy]

Dec 27, 2012 23:45:50 GMT -5 DarcyLongfellow said:

fetch thongs for me from another room.

Lol. ;D

[quickstepstar]

My oldest 2 are 3 years and 1.5 month older than the youngest, and I think it is much easier with such an age difference. They LOVE to help out and "keep an eye" on their sister. I cannot imagine teh age difference being smaller. It sounds brutal!