Intro post for us newbies

[stephbfan]

Thought of doing an intro posts for the newbies

Im 29 y/o (turning 30 in August) and have a 3y/o DD. I dumped my ex when I was 5 months pregnant because he and I were just not good for each other, I should have never dated him, let alone get engaged.

Had DD, moved back to my home country with my family. There was a long and expensive custody battle and thankfully I got primary custody.

FF to right now, I'm in a much better place. Ex and I have an excellent co-parenting relationship even to the point that people ask us why don't we get back together. Ehh nope, I left him for a reason but you wont see me venting about him all that often because he is a good dad.

I am now the master of having fist dates and not wanting do have a second. So I haven't really dated dated anyone in a VERY long time.

Feel free to ask any questions.

PS if you see anything weird on my posts, I have to warn you that English is not my first language.

[hainesherway]

Welcome! That's great you have such a good co-parenting relationship with your ex. Has he re-married?

[bullygirl979]

May 11, 2012 14:54:34 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

PS if you see anything weird on my posts, I have to warn you that English is not my first language.

Welcome! And I like the post! All newbies should post their details here!

And thanks for the clarification on the language....was wondering what "fist dates" were. Sounds a little kinky, haha! I know you meant first dates!

[turtle1120]

Welcome! I remember you from the SP board. I jumped ship there a while ago when it got invaded by crazies. And then when diamonds starting dishing out advice over there....forget it!

The ladies here are awesome! Lots of laughs all the time

[llh0211]

I'll chime in with the cliff notes version...

I'm 34, found out three months ago my husband had been having an affair with a co-worker for the last 6 months. Went through a roller coaster of emotion before deciding that there's no way that we can work through this. I am moving back home (1000 miles away from where I currently live) in less than two weeks. I know it's the right decision, and it'll be great to have the support of my family, but it still scares the shit out of me.

[stephbfan]

May 11, 2012 14:58:21 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

May 11, 2012 14:54:34 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

PS if you see anything weird on my posts, I have to warn you that English is not my first language.

Welcome! And I like the post! All newbies should post their details here!

And thanks for the clarification on the language....was wondering what "fist dates" were. Sounds a little kinky, haha! I know you meant first dates!

Lol that was I typo but I can always play my "English is not my first language" card when its convenient haha.

[stephbfan]

May 11, 2012 14:57:24 GMT -5 hainesherway said:

Welcome! That's great you have such a good co-parenting relationship with your ex. Has he re-married?

Nah, he has not re-married nor dated anyone since me, as far as I know.
He does live with his best friend and they have a rather unhealthy/co-dependent relationship. This was the main reason I dumped him. They say that they are not gay and there is nothing between them but who knows and I don't even care.

I used to hate them both, I had a lot of resentment but I decided to let it go or else, I would be miserable the rest of my life. This got way better. We are not friends and we don't talk about our personal lives but we do joke a lot and talk a lot when we see each other.

[dakotadangerdog]

May 11, 2012 14:54:34 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

I am now the master of having first dates and not wanting to have a second.

Man, I can totally relate. I quit dating cuz I'm just so frustrated by it!

[riverpestie]

Welcome!!!!

[wrathofkuus]

What is your first language?

[stephbfan]

May 11, 2012 16:18:34 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

What is your first language?

My first language is Spanish. I learned English when I was 21 so Im proud of myself lol.
I also speak some Italian and French.

[wrathofkuus]

Ah. Did you move to an English-speaking country, or did you just pick up English for fun?

[stephbfan]

May 11, 2012 16:28:47 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Ah. Did you move to an English-speaking country, or did you just pick up English for fun?

I studied English because it makes it easier to communicate with other people. I also have an engineering degree and there is a lot of literature in English so it helped me tremendously.

I did live in the US for over 3 years after I graduated from college. DD was born in the US and we have to travel several times a year for visitation with her dad.

Edited to clarify

[phoenixrising]

I have been around for a while, but I will post an intro because the newbies might not know me.

I am 36 and have been married for 5.5 years (and met/started dating my STBXH in June 2000). On December 11, 2011, I got an email from a man letting me know that his STBXW was having an affair with my husband. He had found me through his excellent Google skills. It turned out my H had met her on a website designed to help people find discrete affairs, and he had done this while my mom was going through surgery/chemo/radiation for uterine cancer. I confronted him on Christmas Eve, and then we went into a holding pattern. I started seeing a therapist in January and FINALLY had a where-is-this-going conversation with my H about a month ago. I told my family a week or so after that and am now full speed ahead on my moving out plans. I put a deposit on an apartment and will sign a lease for June 1. I am calling to set up our first mediation session next week (we live in a no fault state and have no shared assets or debts). I am actively packing up all my shit and getting ready to load my dog into the car and start a new life.

Things here are currently fairly uncomfortable and VERY sad. But the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter every day!

[compassrose]

I am 30 and split with my ex-husband in June 2010. I had had a miscarriage, and it shook up my marriage. I realized that, even though he was insistant about wanting a baby right then, our priorities were in very different places (he's a workaholic whose major goal is to be a millionaire by 40), and that having a child with him would mean being a single parent. Basically, I realized how much he had changed since we met and how much growing up he had to do. Now I've been dating an older guy (43), a devoted dad with 3 kids for over a year.

[CheshireGrin]

Hi. I've been an MLer since 2005 (which was when I got married). I've been divorced since 2008. No kids. I've dated a fair amount since then, but nothing serious, so it's pretty much just me and the critters: one dog, 3 cats. I live in a big house in the middle of nowhere.

I never really ventured over to the SO board much on the Nest, but what the hell. New place, might as well explore, right?

[vikingqueen]

Hi everyone. I'm VQ and I'm a regular on TB I've been lurking on Starting Over since my STBXH decided he wanted a divorce. I intro'd over on Starting Over at that time but didn't really get involved in the posting there because I was kind of in shock at the events in my life and didn't feel like I could relate at the time to all the posts about dating and whatnot But here I am almost a year out from that and finally in a good place. I love the atmosphere of the SO board and hope to become a part of the community and getting to know everyone. Sorry for no paragraphs, I'm on my iPad.

[bullygirl979]

May 12, 2012 9:50:08 GMT -5 vikingqueen said:

Hi everyone. I'm VQ and I'm a regular on TB I've been lurking on Starting Over since my STBXH decided he wanted a divorce. I intro'd over on Starting Over at that time but didn't really get involved in the posting there because I was kind of in shock at the events in my life and didn't feel like I could relate at the time to all the posts about dating and whatnot But here I am almost a year out from that and finally in a good place. I love the atmosphere of the SO board and hope to become a part of the community and getting to know everyone. Sorry for no paragraphs, I'm on my iPad.

Glad you are coming to play with us! Yes, a lot of the ladies (and JM) are in the dating stage but we do get a lot of women who are getting divorced currently. I am always willing to share my experiences and thoughts even though I am 4 years post divorce. The peeps on this board are awesome and I love them!

[vikingqueen]

Thanks bully IRL! I can't wait to get to know everyone. It's nice to be in a place where people know what I'm going through

[BlackCanary]

Hi! I married when I was 20 in 2004, three months in XH became a huge douche canoe. Though looking back he probably was through our entire relationship. Damn hindsight. We divorced not even a year into the marriage. No kids.

Married DH in 2009. He is, IMHO, the best H ever! He makes me so happy! ;D

[hazelandblue]

Hi all
i am 32 years old. Married for 10 years (yep right out of college). i think i knew before i married that he wasn't the one for me but i was afraid of being alone at the ripe old age of 22. Hindsight is something isn't it.
My husband is a decent enough guy but we don't mesh well. he snaps at the smallest little thing, he acts like a 14 year old the better part of the day, and really makes me feel like i am worth nothing more than a good lay. He makes more money than i do and constantly throws that up in my face. I can't remember the last time i felt love between us. he swears he still loves me but showing and saying it are two different things.
I have a 3 and a 4 year old who are AMAZING and when my husband does take the time to play with them he is great. The fact that he is a great dad makes it hard for me to leave even though i know the kids are picking up on the lack of love and the constant fighting.
this board has provided me with a lot of support and insight. i have tried therapy with him and on my own but i feel like the support here is worth so much more.

[BabyRN]

Hello I am a 29 year old. I have been married almost 5 years. We are attempting to figure out what the next step is for our marriage.
I have been unhappy in our marriage for a long time-constantly putting my dreams on hold to try to make his dreams and his happiness come true. Somewhere in there I have lost who I am-and now I want to make me a priority.
My husband is very depressed(clinically-on meds and in counseling) so I have a hard time walking away because I wouldn't walk away from him if he was sick with something like cancer. But he is dragging me down.
I am scared to be by myself, I am scared I will regret walking away from him-but yet when I think long term I get so much relief when I think of what my life would be like without him. We are in marriage counseling right now. I really want to make sure I have tried everything before I break our marriage vows.

[cabbage10]

Hi all, long time lurker on SO, but decided why not starting posting now.
I was in a relationship with the same guy for 8 years but ended it about 2 1/2 years ago. I am now in a serious (very happy!) relationship but got so much help from this board during that time that I thought I might start posting here. My boyfriend is a single dad so I enjoy seeing that side of people's stories as well.

[elleb]

May 12, 2012 16:04:33 GMT -5 BlackCanary said:

Hi! I married when I was 20 in 2004, three months in XH became a huge douche canoe. Though looking back he probably was through our entire relationship. Damn hindsight. We divorced not even a year into the marriage. No kids.

"A huge douche canoe" is such pretty much the perfect description of my STBXH, and I can say the same thing looking back. I keep trying to figure out where my head was at the whole time.

I'm 24, married less than a year to my high-school boyfriend. About two or three months into it, I realized how unhappy I was. As happy newly weds, I thought we would be, you know, happier. But he showed his true colors - condescending, immature, and all-too-often made me feel unappreciated and stupid. A spitting image of his father (which is one of those hindsight things - could I really have been that blind??) Despite all of it, I thought that we could work things out so I tried to talk to him about it, but he flew off the handle and hasn't come back down yet. He thinks he's perfect and can do no wrong (and it doesn't help that his self-righteous family is backing him up, telling him it's all my fault and that he shouldn't have to do anything to fix our marriage). So after a few months of drama, I've seen the light. I'm not going to stay in a relationship where my happiness is secondary to...well, to everything else. I'm looking forward to a happier future and a happier me.

I lurked on TN a lot and found SO to be very helpful (and very funny). So here I am!

[justbreathe]

Another long time lurker here. My situation is a bit different than others, but still find the starting over board extremely helpful. I lost my husband this past October and have recently found the starting over board. I joined the knot back in 2005 when I was planning my wedding and have posted off and on the nest. I have tried joining some young widow forums, but find myself lurking on this board more often. I look forward to getting to know you ladies

[halfbrit]

Hi Ladies!

I married my EX-H in 2004 and the divorce was final in June 2007. It was an extreme period of growth and readjustment for me but I'm glad to say that I have come out of the other side and am positive that I made the right decision.

I remarried in March 2010 and have a 19-month-old son with DH. My DH also had a short marriage in his early 20s.

I look forward to getting to know you all!