How old to expect independence in the AM?

[vanillacourage]

DS1 gets up around 7:30 on weekends and tiptoes into our room to gently wake us up with hugs and kisses (lolyeahright). Anyway, DH thinks he's old enough to get up and be on his own until we're up. So, go to the bathroom very first thing, get his own breakfast and drink, turn on a show or something and play quietly with his toys without waking up his brother or burning the house down. I say, well, lolyeahright, plus he loves us and wants us to play with him or snuggle with him while he watches a movie. WDYT? He's 4.5.

[Deleted]

I think he's old enough to play quietly in his room until 8, then wake you gently (yeahright). I think expecting him to make his own breakfast and drink unsupervised is a stretch, and will result in a carton of OJ all over the floor or some similar disaster. IMHO, I think 7:30-8 is a pretty reasonable morning parents-get-up time for having kids. It's not 5am like lots of moms.

[vanillacourage]

I know! Some of my friends have kids who are up for the day at 5am. Omg.

And also, the baby still gets up once/night so we rotate, and on weekends the person who wasn't up with the baby is supposed to get up with DS while the other sleeps in until 9 or 9:30. So it's only once/weekend he'd have to get up, but twice this break he's given DS1 such a hard time that I've just gotten up. Not ok DH!

[lindyanne]

I think my nephew was probably doing that around that age (he is 12 now so it's been awhile). He was always bigger which helped him do things though. Can you get his juice cup and cup of Cheerios or whatever ready so all he has to do is get them off the counter/out of the fridge? That's really the main mess I would worry about.

[ECB]

DS just turned 4. I think we could probably encourage him to play quietly for awhile. Heck- he actually comes in our room and snuggles w/ us for a bit, then will go off and play and let us "wake up" for awhile. So.... he's kind of doing it.

But I really don't think he'd have the patience to do all that by himself. He's good at entertaining himself - but he reaches a point where he doesn't want to bealone, and much less in the morning. He WANTS to see us first thing.

[savannah11]

DS is almost 6 and I feel he could manage it if he didn't need breakfast. He has a clock in his room and we've told him he can't come out until 6 am. Then he usually comes into our room and asks to go downstairs where he will wait for one of us to come down.

The problem is that he always wants to eat right away and he can't get his own bowl of cereal yet. I think we need another year for that. Also, I'm not sure how long he would be happy downstairs by himself.

[CloudBee]

At 3-4 I was allowed to get up alone and either stay in my room or sit on the couch/quietly sit in the living room. There were things like granola bars that I had access to. They were in a bottom drawer in the kitchen. I don't remember being able/allowed to get my own drink until I was older, though.

Oh wait, we had dixie cups in the bathroom. I was allowed to get my own water.

[Becca]

I have a basket in front of our basement TV that has juicy juice boxes, and ziploc bags of various cereal. In the am, I get up, shower and start getting ready. Once DD wakes up, she comes downstairs and watches TV/eats until I am ready, and then I help her get ready. She is 4, and it works for us.

[zacksbride]

For about a year we have told DS that when he gets up he can play in his room and read books. He is not allowed to leave his room until we get him, and he actually listens. He gets up at 7, and we usually get him at 9 on the weekends. Works great for us!

[nonsenseabound]

730 is reasonable wake up time. I would be worried about anything involving the kitchen unsupervised.

Heck, I'd be thrilled if my kids slept until 730. They are firmly in the earlier is better camp. Thank god for my husband who will pull himself out of bed at 6 am to watch the kids and let me sleep until 730/8

[Deleted]

My oldest is 4.5 and on the weekends he's pretty independent. Gets up, uses the bathroom, gets dressed, and goes in the playroom to play (I've already turned the tv on for him). Usually DH is sleeping and I'm downstairs getting breakfast ready.

He's capable of getting himself something to eat but I'd rather not chance the mess, lol.

[jinkies]

My son is also 4.5. I usually set him up in the living room with tv and breakfast, then go back upstairst to shower/ dress/ lay in bed a few more minutes. He could get his own food- we have a snack box that is just his- but probably not his own drink.

I love mornings where he finds books or trains in his room to play with for a while before coming to get me, but I don't expect it.

I think 7:30 is a pretty reasonable wake up time. I'd be more likely to try more drastic rules if he were getting up at 5 or 6 a.m.

[knitty]

I think it's going to be a lot older fr some kids. You need the intersection of trustworthiness, motor skills to pour the milk and cereal, and maturity to be alone in the house. Mine were both limited by their willingness to be alone, so once the younger was able to be trusted they could keep each other company.

[Deleted]

Maybe you could get a sippy of water/juice/milk and a ziploc of dry cereal and have it on the low shelf in the fridge (prep it the night before) so he can reach it? I don't know...I guess it depends on the kid. I realize I am no help.

Or you could get one of those Tot-Clocks and set the time so that he knows it's quiet time with the toys/books in his room until X:00 and he can come and wake you up then.

[fortmyersbride]

DS has been able to do weekend mornings by himself since about 3.5. He is an oddly independent and risk adverse kid though. When he gets up without us he'll usually eat dry Cheerios or a cereal bar plus water, he doesn't do any pouring on his own. He also knows how to work the remote in the family room so he usually has a snack then watches cartoons while playing with toys. It doesn't happen too often though as he isn't a terribly early riser, most days he doesn't wake up until 8 or 8:30 on his own.

The one thing he has done without coming to get us that bothered me was climbing in DD's crib. DH and I were both in our room showering and getting ready. DS decided he wanted to go snuggle his sis. While I appreciate the sentiment, it made me very nervous to think of him climbing in and out of a crib, and potentially trying to take his sister with him.

[Willis Jackson]

Dec 30, 2012 11:47:59 GMT -5 fortmyersbride said:

The one thing he has done without coming to get us that bothered me was climbing in DD's crib. DH and I were both in our room showering and getting ready. DS decided he wanted to go snuggle his sis. While I appreciate the sentiment, it made me very nervous to think of him climbing in and out of a crib, and potentially trying to take his sister with him.

This is one reason my kids don't share a room. DS would totally climb in there with DD.

[schrodinger]

SD1 was around 5.5 when we started trusting her with more independence in the morning. She is pretty flighty, I think SD2 could have handled the same level of independence around 4 or so. Bowls with cereal were laid out the night before, and we put cups with milk on the lowest shelf of the fridge. We left the TV tuned to one of the kids channels and taught them how to just turn it on (make sure the volume is low enough!). They were pretty quick to take to the independence, although we're pretty sure they were sneaking fruit snacks and other treats Well worth it!

Funny story about forgetting to change the channel before going to bed: We left the TV tuned to something that had infomercials on Sunday morning. When DH and I got out of bed, SD1 was sitting on the couch with her eyes wide open. When she saw us, she sprinted over and yells "DAD, we have to get a Ninja Blender! Can I have one for Christmas, the Ninja Blenders are AWESOME!!!" To this day she still has a thing for picking out the Ninja Blender when we go shopping.

[fortmyersbride]

Dec 30, 2012 11:55:17 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

Dec 30, 2012 11:47:59 GMT -5 fortmyersbride said:

The one thing he has done without coming to get us that bothered me was climbing in DD's crib. DH and I were both in our room showering and getting ready. DS decided he wanted to go snuggle his sis. While I appreciate the sentiment, it made me very nervous to think of him climbing in and out of a crib, and potentially trying to take his sister with him.

This is one reason my kids don't share a room. DS would totally climb in there with DD.

Yeah, their rooms aren't even on the same floor. DS still opened the door to her room, brought a stepstool in, and hopped in the crib. We had to have a very stern conversation after that about staying out of DD's crib.

[liveintheville]

Mine get up around 5. One of us gets up with them. Kid 1, age 5, is self sufficient. Even Kid 2, age 2, could grab cereal and get water and turn on the tv. BUT they are not to be trusted. They get curious and "experiment" (their word) when left unattended. The most recent involved many cups, water, and chocolate syrup being combined in different combinations in their bedroom.

[whitepicketfence]

I don't know; 4.5 still seems awfully young for all that. At that age, I think it's fine to expect him to play independantly for awhile but to expect him to get his own breakfast? I would think that would be more realistic at around 6-7 years old.

[fortmyersbride]

Dec 30, 2012 12:27:21 GMT -5 liveintheville said:

Mine get up around 5. One of us gets up with them. Kid 1, age 5, is self sufficient. Even Kid 2, age 2, could grab cereal and get water and turn on the tv. BUT they are not to be trusted. They get curious and "experiment" (their word) when left unattended. The most recent involved many cups, water, and chocolate syrup being combined in different combinations in their bedroom.

Yikes. Yeah I think as soon as DD is out of the crib we'll be supervising her until she's 15 . She is definitely my mischievous child.

[dragonfly08]

At 4.5 my kids were fine occupying themselves for at least a while. Admittedly, DD #1 was more trustworthy and able to keep busy without attention than DD #2, but she managed. The only sticking point was breakfast, since back then #1 was a kid who likeds/needed to eat right away. I just left a cup of milk in the fridge and a granola bar or something on the counter before going to bed and she knew if she got up before me and was hungry she could snack on that until a full breakfast was ready.

[cinco]

My 4.5 year old can manage, but only because my 6 year old is there helping out. They made me (frozen) waffles for breakfast today I am an early riser though, so I'm listening even if I'm not helping. Leaving out snacks is a good idea.

[knitty]

Dec 30, 2012 10:01:36 GMT -5 @savannah11 said:

DS is almost 6 and I feel he could manage it if he didn't need breakfast. He has a clock in his room and we've told him he can't come out until 6 am. Then he usually comes into our room and asks to go downstairs where he will wait for one of us to come down.

The problem is that he always wants to eat right away and he can't get his own bowl of cereal yet. I think we need another year for that. Also, I'm not sure how long he would be happy downstairs by himself.

What I did was put about a litre of milk in a plastic bottle in the fridge, so they could pour it themselves. I also put scoops in the cereal to reduce wastage due to overpouring. Apart from the weight of a big bottle of milk I would expect any neurotypical four year old to be able to get themselves a bowl of cereal.

[pacificrules]

You could have something out or semi-prepped for him to eat (i.e.: a breakfast bar on the counter, or a bowl of cereal poured and a cup of milk on the lowest shelf in the fridge). I think at 4.5, he could be expected to have a little independence. If he wants to see you, maybe he could be allowed to come in and give you a kiss, but then go downstairs to eat and play.

[savannah11]

Dec 30, 2012 17:24:48 GMT -5 knitty said:

Dec 30, 2012 10:01:36 GMT -5 @savannah11 said:

DS is almost 6 and I feel he could manage it if he didn't need breakfast. He has a clock in his room and we've told him he can't come out until 6 am. Then he usually comes into our room and asks to go downstairs where he will wait for one of us to come down.

The problem is that he always wants to eat right away and he can't get his own bowl of cereal yet. I think we need another year for that. Also, I'm not sure how long he would be happy downstairs by himself.

What I did was put about a litre of milk in a plastic bottle in the fridge, so they could pour it themselves. I also put scoops in the cereal to reduce wastage due to overpouring. Apart from the weight of a big bottle of milk I would expect any neurotypical four year old to be able to get themselves a bowl of cereal.

Yeah, we'd also have to take the bowls off the top shelf of the cabinet and the cereal off the top of the pantry. I admit we haven't exactly set him up for success in that area and he could probably do it otherwise.

We also have a 3 year old who gets up at the same time so I haven't pushed morning independence yet. Ask me again in 2 years.