Ferber w 4 month old

[daisybuchannan]

Has anyone had success with starting ferber's methods at 4 months?

I'm reading it now and realizing that his sleep associations are likely what causes his very frequent wakings; we rock him to sleep with the paci until he's out, so when he wakes up in his crib without the paci it makes sense that he cries until we start the rocking process again.

My pedi suggests starting as early as 4 months, allowing a feed in the middle of the night if you still think they need it (I will feed him once if he wakes).

At my wit's end with such little sleep! He does a 3-5 (usually 3 though) stretch in the beginning of the night and then it all goes to shit from there, up pretty much every hour with us rocking him.

[gibbinator]

I believe 4mo is considered the earliest age to start any sleep training and CIO methods. Really only you know if he's ready. I totally get the frustration, ds has had a similar sleep schedule the last 2 months and I'm starting to get desperate. Hope he starts sleeping for you

[Deleted]

We used Ferber to get DD down to just one feeding a night when she was 4 months (but closer to 5 months than 4). It worked well but we were prepared for it not to because she was so young.

[pugz]

do you have white noise?

[justjen]

I'm right there with you, Daisy. I haven't read the book yet, so it probably won't actually happen until she's 5 months. But something's got to give soon. She's up almost every hour.

[daisybuchannan]

Thanks for the input!

We do use white noise, swaddle, paci, the works, lol.

I'm not opposed to feeding him once in the middle of the night- I actually expect to. He just doesn't know how to go back down and from his first waking on, its unbearable.

[auntie]

Dec 30, 2012 12:30:18 GMT -5 daisybuchannan said:

Has anyone had success with starting ferber's methods at 4 months?

I'm reading it now and realizing that his sleep associations are likely what causes his very frequent wakings; we rock him to sleep with the paci until he's out, so when he wakes up in his crib without the paci it makes sense that he cries until we start the rocking process again.

My pedi suggests starting as early as 4 months, allowing a feed in the middle of the night if you still think they need it (I will feed him once if he wakes).

At my wit's end with such little sleep! He does a 3-5 (usually 3 though) stretch in the beginning of the night and then it all goes to shit from there, up pretty much every hour with us rocking him.

We did Ferber at about that age. My pedi suggested 4 months as ideal because it's harder when they have the bandwidth to protest by standing in the crib calling for you.

DS was BF, so even though he learned to self sooth and go to sleep independently of us, he still initially woke twice in the night to nurse. Bedtime 8pm, with feeds at 1am and 3:30am. Over time, he started waking closer to 2:30 and sleeping until 8am. By 9 months he truly STTN.

[daisybuchannan]

I'm probably going to wait until his 4 month pedi appointment so I can bounce more q's off of her, but I'm pretty sure we're going to end up going this route.

Chloe- if you used the method of putting him down drowsy, not sleeping, but didn't let him cry, what did you do when he did cry? Or did they really go to sleep on their own?

I'd like to try the "drowsy but awake" but don't want to half ass it and end up rocking him. Ferber says not to do it unless you're committed....basically if you end up rocking them back to sleep you've let them cry for no reason/without benefit.

[water*drop]

Dec 30, 2012 13:41:50 GMT -5 @msstarry said:

pugz - I think Ferber is anti white noise or any other sleep aids. He seems opposite to a lot of happiest baby on the block stuff 75 pages in.

I ignored that part of Ferber...but DH requires a fan to sleep, so maybe Ferber is on to something. (Seriously, we travel with a mini fan...)

[pugz]

Squirms can sleep without white noise, but it helps her settle down and helps her fall asleep when she stirs at night.

[gibbinator]

I like the fan because it masks noises dh and I make since we're still cosleeping

[dochas]

I thought 6 months was the absolute earliest that was recommended for? It's been a while since I read the book though. It says 4 months in the book?

[daisybuchannan]

He says a baby from 3-4 months should be able to soothe themselves back to sleep. He doesn't explicitly say "start at ____ age"

[pugz]

HBOTB 4 LYFE!

[Deleted]

Cosleeping was the best way for me to maximize sleep at that point. I did some Ferber at 6 months so he could go to sleep on his own, but we continued to be up at night until 18 months.

[niki]

Dec 30, 2012 17:53:25 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Four months seems really early for sleep training. Sleep at that age sucks and I'm not sure there's a ton you can do about it.

I agree. 4 months is just *so* young. I hate it when people play the emotion card on this issue, but I can't help it. Imagining my tiny baby crying it out at 4 months makes my heart hurt. I couldn't do it until 10 months, and even then, I didn't feel good about it.

[justjen]

Damn you all for playing to my conscience, lol. Mamma wants to sleep for longer than 50 minutes at a stretch!

[Deleted]

Dec 30, 2012 20:07:24 GMT -5 justjen said:

Damn you all for playing to my conscience, lol. Mamma wants to sleep for longer than 50 minutes at a stretch!

You're entitled to! Just for the record, I don't think it is bad or damaging at all to the baby at 4 months to receive nearly 24 hours of love and care a day and be allowed to cry a little at 2- to 5- or even 10-minute intervals. Ferber agrees; the main issue with doing it young is not one of cruelty to the baby but simply of them being too young to actually be able to self-soothe. BUT, you should never do anything you are not 100% comfortable with.

Can your DH give a relief bottle (if you are breastfeeding) or soothe without feeding during some of the nighttime wakeups? Having an extremely overtired mom isn't great for the baby, either.

I hope you get some good rest soon.

[water*drop]

Dec 30, 2012 20:07:24 GMT -5 justjen said:

Damn you all for playing to my conscience, lol. Mamma wants to sleep for longer than 50 minutes at a stretch!

My DD was like this from 3.5 months until a couple of weeks ago. Eventually I started having DH do all night wakings on the weekends (bringing DD to me if it'd been at least 4 hours since she last ate) and any waking that was within an hour of her last feeding during the week (during the week we just wanted the path of least resistance, so I kept most of the night wakings because nursing her got her - and therefore us - back to sleep faster). That helped a lot with the sleep deprivation without making me feel guilty, although it's still not a substitute for truly uninterrupted sleep.

Good luck!

ETA: We started working on breaking sleep associations a few weeks ago without CIO. DD nurses to sleep, and I didn't stop that, but now instead of waiting until she's in a deep sleep, I move her as soon as she falls asleep. She wakes up enough to know she's in the crib, but she falls asleep within a minute or two. If she starts screaming when I put her down, I'll rock her to get her back to just barely asleep and move her again. At first I had to do that a few times, but lately she's done really well with going back to sleep the first time. We do the same thing overnight. She does still freak out about the pacifier sometimes, but sometimes she falls asleep without it and is fine, so I'm waiting to see if that is really a problem because I really don't want to deal with that one right now.

[dochas]

Dec 30, 2012 21:40:54 GMT -5 water*drop said:

Dec 30, 2012 20:07:24 GMT -5 justjen said:

Damn you all for playing to my conscience, lol. Mamma wants to sleep for longer than 50 minutes at a stretch!

My DD was like this from 3.5 months until a couple of weeks ago. Eventually I started having DH do all night wakings on the weekends (bringing DD to me if it'd been at least 4 hours since she last ate) and any waking that was within an hour of her last feeding during the week (during the week we just wanted the path of least resistance, so I kept most of the night wakings because nursing her got her - and therefore us - back to sleep faster). That helped a lot with the sleep deprivation without making me feel guilty, although it's still not a substitute for truly uninterrupted sleep.

Good luck!

ETA: We started working on breaking sleep associations a few weeks ago without CIO. DD nurses to sleep, and I didn't stop that, but now instead of waiting until she's in a deep sleep, I move her as soon as she falls asleep. She wakes up enough to know she's in the crib, but she falls asleep within a minute or two. If she starts screaming when I put her down, I'll rock her to get her back to just barely asleep and move her again. At first I had to do that a few times, but lately she's done really well with going back to sleep the first time. We do the same thing overnight. She does still freak out about the pacifier sometimes, but sometimes she falls asleep without it and is fine, so I'm waiting to see if that is really a problem because I really don't want to deal with that one right now.

:Y: :Y: :Y: :Y:

[froggy76]

Months 4-5 suck for sleep. I kinda sorta tried sleep training at that point and I couldn't bear to hear her crying. I still feel guilty about it. I did try to soothe her without picking her up or feeding her (she had previously dropped night feedings already) and maybe that helped a little bit because she went back to being the world's best sleeper around 6 months.

[dcrunnergirl]

Dec 31, 2012 1:54:40 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I'm not trying to play into mama guilt, I promise you. But four months is well known for being horrid for sleep and I'm not sure sleep training would do much more than stress everyone put.

I know Lu's sleep was shit between four and five months but it got a lot better after that (still up ever 3-5 hours, but not hourly).

Hang in there. Sleep deprivation is hell on earth.

I agree with this. Months 4-6 were the absolute worst for us. Horrible. Neither kid slept and we were all completely miserable. Things got so much better at 6 months. I tried Ferber around 5 months and they just weren't ready yet. They needed to get through the sleep regression and 6 month growth spurt first.

[huskymom]

I don't think much helps with the 4 month wakeful. Except maybe wine.