How are your kids with their grandparents?

[idoinjuly]

My daughter is so indifferent towards her grandparents (both sides) and her great grandparents. Like, she almost even seems annoyed with them sometimes. We are trying to teach her to be respectful, and she is for the most part, but she won't answer them a lot of times. They all love her and play with her, so it's not an issue of them not being involved.
My inlaws and grandparents in law just moved here to be closer to their grandchildren and my daughter will barely give them the time of day. lol.

[jaylea]

Mine love both sets - but they have always been nearby and a big part of my kids' lives.

Maybe it's just an adjustment thing, and your daughter needs to build a relationship now that she sees them more?

[idoinjuly]

She is the same with my mom and my mom is pretty much obsessed with her and ds. It's like the more a person loves her, the more she's like "back off!". We see my mom often. At least twice a week and it's been that way her whole life.

[cleo29]

C loves my mom, but she sees her at least two times a week. They have C and Abi time. She used to be indifferent to H's parents but after our visit there in the fall, she is all about them and cries about wanting to go to their house.

Just give her time and I would let them do things with her when it is just them.

[tigress]

My DD loves her grandparents (my parents). When they visit, she wants to play with them all the time. She has only seen my H's parents a handful of times as they are in Kenya, but when she has seen them she was good with them. Its almost been 1.5 years though since she saw them last. But when meeting new people she warms up to them quickly so I would guess she would be good with them too.

[Deleted]

I bet she just has a more reserved personality. Ds is crazy social and pretty much tackles all of his grandparents on sight. I'll get back to you when Dd develops an opinion.

[greylady]

My daughter loves my parents and grandfather beyond words. They are extremely demonstrative with affection and she sees them often. Her other grandparents, she sees less often, and they are more about getting the perfect photo than actually engaging with her. She's rather meh about them. Plus she's going through a stranger danger phase so that doesn't help.

Give it time, I bet she warms up.

[keeks]

Ds is super close to my in laws. They watch him two days a week.

My parent live four hours away. We try to have talk to each of them at least once a week. He is a bit shy when he first sees my mom but is all over my dad when we see him.

[idoinjuly]

May 29, 2012 7:52:07 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

I bet she just has a more reserved personality. Ds is crazy social and pretty much tackles all of his grandparents on sight. I'll get back to you when Dd develops an opinion.

See, she is totally not reserved at all. She is over the top affectionate with her cousins and friends and dh and I. She loves to hug and snuggle. She's so happy and outgoing.

[nahoku]

Is that how she is with all other relatives, like aunts and uncles or even close family friends? I agree with a PP - maybe she is just more reserved and/or shy?

My kids get along great with our parents. They're a little more comfortable with my parents just because they see each other more frequently.

[evee]

DS adores his grand parents. When we're with the grandparents, I don't exist. Well except to correct him if he's acting up or if he get's hurt. Then it's all mommy time.

[Deleted]

May 29, 2012 7:55:22 GMT -5 idoinjuly said:

May 29, 2012 7:52:07 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

I bet she just has a more reserved personality. Ds is crazy social and pretty much tackles all of his grandparents on sight. I'll get back to you when Dd develops an opinion.

See, she is totally not reserved at all. She is over the top affectionate with her cousins and friends and dh and I. She loves to hug and snuggle. She's so happy and outgoing.

Hmm. Could she be intimidated by their appearance, since they're older? Is she around any other not so young folks?

[idoinjuly]

I don't know. They used to come visit fairly often before they moved here and she was a lot better with them. She has been iffy with my mom for a while now, but it's been a downhill progression with the inlaws. She used to love being around them and now we are where we are.

[Deleted]

do they talk a lot, or not a lot? do they use baby voice? L clams up when one her grandparents (cough cough fil cough cough) uses this incessant sing-songy weirdo voice to speak to her. i think she's freaked out because no one else talks to her that way.

are they physically with it? L is much more responsive when her grandparents (any one of the 4 of them) are right at her level, playing on the floor, sitting at the table all together, etc. i have a friend who always tries to talk to L from a distance (you know, standing up, from across the room, etc.) and L side-eyes him like a mofo.


in any event, i wouldn't worry about it too much. L wouldn't give my mom the time of day until she was a year old and was OBSESSED with my dad. at their last visit it was all nonna all the time, and she couldn't have given a rat's pitoot if my dad was in the room.

[cleo29]

Are you always all together when they visit? I really think them getting one on one time with her could help a lot.

[idoinjuly]

May 29, 2012 8:02:53 GMT -5 cville said:

do they talk a lot, or not a lot? do they use baby voice? L clams up when one her grandparents (cough cough fil cough cough) uses this incessant sing-songy weirdo voice to speak to her. i think she's freaked out because no one else talks to her that way.

are they physically with it? L is much more responsive when her grandparents (any one of the 4 of them) are right at her level, playing on the floor, sitting at the table all together, etc. i have a friend who always tries to talk to L from a distance (you know, standing up, from across the room, etc.) and L side-eyes him like a mofo.


in any event, i wouldn't worry about it too much. L wouldn't give my mom the time of day until she was a year old and was OBSESSED with my dad. at their last visit it was all nonna all the time, and she couldn't have given a rat's pitoot if my dad was in the room.

No, they don't use wierd voices. I feel like they give both kids a good balance between being all up in their grill and giving them their space. They get on the floor and play with them and are very kind to them. My FIL gets too rough with her sometimes and she hates that, but that's the only obviously annoying thing that is done.

[Deleted]

well, ido. i'm sorry to tell you. your daughter hates the olds.

i guess in the future, if she needs to do some community service work to get her high school diploma, she shouldn't volunteer at a retirement community.

it'll probably ebb and flow. and if they're not bff now, maybe she'll be all into them when she gets older. i was my grandfather's shadow from the time i was about 5 until i was about 12 or 13.

[idoinjuly]

May 29, 2012 8:02:58 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

Are you always all together when they visit? I really think them getting one on one time with her could help a lot.

Yes. That's kind of a sore subject right now, I think. DD is going through a very clingy phase with me and doesn't want ANYONE to watch her. My MIL watched them for a few hours the other day while we ran birthday party errands. When dd saw her when she woke up from her nap, she started crying. Anytime they want to do something with her/for her, she says "no, mommy". They were talking about GMIL and MIL having a girls day with her and she says "and mommy".

[hubes]

T is obsessed with H's parent and with his Meemaw (my grandma). He's only so-so with my parents.

How do you feel about them? Could she be picking up on that?

[eddy]

He is very in love with both sets. He can be a tad indifferent to my MIL as she is very pushy. You know one of those "come give grandma a kiss" stuffy types. So we do have talks with him a lot before we see them about being polite and loving to her. Otherwise he has a great relationship with both and I am so grateful for it.

[eddy]

May 29, 2012 7:48:40 GMT -5 idoinjuly said:

She is the same with my mom and my mom is pretty much obsessed with her and ds. It's like the more a person loves her, the more she's like "back off!". We see my mom often. At least twice a week and it's been that way her whole life.

Jack is very much like this. He likes things to be on his terms. This is especially true with greetings. This is why he struggles with MIL a bit because she is so in his face the moment they see each other. I don't know how to correct it though because I can't tell MIL to back off and not be herself. But it is also hard to teach a 4 year old. And I get it because I am the exact same way so I sympathize with him.

[idoinjuly]

May 29, 2012 8:08:24 GMT -5 hubes said:

T is obsessed with H's parent and with his Meemaw (my grandma). He's only so-so with my parents.

How do you feel about them? Could she be picking up on that?

I love them! I take the kids to see them without dh. We get along really well.

[cleo29]

May 29, 2012 8:07:34 GMT -5 idoinjuly said:

May 29, 2012 8:02:58 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

Are you always all together when they visit? I really think them getting one on one time with her could help a lot.

Yes. That's kind of a sore subject right now, I think. DD is going through a very clingy phase with me and doesn't want ANYONE to watch her. My MIL watched them for a few hours the other day while we ran birthday party errands. When dd saw her when she woke up from her nap, she started crying. Anytime they want to do something with her/for her, she says "no, mommy". They were talking about GMIL and MIL having a girls day with her and she says "and mommy".

Hmmm, my only other suggestion is to have them there when she goes down for her nap. C was really, really clingy before I had the baby and then she stayed with my mom the day I went into labor and she kind of did a backslide. After I came home she would run screaming if my mom came by thinking that she was going to take her away.

SHe got over it with time and is back to going to my mom's house two days a week and being excited to see her. I do think the more time she gets with them and you not you around, is good, but I would not want to push that too much either.

Oh and C totally freaks out at older people in wheel chairs. It's a little embarrassing. lol

[ecupirate04]

May 29, 2012 8:10:19 GMT -5 eddy said:

May 29, 2012 7:48:40 GMT -5 idoinjuly said:

She is the same with my mom and my mom is pretty much obsessed with her and ds. It's like the more a person loves her, the more she's like "back off!". We see my mom often. At least twice a week and it's been that way her whole life.

Jack is very much like this. He likes things to be on his terms. This is especially true with greetings. This is why he struggles with MIL a bit because she is so in his face the moment they see each other. I don't know how to correct it though because I can't tell MIL to back off and not be herself. But it is also hard to teach a 4 year old. And I get it because I am the exact same way so I sympathize with him.

I'm 29 with a kid of my own and this still describes my personality to a T.

I'll come around if you just let me get a grip on my surroundings first and warm up a bit so to speak. Then I'll talk to you forever.

But that in your face, question, question, hug, touching me, etc. makes me cringe and want to run away. I'm just not like that.

Your kid may grow out of it. Or not

[Deleted]

My DS loves his grandparents, but they are pretty involved, or as involved as they can be from 4 hours away. I never had a close relationship with either set of grandparents and they kept at arm's reach, so it is cool to me that he is able to have a great relationship with his. My mom and MIL go over the top with gift buying, so I think that helped break the ice with their relationship to some extent, as messed up as that sounds.

[statlerwaldorf]

DD doesn't see them a lot, but she warms up to them quickly. However, she is usually more interested in my teenage relatives for some reason.