Hi everyone, and welcome 2013. Hope everyone had a good holiday week. Mine started out so good....and then turned so bad.
I traveled 400 miles on Christmas eve to be with my family on Christmas Day (first time in 20 years this has happened but my husband felt strongly that we needed to grieve our first Christmas without Jonathan together). Made it to my parents house with ease, had a nice evening sharing stories and shedding tears together. Then at 11:30am on Christmas day I fractured my left ankle getting out of the car after church...i slipped on snow covered grass and my foot ended up facing out in the wrong direction....it was frightening and i knew it was badly broken. And it had to happen in my parents front yard, with them watching. I felt like i was watching a movie where you see something crazy like your foot completely turned. My husband was by my side in seconds and he actually pushed my foot back quickly. Jesus....I was (and still feel) so horrible about doing this on this day of all days, when family was all gathering waiting for us to arrive! We headed to the nearest hospital emerg room and they confirmed it was a serious break. I already knew in my heart, i heard the crack when I fell. 2.5 hours later I had a soft cast and a cd of xrays and did manage to get to my family for a few precious hours on Christmas.
Hubby raced home from RI to Baltimore early Wednesday am while I got on the phone and found an ortho dr at the hospital where my husband just had his back surgery last month. He saw me Wednesday pm and took approx 30 seconds to deliver the bad news. I had to have emergengy surgery the next day ..... Crap. Not my plan but it was just an accident. I sobbed and sobbed about ruining Christmas....especially this one, my first without my son :-( I am home and looking at several weeks off my feet. My husband calls me the bionic woman with what they had to do to fix me up.
So......2013, bring it on. Please.
Sorry for my long post. I know there is nothing i can do, and this could have been so much worse.
Love to all......happy new year! I hope it is full of joy and peace for all of you.
Diane
I wish us all peace in 2013. I am so ready to say good bye to 2012.
Oh, Diane! I am sorry to hear. One thing I appreciate with your posts is that even when bad things happen, you are always so positive. That is awesome. Your H also seems like a good guy.
Oh man. 2012 didn't cut you any breaks! I hope that you will still hold your head up high, especially about your son and the great mom you were to him. I hope that you recover quickly- and don't for one second think that your accident ruined anyone's Christmas! Your husband sounds like he is so good to you. I know this year will be better for you! Hang in there, friend.
Hon, I know empathy's not my strong suit, so this will across as pretty brusque, but I think your grief is coloring this situation pretty significantly. All you did was slip on the ice. It was an accident. It didn't ruin anyone's Christmas. You didn't ruin anyone's Christmas. It wasn't a horrible end to the year. It was just an accident. People slip and fall on the ice all the time. Have you been in to see a counselor lately? I think it would help. Hugs for a better 2013.
I feel your pain on the injury... I fell randomly and shattered my leg in multiple places on July 4, literally minutes after flying in to pack our old house up and move. I was in the hospital for 4 days, had surgery, yada yada. It put a damper on all our plans - and certanly made that holiday memorable! I was wheelchair bound for quite a while if you need/want any tips on living without much mobility - just let me know.
I also want to echo what Tarheels said... I'd really encourage you to find someone to talk to (if you haven't already). You've experienced significant grief and it's multiplying this accident so much more than it is. The recovery ahead isn't easy and your emotions could run away from you... just think about it. Talk therapy can be so good for the soul.
Oh Honey! I feel so awful for you. Life has handed you a pretty raw deal these past couple months. I have no words but a lot of sympathy for you. Hang in there. I want to smack people who tell me "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but it's so true. It's amazing what can push through. And I agree with THR. No need for the guilt. It was an accident. Stuff happens every day. You didn't mean to. Christmas wasn't ruined, I promise. Look at the bright, you now have a lot of downtime to catch up on TV, books or whatever easy activity you love.
Thanks everyone.....just to clarify .....I am going to a grief counselor as well as attending biweekly meetings with other parents who have lost a child. I also have a plethora of books on grief that I have read. Some are good....some are not. I am looking forward to getting past the last of the "firsts" coming up....and his angel date (March 1st). And I know it was an accident and I didn't ruin Christmas. But in that moment I did feel angry with myself for not being more careful. Lesson learned
I hope to have much more positive things to post about in 2013!