FAQs

[drloretta]

I'm going to do this the hard way, since I hear there's a virus floating around TB and I don't want to just link to posts.

So here goes:

1. Where do I start?
There are a variety of books available, including:

"You Can Adopt, An Adoptive Families Guide" by Susan Caughman and Isolde Motley

Introductory books like Adoption for Dummies, the Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption, The Complete Adoption Book, etc. They tend to give a good overview of the different types of adoption (domestic, international, foster/adopt), the different ways to adopt (agency, law firm, facilitator), and some of the issues you may encounter along the way.

You can also "attend" online or phone seminars that cover adoption issues. Resolve.org has podcasts. Some local agencies may have classes on their websites that you can sign up for.

Start looking into adoption agencies. Ask other adoptive families you know what their experience was with their agency and whether they would recomend them. If possible, include families I knew who had successful adoptions as well as the ones I knew that were still on the wait list. Once you narrow them down, sign up for some information meetings to get a better feel for the agency and which program might be right for you.

Once you've become comfortable with the process, start calling agencies, firms, or facilitators. You can often get a good idea of whether they're right for you just from that initial discussion.

And don't necessarily limit yourself to your area or state. There are regional and national agencies, law firms that will work with people in different states, etc.

If you decide that domestic adoption is right for your family, you’ll need to find a good agency, facilitator, or lawyer. I highly recommend researching any agency you are considering to make sure it abides by ethical standards. For domestic agencies, a great place to look them up is on the yahoo group called "AARD" (Adoption Agency Research – Domestic). That group is dedicated to giving honest feedback on agencies. You can ask about the agencies you are interested in directly, and also search their archives and files.

If you choose international, you’ll then need to pick from which country. The US Department of State's website lists the requirements to adopt from each country (http://adoption.state.gov/). Once you've made your country choice, you'll need to find an agency that has a program specializing in adoptions from that country. The yahoo group "Adoption Agency Research" is a phenomenal resource for vetting agencies, and works the same way as “AARD.”

If you chose foster care, you may want to investigate if your state allows foster through private agencies, and if so, which is best for you.

adoptivefamilies.com/ has helpful links

2. How much does adoption cost?
The cost can vary from free to upwards of $40,000; it all depends on the particular program you pursue. Generally, foster care is cheapest and international adoption tends to be the most expensive, but this is not a set rule.

It's best to ask detailed questions of any program you are considering, including what specific fees and costs are excluded from any price lists you are given. This is very important, as some agencies will only list their fees or fees paid through them on their price lists, but your costs might be as much as double those disclosed amounts.

This link can help with figuring out costs:
www.adoptivefamilies.com/adoption-cost.php

3. What are the different types of adoption, and what are the pros and cons of each?
For this question, I think it might be best if people listed the reasons they, personally decided for/against various programs, and an answer is complied from the responses. It might be the best way to get all the key points out there.

With that in mind, here's why we chose international:

1. We have always wanted to adopt, and have not TTC. As such, we wanted to make sure that the child we were adopting wasn’t likely to have other hopeful parents vying to bring them home. This lead us to toddler/”older child” adoption, between the ages of 2-6. (We were open to children with a list of possible disabilities/medical concerns or two relatively healthy siblings.) Still, we had concerns about the US foster care system, and how much trauma a child who was not given up for adoption at birth might have been exposed to prior to being available for adoption. As such, we thought it might be best to look internationally.

2. If we did adopt domestically, it would most likely have been an infant adoption, given our concerns about foster/adopt. To be honest, we feared a failed match.

3. We also had concerns of our child’s family requesting financial assistance long after the adoption is final.

4. We are so excited to be expanding our family’s cultural heritage!

5. There are many very poor nations in which families simply cannot support their children. It's heartbreaking; we have been so blessed, and have so much to give, we wanted to share it with children who might not otherwise get such a chance.

The 3 main categories of adoption are foster/adopt, domestic adoption, and international adoption.

There aren't really any pros and cons, it's what works for you and the reasons you decide to choose one over another.

Some people feel that foster/adopt is something they want to do, maybe becuase they hear about waiting children in foster care and feel they can provide a safe, nurturing home for children. They may have decided that domestic and international adoption is too expensive, or may not want to deal with the possibility of birthparents changing their mind (in domestic adoption) or don't want to adopt from another country. Or they may be turned off by the cost. Those who choose not to pursue foster/adopt may not feel they can handle the potential of abuse or neglect that may have been the reason a child ended up in foster care in the first place. Or if parental rights haven't been terminated for a foster child, they may not want to deal with the wait for that to happen.

Domestic adoption is usually the go-to type of adoption for those who want to raise an infant from birth. While it's possible to adopt an infant through the foster care system, it isn't as common. People may want to go through this route because they want to avoid the foster care system but still want to adopt domestically. The drawbacks to domestic adoption are that fees tend to be overwhelming for some people, and they may have issues with the adoption falling through (eg, birthparents changing their mind and deciding to parent either right before or right after the birth).

International adoption is approached by people for all sorts of reasons. Maybe one (or both) of the adoptive parents are of a particular heritage and want a child from that country. Or they just feel called to adopt internationally, perhaps talking to someone who did so and how well it has gone. They may want the experience of adopting without the risk of a birthparent changing their mind. International adoption may not be for you if the fees are overwhelming. In addition, some countries have closed down to US adoptions in recent years, or significantly increased their wait time unless you're willing to take a special needs child.

Best advice is to educate yourself on the different types of adoption and see what would work for your family and your situation.

Kinship adoption (note that pros are not intended to say that other types of adoption can't offer the same thing):

Pros - Baby stays connected with birth family and culture, known medical and family history

Cons - Creates challenging and sometimes confusing dual roles, unable to choose open/closed adoption, adoptive family may have to choose between their family and their child if conflict arises

4. How long does the adoption process take?
Every program is different. In many types of adoption, a child is placed with a family but the adoption does not become final for months (or in rare cases years) afterward, so many families count both, the time to placement and time to finalization. Sometimes placement can be very quick, while others wait a long time for a match. At the very least a homestudy must be completed, which generally takes at least 2 months (though it can be quicker or longer, depending on a lot of factors, some out of your control, some well within your control). After that, it completely depends on what type of adoption you are pursuing and how open you are to children with various backgrounds.

5. What kinds of requirements are there to adopt a child? Does the type of adoption change the requirements?
International adoption requirements vary by country.

This website has 46 countries (including US) and some general information & parent requirements for adopting in that country:

www.rainbowkids.com/countries/

For domestic adoption it can vary by agencies (some may have a minimum time married, some are open to singles and homosexual parents, some require APs to be religious, some may have age limits). For the most part, you have to pass the home study. That will include physicals, FBI and state background checks, home visits, personal interviews, and other paperwork.

6. Can birthmoms or adoptees post here?
The answer is an emphatic YES. We love to read about experiences from all members of the adoption triad, and all types of adoption (open vs closed, international vs domestic, etc.)

7. If I'm interested in foster care specifically, where do I start?
Check in with your state agency, as the process is state-specific. Be aware that the goal of foster care is to reunite the child with their birthfamily if at all possible, so this should be kept in mind. A state will typically require classes for prospective foster parents. Lilmufish has a blog link that discusses some myths and realities of foster care:
littlesundrops.blogspot.com/2009/06/myths-about-fostercare-or-adoption.html

Kinship adoption is similar to foster-adopt, except that you'd be looking at adopting a family member

8. Any adoption or adoption board terms I need to be aware of so I know what you're talking about?
Terms and abbreviations fall into 2 distinct categories. The adoption community emphasizes positive adoption language, which indicates respect and objectivity for members of the adoption triad. They include:

Birth parent vs Real Parent
Biological Parent vs Natural Parent
Biological/Birth Father vs Real Father
Biological/Birth Mother vs Real Mother
Parent vs Adoptive Parent
Birth Child or Biological Child vs Own Child
My Child vs Adopted Child
Was Adopted vs Is Adopted
Born to unmarried Parents vs Illegitimate
Made/Make an Adoption plan vs Give/Gave Away/Gave Up
Child placed for Adoption vs An Unwanted Child
Terminate Parental Rights vs Give up/Gave up
Court Termination vs Child Taken Away
To Parent vs Kept
Separated from Parents vs Abandoned, Deserted, Rejected
Making Contact with vs Reunion
Search for vs Track Down Parents
Permission to sign a release vs Disclosure
Inter country Adoption vs Foreign Adoption
Child from Abroad vs Foreign Child
Adoption Triad vs Adoption Triangle
Child with Special Needs vs Handicapped Child
Child who is Developmentally behind vs Retarded child


Abbreviations include:
PAP = Prospective adoptive parent
AP = Adoptive parent
BM- brithmom
BF- birthfather
DA- domestic adoption (DIA = domestic infant adoption)
IA- international adoption
TPR- Termination of Parental Rights
ICPC= Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children
E-Mom - Expectant Mom
FM/FD - Foster Mom/Dad
FS/FS - Foster Son/Daughter
CW - Caseworker
SW = social worker
HS = homestudy

9. Are there resources on drug/alcohol exposure and its effect on children we may be adopting?

Your local pediatrician
drugabuse.gov/tib/prenatal.html
www.adoptmed.org/storage/Prenatal%20Alcohol%20and%20Drug%20Exposures%20In%20Adoption%20-%20Davies%20%20Bledsoe.pdf
www.adoptmed.org/topics/prenatal-opiate-exposure.html
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org/342079/395427.html?*session*id*key*=*session*id*val*
emedicine.medscape.com/article/978492-overview
www.intoxikon.com/Pubs/Facts%20on%20FETAL%20DRUG%20EFFECTS_4_7_05.pdf

[Captain Serious]

You're a rockstar, Dr.L!

[drloretta]

Aw thanks ::blushes::

[Mrs.Slick]

:Y:

[pepino627]

very informative and helpful. THanks!