intro

[pepino627]

Hi All,
We are in the process of getting our dossier together for a china adoption.. minor or correctable special needs. After 2.5 years of fertility treatments and losses, we decided that this was the best route to start our family. We are excited but still emotionally guarded...I dont think I can possibly get attached to the idea unitil we got a live baby in our hands. And we can go bat sh!t crazy with excitement.

Heres where I need your input, ladies.
I feel like our friends think well, we are adopting now..so we should be super happy and "poof" forgot about our past. Which is extremely difficult to do. Regardless of how far we are in the process, we dont have children yet. And yes, Im gonna feel bitter and resentful that yet another friend expecting her third child. Just b/c we are adopting doesnt mean all those bitter resentful feelings just magically go away. They dont understand the implications of failed fertility treatments that have stuck with us..and while we are happy for our friends who are on their third children we still are sad for ourselves as we take over the mound of paperwork that comes with adoption. Eventually we will be parents..its a matter of when not if. But I find that its easy for everyone to make puppies and rainbows out of the adoption while in reality, I still feel like behind..just because we have submitted paerwork to adopt doent mean we have a child. It is not the same thing.
I guess it just sucks to be in the limbo stage. out of fertility onto adoption but not finalized yet..while everyone is on their third kid.

KWIM? Thanks for reading my vent. Looking forward to getting to know and supporting you too.

[drloretta]

Welcome.

What you're feeling is perfectly normal. But so many people who move onto adoption feel such a sense of relief and excitement, it's easy for people to focus on that and not on the residual sadness and heartache that comes with IF. If you're close enough to these people, it's perfectly OK to tell them that you're happy for them, but it's still hard for you with all you've been through. And it's OK to go through an active grieving process.

Hope to see you posting here often

[pepino627]

" The residual sadness and heartache that comes with IF" is perfectly said and makes me feel better that I can validate my feelings and not feel like Im going crazy.

Thanks, Drloretta.

[fostermomjax]

Welcome to the board (*)