SD dealing with homesickness

[datsyuksmommy]

SD is 3. She is with us EOWE and 1 ON each week. BM works full time, and does not have her in daycare. She spends the day with BM's mom's boyfriend's mom (GG) a half hour away from the town where BM and we live. She has some overnights with GG, and some with grandma. I don't know how much time she spends with BM, but I know that she is at least off work to be with her on the weekends.

The problem is that SD constantly misses her BM. Last night we were in the middle of playing with play-doh (which she calls tomatoes, I die!) when she just got really sad all of a sudden and said "I just really miss my mom." This has been an ongoing issue, but it's been getting worse. I feel so bad to see her so sad, but I don't think there is anything we can do for her. I wish she wasn't bounced around so much.

[StormyDixon]

my step kids are 12, 11, 9 and 8, have been with us 4 years now, they still have these moments. I don't think it ever goes away

[datsyuksmommy]

How do you console them? Right now I just explain it as she has a lot of grownups who love her and we all take turns, and right now it's daddy's turn but tomorrow will be mama's turn.

[stephbfan]

Have you maybe tried calling her mom so she can talk to her for a while.
DD lives with me and has visitation with her dad. Whenever she says that she misses him, I call him so they can talk for a while.

[StormyDixon]

This will sound horrible, but please bear with me. When they miss her we do not let them talk to her. As soon as one of them says to her "I miss you mommy". She starts in on the same old crap that the children do not need to hear "I know baby, but your father/judge/attorney/stepmom/guardian ad litem is such a horrible person to take you away from me". "I know and your daddy is going to see to it that I never see you again". "your daddy doesn't love you, he took you kids away to Hurt me". She gets them so damned worked up a 15 minute phone call results in hours of damage control. Then once she has at least one of them crying, she starts burning up his phone with texts "how can u do this to our children". "ur a mister to make our children cry". And my personal favorite "ur going to burn in hell for making our children cry"

[datsyuksmommy]

Wow. Yeah I don't think BM would say anything like that, but I also don't think that talking to her on the phone would help. BM would probably think it was so weird that we had called that she wouldn't understand what the point of it was.

Now I feel bad after talking to DH about the drop off today. After I left for work she whined until he dropped her off, and then she gave him extra kisses to pass on to me. She misses every body. It breaks my heart to see her so hurt and confused and sad, especially when I feel like there's really nothing I can do to fix it.

[stephbfan]

Teamwilliams, you do have to understand that all BMs are not as evil as the one that you have to deal with.

Well, I guess that the fact that I have a good relationship with BF does make a huge difference.

[StormyDixon]

May 18, 2012 11:26:23 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

Teamwilliams, you do have to understand that all BMs are not as evil as the one that you have to deal with.

I do understand that and was just sharing my experience. if you would prefer I not, please say so and i"ll respect that, however, I do feel that my experience can be helpful as not everyone has it as lucky as you do.

[stephbfan]

May 18, 2012 12:12:35 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

May 18, 2012 11:26:23 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

Teamwilliams, you do have to understand that all BMs are not as evil as the one that you have to deal with.

I do understand that and was just sharing my experience. if you would prefer I not, please say so and i"ll respect that, however, I do feel that my experience can be helpful as not everyone has it as lucky as you do.

Nope, I do understand that everyone's BMs are not as awesome as I am haha. There are a lot of crazies out there but its not good to assume that every one has the same situation as we do.

I do give a lot of advice from my perspective but I know that for most BFs situation that wouldn't work at all. That' s why I said, we call BF every time DD says she misses him. In your situation might no way in hell I would do something like that.

[datsyuksmommy]

It's good to see all sides and perspectives. I know that the blended family I am part of with DH and SD is very different from the one I was in growing up, and both are very different from the one my dad grew up in. Each family is different, but we sometimes face similar challenges. Thanks for the feedback!