New here, seeking advice...

[latinomama999]

Hi everyone!
I'm divorced and remarried, with a son from my first marriage...My ex husband lives in MD, I live in NJ, so he's spending the summer with him, while I see him weekends. (Usually, I have him and he sees his dad every other weekend). I miss him a great deal and know he misses me as he calls me and lets me know. I let him know that it's okay, that it's time for him to spend time with his dad and that I will see him soon. I want him to feel good about being there and don't want him to be sad.

The thing is, his dad keeps on updating me about how great he's doing with his eating, how he's trying all these new foods and eating so many vegetables...it makes me feel like such a failure as a mom. I know it may sound petty, but I just feel so awful...

How do you handle feeling like you're competing with the other parent or not as 'good' as the other parent (if you've ever felt that way)? I'm trying to stay positive, but it gets difficult...

Thanks for your input.

[ellipses84]

Sorry you are having a tough time. I know it is hard but just keep reminding you that you are doing what is best for your son by ensuring he has a good relationship with both parents.

In general, I think moms and dads have different strengths as parents and it is good for your son to experience that. Moms are great at nurturing and dads are great at pushing their kids outside of their comfort zone. A dad's influence is really important to a boy and as children get older, around 12, they really gravitate to their same sex parent. Your son will still adore you because you are his mom! I am a SM on the other side of this type of arrangement and SS does have moments when he really misses his mom, but they are not usually when he is on the phone with her.

This can have its advantages. Now your son has no excuse not to eat his veggies at your house!

[mrsreynolds4]

I have been/am there with you. XH was a neat freak when we were married (seriously OCD behavior) and I am not. I require things sanitized (ie. kitchen, bathroom, floors vacuumed/swept) but my house tends to be cluttered.

The boys SM is super clean, and I have heard SO many times how much cleaner it is than our house. It bugs me, and I just try to ignore it.

Now that the boys are older, I've turned it back on them - "Why do I have to nag you to clean your room and your dad doesn't?"

On the other hand, DS2 especially has been vocal about how he feels more at peace at home with me. There's less stress, yelling, and it's just happier.

I figure my home encourages more creativity and his dad's home encourages more cleanliness. =)