Media consumption when your kid isn't with you

[hensmum]

Henry has been spending the night with my parents once a month for a while now. I am so, so grateful for the free babysitting, and I love that they enjoy having him and he enjoys going. However...

They are showing him movies/tv that I am not comfortable with.

Who has experienced this? What, if anything, did you do?

[will tell the whole story in a comment below]

[hensmum]

So they are not showing him anything horrifying - just movies that are too old for him.

They have cable with "on demand," and more than once I left a list with them of several shows that he likes, which they can access for free on their tv with a click of a button - my dad always seems happy to see this list. And they DO watch some of those shows with him...but there is always a big kid movie too.

Part of me says I need to chill out. I was singing along to "Grease" when I was 5, FCOL, and I turned out okay(ish ) But the content of the media he consumes is really important to me. He is only 2.5! He doesn't need to be watching big kid movies with themes he doesn't understand and language/behavior that I don't want him repeating.

One time, he and I were over there together, and I was working on something. My stepmom grabbed a movie for him "Cinderella 2," which he had watched the last time he was there without me, and as she was putting it in the dvd player said "This movie is A-W-F-U-L! The message is terrible" ....and then she pressed play. The next time we were going to bring him there, I texted my dad and asked if he could make that dvd disappear. He said sure and asked why - I told him it was too old for Hen and my stepmom had said the message was terrible. So that movie got put away - and was replaced with another big kid movie

I guess I will continue to leave them with the list? And I'm thinking of picking up some dvds to leave there for him (they always have a decent selection of cheap ones at the 2nd hand store where I sell Hen's clothes).

I just wish they could understand how important it is to me. I don't want to or try to control everything that happens while he is there (some of the food he eats there makes me want to DIE, but I don't say anything!) - I just don't want him being exposed to things I feel are inappropriate, you know?

Commiseration, anyone?

[hensmum]

Oh, jeez. 9 views and no comments. I am the worst. Ungrateful controlling mom. *hangs head in shame*

[2brides]

this is something my dad would have done. I would just reiterate that you and C would rather he watch XYZ or bring over your own movies and say, "I just picked these up and thought H would like them. He's getting to an age when he is repeating everything he hears and we want to make sure he isn't hearing things he shouldn't be hearing quite yet - there is plenty of time for that!"

Keep in mind I am so non-confrontational it isn't funny.

[Duchess1]

You are not ungrateful or controlling. I am pretty picky about what the girls watch too. In fact,we were just discussing if we might be sheltering them too much. We voted maybe but that was okay for now.

I would just bring a few DVD's and make a big announcement about how much he enjoys them. You can also put on a show from on demand on your way out,get the gball rolling.

[tattooedmeegs]

You aren't the worst! I was guilty of my lurking behavior!

I like 2brides approach, especially since its true... kids are such parrots at this age. Just try to keep it light, but firmly mention that it's amazing how many movies that are advertised as kids movies have topics that aren't very child appropriate, and that there is even a huge difference between movies geared towards toddlers/younger kids and older kids. And definitely bring them a bunch of movies that you like.

[2brides]

Yea, I think people think all kids' movies are created equal. We are fairly liberal with their viewing (within reason) - but there are a LOT of "kid" movies they would not have been allowed to watch at 2.5y.

I pretty much go with CommonSenseMedia.com opinion. I've felt they are pretty on track with what we feel is appropriate for our kids.

[twotrue]

I'm just lurking while traveling since my WiFi is hit or miss.....I agree with pps about just bringing your own DVDs and give a few more gentle reminders to stepmom.

posted from phone

[hensmum]

Thanks ladies. We use commonsensemedia too, and actually recently referred my ILs to it when they suggested bringing movies for Hen that we weren't too excited about.

It is def an issue of "kids" movies not being for toddlers.

I think I'll just keep picking up movies that are okay as I find them and always send him over with a couple. Just thinking about bringing it up with them makes me itchy - I am already the weird mom with the cloth diapers and the breastfeeding and the organic food and the kid who doesn't drink juice and eat cookies. I kinda feel like they're all "DONT YOU DO ANYTHING NORMAL???" LOL Not that I force any of those things on them - they give him juice, he wears sposies there (and actually, all the time now), I dont send him there with food (aside from some snacks, since they don't really stock kid snacks) or ask them what they feed him (mostly because I don't want to know, haha) and, well the nursing is just none of their business.

Gah - can you tell how much this is bugging me? haha I just don't want to be a PITA to them, but I also don't want my little guy watching big guy stuff...or princess movies! I mean, I know he LIVES with two strong female characters, but he so doesn't need to know about princesses and prince charmings. Ugh.

Okay, thanks for listening and sharing. I appreciate it!

[ct]

dont worry about the views! I know i'm am terribly guilty of reading posts on my phone then coming back to respond later when i'm on a comp. I cant stand posting from my phone.

anywho, i think you've got a great plan. I'm a little more confontational than the group (i wear my bitch crown well!), so I wouldnt have a problem stating it outright. In this kind of situation I usually make fun of myself with something like, "Here goes crazy overprotective mom again! I brought some DVDs Henry loves, can we stick to these for now until he's a couple years older?"

[mk]

Everyone else gave great advice, which I think I'm going to have to put to use sometime soon Silly grandparents! Love 'em, but can you please just do what I say??

[joyseattle]

I can't speak from experience, but I can see doing something along the lines of what pp and you have said, give guidelines, send media that you're okay with, and hope for the best. We'll definitely be the weird hippy parents to some of our extended family, but we're okay with that as long as our parenting choices are respected.

[hensmum]

Thanks again everyone. I was in a funk today, and being a worrier about a multitude of things, and this situation was sticking in the front of my mind on top of it. CT - that is a great quote you suggested, and honestly that is how I usually roll too ! With it being my parents, who are doing this nice thing for us, it makes it harder - plus my stepmom and I kind of have this ongoing thing of always trying not to offend each other while completely disagreeing (fun!)

[ElsaVonM]

I have a slightly different sense about the whole thing, and my take certainly would not apply to every family. And it may change once they are older, of course.

I have a "Grandma's house, Grandma's rules" theory about the whole thing. If the babies are not in danger, I let my parents care for them how they see fit. They are so supportive and non-critical of our parenting choices, which I hugely appreciate - I *know* my mom has held her tongue on some of our ideas, and she listens to all of my angst about sleep issues and food issues and everything else without ever telling me that I am reading too much or thinking too much, or even offering advice (unless I specifically ask for it). So for me it's kind of an issue of showing her the same respect - I want her to know that I trust her with my babies, and when they are capable of understanding it, I want the kids to know that we trust Grandma and Grandpa, and that their house is a safe and fun place where sure, sometimes they get to eat and do and even see things they wouldn't get at home. That's what it was for me.

[eratmama]

Jan 2, 2013 22:35:25 GMT -5 hensmum said:

plus my stepmom and I kind of have this ongoing thing of always trying not to offend each other while completely disagreeing (fun!)

Ha! L's mom watched pumpkin today and this made me laugh.

I would probably do similar to ct, make fun of myself. Probably tell a story of a movie i okayed and then regretted. But, i am also with leap, kids understand different houses, different rules. If they are safe, i would go with it. I only feel like i can pick one or two issues when someone is watching my kid for free

[2brides]

I'll also add that it depends on how egregious the movie is? Cinderella looking for Prince Charming? Ehh...I'd let it slide. Sure, they aren't great strong women role models, but relatively harmless - no overt violence/poor language choices/potty humor/etc. Diary of a Wimpy Kid/Rise of the Guardians at age 2.5y? Nope. Too violent/too mature.

[rikkiandjulie]

Jan 3, 2013 10:54:32 GMT -5 2brides said:

I'll also add that it depends on how egregious the movie is? Cinderella looking for Prince Charming? Ehh...I'd let it slide. Sure, they aren't great strong women role models, but relatively harmless - no overt violence/poor language choices/potty humor/etc. Diary of a Wimpy Kid/Rise of the Guardians at age 2.5y? Nope. Too violent/too mature.

This!


Rikki-iPhone