Money issues (rant)

[devotchka]

So we thought we would do ok with me staying home and only freelancing occasionally but it's not working out so well. H is a biochemist with a PhD and should be making more $ than he is, but he had a very hard time finding a job after he got out of school (right smack dab in the middle of the recession) and is in a lower position than he should be. So as of now, he is still a contractor and gets no holiday pay, sick pay, or anything.

I am frustrated - I supported him for 1 1/2 years while he was unemployed and was hoping to stay home with M for at least the first year. I worked for a little over 3 months after maternity leave and things changed too much at my company so I couldn't get my own job back and had to work a job I was not trained for and hated. So I quit at the end of October and now I am finding that it's difficult to go beyond making ends meet. Right now we are a little stuck financially because of spending over Christmas (also H's company does a mandatory shut down for almost 2 weeks in Dec... and he is a contractor and doesn't get paid for it... sigh) and should be better off this month and next.

I am looking for freelance design work and not finding a lot, it's not a great time of year to look - and we don't have money for me to market myself much. I am picking up photo jobs here and there but not a lot. I am going to be taking an online web design class to sharpen up my skills in Jan, and hoping it will help me either do more freelance stuff or get a job somewhere soon.

Meanwhile, I really want H to find a new job but he is so slow about this kind of stuff. Not that he's got ZERO ambition, he just gets comfortable, you know what I mean? He really just needs to look and interview and see what he can get. Even a 5k raise would be enough to make sure we are not living paycheck to paycheck. We've talked about it and he's agreed to look more but I just don't see him doing it. There's no way to change people, I guess. He will just do it at his pace

[dojo]

That really stinks. I hope he's able to find something soon!

[gmoneymommy]

I feel ya. We had such a plan in place, but when I suddenly had to shit my business down things got way tighter than we expected. I wanted to work from home and occasionally work outside of home, but I just applied for a full-time job. It is hard to be in this place when we expected to be in a way better one. I'm sorry you're going through it.

[Deleted]

Here is my two cents because my husband was the same way....you have to tell him exactly what you expect. "I expect you to begin looking for a higher paying job so that I don't have to go back to work. I expect you to begin putting in resumes and actively looking. I do not want lip service."

But, you also have to be willing to go back to work if he can't/won't find another job because in his mind, it's definitely not fair for it all to be on him and you quit your job when his was unstable and benefits sucked.

[mamasaurus]

Can you do any sort of free networking? I don't know about your area, but bars, restaurants, and other social places sometimes have industry nights in major cities. Drinks/food/whatever are discounted if you have a business card in a certain industry. Some people go there for the discount while others go to network.

Are you on linkedin? I hear it's good for networking, too.

[devotchka]

Jan 4, 2013 13:11:09 GMT -5 gmoneymommy said:

I feel ya. We had such a plan in place, but when I suddenly had to shit my business down things got way tighter than we expected. I wanted to work from home and occasionally work outside of home, but I just applied for a full-time job. It is hard to be in this place when we expected to be in a way better one. I'm sorry you're going through it.

Sorry to hear that too What a bummer. Not a great economy for this independent home biz mama stuff, and it's depressing. What business are you in?

[devotchka]

Jan 4, 2013 15:29:53 GMT -5 mamasaurus said:

Can you do any sort of free networking? I don't know about your area, but bars, restaurants, and other social places sometimes have industry nights in major cities. Drinks/food/whatever are discounted if you have a business card in a certain industry. Some people go there for the discount while others go to network.

Are you on linkedin? I hear it's good for networking, too.

Yeah - I am on linkedin. I probably just need to make more an actual effort IRL to do some real networking. I thought about that today after I wrote this - it's not like I am bending over backwards to find stuff either, and I could be doing more. Thank you for the reminder about the industry nights - that is a great idea. I am going to look for a meetup group too!

[devotchka]

Jan 4, 2013 15:19:10 GMT -5 dragonflybelle said:

Here is my two cents because my husband was the same way....you have to tell him exactly what you expect. "I expect you to begin looking for a higher paying job so that I don't have to go back to work. I expect you to begin putting in resumes and actively looking. I do not want lip service."

But, you also have to be willing to go back to work if he can't/won't find another job because in his mind, it's definitely not fair for it all to be on him and you quit your job when his was unstable and benefits sucked.

I guess I should try to talk to him about my expectations w/ his career (and maybe the whole "where do you see yourself in 5 years" speech) - just not sure how to go about it w/o pissing him off or shoving him further into a corner, ya know?

It might seem unfair, but at the same time he definitely says "I wish you could stay at home and I could make more $" but doesn't seem to do much to make that happen.

Yeah, it's not that his was unstable but it's just enough for us to get by but not much more. I think if I had been offered my old job, as much as I hated it, I would have stayed. So we just didn't expect for that NOT to be an option (my boss ended up leaving and HER boss was our team's boss for a while and wouldn't let me work P/T like she was going to and gave me a totally different position) - and didn't discuss it much. I think in hindsight, we should have sat down and really figured out what the future would be and not just saying that we will figure it out as we go along because clearly, that's not working as well.

[eav2c]

I'm sorry. I wish you both better luck this new year and that you both can find something that makes things easier. ((hugs))

[lolaburns]

I'm sorry. ((( hugs)))) I hope things get better. This economy does suck. I am ready to come out of it.


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[devotchka]

Thanks eav and lola! Re-reading this and other posts about money issues and staying-at-home - I decided to prowl craigslist and look for some freelance gigs and whore myself out. At least it makes me feel better, even if it doesn't accomplish anything (hopefully eventually it will!)

[fusion]

Good luck! It's tough to make a side income and be a SAHM. I've been doing it now since my son was born and am just now making a decent chunk of change each month.

[lolaburns]

I hear you completely. Being a WAHM is stressful sometimes and I have less patience for annoying brides.


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[Deleted]

If you post your budget on money matters, we can probably give you suggestions to help cut in places.

Do it under a AE if you're not comfortable.

[browneyedhunni85]

I'm so sorry. We are dealing with job issues too. DH had knee surgery at the end of Oct. and we expected recovery to be about a month. It ended up being about two months and the job he was working out is super slow right now and they just don't have the work. They seemed like as soon as work picks up they would like him back but it makes you wonder how long that will take. I'm the one supporting our family right now and it can be a bit stressful but it all seems to work out. DH does army reserves and thats only one weekend a month. I feel like once things get back to normal and we have #2 I've earned my right to SAH. I've supported us for the past two years with a few breaks in between. DH even went overseas for three months as a contractor but that would be out of the question right now with us having a child.

[gmoneymommy]

Jan 4, 2013 22:43:00 GMT -5 devotchka said:

Jan 4, 2013 13:11:09 GMT -5 gmoneymommy said:

I feel ya. We had such a plan in place, but when I suddenly had to shit my business down things got way tighter than we expected. I wanted to work from home and occasionally work outside of home, but I just applied for a full-time job. It is hard to be in this place when we expected to be in a way better one. I'm sorry you're going through it.

Sorry to hear that too What a bummer. Not a great economy for this independent home biz mama stuff, and it's depressing. What business are you in?

I had a business where I provided behavior support and respite providers to children with special needs. Things got super shitty with a major client and one awful employee, so I had to close. Now I'm kinda doing Scentsy, finishing my master's degree, and working with some of my old clients privately. I just applied for a job at the Mental Health Center in town, and will see where that goes.

[devotchka]

Jan 5, 2013 17:44:46 GMT -5 fusion said:

Good luck! It's tough to make a side income and be a SAHM. I've been doing it now since my son was born and am just now making a decent chunk of change each month.

Thanks! What are you doing for work?

[devotchka]

Jan 5, 2013 20:02:07 GMT -5 lolaburns said:

I hear you completely. Being a WAHM is stressful sometimes and I have less patience for annoying brides.


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Hahaha yep!!! I wish they would contact me though. Shit has really dried up

[devotchka]

Jan 5, 2013 20:13:52 GMT -5 dbsk8dance said:

If you post your budget on money matters, we can probably give you suggestions to help cut in places.

Do it under a AE if you're not comfortable.

We actually know where we need to cut - food mostly (going out to eat and cofee, and just wasteful spending on food in general). Even if we cut we would still be living very tightly, but we are working on it and doing a lot better at least!

[devotchka]

Jan 5, 2013 23:21:22 GMT -5 gmoneymommy said:

Jan 4, 2013 22:43:00 GMT -5 devotchka said:

Sorry to hear that too What a bummer. Not a great economy for this independent home biz mama stuff, and it's depressing. What business are you in?

I had a business where I provided behavior support and respite providers to children with special needs. Things got super shitty with a major client and one awful employee, so I had to close. Now I'm kinda doing Scentsy, finishing my master's degree, and working with some of my old clients privately. I just applied for a job at the Mental Health Center in town, and will see where that goes.

Wow, that sounds amazing. I hope you find something! *crosses appendages for you*

[devotchka]

Jan 5, 2013 20:19:12 GMT -5 browneyedhunni85 said:

I'm so sorry. We are dealing with job issues too. DH had knee surgery at the end of Oct. and we expected recovery to be about a month. It ended up being about two months and the job he was working out is super slow right now and they just don't have the work. They seemed like as soon as work picks up they would like him back but it makes you wonder how long that will take. I'm the one supporting our family right now and it can be a bit stressful but it all seems to work out. DH does army reserves and thats only one weekend a month. I feel like once things get back to normal and we have #2 I've earned my right to SAH. I've supported us for the past two years with a few breaks in between. DH even went overseas for three months as a contractor but that would be out of the question right now with us having a child.

Oh man, that is rough. I can't imagine going through that, I feel like I would be even more stressed if I was in your position Hugs!