Post by Regina Philange on Jan 5, 2013 22:33:10 GMT -5
Ok I totally was out drinking w my H and some random guy passed out in my bed in the dorm so I slept in bed w my H. We lived two doors down from each other. Anyways I had a dream that I was peeing and I woke up and I was peeing in the bed. We just started dating and he woke up and yelled " why is the bed so wet." I yelled "ugh I dunno gross!!!"
He obviously knew it was me and I ran out of the dorm. I wouldn't make eye contact w him for about a day and then he bought me a build a bear to feel better. That's probs when I knew I loved him.
Eta: obviously at the time he wasn't my H. I was 18.
I had been dating DH 6 months when his grandma died. I took off work to be there for the funeral. Afterwards we went back to his parents house with a ton of people to eat.
Very full house. All of a sudden, I had to poop. I went to the upstairs bathroom to be discreet. I noticed the water level in the toilet seemed low, but no alarms sounded in my brain.
I did what I had to do. Then I flushed. Nothing happened. Nothing. The person before me had clogged the damn toilet!!!! I searched but found no plunger. I was horrified. I am NOT open about these kinds of things.
I had to leave shortly to get to cheer leading practice (I was the coach). So I concocted a plan. I fished my own shit out of the toilet with my HAND! I threw it in the mini trash can and tied up the bag. I had stayed at DH's parents the night before so my duffel bag was there across the hall.
I exited the bathroom and stuffed the shit bag into the side of my duffel. Grabbed all my stuff and told now-DH I had to go to practice. He had to drive me so he got ready to go. As im waiting on him, his parents' beagles come sniffing at the bag!!!!!!!!!! I was shoving them away, about to die.
We finally get in the car and it hits me - what if, with the heat blowing, he can smell the shit?! It was snowing outside but I insisted I was hot and drove with the window down.
When we finally got to school, I stopped in the main office and threw my shit away in the secretary's garbage can.
Post by creamsiclechica on Jan 5, 2013 23:36:12 GMT -5
Thanks, lola! I missed you too, darling!
kdrake, you had me at hello. But that story is so outrageously funny, I seriously love the SHIT out of you. I want to cry that's so hysterical. Ahahahahahahahaha!
I was best friends with my high school boyfriend's sister. She was sort if weirded out by us dating, but would hang out with us in their basement sometimes. One weekend, boyfriend and I decided to go all the way--we were in the basement watching a movie. We were working on getting peen in vagina when the basement door opened!!! Boyfriend shouted "sister, we are busy" and she replied while walking down the stairs "what are you doing, having sex?" She got to the bottom of the stairs, saw me wrapped in a blanket and boyfriend standing naked with a condom on, screamed and ran back up the stairs.
I was best friends with my high school boyfriend's sister. She was sort if weirded out by us dating, but would hang out with us in their basement sometimes. One weekend, boyfriend and I decided to go all the way--we were in the basement watching a movie. We were working on getting peen in vagina when the basement door opened!!! Boyfriend shouted "sister, we are busy" and she replied while walking down the stairs "what are you doing, having sex?" She got to the bottom of the stairs, saw me wrapped in a blanket and boyfriend standing naked with a condom on, screamed and ran back up the stairs.
I was best friends with my high school boyfriend's sister. She was sort if weirded out by us dating, but would hang out with us in their basement sometimes. One weekend, boyfriend and I decided to go all the way--we were in the basement watching a movie. We were working on getting peen in vagina when the basement door opened!!! Boyfriend shouted "sister, we are busy" and she replied while walking down the stairs "what are you doing, having sex?" She got to the bottom of the stairs, saw me wrapped in a blanket and boyfriend standing naked with a condom on, screamed and ran back up the stairs.
Kdrake!! Omg I'm dying!! Why didn't you just walk out and pretend it wasn't you? Wasn't there people at the house for a funeral?
So you reminded me of one of my poop stories. I was at a dudes house for a party, well more like a get together with a few people. I pooped in the toilet, flushed and everything seemed fine. I go out of the bathroom and next thing I know someone is shouting "the toilet is overflowing!!" I go down the hall and the dude who's house it was was trying to stop the water and there is turds floating everywhere! He literally had to clean up my poop.
Post by creamsiclechica on Jan 6, 2013 1:31:59 GMT -5
What I want to know is, why do toilets never freaking stop working or start overflowing when you've only peed a little? It only happens when someone shits in there!!
OMG, I'm dying here. Mine can't hold a candle (hold a shit?) to kdrakes, but are probably the most embarrassing times I've had. Back in the crazy days I was hanging out with a girl from work, her live in boyfriend, a guy friend from work, and this super hot guy I was majorly crushing on. We were getting high and it was unlike ANY pot I'd ever had. Crazy times, what can I say... It totally started effing with my stomach, which is already sensitive. I knew what happened in the bathroom was not going to be pretty, but it became an emergency situation. So I went to the bathroom and had the most disgusting diarrhea ever. Annnnd their toilet overflowed. I called in my friend (who I was really not that close with) and was so mortified. I had the plunger but couldn't get it to go down. I had never had to plunge a toilet in my life so had no idea what I was doing. So... she had to plunge my disgusting brown diarrhea shit water that got on her floor.
Next, I was in the tiny little art library at college. It's not a like a big university library, but was super small. I was sleeping in one of the chairs next to the computers- like 15 computers all clustered together. I knew I was kinda gassy, but it was after a morning class and I was exhausted so I passed out. I totally woke myself up when I farted loudly. I was faced away from everyone and heard them all laughing, but my head was kind of buried so I pretended I was still sleeping so I didn't have to turn around and face everyone and walk past them to get out. I had to sit there listening to them talking about the fart girl.
This is a REALLLLY EMBARRASSING STORY - so here goes:
I was 19 or so and in college & was seeing this guy who was not as into me as I was into him. We were friends and hooking up and I really wanted him to be my boyfriend but it wasn't really going anywhere. One night we went into the city to go to a small party at a friend's house. Her roommie was also a good friend of mine. The guy I was seeing bought us booze and I got drunk and smoked pot and somehow at the end of the night, I found myself having sex with him in the living room at my friend's house. We were on her roomate's futon, and I thought we were alone. Nope... I WAS SO HIGH AND DRUNK (the combo for me is crazy, I literally lose my mind, clearly!) that I didn't realize there were several other people staying there who were friends of the OTHER roommates. YES, we were having sex basically in front of those people (maybe they were sleeping, maybe they heard us, WHO THE HELL KNOWS!) - it was dark but still... I totally acted like the exhibitionist that I am not.
So that's not the most embarassing part... that's coming now...
So the guy I was seeing was only my 2nd partner, and my first boyfriend (to whom I lost my virginity) had kind of a small penis and guy #2 was HUUUGE. Well, the next day I wake up and the guy I was seeing was asking me why there was BLOOD on the futon. Yeah, blood. Down by where my crotch was. Ummm... my blood, apparently? Yeah so I was pretty sore down there that day and figured - and this was not that much of a stretch (remember the tiny penis from bf #1?) - no pun intended - but I figured my hymen hadn't completely broken w/ partner #1 and it had been left somewhat intact. It was a crazy theory but honestly, I had no idea what else could have left me bleeding in my hoo-ha like that. I believe there was evidence of it when I went to the bathroom to check. Sigh...
So looking back on it, I should have said something to my friends but for some idiotic reason I decided to say that I had a nosebleed and I felt bad but I would pay the other roommate back for the futon. My friends didnt really believe my story and were pretty pissed at me, especially one of them. And of course the roommate wanted to kill me for bleeding on his futon!!!
After that, the dude acted funny towards me too and basically we never hooked up again.
Oh and of course I was so sick the next day I was throwing up all day and my Mom and Stepdad came out to drive me to their house so I could recuperate. HAHA!
Is this the most embarrassing story or what? I dare you to write about a worse one...
The puke stories inspired me to tell mine. The day before my bachelorette party, my friend and I saw our favorite band in concert. We got backstage and brought up the bachelorette party and the lead singer gave us a bunch of backstage passes for the next day so I could basically have my bachelorette party there. We were so psyched.
The next day I barely ate anything. Such a bad move. We drove to the city and pregamed in the hotel. Then we went to the bar. I remember laying on the floor in the public bathroom and my friend telling me to throw up bc I would feel better. Eventually we left and I started puking all over myself in the car. I kept insisting we could still go to the concert. Eventually I woke up half dressed in the hotel room. Most of my friends had gone home. I was SO upset.
But the embarrassing part wasn't over. The few friends that were left and I went to the continental breakfast in the hotel. I had to leave to go puke. When I get out of the bathroom, who do I run into? The lead singer of the band. While I'm in sweatpants, reeking of puke. And I was all like, "heyyyyy. Never made it last night but thanks for the passes."
I was really bummed about the whole experience for a long time.
Ok I totally was out drinking w my H and some random guy passed out in my bed in the dorm so I slept in bed w my H. We lived two doors down from each other. Anyways I had a dream that I was peeing and I woke up and I was peeing in the bed. We just started dating and he woke up and yelled " why is the bed so wet." I yelled "ugh I dunno gross!!!"
He obviously knew it was me and I ran out of the dorm. I wouldn't make eye contact w him for about a day and then he bought me a build a bear to feel better. That's probs when I knew I loved him.
Eta: obviously at the time he wasn't my H. I was 18.
Kdrake!! Omg I'm dying!! Why didn't you just walk out and pretend it wasn't you? Wasn't there people at the house for a funeral? .
Yes there totally were! Ugh at the time I felt like I couldn't just leave it! Idk why!! It's not like the shit had my name engraved on it or anything. Soooo dumb on my part!
Kdrake!! Omg I'm dying!! Why didn't you just walk out and pretend it wasn't you? Wasn't there people at the house for a funeral? .
Yes there totally were! Ugh at the time I felt like I couldn't just leave it! Idk why!! It's not like the shit had my name engraved on it or anything. Soooo dumb on my part!
There's a David Sedaris story like this, only it's not his turd.