I wish people didn't feel the need (ae complaint)

[gibbinator]

I've always found it an odd thing too. It seems so innocuous. But then again I've never been to a gtg and I'm pretty open about my budget irl.

[pitterwoo]

I've thought about posting my budget, but now I feel like I've shared too much on here and may make that IRL connection. My H is much more private and would really be uncomfortable if anyone knew it was me. So I guess if I ever do post a budget it will probably be an ae. If I didn't already share so many details I don't think I'd be concerned. I get worried about the Nest Brain remembering all.

[bunch]

I would be way too afraid to post under an ae. They get way harsher feedback because no one knows their back story or tries to sympathize with them. If I posted my budget under an ae, I have no doubt the flames would pour in. Under my own name I'd like to think that people would know that I'm stable and responsible, so I'd probably just get a shrug and "glad it's not mine."

[SusanBAnthony]

That is a good point, bunchanums.

I used it mostly lurk, but now that I post more, I don't know if I am comfortable posting our budget. Partially bc I know I would get irrationally pissed at anyone who told us we should be saving more. Yes. It would be lovely to have 20% income to retirement plus 20% to general savings, but bite me, I want to live a little, and living on 60% of one income (I SAH) would suck.

[Deleted]

I totally understand the AEs. I'm sort of an oversharer here and in real life and find it doesn't always yield the best results.

[kwynn]

I've posted my real budget a few times and I'm very easily identifiable in real life. It's okay though---I would feel weird using an AE when it is so obviously me, the situation and the details. Using an AE would be pointless.

[dexteroni]

I don't have a problem with it. If that's the only way they feel comfortable opening up, then at least they're getting the advice they need. I don't think of it so much as they'll be flamed as they don't want to share what might be some pretty personal information with people they "know" on here (and sometimes in real life too). I can understand that.

[dexteroni]

Jan 5, 2013 22:38:28 GMT -5 bunch said:

I would be way too afraid to post under an ae. They get way harsher feedback because no one knows their back story or tries to sympathize with them. If I posted my budget under an ae, I have no doubt the flames would pour in. Under my own name I'd like to think that people would know that I'm stable and responsible, so I'd probably just get a shrug and "glad it's not mine."

I actually think the opposite can happen too though. When I'm replying to an ae, I sometimes think "what if this is someone who is a known pain in the ass, or someone whose posts I usually ignore, and here I am being all patient and reasonable?" lol.

[Deleted]

I would most likely do it just because I don't want to be judged from there on out for every little thing I do. We don't have a lot of money at all, and every time I spend on anything, I'd feel judged. Hell, half the time I feel like I have to justify having my baby because we couldn't afford him. We were broke before I accidentally got pg.

[Roc A Bee]

I only post under an ae bc I think someone from real life lurks here and I'm paranoid

[Kore]

I really don't need y'all freaking out on me every time I buy $40 blush, so...

[Deleted]

The only thing that bugs me about the ae posts is that I am just curious! I'm also less inclined to actually reply / engage with an AE. I haven't posted by budget in detail...but would feel fine doing it under this sn if I really needed help.

[Deleted]

I'd be interested in knowing who is posting things sometimes, but I totally understand why people do it under AEs. People remember things. People aren't always nice.

I wouldn't even post a budget type question under an AE because I think I'd stand out because my spending is different from a lot of people's because of living in a city and having ridiculous rent payments, so I would be scared that I'd be too transparent even under an AE. That's paranoid, certainly, but I think fair?

[ESF]

Jan 5, 2013 22:38:28 GMT -5 bunch said:

I would be way too afraid to post under an ae. They get way harsher feedback because no one knows their back story or tries to sympathize with them. If I posted my budget under an ae, I have no doubt the flames would pour in. Under my own name I'd like to think that people would know that I'm stable and responsible, so I'd probably just get a shrug and "glad it's not mine."

I think that in some instances, the AEs may get better advice for this same reason. If you are looking for a wakeup call, you may not want the kid gloves that come along with the board knowing you. So I can see why someone would use it.

The board is more objective when dealing with AEs and unknowns. That in and of itself is a good reason to use an AE.

[Deleted]

People remember stuff. I don't want to say something in a post about going somewhere/doing something/buying something and then having someone question if I can afford it. I honestly don't know if that would happen anyway - but it happens to people who are disliked all the time. Look at Bliss, anytime she wants to do anything people ask her about her budget. She's maybe an extreme example because she stands out so much, but I think its a legitimate concern.

On the flip side, I think it would be easier if a true regular posted their budget as themselves because we'd have a better frame of reference to start with. I think Buncha's point is a good one, and I'd actually say it's relevant to think that she's better off having crappy finances because we know she's responsible, than someone else who has crappy finances who we know nothing about (IDK if her finances are actually crappy, lol).

[winnied]

I would post my budget except I don't want/need critiquing. It's very normal, I think. I'm not well off and I'm not poor. Maybe it would make people feel better lol.

[orangello]

WHO WAS BEERAE???

[Pilsy]

Jan 6, 2013 14:31:47 GMT -5 orangello said:

WHO WAS BEERAE???

V, I agree you would stand out.


I don't dare post half my flameworthy thoughts and unpopular opinions, let alone my actual budget, work questions, etc. Queen of Paranoia checking in!

So, yeah, I agree it would be nice for everyone to be comfy and, on the flip side, fair and kind; but I don't see that happening.

ETA: DH has taken an interest in my GBCN habit, which is cool. But I was actually going to post a legit work question and he told me not to, saying someone could figure out I post here and blah blah blah. :-|

[Deleted]

Jan 5, 2013 22:52:48 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

I totally understand the AEs. I'm sort of an oversharer here and in real life and find it doesn't always yield the best results.

Ditto! I can't post an AE budget--it'd be obvious who I was anyway. But I don't want advice--I know our flaws already

[rugbywife]

I would post my budget without an AE but I already know what I would hear:

- holy crap we spend a lot eating out
- holy crap we spend a lot on 'nothing'
- our cable/internet bill is very high
- we should be saving more money

I know all these things, I think them every month, and then we still spend lots of money...sigh. I will say that at the very least, my only 'saving Grace', is that we don't live beyond our means. We just don't save nearly what we could, we appear to take the 'live right now' route...

[cjeanette]

Jan 6, 2013 2:54:03 GMT -5 Kore said:

I really don't need y'all freaking out on me every time I buy $40 blush, so...

This.