so I'm going to be a bridesmaid

[sneetch]

H's good friend got engaged. H is in the wedding. The fiancee is a nice girl - we aren't close but we see each other a few times a year and get along just fine. I know she doesn't have many friends. She called me last weekend and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was caught off guard but said yes and I was honored, blah, blah, blah, because H's friend means a lot to him, she's nice and I feel bad that she really had no one to ask and had to resort to an acquaintence.

She called tonight about bridesmaid dresses, and I told her H and I will be ttc, so I'd like to hold off on ordering my dress until closer to the wedding (August). She was sweet but weird about the whole thing, and said she would have to talk to the bridal shop because they said they wouldn't order the dresses until they have everyone's measurements. She is calling them tomorrow. If they try to push her into making me order, I am well within my rights to call the shop and tell them I will order when I'm ready and they are not to hold the whole order up for me, right?

She also mentioned dye lot conerns, but I kind of bulldozed right over that one. I feel like am going to regret agreeing to this...

[audry80]

I am also a BM. I was told if I got pregnant I wouldn't be allowed to be a bridesmaid anymore! We can commiserate together....

[Deleted]

I get why they want all of the sizes. I had a bridal shop tell me that, too, when we were picking out bridesmaid dresses. However, they should be able to make an exception. I refuse to believe that you would be the first pregnant bridesmaid ever.

[VeryViolet]

The bridal shops give you a hard time about ordering all the dresses together because they need to be from the same bolt of fabric. I am sure it can be worked around. She probably just got this lecture and didn't know how to respond because the bridal shop ladies just told her she had to order them all ASAP and they will take forever to come in because I have found they like to scare you. Hopefully that is the case at least and she isn't just a crazy bride.

[sneetch]

The wedding is in August. I am not pregnant, and I realize that ttc and being pregnant are entirely different. But holy crap, sue sue. I didn't think telling her there is a possibility that I would be pregnant and therefore would like to hold off on ordering a dress until closer to the wedding would cause her stress.

I have no plans of making the entire bridal party wait to order a dress based on the possibility I could be having a baby. I want them to order all dresses that they have measurements for, which I really hope is not uneasonable. If it is, then I'll deal with that. I also won't back out because it would hurt her feelings, and probably my husband's.

And audry - that's terrible.

[midnightrae]

Jan 6, 2013 17:20:21 GMT -5 audry80 said:

I am also a BM. I was told if I got pregnant I wouldn't be allowed to be a bridesmaid anymore! We can commiserate together....

Wtf? Seriously? One of my bridesmaids will have just had a baby when my wedding happens. Even if she got pregnant again right after, I wouldn't mind and I would be super happy for her.

[Cricket0619]

I think it is so ridiculous when brides think that their bridesmaids need to put their lives on hold for the brides wedding.

[sneetch]

Jan 6, 2013 18:06:19 GMT -5 Cricket0619 said:

I think it is so ridiculous when brides think that their bridesmaids need to put their lives on hold for the brides wedding.

She definitely wasn't doing this, so I hope I didn't give that impression. You might be referring to audry's post which makes sense, because that bride sounds awful.

[Cricket0619]

Jan 6, 2013 18:08:04 GMT -5 sneetch said:

Jan 6, 2013 18:06:19 GMT -5 Cricket0619 said:

I think it is so ridiculous when brides think that their bridesmaids need to put their lives on hold for the brides wedding.

She definitely wasn't doing this, so I hope I didn't give that impression. You might be referring to audry's post which makes sense, because that bride sounds awful.

Yes, I was referring to Audry's post. oops

[PinkSquirrel]

I'm sure the bridal shop is responsible for her feeling like you need to order with everyone, but I also think there are some good reasons to do this. I feel like I remember most places recommending ordering at least 6 months in advance because it takes FOR-EV-ER to get them made. 6 months from August is next month. It's not like she's asking you to order 2 years in advance here. Just order a size or two up and they should be able to make it work

[underwaterrhymes]

I think the bride is repeating what she's been told and I completely understand her sense of urgency, but I also see it from your perspective and don't blame you for wanting to hold off a bit longer. I would have a really open conversation with her and tell her you completely understand her wanting to order the dresses all at once, and to see what her drop-dead date is for ordering. Hopefully that can buy you a few months to see where things stand with TTC without overly stressing her out.

FWIW, the dye lot stuff, in my experience, is a load of shit. Any difference in color is generally not huge. I had an enormous bridal party and two of my bridesmaids just wore dresses that were different designers, but the same basic color and fabric - one because she was pregnant, and the other because her husband was having health issues and she wasn't sure she could come. You really could not tell a difference in person or in photos even in the case of the pregnant bridesmaid who actually had her dress made using a similar brown fabric.

[auntie]

I can see both your sides.

Dye lots can be an issue or not. It's hard to say. It's just less drama to order all the dresses at once and about 6 months out. The bridal shop wants to snag the order before she finds a mailorder shop or a dress maker willing to sew them.

You options depend in part of the style- a raised waist with gathers could work until 6 months without needing alterations, a fitted one could be tight with 8 week bloat. You could order a size or two up and have it altered which will mock you if you turn out not to get pg quickly. If they're cheap, you could order 2 dresses and sell both after. Or you could order your regular size and additional yardage from the manufacturer to be used to tweak the dress as needed/