2+ Mamas - what is the ideal gap between kiddos?

[devotchka]

Speaking of 2+ Mamas and expanding families - I am wondering what you 2+ Mamas think is the ideal age gap. I am thinking 3 for us, mostly because of my work situation (I need to go back to work full time and make a bit of money before getting pregnant again and don't want to do it just yet) - and also I think it might be easier than earlier. But I also don't want to go much past age 34 or so for my pregnancy (I am turning 32 in a week)... and this will be our last, so that's just my thinking. Curious about what you would do if you had to do a redo, if you would do the same thing or wait longer, or not wait as long?

[tuck]

4 years is perfect for us. H is old enough to be a genuinely awesome helper, but they aren't so far apart that they won't be able to relate to each other. I figure when they're older there shouldn't be any competition between them (for boys or what have you), but they'll still be close.


Also...I keep meaning to say this every time I see your sig. Your husband is kind of hot. ;D

[nilex0102]

I love the 3 year gap - one out of diapers and a willing helper. Also same as tuck I think they will still be close.

[biblionerd]

I don't really know any differently, but I would shoot for a 18 month-2 year gap like I'm hoping for this time. 11 months was too close to stay sane. I PROBABLY would still do it again because they're so stinking adorable together, but the rational part of me says that a little further apart would have been better.

[charlielove]

Jan 7, 2013 0:40:12 GMT -5 nilex0102 said:

I love the 3 year gap - one out of diapers and a willing helper. Also same as tuck I think they will still be close.

I agree. Close enough to be able to play together, etc. but enough of a gap so that the older one is a helper, potty trained and can do some tasks independently. Mine are 2 years 10 months apart. It is perfect for us.

[kkfeb04]

I always thought a 2 year gap would be ideal. I wouldn't change the timing. I'm not sure I will like their birthdays 2 weeks apart but eh, it will be okay. I think it all depends on the child's temperament. DS is a high-needs child, he is just starting now to interact with DD. He also doesn't like the fact she cruises and gets into his things so there's hitting, pushing, removing hands from furniture so she falls. There's also times when he shocks you and plays with her and does silly things to make her laugh. We'll get out of the transition phase and this will be a distant memory. Now if DD was first, things could be different, she's an easy baby.

[devotchka]

Jan 7, 2013 0:19:20 GMT -5 tuck said:

4 years is perfect for us. H is old enough to be a genuinely awesome helper, but they aren't so far apart that they won't be able to relate to each other. I figure when they're older there shouldn't be any competition between them (for boys or what have you), but they'll still be close.


Also...I keep meaning to say this every time I see your sig. Your husband is kind of hot. ;D

That's cool - I was thinking 4 years might be good for us too! Good to hear that about boys, I have a feeling the next one will be a boy My husband is 3 1/2 years apart from his brother and they are really close, even though he lives halfway across the country.

Thank you re: the husband being hot! I think so too and I don't mind showing him off - haha! Clearly, I like taking pictures of him. He is way hotter than me, not sure how I landed that

Here is a hot picture of him just for you - haha:

[devotchka]

Jan 7, 2013 1:29:19 GMT -5 kkfeb04 said:

I always thought a 2 year gap would be ideal. I wouldn't change the timing. I'm not sure I will like their birthdays 2 weeks apart but eh, it will be okay. I think it all depends on the child's temperament. DS is a high-needs child, he is just starting now to interact with DD. He also doesn't like the fact she cruises and gets into his things so there's hitting, pushing, removing hands from furniture so she falls. There's also times when he shocks you and plays with her and does silly things to make her laugh. We'll get out of the transition phase and this will be a distant memory. Now if DD was first, things could be different, she's an easy baby.

Interesting! It does sound like a temperament thing. My friend has 2 boys 2 years apart and the younger one is the high-needs one and he's got quite an attitude/temper. The older kid is super patient with him and loves to teach him how to play, it's really cute.

[Deleted]

Oooh yeah, he IS hot. Dayum. Thanks for that

Mine are also 2 years 10 months apart like Charlie and I think the 3 year gap was good for us. All the reasons she listed, plus also my DS1 was/is high maintenance & very emotional so I'm glad he had that time "by himself". A more laid back kid would have been just fine with a smaller gap, but DS1 would have totally freaked out with Mummy & Daddy giving their attention to a baby at age 2, for example. He still needed us A LOT then. Now he is more independent.

But they play together really well for the most part. He's not too old that he doesn't want anything to do with the baby. They interact and he loves to organise and direct DS2. Another plus is that he goes to preschool now so that gives me time with just DS2.

[devotchka]

Jan 7, 2013 3:25:36 GMT -5 @starbound said:

Oooh yeah, he IS hot. Dayum. Thanks for that

Mine are also 2 years 10 months apart like Charlie and I think the 3 year gap was good for us. All the reasons she listed, plus also my DS1 was/is high maintenance & very emotional so I'm glad he had that time "by himself". A more laid back kid would have been just fine with a smaller gap, but DS1 would have totally freaked out with Mummy & Daddy giving their attention to a baby at age 2, for example. He still needed us A LOT then. Now he is more independent.

But they play together really well for the most part. He's not too old that he doesn't want anything to do with the baby. They interact and he loves to organise and direct DS2. Another plus is that he goes to preschool now so that gives me time with just DS2.

Ooh I thought about the preschool thing too - that it would help me to have more time w/ the littler one and not feel guilty about it :/

I'll pass on the love to H, he loves attention

[livinreality]

Ours was 2y and 6m and it was definitely hard transition for DS1, he is easy going but missed his 100% 1 on 1... things have evened out, and he is a great helper. DS2 is very high needs so we were just talking about spacing as DH wants to be done at 35 but wants 2 more kids (33.5 right now)... I am thinking 3 years, I just have not recovered from 4-5 months of screaming or excited about chasing 2 and being pregnant..

In my perfect family (you know the one you dream about pre-baby reality) I would have stair steppers 20m-26m apart, boy, girl, girl, boy....

[Deleted]

20 months isn't bad. I would do it again. Yes, 2u2 is hard, but that was mostly the first 6-7 months. Now that the baby is mobile and not AS needy anymore, it is much easier to manage the 20m spacing. 2 is diapers really isn't a big deal. We use cloth at home so there wasn't a huge added expense and once they were in the same size disposables it was easier to pack the diaper bag too.

Ideally we aim for a school year in between...so anywhere from 18 to 30 months apart. (Like one kid is in 1st grade in 2015 and then the next in 2017 then 2019...we didn't want them on each other's tails)

[silverjm]

I'm just butting in to say I love that pic of your DH and DS.

Our two boys are 19 years apart......probably not ideal ;D

[joyhart02]

Jan 7, 2013 8:52:12 GMT -5 @pcloadletter said:

Our gap is almost 17 months to the day (missed it by 3 days) and it works great for us. Two in diapers isn't that tough and Hazel likes to help. She will go get you things all day long. She also had very few jealousy issues. I wouldn't change a thing.

My Daughters are 2 years 4 months apart. It has worked out well for us and I like it. We had two in diapers for a while until we pt Lydia and it wasn't that big a deal. Dd1 is kind of needy but my husband helps out a lot. Dd1 likes to help out and she recently started interacting with Calista and I think it should only get more fun.

[fusion]

Jan 7, 2013 8:52:12 GMT -5 @pcloadletter said:

Our gap is almost 17 months to the day (missed it by 3 days) and it works great for us. Two in diapers isn't that tough and Hazel likes to help. She will go get you things all day long. She also had very few jealousy issues. I wouldn't change a thing.

ditto, love it.

[Deleted]

My girls are almost 4 1/2 years apart and I am finding this gap ideal for me. I worried about "starting over", but it really is easier since J is so self-sufficient and does a lot for herself. She also helps a whole lot with "her Sweetheart".

ETA: We also only had like two months of full daycare tuition for 2 since J started preschool in August. Another + for us.

[dixeedeluxe]

The only thing that was pretty frustrating about our 18m age gap is that Edie wasn't vocal until she was 2. But lots of kids are vocal earlier than that. Since I got pregnant when Edie was 9m old, there's no way I could've known.

[jessandandy09]

I loved having my first two at two years apart. they were soooo close, they just adored each other.
IF Dh would consent to having another baby, I would aim for a 2 year gap again like I had with my first family.

oh and I had my current LO at 35 and it was really no different than the first time. Except I am a lot more tired and achey. LOL.

good luck.

[dixeedeluxe]

Jan 7, 2013 9:52:59 GMT -5 fusion said:

Jan 7, 2013 8:52:12 GMT -5 @pcloadletter said:

Our gap is almost 17 months to the day (missed it by 3 days) and it works great for us. Two in diapers isn't that tough and Hazel likes to help. She will go get you things all day long. She also had very few jealousy issues. I wouldn't change a thing.

ditto, love it.

Two in diapers isn't a biggie to me at all. I guess because as they get older, it's less diaper changes. Now if I'd had twins in diapers...holy moley.

We've had no jealousy issues. Edie has started biting Adeline. But I don't think it's to intentionally hurt her. I think it's a boundary she's trying out. She's never been a biter. And now, she kisses her for a long time and we don't know it's biting until she pulls away and Adeline screams.

[dixeedeluxe]

My cousin is pregnant right now. Her kids will be almost exactly 3 years apart. She's stressed now because she has 8 weeks left and she'd "planned" to have her older kiddo potty trained by now. That made me think that my 18m spacing was great because I wasn't at all concerned about that and didn't have to deal with trying to keep an older kid on a potty routine while caring for a newb!

[devotchka]

Jan 7, 2013 9:21:23 GMT -5 silverjm said:

I'm just butting in to say I love that pic of your DH and DS.

Our two boys are 19 years apart......probably not ideal ;D

Thanks! :heart: :heart: