Open letter to my body...

[Cheesecake]

Dear body,

Would you knock it off already. Kidney disease and a tough time getting knocked up all together is bad enough. do you really truly need to start messing with my rhythm as well. You're usually effing clockwork, from when I poop to my luteal phase and when I ovulate. It's the one thing I can count on since you've started to give me terrible terrible cramps during AF. The one thing is me being super regular. And now you're taking that from me too? What the fuck girl, that's just not cool!

So knock it off please. Just ovulate quickly now and be done with it for this month. Don't drag this out any further. You and I both know that besides me getting cranky over a terrible chart, it won't change anything anyways.

Oh, and while I have your attention, please stop storing and extra portion of fat on my belly. Not getting pregnant sucks bad enough without my belly growing constantly. I know losing weight is my end of the bargain, but really, when you leave all the fat on my belly right there no matter how skinny I get, it makes me mad. And kinda hate you a little. And that's just not cool.

So one last plea, knock it off. Get regular. I've been and will keep doing my part, but please just don't screw me over like that.

Sincerely,
Cheesecake

[Cheesecake]

I guess getting p/o at my body helps. Took an opk again this afternoon, and this brand has a 10 minute wait before it fully develops. This is after 1 minute. It's still getting darker even.
So I guess I'm finally gearing up to ovulate.
It sucks that even up to O-ing today, the timing if sex would've been perfect, but with O-ing tomorrow or Weds, it won't be as great.

I just kinda really wanted the most perfect timing ever for our last cycle on our own. Oh well. I guess 2 more weeks and I get to schedule my follow up RE appt and find out if we're even ever going to need the spare bedrooms...

Anyways, this is what catching your LH peak at it's highest looks like at 10% developed...



Sent from my phone, please disregard typos!

[thoseareradishes]

Glad things are getting started for you! All the anticipation around ovulation time can be exhausting! I hope you are still able to have good timing.

[sunflower22]

Yay for O! As far as timing, is there a reason you can't have sex again today and/or this week?

[Cheesecake]

I'm trying to go for less than every day this cycle. 36 hours actually. EOD just doesn't seem enough, every day hasn't worked so far. And so tomorrow morning would be ideal timing, which, with different work schedules and such, won't work. Tomorrow night will work, but it's just less perfect than if I'd O'd -ideally - yesterday. (Saturday was my usual O day. Latest I've ever O'd in 3 or 4 years is CD14, which was yesterday. )

Sent from my phone, please disregard typos!

[Cheesecake]

I just realized how glad I am that I did start temping and POASing those few days though. I would've been gutted if at 16DPO I'd still have no AF and a BFN. (Which would be 12DPO, so totally logical )

Sent from my phone, please disregard typos!

[sunflower22]

I know everyone is different w regards to their surge showing on an opk and actual ovulation, but if you just got that positive now, tomorrow evening may not be too late! Or you could break your 36 hour rule and do it before Has your H had a SA?

Feel free to completely ignore me, I know you weren't asking for advice, lol!!

[Cheesecake]

No SA yet. That's part of the package after the current cycle's BFN that's bound to come.
It's just that I've read so much about when it's not happening with every day, you should try every other day. Both haven't worked for me so far, so I figured who knows, 36 hours might do the magic. Give his swimmers 12 extra hours to get strong, but still do it frequent enough so they won't miss my egg, so to speak.

DH wasn't feeling very well last night and this morning. We still had sex last night, but I kinda feel bad making someone who's sick have sex. So I guess I'll just try for tomorrow night.

It's so stupid, I'm fully expecting to have another BFN at the end of this cycle. Completely sure that we will end up getting the RE's help and me asking myself why the hell we accepted her suggestion of trying on our own for 3 more months because everything looked so good with me. At the same time I do want to do everything right to give this last natural cycle a chance, ya know.

And at the same time it makes me angry and sad (directed mostly at myself) that I've come to the point that I don't even consider a natural cycle an actual possibility to get pregnant.

I really shouldn't be thinking about it too much, it just makes me sad, but I really really just want to kick my stupid teenage cousin who's gotten pregnant while really not planning to twice now.

[sunflower22]

Eh, don't be angry at yourself, I don't really consider each cycle as a chance to get pregnant anymore either. Isn't the definition of insanity performing the same task over and over yet expecting different results? So obviously that means were totally sane for being so negative!

And lol @ your sick H! Of course you'd feel bad, ha poor guy would probably appreciate the break if he's not feeling well.

FX for you, though, all it takes is one little sperm!!