Boy advice...probably overthinking it here. :)

[redredwine]

So, I've been seeing this boy, T since early April. I like him...alot. He's alot of what I'm looking for, honestly.
We've hung out about 8 times now, last few weeks has been twice a week. All of our dates have been multiple things, like dinner + walk + drink, etc. Hike + dinner, etc. We (finally) kissed on the 3rd date, I stayed at his place date#4...and due to a few different circumstances (my time of the month, no condom) no sex. But last night, we totally had the opportunity and still...no sex? I've slept over a few times and we totally cuddle all night and have gotten close. Last night, after a super cute and fun bike date he planned (he made dinner and brought a bottle of wine and we ate on the riverfront) we were both falling asleep on the couch (and we were sort of cuddling on the couch) and he asked if I wanted to stay over. I did...we made out for a bit...I was thinking that we'd probably uh, go there...since we got really close last time. After we made out for a bit (and totally PG), he just sort of held me and he went to sleep. Again, we cuddled all night, with mostly him initating it. Granted, I KNOW it was well past his "bedtime" (he gets up super early) but really? Like, he didn't even try, so I wasn't about to jump him. (even though I wanted to!)

I'm super confused by this guy. He doesn't strike me as the kind to wait. We met right before my Match subscription ended, and he even found me on OKC after date #2 and emailed me (because his phone sucks and he didn't get a text I had sent him, so he was worried I wasn't going to get a text) to say he's enjoyed getting to know me and hanging out and wanted to hang out again.. hence date 3 and onward. He always initiates emails and wanting to hang out (we email vs. text as it's more relaiable than his phone). I know the phrase of "if a guy like you, you'll know?"...this whole time dating him has been pretty easy. He's initiated it.

I guess I'm just confused about the sex thing...does he not want to? Why not? Is he sleeping with other people and doesn't want to "go there" with me? I mean, we're not all gushy and romantic at all (not my style) and no PDA's, etc. But the whole cuddling thing, kissing goodbye, etc. throws me for a loop. Like going from PG to PG13 to almost R...to back to PG.
What's the deal with this guy? I guess I'm just used to guys wanting sex well before this point. Hell...I wanted it before this point, we just couldn't. And here I was...lying pretty much nekkid in his bed. Don't get me wrong...I LOVED some good cuddling time. Loved.
Am I overthinking it (in case you haven't noticed...I overthink EVERYTHING!)

[mrsjuleshs]

I think you could definitely be overthinking. Maybe he is waiting for a definite response & GO from you? Just up the flirting and see what happens. Or you can flat out just ask him if he wants to screw.

[starryfish]

I would talk about it. Also, I usually like to have the "no-diseases" conversation, so that can lead into WHY you are not doing it yet.

[doriswe]

So I could have written this post last fall. My first jaunt into the dating world was almost exactly like this! It was frustrating because I was all "why don't you wannnttt meeeeee???" This went on for 3 months. Thing is he did, but he was all moral and wanted to be in love before he had sex with someone. As it turns out, we were much better friends and neither of us were falling in love, so we just started hanging out as friends (which was a little weird because he still wanted to cuddle and watch movies).

Wait...that probably didn't help at all, did it?

[wrathofkuus]

May 11, 2012 15:49:44 GMT -5 starryfish said:

I would talk about it. Also, I usually like to have the "no-diseases" conversation, so that can lead into WHY you are not doing it yet.

I agree with this. In fact, the disease question could hold the answer to why no sex yet.

[starryfish]

May 11, 2012 15:52:38 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

May 11, 2012 15:49:44 GMT -5 starryfish said:

I would talk about it. Also, I usually like to have the "no-diseases" conversation, so that can lead into WHY you are not doing it yet.

I agree with this. In fact, the disease question could hold the answer to why no sex yet.

oooo your here Kuus! Im so happy! ;D

[redredwine]

wait, so are you saying he is hiding an STD or something?
Well...we didn't have sex last weekend because he didn't have a condom, so it was a no-go by my insistance and he was totally fine with it. My guess is maybe since I was at his place again...he still didn't have any (even though I totally had some in my purse, thanks a Cinco de Mayo pinata from last weekend! Yay for fun prizes!) He probably thought "well, I still don't; have one...so, she's not going to have sex with me, so I won't even try and go there." Maybe? I dunno...

[redredwine]

May 11, 2012 15:50:29 GMT -5 doriswe said:

So I could have written this post last fall. My first jaunt into the dating world was almost exactly like this! It was frustrating because I was all "why don't you wannnttt meeeeee???" This went on for 3 months. Thing is he did, but he was all moral and wanted to be in love before he had sex with someone. As it turns out, we were much better friends and neither of us were falling in love, so we just started hanging out as friends (which was a little weird because he still wanted to cuddle and watch movies).

Wait...that probably didn't help at all, did it?

Well...the way he cuddles, kisses, leads me to believe he wants me...but then the no sex leads me to wonder.
He's honestly a great person just to cuddle and sleep with...and I rarely say that. I'm usually like "just give me my space and leave me alone until the morning".
ay ay ay.

[wrathofkuus]

Oh, no, but he could be. I meant that he might want to know YOU well enough to make sure YOU don't have an STD before having sex.

[dakotadangerdog]

Be like what's up, I got condoms, let's have sex.

and then have sex!

And then I'll be jealous, cuz I am getting no love.

[redredwine]

May 11, 2012 16:09:43 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Oh, no, but he could be. I meant that he might want to know YOU well enough to make sure YOU don't have an STD before having sex.

Ah...gotcha. And rightfully so. Can't be too careful!

[doriswe]

May 11, 2012 16:03:48 GMT -5 redredwine said:

May 11, 2012 15:50:29 GMT -5 doriswe said:

So I could have written this post last fall. My first jaunt into the dating world was almost exactly like this! It was frustrating because I was all "why don't you wannnttt meeeeee???" This went on for 3 months. Thing is he did, but he was all moral and wanted to be in love before he had sex with someone. As it turns out, we were much better friends and neither of us were falling in love, so we just started hanging out as friends (which was a little weird because he still wanted to cuddle and watch movies).

Wait...that probably didn't help at all, did it?

Well...the way he cuddles, kisses, leads me to believe he wants me...but then the no sex leads me to wonder.
He's honestly a great person just to cuddle and sleep with...and I rarely say that. I'm usually like "just give me my space and leave me alone until the morning".
ay ay ay.

lol...I was there!! He'd shove me up against a wall in the bar and make out with me, he was constantly rubbing my legs and would always be kissing me. And then we'd be alone and getting all hot and bothered and nothing....it was frustrating!!

Honestly, in retrospect, I'm glad I didn't sleep with him because it was a really good dating experience and wasn't too serious, so my heart stayed in tact.

[redredwine]

May 11, 2012 16:10:21 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

Be like what's up, I got condoms, let's have sex.

and then have sex!

And then I'll be jealous, cuz I am getting no love.

I love it! that made me LOL. I'm tempted.

I AM just taking this one date at a time and really enjoying spending time with him in the meantime.

And hell...it's about time. I've had a poor poor, sad, pathetic sex life for almost 2 years now. PATHETIC. So, I'll take the cuddling without sex over that anyday. But sex would just be the icing on the cake.

[doriswe]

Sex AND cake would be awesome...that is all!

[redredwine]

May 11, 2012 16:19:45 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Sex AND cake would be awesome...that is all!

Well, ironically I AM baking a cake tonight...now if I could just get the boy.

[dakotadangerdog]

May 11, 2012 16:45:02 GMT -5 redredwine said:

May 11, 2012 16:19:45 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Sex AND cake would be awesome...that is all!

Well, ironically I AM baking a cake tonight...now if I could just get the boy.

Phone call to boy:

"Hey, I'm baking a cake... wanna come over later and fuck?"

Him: "Be there in five minutes"

banging commences, followed by enjoyment of cake.

You are welcome.

[redredwine]

May 11, 2012 16:49:33 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

May 11, 2012 16:45:02 GMT -5 redredwine said:

Well, ironically I AM baking a cake tonight...now if I could just get the boy.

Phone call to boy:

"Hey, I'm baking a cake... wanna come over later and fuck?"

Him: "Be there in five minutes"

banging commences, followed by enjoyment of cake.

You are welcome.

OMG...I love this.

[dakotadangerdog]

I wish my life was at all like the scenarios in my head. Sigh.