Desperate times (long)

[muppetinma]

Call for desperate measures. I am not proud of what I'm about to type, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

I just threw Andrew in the bathtub fully clothed and in a diaper. He also still had on his bib. And he might have still been strapped in to his high chair.

It started innocently enough. He was eating dinner in his high chair, like he does every night. I heard him start to grunt and figured he must be pooping. Since bath time is after dinner, I figured I'd just let him finish and deal with the dirty diaper afterwards.

Once he finished, I went to take his bib off and noticed it was wet. He had eaten steamed veggies and pasta . . . . nothing too wet. Then I realized his shirt was wet underneath. And his pants. And his socks. And the high chair. My child had shit a metric ass ton and it. Was. Everywhere.

I wasn't sure what else to do. DH is out of town, and I wouldn't wish this upon any of my friends or neighbors. If I picked him up, I'd get covered in poop. I wasn't exactly sure what was hiding underneath his butt and I didn't want it leaking throughout the house. So, I took off his helmet, lifted the seat off the base (it is one of those that becomes a booster), and put the entire thing in the bathtub. I turned the shower on, away from his face, and just started rinsing and pulling off layers.

I can't unsee the things I saw today. It was between his toes and in his armpits.

He was having a blast in the tub/shower. He thought it was hilarious. It actually was easier to rinse everything out than I thought. I threw his clothes and the high chair cover in a plastic bag so I could wash them and disinfected the high chair and the bathtub at the same time. I brought a ziploc bag up with me to capture the poop and waterlogged diaper in. Thank god it's trash day so I can get rid of that thing.

There's no real point to this. I need to vent and nobody else would really understand. Maybe you can laugh at my misfortune? I don't know. . . . I just felt this sick need to share.

[ruby412]

That is disgustingly hilarious!!

[mikehoncho]

Omg I'm so sorry but I am dying laughing. I would have totally freaked but OMG OMG the toes/armpits comment has me laughing so hard. I say this is one for the baby book.

[TrudyCampbell]

Whoa! What does this boy eat!?

[muppetinma]

Jan 8, 2013 20:19:09 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

Whoa! What does this boy eat!?

Nothing out of the ordinary! He threw up a couple times earlier today in gym class, so I'm wondering if he's sick. No fever, seems perfectly happy otherwise.

And because I'm such a nice wife, I sent a particularly awful poop picture to my husband, along with a link to the jewelry I've been eyeing for Valentine's Day.

[browneyedhunni85]

I think you handled it well. Sorry you had such a mess to clean.

[mala]

LMFAO! God, that sucks but is so hilarious too! DH is horrified on your behalf.

[skiesthelimit]

Omg thats crazy and halarious all at the same time!!! Is it bad that im dieing to see a PIP?

[Deleted]

Thats so dunny. no judgement at all! I was in the same place over New Years when H had the flu (explosive diarrhea).

[mikehoncho]

Jan 8, 2013 20:23:53 GMT -5 muppetinma said:

Jan 8, 2013 20:19:09 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

Whoa! What does this boy eat!?

Nothing out of the ordinary! He threw up a couple times earlier today in gym class, so I'm wondering if he's sick. No fever, seems perfectly happy otherwise.

And because I'm such a nice wife, I sent a particularly awful poop picture to my husband, along with a link to the jewelry I've been eyeing for Valentine's Day.

HAHAH! That is awesome. I need to start doing this.

[The Foozzler]

I feel slightly bad that I actually laughed out loud at this, and I never laugh out loud at stuff that I read.

I am so sorry this happened to you and I pray that I never have to have do what you did. I would have done the same exact thing if I were you.

[claralou]

OMG. I'm trying not to laugh and wake C, but this is hilarious. And the pic/link? Genius. Absolute genius.

[muppetinma]

"You have to laugh at yourself, because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't.”

I fully believe in sharing embarrassing moments for the entertainment of others. However, I won't share a PIP. I'd have to block so much out to make it vaguely acceptable. . . . there would be nothing left.

[Deleted]

I would hug you, but well...you know where you have been!




***Ouiser's iPhone was here***

[dojo]

Lol I laughed so hard at this! You were wise, momma! Hank had a poo-nami yesterday in public. Shit from his ass to literally his neck, so I feel you!

[muppetinma]

Jan 8, 2013 21:00:20 GMT -5 dojo said:

Lol I laughed so hard at this! You were wise, momma! Hank had a poo-nami yesterday in public. Shit from his ass to literally his neck, so I feel you!

Ooooh, I like this. I've been calling it the Poopocalypse, but it doesn't roll off the tongue as well.

[mrsjaymay]

Oh you poor thing!! DH and I just had a serious lol over your misfortune though!! I agree, one for the baby books!

[Faevantastic]

Holy shit! (Pun intended)

[jenbelle]

Jan 8, 2013 20:23:53 GMT -5 muppetinma said:

Jan 8, 2013 20:19:09 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

Whoa! What does this boy eat!?

Nothing out of the ordinary! He threw up a couple times earlier today in gym class, so I'm wondering if he's sick. No fever, seems perfectly happy otherwise.

And because I'm such a nice wife, I sent a particularly awful poop picture to my husband, along with a link to the jewelry I've been eyeing for Valentine's Day.

[/b]
LOVE!!!

[katie]

Omg! You did the right thing and I will remember that lol...good thinking on the gift idea to DH.

[bebeetmoi]

Jan 8, 2013 20:14:47 GMT -5 muppetinma said:

I can't unsee the things I saw today. It was between his toes and in his armpits.

Killed it. I am dead.

[spaghetticat]

You never fail to make me laugh. YH owes you one!

[unclejesse]

Looking at that sweet face in his pics makes me giggle whenreading this story. This is definitely one for the books!!

[mamasaurus]

Wow. Babysaurus is the blowout queen, and I haven't ever had to clean poop out of her toes and her armpits at the same time. Bravo, little man! Bravo!

[rxbeth]

Jan 8, 2013 20:30:24 GMT -5 skiesthelimit said:

Omg thats crazy and halarious all at the same time!!! Is it bad that im dieing to see a PIP?

I say not bad because I'm intrigued, too!

[muppetinma]

Even worse than having to deal with it myself is the fact that I can't drink to forget it. Playing single parent means I have to be sober and responsible. So, instead of attacking the drunken gummies in my fridge, I'm having some water and an ice cream sandwich. It's not the same.

[helicase]

You are super mom. How is that much poop even inside a little person?

[Deleted]

Wow. Yeah, it's hard to believe there can be that much poo inside a baby! Especially when it's spread all over. Poor you!! Hope the ice cream sandwich helped a bit

[Deleted]

Oh yucky. yucky. yucky.

[Deleted]

HA ha hah ahahhhhhaaaaa