How did this day turn to shit so quickly?

[lydiasings28]

I fucked up dinner and now my marriage is suffering. Yay me. Oh, and I'm sobbing as I listen to my baby crying over the monitor (DH woke her because he is too fucking loud as always) and debating if I should let her settle herself or if I would just make her more upset by being in there but not nursing her.

I guess DH feels like something is missing and is not right. Between waking up at 3:45 and going to my new job (which I love, but is stressful because I'm still learning), picking up E, making dinner, getting mine and E's stuff ready for the next day, and struggling to put a baby who now pulls up in her crib and won't nurse at bedtime to sleep, there isn't much time for intimacy. I go to bed right after E in order to get enough sleep to function.

Sex is the last thing on my mind and DH is feeling under appreciated. He wants more attention. Nevermind the fact that it takes me 5 or 6 tries to tear his focus away from the tv or video games just to ask a simple yes or no question. Attention is kind of hard to give when your focused on something else. I knew that something like this might happen, but never thought it actually would. We're trying to communicate but while I am able to tell him that he is in no way helping my self-esteem by making me feel stupid for messing up dinner, he cannot pinpoint what he is actually really upset about.

I thought we were fine, but I guess not. Something as stupid as turning chicken noodle soup into mush opened a can of worms that left me feeling dumb and worthless. Sadly, I don't drink when I am upset or I would tear into the wine. Thanks for listening to my sob story.

Oh, and E is finally asleep. She only cried for a few minutes, but I still feel like shit.

[lolaburns]

I am sorry you are having a bad night. This baby stuff is truly hard. I hope it gets better.


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[spaghetticat]

I'm sorry. I understand your situation with YH and I think it is really easy to fall into that. It's time for a talk. Do it now before it gets too out of control. Good luck!

[mala]

Hugs. Sounds like your H has unrealalistic expectations of you and what you can do with your time.

[TrudyCampbell]

Jan 9, 2013 20:34:44 GMT -5 mala said:

Hugs. Sounds like your H has unrealalistic expectations of you and what you can do with your time.

Yea, this. Can't he cook dinner for you instead? If he wants you to be more available he's going to have to help you out a lot.

[Deleted]

It's amazing how much a baby changes a marriage. I'm sorry you are going through this. Hugs, and you know we are all here for you.

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[bebeetmoi]

I'm sorry to hear this. Arguing with your DH when you're exhausted and stressed is no fun Hang in there!

[mscatra]

Second everything everyone above me said. I never really imagined it would be this hard on my marriage either. Talk, get some help if needed, and try not to feel like shit. Hugs.

[lydiasings28]

Jan 9, 2013 20:38:56 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

Jan 9, 2013 20:34:44 GMT -5 mala said:

Hugs. Sounds like your H has unrealalistic expectations of you and what you can do with your time.

Yea, this. Can't he cook dinner for you instead? If he wants you to be more available he's going to have to help you out a lot.

We trade off a lot or cook in tandem. He really does work hard to get his own stuff done so he can spend time with E. I don't want to go tit for tat with him about who does more, but I do a lot more time consuming stuff (pumping, feeding E and myself dinner, bedtime, etc.) and he's telling me that he sees me getting distracted and not actually sitting and completing one task at a time. I'm pretty sure he's confusing distraction with multi-tasking.

[cat19]

Nothing to add to what the ladies above have said, but :::hugs:::

[lydiasings28]

Thanks for the support, ladies. It is very taxing. I'm just glad I can talk with other women who know what I'm going through. I want y'all to know that you are appreciated by me. I can't be on here as much anymore, but I still feel like I'm a part of something. Which is big for me because I always feel like an outsider in real life.

[EnchantedSoul]

Pointing fingers and laying blame won't help the marriage either. If you agree that something feels "off", then tell him as much and let him know that you are willing to work WITH him at rectifying the situation.
Adding a member to your family is hard. Babies are hard. I believe that you are doing your very best and gotdammit, sometimes shit just burns!
Sounds like now is the time to think about how things have changed, how you guys are going to adjust to it and what your plan is going forward. And if he's still pissy about the soup, Dominoes delivers.

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[lydiasings28]

Haha, thanks kasper, I totally agree. I feel like he and I are on separate pages in the communication department, so that is the number one thing to work on.

[biblionerd]

::hugs:: and hopes that you guys can come to a solution

[hass2001]

I'm so sorry. This makes me sad. I hope he can somehow communicate to you what he is really feeling so you guys can work on it. You definitely don't need the added stress with your new job.

[gmoneymommy]

I'm sorry. I agree with everyone else, and hope you guys can talk through it. Hugs!!

[sunshineluv]

I am sorry, I hope things start looking up just as quickly as they went to shit.

[Deleted]

Couldn't have said it better than Kasper. My husband and I finally had it out about a month and a half ago. It was like WW3 at our house for a few hours and I think we learned more about one another in that short time than we ever had. We talked and communicated our wants/feelings/issues very honestly but respectfully and I can say with 100% honesty that it most likely saved our marriage. Open that up now and you could do the same for yours.




***Ouiser's iPhone was here***

[eav2c]

I am really, really sorry. Let things cool down and then have a sit down with him. Maybe you guys could schedule things like "Friday night=No electronics and US time." Or something of that effect. We were really lacking in intimacy, I'm not just talking sex, but just sexual connection at all and we set aside specific nights every week to reconnect. Saturdays work best for us and we have reconnected by doing things we used to do a lot together like board and video games. We get the baby to sleep, put away our phones, and enjoy each other. I know it sounds all silly but make a point to designate some time can really help. Likewise, I think your husband should be a little more forgiving given you've just started a new job, have a new baby, and are still adjusting... it ain't easy! I hope it gets better soon ((hugs))