finding out about a death on FB

[UMaineTeach]

I just saw a new low in FB death, from the mom of a friend who is FB clueless.

She just posted on his timeline

Hey (son's name) your Uncle Joe Smith passed away. Thought you might like to come to the funeral.

:-|

you call your son to let him know his uncle died right? right?

[wawa]

Is it possible that he's been ducking her calls and this was her frustrated response?

[basilosaurus]

Eh,I found out my grandfather died when my dad emailed me a copy of the obit while I was at work. We weren't close, the guy was really old, and I wasn't expected to do anything in response.

Help,I find out my uncle, my mom's last living relative, died months ago when I randomly asked about him around xmas.

The only weird thing is the public nature

[agytay]

At least send him a private message. No need to blast that on a wall. After all, who knows what other family members are reading it for the first time.

[marie427]

Jan 13, 2013 18:17:22 GMT -5 wawa said:

Is it possible that he's been ducking her calls and this was her frustrated response?

It does sound like a frustrated response to me, but ditto the pp - this could have been sent as a private message. Or maybe this person was just really, realllllllly frustrated.

[ChillyMcFreeze]

DH found out one of his best friends died via text message. I guess I should be thankful he didn't see it on FB...

Is it bad that I get really frustrated at vaguebooking about deaths without mentioning the cause? I don't know if there's a tactful way to do that, but inquiring minds want to know, dammit.

[Deleted]

I found out my grandfather died overnight because my cousin posted it on FB at 5am and my dad had the decency to wait until 8am to call and tell me (He had called the night before to say things didn't look good)

[penguingrrl]

I found out a cousin of my mom's, who was very ill, passed when another cousin posted on FB before anyone had called me. That was okay with me because I didn't know him well and was more affected in that I needed to be there to support my mom and aunt.

It sounds to me like in the OP the mom had been trying to reach the guy and he wasn't responding and she gave up and reached out the way he would most likely hear. Even if he isn't good at checking FB maybe someone who can more easily get in touch with him than mom will hear and tell him.

[penguingrrl]

Jan 13, 2013 18:25:02 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I can't imagine why she would not use the private message function, if nothing else.

I have a cousin who rushes to facebook to post every death she hears about that she has any tangential relationship with. My older brother found out our oldest sister passed away this way. She'd had a stroke, was hospitalized, and my cousin found out from one of our siblings, but not everyone had been notified yet that day. It was not very nice.

I'm so sorry. That's awful. I can't imagine putting something like that on facebook before being absolutely sure everyone had been notified.

[arborgold]

I found out via text that my grandfather (of TT discussion) had passed away.

[pescalita]

Lots of old people don't know the difference between timeline posts and PMs.

I found out my aunt died on caring bridge. We had come back from a trip that day and my mom didn't want to ruin it by calling before we were home. I know I'm odd, but I really didn't mind, it was nice to grieve in private.

[kwynn]

Jan 13, 2013 19:07:00 GMT -5 susquehanna said:

Jan 13, 2013 18:33:00 GMT -5 ChillyMcFreeze said:

Is it bad that I get really frustrated at vaguebooking about deaths without mentioning the cause? I don't know if there's a tactful way to do that, but inquiring minds want to know, dammit.

The only vague-booked death announcement that I saw on Facebook was for a death that was probably a suicide.

I wrote about my husband's death on Facebook. I waited until every relative and friend had been contacted individually. I apologized for the horrible post but wanted to let ppl know as young ppl do not read the newspaper and wouldn't have known where the visitation was. I spent a few hours crafting the post.

It was a suicide and I didn't mention that at that time. I used "suddenly" and "very unexpectedly" as a subtle way to give the information.

FB is already so in your face that mentioning any kind of method of death seems harsh---most obituaries only hint as well ("after a long illness" or "donations can be made to MADD" or some other small hint). There's just no kind way to say most causes of death that aren't terrible, especially a young person.

[arborgold]

FWIW, I DO have a law school friend who recently lost her newborn child (just a couple weeks old) to SIDS. After family and close friends had been informed, she posted a very well crafted FB post to let everyone else know, and to let people know about the viewing and funeral. She mentioned at the beginning of the post that she wasn't sure if this was the best medium to do it, but that she wanted to reach all of the people whom she cared about and who cared about her, and this was the best way she could think of.

I didn't think that was tasteless, at all. And it was nice to know so that I could send my condolences, because I'm not close enough to her that she would have called me about it.

[ttt]

I don't think it's wrong to post about a death on Facebook in general. But I do think it's a terrible way to tell people who were close to the deceased about the death. Close family and friends need to be contacted personally.

[druidp]

Jan 15, 2013 9:00:34 GMT -5 ttt said:

I don't think it's wrong to post about a death on Facebook in general. But I do think it's a terrible way to tell people who were close to the deceased about the death. Close family and friends need to be contacted personally.

Agree. We found out via Facebook last week a friend of ours had died, and his dad posted it on his page. Once he had done that, I proceeded to share it on mine, since tons of this guy's friends over the years are only reachable via Facebook.

New era, folks. But yeah, you do need to ensure closest friends/relatives are informed in something other than a status update.

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

I found out my sister was married via FB, I found out my best friend was pregnant via FB, I found out my boyfriend was engaged to SOMEONE ELSE on FB (my bitterness tastes bitter), and my ex-husband announced to our entire family that we were divorcing on FB. We live in strange times.

[thejackpot]

What the heck. Mom of the Year right there!