Has anyone dated a widower?

[violet]

I have a first date with a widower on Saturday. He has a young daughter. I don't know all the details yet. Any advice? We've been emailing about 2 weeks and texting and he seems like a good guy.

[doriswe]

How long has she been deceased?

[violet]

I'm not sure yet. I'm going definitely going to find out. I'm likening this to a "just divorced guy" and proceeding with extreme caution.

[doriswe]

That would be my advice.....slow and steady.

[violet]

I'm going to assume the usual red flags apply, but as I've never dated someone in this situation I'm wondering if there are other things I should be conscious of.

[Deleted]

I am a new widow. Just posted on MM.

My husband and I had a complicated marriage, and he died in a complicated way (suicide). My biggest fear with dating is that when I am ready, potential dates will think that I idolize my late husband, and anyone else from now on will be settling. That's not true for me. Our marriage was in a good place when he died, but it had its ups and downs. I'm not even 100% confident that we wouldn't have divorced someday.

I think treating him like a divorced guy (who is maybe less jaded but more sad) would be a good start.

[doriswe]

spearmintleaf, I'm soooo sorry for your loss. I hope you stick around here.

((hugs))

[kwynn]

I'm also a widow, a young one, as of April too.

I think this thread goes to show you there are all kinds of marriages that end with the death of a spouse, and so there's really no one idea on how to date a widower.

I think you just treat it like any other date and see how it works out. Some ppl want to talk about it and some ppl don't---and men are said to move on a bit faster than women after the death of their spouse.

Check out Abel Keogh's blog and books on how to date a widower, written by a widower.

[Deleted]

I was widowed also. I am now remarried. I agree with the statement that it is sort of like a divorce but the remaining spouse will still have some positive feelings for the deceased. The hatred isn't the same.
Proceed slowly but certainly do not rule it out. He is still here. Hopefully he will have dealt with some of his feelings of loss. If not it will move much slower.
good luck

[bostonterrier]

I had no idea we had some many widows on the board. Nothing to add except I can't imagine your loss, and I'm glad you're here.

[ro]

My STBXH is a widower from a previous marriage. We both did a lot of wrong things in the beginning of our relationship and didn't take into consideration the red flags. We were married less than 2 years after she passed. Probably one of the reason why he's my STBX.

My advice would be to take it slow. He'll need time to fully grieve, if he hasn't already.

Have fun though. If he sounds like a good guy, he probably is. If you have any questions, let me know.

[riverpestie]

My Mom married a widower and they keep the lines of communication open. His wife passed away about 6 years ago. They have been married for 2 years.