SIL and Clingy Baby

[orriskitten]

So the saga continues. Poor SIL is really struggling and I am trying to do as much as I can for her. Baby Kira, who is now just over 3 weeks old only wants to be held and is only in the swing for short periods. While I know this is totally normal, SIL is losing it. My stepbro (her bf) is useless and works non-stop. Poor SIL didn't want to be with him and was going to give their relationship 3 months until their apt lease ran out to dump him, when she found out she was pregnant. So emotionally things suck. She also had an emergency c-section after 24 hrs of labor. And lives in a 2 floor walk up.

I gave her my woven wrap and showed her how to use it (in front of a huge audience of people who are convinced baby wearing is the devil and you'll smother/squish your child to death in one). She hadn't tried it yet, but hopefully will tonight. Good thing for the wrap argument is that she is VERY familiar with them culturally being Chinese/Vietnamese and has seen her family using them.

She is at her wits end. I can only help so much and this week I have a shit ton of helping my grandma and great grandma to do so I can't make the 1.5hr commute to her like I'd love to.

What advice can you give me? I have a feeling she is at the point where she is going to let her LO CIO because she just can't take it (I explained to her why this will not work). She is on meds for PPD at this point, as far as I know, so hopefully that can help soon and hopefully Kira and mom can get along. Kira is FF and BF, so I am going to try to suggest that mom pick one and try to see if it is gas or food reaction.

I am going to call tomorrow and talk to her a bit, reassure her and just be there for her. What other ideas can you ladies give me? I realize daily how lucky I am that Melody is such a chill, relaxed baby and that I never had to deal with this.

[mala]

Just talking to her and telling her that it is all normal and it will get better will probably help a lot. You are a good friend/sort-of-SIL to be helping her so much.

[Deleted]

Has she tried a vibrating bouncy chair? Those can be baby crack sometimes. 5 s's?

Also, make sure she knows that letting the baby cry won't help, but if she is too stressed it is OK to let the baby cry for a few minutes until she can pull herself back together. That is better than getting frustrated.

[ruby412]

Wow, you are doing a lot to help her and that is awesome! I think showing her how to babywear is a great idea! Same with picking a feeding method.

Does she have a lot of friends in the area? Family? Perhaps you could reach out to them and create a rotating schedule so she has a visitor every day to help for the next several weeks.

I don't know what else you could possibly do. Are you concerned for her safety or the safety of the baby? Do you have the type of home where you could invite her to stay with you for a few weeks until she's on her feet?

[EnchantedSoul]

It sounds like you're helping tremendously. I would continue to suggest wearing her and swaddling her super tight.
Does she have family that can come and give her time to rest/shower/nap at all? Where are baby's grandparents? Can they help out?
Can she put her in the stroller and push her throughout the house? That's all I can think of right now.

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[spaghetticat]

At that stage, I really needed to hear that it would get better. Just keep reassuring her. And food was always helpful so it was one less thing I had to worry about.

[orriskitten]

Jan 15, 2013 20:17:42 GMT -5 @thadsrad said:

Has she tried a vibrating bouncy chair? Those can be baby crack sometimes. 5 s's?

Also, make sure she knows that letting the baby cry won't help, but if she is too stressed it is OK to let the baby cry for a few minutes until she can pull herself back together. That is better than getting frustrated.

She does not have a bouncy chair. I will see if I can procure one for her (she is on disability and only getting 60% salary and sb is on commission). She swaddles at night, will try to encourage her to during the day as well.

I told her its ok to let her cry if she really needs a moment. Sm scared the shit out of her saying she can twist the baby's intestines if she let's her cry to much Ugh.

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[jessandandy09]

you might encourage her to get to the dr. and have her meds upped. While I hate resorting to meds right away, it is possible they don't have her on a high enough dose of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety med. It also sounds like you are offering great advice and support right now. PPD is no joke and needs to be addressed more and less stigmatized

[orriskitten]

Jan 15, 2013 20:18:19 GMT -5 ruby412 said:

Wow, you are doing a lot to help her and that is awesome! I think showing her how to babywear is a great idea! Same with picking a feeding method.

Does she have a lot of friends in the area? Family? Perhaps you could reach out to them and create a rotating schedule so she has a visitor every day to help for the next several weeks.

I don't know what else you could possibly do. Are you concerned for her safety or the safety of the baby? Do you have the type of home where you could invite her to stay with you for a few weeks until she's on her feet?

She doesn't have friends in the area and her family is mia. I've been trying to help as much as I can and mobilize my family, but they are clueless with babies and can be a pita, but we are trying.

I don't have the room to have her here, we are in a2 bedroom apt with a small living room. Of things continue like this, dh and I are going to offer to take Kira for a coupe of nights so her and sb can work things out. I think the emotional stuff is really getting to her.

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[lolaburns]

Can she try the 5 S's? Swaddle, shush( white noise), sway/swing, suck( pacifier), side ( football hold)? Luke was like that in the beginning...it was just a normal newborn being out of the womb thing. It will pass, although it sucks being in it.


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[devonpow]

Anyway she can get a sitter? I had PPD with DS1 and he was very intense/needy. Plus DH works insane hours so just couldn't help as much as he wanted We got a night nurse for 2 nights a week and it saved my ass. the cost was so, so worth it. Everything seems better with sleep.

[orriskitten]

Jan 15, 2013 20:30:08 GMT -5 lolaburns said:

Can she try the 5 S's? Swaddle, shush( white noise), sway/swing, suck( pacifier), side ( football hold)? Luke was like that in the beginning...it was just a normal newborn being out of the womb thing. It will pass, although it sucks being in it.


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I'll tell her about them again. She was using them just to go to bed at night.

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[cat19]

I just PM'ed you.

[katie]

It's really great that she has you! Talking to her I am sure if helpful. Even if it's multiple times a day to check on her. A crying baby and PPD is not fun. Does the baby have colic? She could try the colic massage and maybe some colic calm. I know Lillian was colicky and didn't want to sleep on be on anywhere but me. She hated the ergo. I never got a wrap though. I am sure things will get better it's just that time until it does that is so so hard.

[Deleted]

This sounds like it could be me.. I dealt with the same sort of scenario for the first 6-7 weeks. I held her all the time because that was the only way she'd sleep w/o crying. I think a lot of times for them the trauma of birth is what makes them want to be held which is perfectly natural. so if she can wear baby in a wrap perfect!

My lifesaver when I went back to work was the swing that went side to side not front to back like most do... she loved the side to side motion but hated the back to front. She slept in there all day.. I was at my wits end so I didn't care that she was in the swing all the time.. hey she was sleeping that was all that mattered to me.

Hope things get easier for her!

[Deleted]

Also.. if she is BF and her baby is horribly fussy have her try cutting out all dairy products for about 1-2 weeks and see if there is a difference. That was the other thing I did and it worked for Taylina