I had a few hours to myself over the weekend without the H and kid and thought "Awesome, I'll finally have a chance to relax and have me time!", but I just.....can't. I feel like I have the inability to relax and read a book or watch a movie or go get coffee by myself. I always feel like I should be doing something with the house or for the family. Saturday I got a hair cut, then stopped at the grocery store for some dinner ingredients, went home and instead of having "me" time with a book and backed up DVR shows, I deep cleaned the kitchen because I didn't feel like I could really relax. Even yesterday the H took R too his moms for a few hours, and I spent those 2 hours doing 3 loads of laundry when it could have easily waited. I didn't even finish 1 episode of Bones (I have 11 episodes on the DVR). How do you relax? How do you "let go"?
Bubble bath, read a book, have a glass (or more) of wine, catch up on movies or TV I don't normally have time to watch, go to a museum, go for a walk,...
I think you need to look deeper there and find out why you keep working. Is it a question of guilt? Of wanting to be a martyr? I don't mean those in bad ways, and I'm not looking for an answer, but I think most people can leave the laundry, especially when it's out of sight in a closet somewhere! So look inside and find out what it is. Do you maybe need "permission" from your spouse? Sometimes I ask DH for permission to have a lazy day - not in seriousness, but just so I can switch off and not feel like a total bum.
I can't relax when the house is cluttered, so I'll generally run around doing a quick 20 minute pick-up, but then I have no problem doing pilates (I can't stand yoga, but pilates is so relaxing for me it's like going to a spa) or taking a bath.
I think you need to look deeper there and find out why you keep working. Is it a question of guilt? Of wanting to be a martyr? I don't mean those in bad ways, and I'm not looking for an answer, but I think most people can leave the laundry, especially when it's out of sight in a closet somewhere! So look inside and find out what it is. Do you maybe need "permission" from your spouse? Sometimes I ask DH for permission to have a lazy day - not in seriousness, but just so I can switch off and not feel like a total bum.
I can't relax when the house is cluttered, so I'll generally run around doing a quick 20 minute pick-up, but then I have no problem doing pilates (I can't stand yoga, but pilates is so relaxing for me it's like going to a spa) or taking a bath.
I think you're totally right about the guilt thing. I just don't feel like it's "right" to be lazy when there's always something to do, even if it's small and it can wait. Since having a baby I haven't had a lot of time to just "be", but now that she's a bit older, a little more independant and a little less "work" I just don't know what to do with myself when down time is available. Maybe I'm just out of practice? LOL.
OP: i also have a hard time sitting still. It may be a touch of ADD or OCD or whatever other undiagnosed neuroses makes me special - but I've found for me I just can not sit still or be idle. Getting a coffee and just people watching is torture for me. I go jogging and find that's a great way to relax and lose the stress.
Post by adhdfashion on Jan 21, 2013 11:50:25 GMT -5
I like to crochet to relax. While watching my tv shows. Then my hands and mind are occupied. Although it really sounds like you need a vacation. Like to bad so sad lady, no chores for you to do for 3 or 4 days.
Wop, I have a hard time relaxing too. It drives DH nuts because we will be watching a movie and I'll get up half a dozen times. Besides having a Type A personality I also have ADHD so it's an understatement to say that my brain is always running and is 3 steps ahead of my body. If there's clutter around or laundry to be folded, I have to get that out of the way. I cannot relax when there's junk everywhere.
I enjoy taking baths even though our tub isn't all that comfortable and doesn't lend itself to long baths. I am generally able to settle down if I have a glass of wine and a good book - I love to read. I also enjoy knitting. Knitting is good for me because it keeps my hands and brain busy enough to stay put but not so busy I can't focus on a movie at the same time. I also try to do my nails once a week. It's a nice way to pamper yourself a bit. Oh, I also enjoy baking and wish I had more time for it. Baking makes me happy for some reason.
I may have a bit of a guilt complex too - thinking the house must always be clean, laundry done, dinner in the oven, etc. Why I would feel guilty I'll never know because nobody puts that kind of pressure on me - not DH, my mom, my MIL, nobody. I put it on myself and don't know how to stop that.
I watch reality TV, bubble bath, wine, workout. Like PP I can't do those things if the house is a mess so I try to keep a clean house or do a quick clean up first.
I get out of the house so that I am not distracted by my everyday life. I can't stop my brain from being a cluttered mess, but I can redirect it for a bit.
I find some mindless shopping/looking or thrift store/antique store perusing to be relaxing. The thrift store is a cheap thrill if I find something. I am so busy hunting for treasures and just looking that it removes me from my normal mind clutter and is a nice break.
I learned a long time ago that if I put myself first now and then, took care of myself, I was a better person and brought more to my relationships with others. My kids learned that I was a person in my own right who deserved my own time/space, and they didn't just expect that they had to come first every minute of the day. I think it helped make them more aware of other people.
I never feel like I should be doing something else, but I know a lot of people who are like that. Maybe some of them are the reason that I don't feel guilty. We had a neighbor who was always cleaning or something when we were over. It didn't bother me when we had just popped in, but we went over once a week, along with some other neighbors for 'Friends night'. We would watch the show, sit in the spa after...just enjoy ourselves and the company of our friends. In theory. I understood when her kids needed attention, although they were usually in bed when we got there or shortly after, but she was constantly cleaning or something all night. One night, she said " I feel like I should be doing something worthwhile, instead of just sitting here doing nothing." I felt insulted, and then I felt sorry for her, that she couldn't just relax and enjoy herself. Even worse to me was that she was that way with her kids. She couldn't see the magic in their play, just the clutter.
The moral of the story is that you deserved to have time to yourself, to do anything that you want or nothing at all. You need to find your own way to recharge so that you can be the best version of you for yourself and everyone else.
I totally know what you mean. I find it so hard to relax when there are always so many things to get done around the house. I find that doing crafts or painting is a way for me to relax. I know that painting the house sounds like a weird way to relax, but I really enjoy doing it. Too bad all of my rooms are painted now... But crafting is relaxing for me, too. I like to just take time to do something I enjoy by myself. I love to read, but I find that when I read to try to relax, I can't stop thinking about other things.
Post by RoxMonster on Jan 21, 2013 15:17:01 GMT -5
I have a hard time relaxing too. For me, I usually make myself some coffee at home, curl up under a blanket and read a book while listening to some mellow music. I will also sometimes, if I have a whole day to myself, watch a series of a show I love, like put in an old Gilmore Girls season and just get sucked back in.
Today I've done four loads of laundry, variety of household chores, and a few small errands and I feel so relaxed and rested. I don't particularly like being idle, so relaxed to me is a mental state and that only happens when there are no other people in my space. I don't group physical and mental relaxation in the same category. I have to focus more on my mental relaxation because I get burnt out a lot quicker there. I could work like a dog everyday and it wouldn't really bother me.
Post by salsaverde on Jan 21, 2013 17:02:06 GMT -5
I like to enjoy time with my sister, we can seriously have a meal and talk about the same things over again and always manage to have a great time. Even if we walk around target together we use each other as a distraction, we rely on each other a lot for escapes. maybe finding a partner in crime to relax with?
I think you need to look deeper there and find out why you keep working. Is it a question of guilt? Of wanting to be a martyr? I don't mean those in bad ways, and I'm not looking for an answer, but I think most people can leave the laundry, especially when it's out of sight in a closet somewhere! So look inside and find out what it is. Do you maybe need "permission" from your spouse? Sometimes I ask DH for permission to have a lazy day - not in seriousness, but just so I can switch off and not feel like a total bum.
I can't relax when the house is cluttered, so I'll generally run around doing a quick 20 minute pick-up, but then I have no problem doing pilates (I can't stand yoga, but pilates is so relaxing for me it's like going to a spa) or taking a bath.
I think you're totally right about the guilt thing. I just don't feel like it's "right" to be lazy when there's always something to do, even if it's small and it can wait. Since having a baby I haven't had a lot of time to just "be", but now that she's a bit older, a little more independant and a little less "work" I just don't know what to do with myself when down time is available. Maybe I'm just out of practice? LOL.
thewop, sometimes the right thing to do is to relax. I will put a load of laundry in the washer then read a book until it's ready to go into the dryer. Since the reading is built into the plan for the day, I get a few minutes (okay usually 38 for the wash cycle) to just spend by myself. When I let my life get so busy that I never had any time for me, I ended up in therapy for being neurotic and depressed. The therapist forced me to stop beating myself up for not being perfect and allowed me to give myself permission to relax. There will always be more to do...give yourself time to relax too and save your sanity. It saved mine.
Thanks for posting this. I was just thinking this. I have a lot going on in life right now, suddenly. H keeps telling me to chill and have some me time to calm my nerves, but I just can't. Looking forward to flipping through the suggestions.
I find it hard to relax if all the house stuff isn't done. A chaotic house makes for a chaotic mind in my world. If I know I want some me time, I'll be sure to take care of all my household stuff then to actually relax I get out of the house and as cliche as it sounds, shopping always puts me in a good mood. I'll treat myself to a kid/husband free lunch, buy some pretty things and head home. If leaving home isn't an option, I relax by curling up in bed with a good book and read until I drift off into a nap. I'm simple!