Do you have any one sided friendships?

[SKP82]

I ask because I have become aware that I have one.  I'm not sure what to do about it.

*poof*

ETA:  I will probably DD some of this later.

[SKP82]

Jan 22, 2013 16:36:02 GMT -5 jjwritergirl said:

I have one friend like this. I feel like she needs me, so I keep giving even though I receive nothing in return. I truly believe that someday she will look back and appreciate the effort (she has several mental health diagnoses that prevent her from living a full life).

This helps you none.

LOL.  Thanks for replying, though!

Yeah, my friend doesn't have mental health issues and I'm pretty sure nothing will change down the road in our relationship.

[SKP82]

Jan 22, 2013 16:41:09 GMT -5 kessieblue said:

I had one. By the time I realized how one-sided it was, I knew I was moving to a new city in a year or two. So I kept up the friendship superficially during that time (I didn't leave her off of group invitations, I chatted with her at group events). Then, when I moved, I made no effort to keep in contact with her, and just answered her really shortly when she contacted me. If she emailed me with bad news, I just said "aww, that's too bad." Or "Yay" for good news. Basically, I stopped engaging with her and the friendship eventually died out. Maybe she thinks of me as a crappy friend now, but oh well.

Hmm... we hope to move in the future, but nothing is set in stone. 

We have a Superbowl Party every year and I haven't invited her yet.  There is only one other person who knows her that will be there.  I'm not sure if they talk, though.

[SKP82]

Jan 22, 2013 16:44:18 GMT -5 RexManningDay said:

I don't, really. ALmost all of my friendships have been one-sided for a while, at one time or another, but it's always evened out.

It doesn't sound like this one will.

Yeah, I guess I kind of thought that if I needed her for something, she would be there.  But it doesn't seem like that is the case.

[SKP82]

Jan 22, 2013 16:45:24 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

Yes. Most of mine are like this. It sucks, dude. I'm sorry.

Whhaaat?  Seriously?  You are awesome and deserve more than that. 

[missajane]

Let her go.  Do it gently if you can.  Avoid being her shoulder, avoid her drama, etc.

She will never appreciate all you do.  Ever.

I've been there.  When that friend is gone, you will barely feel the loss at all because she was never a real friend to you.

Sorry you have to go through this though.

[cheeseandcrackers]

I do have some friends like that.
But honestly, I just don't take them seriously and I know they wouldn't be there for me if needed. I just keep them as acquaintances now.

[rex]

I had one. Once I realized it I stopped talking to her.

[SKP82]

Jan 22, 2013 16:49:41 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

Jan 22, 2013 16:46:13 GMT -5 SKP82 said:

As do you, my friend. As do you.

Do you have other great friends? I know it's hard to let a friendship go, but I agree with pp who said sometimes you just have to step back and stop letting them hurt you. It's no fun being friends only when it's convenient for them!

I do have a handful of fantastic friends.  Sadly, the closest one lives about 1.5 hours away.  But they are the ones who are always there if I need to talk.  I guess I'm just not that interested in putting energy into friendships that aren't like that.

I think missajane is right that I won't even miss her if she's gone. 

[Kit]

I currently have one. It is a hard friendship to just end because of some other circumstances, so I really just don't go out of my way for her anymore. I'm nice to her, talk/text when she initiates, etc. But as far as going above and beyond for her, I won't do it anymore.

[juliagoulia]

The only one-sided friendships I have had are no longer. It's not worth it.

[missajane]

SKP82 and sameoldash I wish I could bundle both of you up and bring you to come hang out with me!  I am not a perfect friend, but you both deserve so much better!  I also buy presents!

[Deleted]

An embarrassingly high percentage of my friendships are like this. I'm weaning them off.


Maybe I wouldn't have to send this from my damn phone if Patrick got his shit together with the website and then you jokers wouldn't have to read this.

[SKP82]

Jan 22, 2013 17:12:59 GMT -5 missajane said:

SKP82 and sameoldash I wish I could bundle both of you up and bring you to come hang out with me!  I am not a perfect friend, but you both deserve so much better!  I also buy presents!

LOL  and Awwww!

[leahmel]

I had many in the past,I do not anymore. I mostly just let them fade out. If they wanted to go out and have a good time and I felt like it, I would, but I stopped looking to those people for any type of support and basiaclly stopped giving them so much of my time and energy. It's worked out well for me.

[noodleoo]

Yeah, I have one friend like this. She's my best friend and was great when I worked nearby her and we saw each other frequently. Now that I'm farther away, I doubt I'll see her much anymore. She's always been self centered and she kind of comes and goes from my life. She's a good person, but I go thru phases of being hurt and frustrated by her. I'm in one of those right now. I was there for her a lot last year and she hasn't been around much when I needed her which really sucked. I guess you learn over time who your real friends that you can count on are. In my case, I need some new friends.

ETA: my advice, if the friendship hurts you more than you enjoy it, cut her loose. It is not worth it and it sucks when you realize it. 

[Deleted]

I do. Same story. Whenever her life is a wreck or she wants something she will call, text, come over etc. When her life is fine and dandy not a peep even if I need someone to lean on. I stopped making an effort and stopped caring after awhile. DH and I went to her birthday party in November and that's the last time we talked. DH invited her over for my birthday which is Friday and she won't respond. It just gets to a point you say "whatever dude, have a nice life."

[EloiseWeenie]

I have one, but she lives a couple states away. It sucked (and still does) when I realized she has been such a crappy friend. 

[SKP82]

Thanks for sharing, everyone. I think it's a good idea to pull back and not initiate contact.

[tacokick]

Jan 22, 2013 16:33:59 GMT -5 SKP82 said:

we had a friend as nearly the exact same scenario happened. I eventually sent her a email telling her my concerns. She wasn't interested in making changes so we are no longer friends.

[ginger]

A wise woman once said