s/o Lying Liars

[Deleted]

After reading what vanillacourage wrote in the lying liars thread, "That everyone goes through the horror stories you hear about, even in this thread. Lurkers, don't freak", this leads me to the one superficial thing I am worried about with TTC: body after baby.

I sometimes wish I had never read TN/TB and all the horror stories about pregnancy and the body afterwards. All of my friends IRL look like they did before they got pregnant, I don't hear their complaints but I don't have kids yet so maybe they are sparing me the details!

I am terrified of stretch marks all over, a huge flabby stomach that never goes back unless surgery is involved, tearing and never healing properly, wetting my pants (or pooping my pants) for the rest of my life, etc. I know that most of this is out of your control once you are pregnant, but I am finally at a healthy weight and am in really good shape, and I don't know if I want to give that up, despite wanting children. I know that sounds really selfish.

I can deal with losing weight, but the permanent physical problems scare the shit out of me.

Is it all really as bad as it seems, or do you eventually feel/look like yourself again after having a baby?

[satama]

Have you seen your friends naked? They may look the same to you, but everyone I know feels like they had some type of body change after pregnancy. Sometimes it is just a general widening that makes your old clothes not fit.

Personally, I am fatter, have a c section scar, a flabby belly pooch and stretch marks. Oh, and giant boobs. Whatever. I think i am pretty average in terms of how i feel about my pp body. I didn't expect to bounce back like Heidi Klum or anything.

[Deleted]

The only thing that has really changed for me is my boobs. They are, indeed, a bit saggier.

The rest of me is back to normal or better. I lost an extra 10 lb breastfeeding, so my butt/thighs look better. My stomach is about where it was pre-baby. I had a few stretch marks, but they've already faded and don't bother me. I did have a third degree tear, but it's fine now.

I need to actually start working out again so I'm in decent shape for my next pregnancy. I'm thin now, but I'm not fit. And I think being strong helped me avoid a lot of pain last pregnancy.

[bunch]

You know, I was terrified too. Particularly of the tearing and stretch marks. I had both. Now I just don't care. Ive generally bounced back, I weigh less than I did pre preg, and if I put some work into it, I'm pretty sure that I could flatten my stomach again. Stretch marks were my huge vanity fear, but no one can see them but h and me (they're on my butt) and it only took about a day after they appeared for me to shrug and realize that there was nothing I could do about it.

I think you just have to realize that some things are out of your control and that life will go on.

[badtzmaru22]

I feel fine. I was 145 pre-baby, and gained 33lbs. No stretch marks. I'm 15 weeks pp now, and I've been 147 for a good month now, and I haven't worked out or anything, just BFing. My hips are slightly wider now, but for the most part, my clothes fit the same. I still have the linea nigra, and a little extra stomach pudge, but I'm happy with my body so far. I'd like to get back to 140, which is where I was before my m/c, but I'll worry about that when I'm done BFing. I am just too hungry, and my boobs are just too huge to really do anything besides taking the baby for a walk in the stroller.

I think for me, I was mostly lucky, but also in good shape to start with. Some of my friends had a harder time bouncing back, but did eventually. If you're motivated, I think it will be easier.

My hoo on the other hand has had a much slower recovery. I had a couple of stitches, and the healing process hasn't been easy, but it's looking recognizable again. I would say don't even look at it for a couple of weeks if you have a vaginal birth, but I was curious, so I'll just say don't worry if you don't recognize it for a while!

[h]

My stomach is a bit pouchier, but it's no big deal. I don't have stretch marks, my weight is the same as pre-kids, and I can wear the same clothes for the most part. Overall, I am happy with the way I look. I don't look as cute in tight shirts or bikinis as I did pre-kids, but I don't think I look bad, and I suspect general aging is just as much to blame as my children. I did not expect to look as hot in a bikini at 35 as I did at 25. And, frankly, if I ever worked out or put any effort into it, I suspect I could get my stomach looking pretty good.

I had a third degree tear that was painful for months after my first and a smaller tear with my second, but, amazingly, everything has healed just fine and things aren't really much worse for the wear. The recovery after my first was tough, though, and there were moments when I wondered what I had done to myself and if things would ever be okay down there again.

[partiallysunny]

May 31, 2012 12:22:37 GMT -5 @laredo said:

Is it all really as bad as it seems, or do you eventually feel/look like yourself again after having a baby?

It all depends on the women. What type of shape you are in when you get pregnant, your attitude towards pregnancy and your health in general, and other factors you don't even think about or have control over (hereditary, age, etc.).

I think it's important not to fall into the "you can eat what every you want and have to eat for two because your pregnant" mentality. I feel being healthy and making smart choices is the best thing you can do while pregnant to help your body bounce back faster.

Also, keep in mind how you look a day after birth isn't how you will look a month after birth or even six months after birth. Stretch marks fade, skin become tighter. It takes time. Don't have unrealistic expectations when it comes to your post-baby body.

Edit: I didn't even address things like tears or urinary incontinence, lol. But all those types of issues that came along with pregnancy and birth faded with time. No, it's not like it was before baby. I can still pee myself if I get a wicked cold and cough too much, but it becomes your new "normal". Just like having a child and taking care of someone becomes your new "normal".

[Deleted]

I have had all the issues you mentioned & it's really not that big of a deal. My daily life is not affected. I adore my kids & want more. Totally worth it. People have horror stories of marriage, school, jobs, travel...doesn't mean they aren't worth it

[NinaSimone]

May 31, 2012 12:29:13 GMT -5 satama said:

Have you seen your friends naked? They may look the same to you, but everyone I know feels like they had some type of body change after pregnancy.

This! I was lucky to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight pretty quickly, but my body is holding the weight differently now. I've been told I look the same as before, and in clothes I do, but underneath them there are things I need to work on.

[Deleted]

May 31, 2012 12:29:13 GMT -5 satama said:

Have you seen your friends naked?

Good point, I have not. Although I have seen a few of them in bikinis and they look pretty damn good! I know it does take awhile to get your body back though, and they both have one year olds.

[biscoffcookies]

May 31, 2012 13:12:06 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

May 31, 2012 12:22:37 GMT -5 @laredo said:

Is it all really as bad as it seems, or do you eventually feel/look like yourself again after having a baby?

It all depends on the women. What type of shape you are in when you get pregnant, your attitude towards pregnancy and your health in general, and other factors you don't even think about or have control over (hereditary, age, etc.).

I think it's important not to fall into the "you can eat what every you want and have to eat for two because your pregnant" mentality. I feel being healthy and making smart choices is the best thing you can do while pregnant to help your body bounce back faster.

This. I worked really hard to lose weight in the years leading up to baby, and I was really worried that I would balloon up and never lose the baby weight. So during pregnancy I watched what I ate and worked out (did lots of walking up until the end and actually used the elliptical the morning I went into labor). I only gained about 30 pounds and was back to prepregnancy weight by about 4 months postpartum. For me, I think breastfeeding really helped -- aside from an occasional walk with the baby, I haven't exercised since.

Some of my clothes fit a bit differently (in particular, my muffin top is slightly more pronounced -- I guess maybe my hips are a bit wider?) but not so much that I feel like other people can tell. On the other hand, pregnancy actually seems to have smoothed out my belly -- it used to weirdly pooch out a little bit above and below my belly button, which drove me CRAZY. That's not to say my belly is flat, but it never was before.

For other stuff, you may be pleasantly surprised. I didn't get the linea negra or any stretch marks, haven't had any incontinence or other recovery issues. I had a second degree tear, and the vast majority of pain and discomfort was gone 2 weeks postpartum.

[Deleted]

May 31, 2012 14:06:45 GMT -5 biscoffcookies said:

May 31, 2012 13:12:06 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

It all depends on the women. What type of shape you are in when you get pregnant, your attitude towards pregnancy and your health in general, and other factors you don't even think about or have control over (hereditary, age, etc.).

I think it's important not to fall into the "you can eat what every you want and have to eat for two because your pregnant" mentality. I feel being healthy and making smart choices is the best thing you can do while pregnant to help your body bounce back faster.

Thank you, and I do want to say I love your sn! I love Biscoff!

This. I worked really hard to lose weight in the years leading up to baby, and I was really worried that I would balloon up and never lose the baby weight. So during pregnancy I watched what I ate and worked out (did lots of walking up until the end and actually used the elliptical the morning I went into labor). I only gained about 30 pounds and was back to prepregnancy weight by about 4 months postpartum. For me, I think breastfeeding really helped -- aside from an occasional walk with the baby, I haven't exercised since.

Some of my clothes fit a bit differently (in particular, my muffin top is slightly more pronounced -- I guess maybe my hips are a bit wider?) but not so much that I feel like other people can tell. On the other hand, pregnancy actually seems to have smoothed out my belly -- it used to weirdly pooch out a little bit above and below my belly button, which drove me CRAZY. That's not to say my belly is flat, but it never was before.

For other stuff, you may be pleasantly surprised. I didn't get the linea negra or any stretch marks, haven't had any incontinence or other recovery issues. I had a second degree tear, and the vast majority of pain and discomfort was gone 2 weeks postpartum.

[ijack]

I bounced back very well after my first - not so much after my second. Then again I haven't put any effort into it either.

[katieb4tom]

I look better now than I did before, and I was in good shape before. I wear a smaller size jeans and am about 8 pounds under my pre-preg weight. I have no stretch marks (except those I got during puberty) and gained about 40 pounds with my daughter.

I think breastfeeding and being active quickly after the birth are the reasons why I look better. Breastfeeding and running are magic.

As for the stretchmarks, I was really concerned about this, but either got lucky or my use of hydrocortizone cream 2x day worked.

My boobs are totally saggy.

Bottom line: once you have that baby, they are SO WORTH ANYTHING.

[atouchofklasse]

I'm one of the lucky ones who looks exactly the same, clothed and naked. My breasts are slightly different but not worse. I feel great. (LO is 11M)

[Deleted]

The only thing that changed for me after my last two pregnancies was that I've noticed my boobs are less perky. But that could be caused by general aging as well. I really didn't have a hard time losing the weight, I didn't get any stretch marks, my body shape (hips, stomach) didn't change, no problems with incontinence, healed easily from the episiotomies, ect.

Of course I'm pregnant now with number 3 and a little bit older so who knows what will happen after this one I've worked really hard to manage the weight gain this time around though so I'm not anticipating any major problems. *knocks wood* lol

[mswax]

Sorry to be a debbie downer, but my postpartum body sucks, and it bothers me way more than I thought it would. I'm almost 20lbs lighter than I was before I got pregnant, so in clothing, I look pretty good.

However...my stomach looks like a war zone. I got TONS of stretch marks during my first pregnancy, and a few from the second. Those alone wouldn't be so bad, as they have mostly faded, but they left behind this wrinkly, freddie cruger looking skin. Yuck! Add to that my c-section scar from DS2, and the permanent shelf (aka skin/fat overhang resulting from the incision), and it is NOT PRETTY.

I love my boys, and I still want another baby, but if we have the money, I would not be above some "repair work" down the road...

[Mrs.Syntax]

Before I was ever pregnant, I did Weight Watchers and got down to a very good weight. I gained almost 40 lbs during my first pregnancy and never lost it all, but I think I got used to eating a lot during my BFing days and here I am, stuck at 10 lbs above my pre-preg weight 2 years later. (Happily, I'm still more slender than I was before I ever did Weight Watchers).

So yeah, I'm a little heavier, but not by much. My hips also widened a bit I think. But I escaped without stretch marks and saggy skin. My boobs are exactly as they were before. I didn't have any tearing or stitches down there. I know that everyone is different, but I honestly feel like I'm pretty much my old self (and I could have probably lost the weight if I really tried, but now I'm pg again - oh well!)

[Ashley&Scott]

Don't be scared, babies are so worth it! I can't think of anything that I experienced during pregnancy or postpartum that would prevent me from doing it all again. I never imagined I could feel this much love & happiness.

[kittycatlove]

I was lucky in that I didn't get any stretchmarks, but my belly is a little pudgier and I had a 4th degree tear that took a while to heal.
I'm back to my pre-preg weight, though things are shifted and a bit different. My back is wider, boobs still bigger, but not too saggy.
Like pp's have said it's definitely worth it.

[caramia17]

I have bounced back pretty well. No stretch marks, at or below prepregnancy weight. Still BF and one boob is huge compared to the other one, even after pumping. I am afraid that this will not change noticeably when I stop nursing. Bleah.

I did pretty intense exercise until I was 8 mos pregnant and worked out until 41 weeks (swimming mostly at the end due to the swelling). I find it harder to work out now (used to go at 5AM, but my husband leaves for work at 5:30 many mornings). I have gotten in a groove where I can go 2-3x per week in the AM and then another 2x on the weekend. This seems to be reasonable.

I did have a pooch for about the first 6 months that really went away when I started working out more intensely.

My eating is crap and I have got to get back to clean eating before I wean. That will not be fun.

[Wordtothewise]

The only difference for me is that I think my back got wider and I have a c-section scar that is pretty big. My hips and stomach are the same. And I didn't get stretch marks.

[hannamarin]

May 31, 2012 13:23:46 GMT -5 NinaSimone said:

May 31, 2012 12:29:13 GMT -5 satama said:

Have you seen your friends naked? They may look the same to you, but everyone I know feels like they had some type of body change after pregnancy.

This! I was lucky to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight pretty quickly, but my body is holding the weight differently now. I've been told I look the same as before, and in clothes I do, but underneath them there are things I need to work on.

This
Ifyou saw me in clothes you would wonder why I complain. Well in new clothes that fit my new shape.
And my boobs sag and I didnt bf and they are smallish. (b-c)
And, truly you care less, IMO.

[karinothing]

I have been struggling with this (although not as much as I thought I would pre-pregnancy). I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant. I was really active during pregnancy and thought I would bounce back super quick. It hasn't happened yet. I am only 6lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight but 3 sizes bigger I feel like I would have to lose 30lbs to go back to my pre-pregnancy size. Bah.

BUT I don't have stretch marks and my boobs look awesome (although I imagine this might change when I wean). I will say that I also haven't been trying to get in shape, but am slowly losing weight (like 2lbs a month), I guess from BFing? Who knows?