HELP! Major Sleep Issues

[twotrue]

I understand that a big sleep regression between 2.5-3 years old is normal but DD is driving both K and I crazy.  I have more patience than most people I know but it's all gone at this point.  Our routine is the same as always, but now when I go to turn off her light and close her door she screams bloody murder and cries and cries and cries. 

Now I'm okay with letting her a cry a bit but this is insane.  She throws herself around, turns on her light and yells.  And get this - last night she finally learned how to open her bedroom door - lovely.

I've tried everything that has worked in the past and none of it is working this time.  The google tells me it is a phase that I need to let pass.  Okay, fine...but I'm fucking exhausted as it is and don't have it in me to spend 2+ hours getting her to sleep.

So I'm turning to my wise group of lady friends to pass on some words of wisdom that will hopefully restore my sanity.

[2brides]

what about leaving her door open? My kids would still go batshit, if I shut the door. You can tell her you will leave the door open unless she gets out of bed and then it gets closed. A nightlight? Leaving the light on? A new lovey? monster/bad dream "spray?"

We had a phase around this age, and I agreed to sit outside the door (and play online/read) as long as they were quiet. It lasted a few months, it didn't bother me to sit outside the door with my computer, and it got us past the hump. I was a bit worried that it would create a bad habit, but it didn't seem to and I haven't done that in 4 years.

[tattooedmeegs]

Jan 23, 2013 10:03:19 GMT -5 2brides said:

what about leaving her door open? My kids would still go batshit, if I shut the door. You can tell her you will leave the door open unless she gets out of bed and then it gets closed. A nightlight? Leaving the light on? A new lovey? monster/bad dream "spray?"

We had a phase around this age, and I agreed to sit outside the door (and play online/read) as long as they were quiet. It lasted a few months, it didn't bother me to sit outside the door with my computer, and it got us past the hump. I was a bit worried that it would create a bad habit, but it didn't seem to and I haven't done that in 4 years.

Ditto all this.

[Deleted]

You can try melatonin or calms forte before bedtime. Owl doesn't sleep well and last week the pedi said to start her on 1mg of melatonin before bed, giving a second dose in the middle of the night if needed. We are starting at 1mg, if that doesn't work we can go as high as 3mg.

I haven't gotten to the store to buy it but this is where we are starting.

[hensmum]

Great suggestions from 2brides, but I know for my kid? None of the giving leeway stuff works. He just takes advantage and drags things out and it gets worse. We have a cover on his doorknob, so he can't open it. Maybe it sounds terrible to lock a child in his room, but it has helped us a lot. He is regressing with sleep right now also - but on the other end. He's going to sleep really well at night (took us a LONG time to get there - lots of nights of sitting by his bed and all kinds of other comfort measures to get him there), but he is getting up too early for his own good and Will Not Go Back To Sleep, no matter what I do (cry it out, trying to nurse back down, telling him he can either play or go back to sleep - I have tried it all). He is so tired, and needs the sleep, but just won't. We got him a clock that lights up when it's okay to get out of bed which helped a lot, but he backslid. Right now I am just trying to be patient and hope he'll get back with it soon - this morning was an improvement, so I'm crossing my fingers. Toddler sleep stuff is so fucking hard. And being pregnant on top of it? You have all sympathy, mama. Hang in!

[twotrue]

Jan 23, 2013 10:03:19 GMT -5 2brides said:

what about leaving her door open? My kids would still go batshit, if I shut the door. You can tell her you will leave the door open unless she gets out of bed and then it gets closed. A nightlight? Leaving the light on? A new lovey? monster/bad dream "spray?"

We had a phase around this age, and I agreed to sit outside the door (and play online/read) as long as they were quiet. It lasted a few months, it didn't bother me to sit outside the door with my computer, and it got us past the hump. I was a bit worried that it would create a bad habit, but it didn't seem to and I haven't done that in 4 years.

I can leave the door open but then she stands at the top of the stairs (we have a gate there so we can regulate the dogs) and cries/screams.

She has a nightlight that shines a big picture of Dora on the ceiling, she loves it.  We've even gone to leaving her overhead light on (it's on a dimmer so not fully on, but on).

We also have "monster away spray" that seems to work during nap time on weekends but not at nights.

[twotrue]

Jan 23, 2013 10:17:42 GMT -5 hensmum said:

 None of the giving leeway stuff works. He just takes advantage and drags things out and it gets worse. We have a cover on his doorknob, so he can't open it. Maybe it sounds terrible to lock a child in his room, but it has helped us a lot.

Yes, she will just drag things out longer and longer with each compromise so I try really hard to avoid too many of them.  I'll probably get a door knob cover because honestly I have no issue with keeping her in there.  It has never been a problem prior to this regression. Now, if she were calmly opening it, going potty, and going back to bed that would be awesome. But she opened it last night and then just stood upstairs crying. 

I've offered to let the dog(s) stay in her room but she doesn't want that.  She doesn't want any stuffed animal.  There is just no pleasing/reasoning with her.

Honestly, the only thing that got her to calm down was a VERY stern lecture/warning from K.  That got her lay quietly on her bed (with light on) for maybe 1.5 hours.  Then it was screaming again (and she's fully awake so they aren't night terrors).  At that point K went in, covered her back up, and chatted with her for a bit.  I could hear on the monitor that JB was asking for me (she always does) and K explained to her that I didn't feel good and needed to rest too.  JB seemed to take that in and settle, but even then, K was in there for about 20 minutes.

So from getting ready for bed, to the final meltdown we're talking 2.5+ hours. 

[2brides]

If you are willing, I'd try the Sleep Lady Shuffle www.sleeplady.com/

sit in her room or just outside and read/go online/ but don't interact with her. If she gets out of bed, stay silent and put her back in bed. Once she gets the idea of staying in bed/not getting out, move further outside the room (I used to lie with my feet in the door, but the rest of me in the hall), then stay upstairs but not in her doorway - if she gets out, put her back to bed wordlessly. Yep, you are going to lose some of your night and you'll have a few nights of hell (putting her back to bed 1001x) but it's worked with us and a lot of my friends who have done it. (The Sleep Lady is from this area and is well known around these parts.)

Good luck. Lack of sleep sucks.

[sitnspin]

Does she have the taste for tequila yet?  J/K, I hope you can find a solution. 

[twotrue]

Jan 23, 2013 10:33:29 GMT -5 sitnspin said:

Does she have the taste for tequila yet?  J/K, I hope you can find a solution. 

lol! No, but I do! Oh wait, 5 more fucking months.  Just shoot me now  

[thiswillbe]

I probably shouldn't chime in, since we have always (and still do) sit in the room with the kids until they go to sleep (and yes, it's usually 1-1.5 hours of sitting there), but I just wanted to ask if you're sure she's well. We rarely get inconsolable crying except when there's an ear infection coming on or some other major issue.

[ct]

What about positive reinforcement on the other end? A sticker chart for good bed times? earning a new toy that she really wants? Instead of feeding into the fears (or whatever is going on) with comforting, maybe give her extra incentive to have a good bed time?

I find it also provides a distraction when the behavior is fear-based...she can focus on earning a sticker or new toy instead of whatever is bothering her at night.

and i talk it up big time throughout the day, "Oh honey! I'm so excited for tonight!! You are going to get to earn your sticker - how fun!" ect

[rikkiandjulie]

I would leave her door open, but every time she walks out. I would pick her up and lay her in bed saying. "JB it is time to sleep." I guess I'm
Saying just pick her up
And put we back.


Rikki-iPhone

[hensmum]

CT is right - we actually made great progress before the holidays by doing a sticker chart with Henry for sleeping through the night. We did a little chart with five boxes. He got a sticker each morning that he slept through the night, and got to choose a new toy when he had five stickers. Was super helpful.

[2brides]

Duh. I had forgotten our sticker chart during the "Sleep in Your Own Damn Bed Campaign" at 3.5y. I wasn't sure we'd ever get that kid out of our bed, but low and behold the sticker chart worked (and I think he was just ready.)

[twotrue]

Jan 23, 2013 11:27:21 GMT -5 thiswillbe said:

I probably shouldn't chime in, since we have always (and still do) sit in the room with the kids until they go to sleep (and yes, it's usually 1-1.5 hours of sitting there), but I just wanted to ask if you're sure she's well. We rarely get inconsolable crying except when there's an ear infection coming on or some other major issue.

She was at the doctor on the 5th and had an ear infection at that time but I'm pretty certain it's cleared up.  All of her other symptoms (fever, snot, etc) are gone.  I did think about ear infection but at this point I've sort of ruled it out because this is SOOOO above and beyond her usual ear infection induced insomnia.

[twotrue]

Jan 23, 2013 12:28:20 GMT -5 ct said:

What about positive reinforcement on the other end? A sticker chart for good bed times? earning a new toy that she really wants? Instead of feeding into the fears (or whatever is going on) with comforting, maybe give her extra incentive to have a good bed time?

I find it also provides a distraction when the behavior is fear-based...she can focus on earning a sticker or new toy instead of whatever is bothering her at night.

and i talk it up big time throughout the day, "Oh honey! I'm so excited for tonight!! You are going to get to earn your sticker - how fun!" ect

I was actually going to try and create a chart last weekend and it didn't happen so I'll definitely be doing it this weekend. She does understand positive rewards so I *think* that might start. Hell, she left her hair clips in all day at school yesterday and earned a damn M&M.

[hensmum]

You know, I should totally do the stocker thing again with Henry for the mornings!! Why didn't I think if that before?? It really helped last time - this time I can do a sticker for every time he stays in bed until the clock turns green. Will let y'all know how it goes

[never2amazing]

I am such an enabler that I have no advice to offer...I stay in the room with them until they fall asleep and still check if they are breathing when they are asleep...(I even hold their hands as they are falling asleep)

yes I am toddler-whooped!

[twotrue]

Jan 23, 2013 13:30:53 GMT -5 never2amazing said:

yes I am toddler-whooped!

 This does not surprise me one bit!

[twomoms2twins]

Jan 23, 2013 9:58:21 GMT -5 twotrue said:

I understand that a big sleep regression between 2.5-3 years old is normal but DD is driving both K and I crazy.  I have more patience than most people I know but it's all gone at this point.  Our routine is the same as always, but now when I go to turn off her light and close her door she screams bloody murder and cries and cries and cries. 

Now I'm okay with letting her a cry a bit but this is insane.  She throws herself around, turns on her light and yells.  And get this - last night she finally learned how to open her bedroom door - lovely.

I've tried everything that has worked in the past and none of it is working this time.  The google tells me it is a phase that I need to let pass.  Okay, fine...but I'm fucking exhausted as it is and don't have it in me to spend 2+ hours getting her to sleep.

So I'm turning to my wise group of lady friends to pass on some words of wisdom that will hopefully restore my sanity.

Oh GEEZ, I have an 2- 18 months in a similar situation sans the bed/light door thing ( thank god it mainly only one of them)  but like you I am normally patient and calm and well she has been in our bed past 2 night and I AM TIRED.EXHAUSTED and  her "cry-yelling yelling-crying" as i call it is GRATING on me and I may snap.  I confess I was very firm in my  we will never use teething tablets  but it has gotten so bad that I welcomed her chasing the white dragon (teething tablets have belladonna in it a form of an opiate) we have done it twice now and I feel terrible ... Just terrible ...  so I hope this passes quick for you TWOTRUE and I hope when 2.5-3 comes for us I have forgotten the torment I am going through now. I FEEL YOUR EXHAUSTION!

[sitnspin]

Jan 23, 2013 12:50:06 GMT -5 twotrue said:

Jan 23, 2013 12:28:20 GMT -5 ct said:

What about positive reinforcement on the other end? A sticker chart for good bed times? earning a new toy that she really wants? Instead of feeding into the fears (or whatever is going on) with comforting, maybe give her extra incentive to have a good bed time?

I find it also provides a distraction when the behavior is fear-based...she can focus on earning a sticker or new toy instead of whatever is bothering her at night.

and i talk it up big time throughout the day, "Oh honey! I'm so excited for tonight!! You are going to get to earn your sticker - how fun!" ect

I was actually going to try and create a chart last weekend and it didn't happen so I'll definitely be doing it this weekend. She does understand positive rewards so I *think* that might start. Hell, she left her hair clips in all day at school yesterday and earned a damn M&M.

Just for the record, I have had my hair barrett in all day! Can I have an m&m?

[ssg73]

Ella is currently really testing us as well with bedtimes. We just moved to the toddler bed so now that she can get up...it is an ordeal to get her to sleep. Things that have helped in the past for us have been giving her a flash light. She can read books or play quietly with it in her bed but is she gets up she loses her light. This has helped with getting her to get in bed. We also changed her bedtime routine and while the whole thing is longer it helps her calm down much better. We go to her room around 6 or 6:30 and play games (she is obsessed with board games so we play a few to wind down), then we read some books and have her go into bed. We have her locked in her room. We put a door knob cover on the inside knob so we can get in but she can not get out. This for safety since her room opens into a hall with 5 doorways and we would need 4 gates to keep her out of the rest of the apt and we are not willing to set up that many gates every night. If she gets up we give her one snuggle time but after that she gets walked back into her room with little or no talking and put into bed. I am curious to start thinking about some melatontin. Ella is just about ready to drop her nap but she still has nap at preschool so bedtime has been more of a struggle lately so perhaps that will help. What time do your kids go to bed by the way. I am always curious. Ella's bedtime is between 7:30 and 8 on school nights and between 8 and 8:30 on the weekends.

[2brides]

Jan 23, 2013 14:28:55 GMT -5 ssg73 said:

 I am always curious. Ella's bedtime is between 7:30 and 8 on school nights and between 8 and 8:30 on the weekends.

the boys go to bed around 8 (sometimes a bit earlier to give them time to chat) and about the same time on the weekends (though we are a bit less strict and will stretch it to 8:30ish...)

[hensmum]

8pm seems to be Hen's magic bedtime. We start bedtime routine (shower, snack, stories) at about 6:30/7, and he's asleep about 8. It seems like he sleeps best and is just all around in a better place when he falls asleep at 8. 7:30 seems to be too early, 8:30 seems to be too late.

[ct]

Our kids go down early - we shoot for 7. Sometimes its 6:30, sometimes 7:30, but always on the early side.

[rikkiandjulie]

FWIW. When we were little our bedtime was 7:30, for the loooongest time. I mean til I was 9/10. And my littlest sister even longer. She HATED waking up.


Rikki-iPhone

[rikkiandjulie]

FWIW. When we were little our bedtime was 7:30, for the loooongest time. I mean til I was 9/10. And my littlest sister even longer. She HATED waking up.


Rikki-iPhone