feeling like a failure

[hensmum]

Oh my gosh you guys, I am a mess today. We had a really hard morning with a major meltdown when it was time to go to school. It was horrible.

We've been talking about getting DS in more school, with my job stuff starting up - he only goes mornings now 3 days/week, we can extend and have him stay for the afternoon portion. At first I said to DW that I wanted to wait a bit, until I am closer to actually making money. But I think we need to do it sooner. I am just not being the mom I want to be, and I think it's because it's just too much. I think I could be a better mom with him if I had a little less time with him, you know? He is so tough lately with the toddler tantrums and bossiness, the sleep regression, the need for my complete and total attention every moment. I can't handle it. And that makes me feel like a complete and total failure. I have really loved being a SAHM. Especially the baby time. I feel so lucky to have been here for all the firsts, all the snuggles, all the smiles. But it is just getting harder and harder. I feel like I can't keep up with him, stay one step ahead in the way I could before. I am really struggling. And this is with everything else in my life going so well! I have been feeling better, DW and I are doing TONS better. I am so excited and energized about my job stuff that starting up.

I know and admire so many working moms, especially those who I know here. So why do I feel so guilty about becoming one myself?

I'm just sitting here crying my eyes out because I feel like the worst mom ever.  I just need some support.

Thanks for reading.

[twotrue]

((Hugs)) I need to run to a meeting but just know I totally get it. Even on my days off I will take DD to daycare just to have time to myself. I truly believe taking care of yourself first does make you a better mom.

[2brides]

Oh no. You ARE NOT a failure. Toddlers/preschoolers are hard. They tap your energy, work your nerves, demand constant attention, and don't sleep as much as you'd like/they need. You've done a wonderful job with him - and you will continue to do wonderful things with him - but maybe it is time for him to go to school. To give you a break and for him to gain more independence.

It sounds like you are doing a great job working on you - it sounds like you had put yourself on the back burner for awhile in complete dedication to Hen, and now you need to replenish your soul. There is nothing wrong with that. You can't give to others unless you are nurtured too.

Adding more hours to Hen being at school won't be seen as punishment or being shunned - kids LOVE school - the structure, the new toys, the teachers, their friends, the learning. He'll adore it. And you'll still have plenty of hours in the day to teach him, cuddle him, play with him, tickle him, and enjoy him.

((HUGS))

[never2amazing]

Ditto 2brides ((HUGS))

[hensmum]

Thanks.

Coming from you, 2brides, a veteran mom , that really means a lot. I appreciate it. He really does love school, and that's part of the reason I think it's time to increase the hours. He is so incredibly happy and well-behaved there! And I think it's because they are really meeting his needs. I just hate to think that I am not doing the same.

[mk]

((hugs)) you are an awesome mom! would you think I was a bad mom if I wanted my kid in more school? Of course not! so give yourself a break, girl! H loves school and think of how much he's going to learn! It'll be really good. Now go get Starbucks :-)

From Mandy's phone

[2brides]

Jan 23, 2013 10:45:21 GMT -5 hensmum said:

Thanks.

Coming from you, 2brides, a veteran mom , that really means a lot. I appreciate it. He really does love school, and that's part of the reason I think it's time to increase the hours. He is so incredibly happy and well-behaved there! And I think it's because they are really meeting his needs. I just hate to think that I am not doing the same.

Well, unless you are going to become the Duggars and provide him with a whole host of playmates, you can't compete with school. I used to feel like shit every morningthat I was the first to drop my kids off in before care at 7:15am (school starts at 8:30.) But a few weeks ago, they had school and I didn't have work so I figured we wouldn't rush and I'd just take them at 8:30. You should have heard the whining about missing before care. So now I don't sweat it. They have fun playing before school and I actually get to work on time.

And my kids are more well behaved at school than at home. Peer pressure, a teacher that is loving but strict and spends 100% of her time there devoted/watching the kids counts for a lot. That doesn't mean your failing him - it means that he is a typical kid.

[Duchess1]

I am sorry you are feeling this way. You are not a failure!

You are smart and honest about what isn't working for you. You have a great opportunity to make things better,grab it!

Being home is hard and it can be very lonely. I understand. You know how to reach me if you need to talk. ((Hugs))

[thiswillbe]

Big hugs. You're not a failure. Even though I feel like I'd love to be able to be a SAHM, I know that it's probably a "grass is greener" thing. Toddlers can be hard! I hope you're able to find a good home/school balance that works for you soon. And until then: sublingual B12, 5000 mg 2x/day. Seriously.

[hensmum]

haha, thanks for the rec twb! I do need to keep up with my vitamin supplements. My emotional state today is definitely not helped by the fact that I forgot to take my meds last night for the first time in ages.

Thank you all so much for the encouragement and support. Y'all are the best.

[ct]

Oh Brit - you are such a fantastic mom!! Hen cherishes his time with you - but you also birthed and raised a social, inquisitive, busy little boy who loves his time at school as well (be proud!!).

Being a working mom is hard. Being a SAHM is hard. We all struggle sometimes and that's completely okay. Tomorrow will be better. ((hugs))

[seattlekari]

Brit, as one of the working moms on the board, I just want to say how much I admire you for being the awesome SAHM you are. You have given him an awesome start and it sounds like the time for a little change is now. It will be good for all of you. ((Hugs))

[twomoms2twins]

Ditto what everyone else said... being a stay at home working mom - it just all sucks and we want what everyone else has or the idea of it. Moreover, I wanna know what and why we Moms are so hard on ourselves. I just posted something today (i think Here) in which I said I was a terrible mom and I know I am not and I know Hensmum, you are not - but why do we always feel like and think we are failing. Because right now our kids are too young and little to look at us and say MOM you did a great job and honestly, coming up on 37 in a few days and I would have to say that I really did not appreciate all that my mom did for me till I had my own children (SO SAD) and I was a horrible TEEN - but MOMS get no affirmation well not till later in life from what I am seeing.

Your doing a great JOB! Your amazing from the posts I have read- the costumes you make and the ideas you have shared! We are great Moms all of us- we are different Moms with different kids but yet we are constantly our worst enemys.

[hensmum]

Thank you all so, so much for the support. I really appreciate it so much.

I just called and signed Hen up for the afternoon session, starting next week. I am going to use that time really dive into everything I need to go to get my PP Doula business going...and to keep my sanity

[Deleted]

There is nothing wrong with a little time apart. I always said that the daycare or school could entertain my kids FAR better than I ever could for an entire day.

When I stayed home I spent my time cooking cleaning, etc.. At school the kids got to meet new friends, do crafts, learn etc..

For me it was such a good thing!

[atalanta]

My BF called in tears this morning because she enrolled her little boy (same age as H) in day care 1 day a week. Cried. He has no social skills and so she wants to get him into a class, alone, so he can develop them. And she was crying!  She can't tell her sister, because her sister will judge her.  It's crazy.  I am thinking about putting N in one day a week, once the new baby is here just so he can have something fun to do but the guilt is eating me up. And that's 6 months away!

It's insane the guilt trips we put ourselves through. I'm glad you did what's best for you and it's great that C is so supportive. Healthy mom = healthy babe. No question.

[thiswillbe]

Jan 23, 2013 11:39:25 GMT -5 thiswillbe said:

And until then: sublingual B12, 5000 mg 2x/day. Seriously.

Uh... that should have been mCg, not mg. Oops!!

[eratmama]

As the daughter of a teacher and partner of a teacher, I say part of your job is to prepare hen for school and the world. Look how well you are doing! He is confident, self aware, and ready for new challenges. Way to go