How open are you with your parents about finances?

[Deleted]

I'm a newbie trying to become more active, so I am jumping right in. 

The discussion of parents' retirements yesterday made me wonder- how open are you with your parents about their finances and vice versa?

Both my parents (divorced) are an open book with me. Once a year, we sit down and go over all of the accounts and balances, so that I know exactly what is where. I know their salaries, 401k balances and have a general idea of all of their account balances at any given time. This is in part because I am the oldest and the named executor in both wills. My parents divorced 10 years ago and get along pretty well, so they never changed the beneficiaries on any of their accounts. They have discussed and neither of them have any concern about the money going where it needs to, but they just want me to know exactly what is where. 

DH and I are open with my parents and ILs. They know how much we owe on our houses, salaries, 401k etc. I send them a spread sheet every year with all the assets and liabilities in case something were to happen to us. We structured all of our stuff to have my family taking over the financial stuff if something happens to us, so I want them to know how much they have and how to access it. 

It's not that we all sit around and talk about our money, but we just don't see the need to keep the details private. Not to mention we discuss our investments and seek their guidance on some financial matters. 

[chessie]

We don't discuss money at all with them. They know DH and I work a lot, make decent money and have a lot of toys--thats where it stops. There is a lot of jealousy in our family unfortunately especially when it comes to money, so its a topic we do not discuss at all.

[aspentosh]

We are open but don't usually talk numbers. My mom is a great help when it comes to finances so I talk to her more than most people. My dad is helpful when it comes to mortgages (he's in banking) so we go to him for that.

[cole]

Not that open. They know how much I make (I'm a fed so it's public anyway) and I will ask for guidance or advice on things. But I don't send them things like spreadsheets, nor so I get anything like that from them.

[RandZB]

Is your first name Art?

We don't really talk about our finances with our parents. They don't know how much we make and I don't really care how much they make unless someone starts asking for money. I'd rather be able to tell them "we can't afford it" and have them believe me than to know that we can afford something but just don't want to do it.

[Deleted]

We're very open with my parents and they are moderately so with us. H's parents (divorced) are ridiculously guarded.

[Deleted]

Um, I helped them file bankruptcy two years ago.

I know how much my step-dad will be getting once his retirement starts and I know how much my mom gets from Social Security. I have no idea what their expenses are or if there is any kind of savings (I doubt it).

With DH's parents we really have no idea. We know they live comfortably and have been saving for retirement for along time. They also own their own business that they will sell when they retire but we don't know the value of it.

DH's parents know his salary (sole breadwinner) because he just started a new job and it came up in comversation. They also know that we save and have retirement accounts though they don't know how much is in any account. My parents only know his salary from his old job and nothing else. I plan to keep it that way.

[jerseyjaybird]

I know that my parents own their house outright, have plenty in their 401(k) accounts, have the next 17 years planned (financially), and have long-term care insurance. My sister, who is named executor, likely knows a bit more. We both have the contact information for their financial planner, who has copies of their wills and all of the details of their accounts. In other words, enough to know that they're set but not so many details that any of us would be uncomfortable.

My parents have no idea that I have credit card debt. They'd be hugely judgmental (not that I disagree, but I already know what a bad idea it was and don't need their harping on it).

[mrssavy42112]

We both have limited knowledge. DH's parents live in the French West Indies & think we're very well off & we're not. My parents know that I work 2 jobs to support us & the % of income I bring in vs DH. They also know things are tight, but that's it. I know things have loosened a bit for my parents since I moved out & they have less expenses, but that's about it.

[simpsongal]

I'd say you're on one end of the extreme. The rest of us are probably in the middle.

I knew more about my parents' finances growing up than I should have known - it made for a lot of anxiety. I'd say I know a decent amount now - enough to know they'll be okay in retirement but they won't be taking trips or playing lots of golf. My folks know a bit about our finances - I try to tell them enough so they know we're secure but that we're not rolling in dough or anything.  Dad really hates that I had to take out SLs, so I try to avoid the topic all together (it's a pride issue for him).

I don't know too much about DH's folks.  DH knows less than I know about my folks.  FIL has his own practice so his income has always been all over the place.  We're pretty open about our finances with the in-laws, so they definitely know more about us.  I think they realize after witnessing our decisions that they could have been better with their money. 

I like to remind the in-law family about my SLs once in a while - they always seem to forget that I have SLs and just assume they're hovering at small balances and a 2% interest rate <insert eye roll>.

[Deleted]

I know more about my parents' situation than they do about mine/DH's. If something happened to my mom, I would have an idea of where the money is kept as well. My dad wouldn't have a clue. They know DH and I make more than they do, and they know how much we paid for our house, how much our property taxes are (always a great topic of conversation in NJ, lol), things like that. I've talked about bonuses DH and I have received, but not how that relates to our total compensation. My parents have a tendency to compare themselves to DH's parents, in terms of what their legacy will be financially, and it bothers me a LOT. My parents did/do ok and I don't need them to leave me millions to make me happy.
DH's parents have a lot of money. I have an idea of how much DH's dad makes from his business per year, but I could be off on their net worth by upwards of $10MM. They have a rough idea of what DH and I make. They also know how much we paid for our house and things of that nature.

[Deleted]

They're both very MM and my dad is interested in investing and is good at it, so I'll ask them for advice on where to put money, but we don't know specifics about each others' net worths or salaries. I do know that my parents consider themselves financially ready to retire in the lifestyle they're accustomed to.

Lately we've had some discussions about my 91 year old grandfather's financial picture, because my grandpa did quite a bit of estate planning in 2012 because of possible estate planning changes and has wanted to make the family aware of what's going on.  While my parents have not discussed specific numbers with me, I know roughly how his estate will be settled.  And I know that the way it will be settled will change my financial relationship with my parents quite a bit.

[Deleted]

We don't discuss details in my family. Its "frowned upon."

[h]

Fairly open, but we don't talk actual numbers. I know roughly what my step-father, father, and FIL make. I know where they maintain accounts. I know that they are in good shape for retirement, and they will make comments from time to time about how their accounts are doing. I know the names of their financial advisors/attorneys and the locations of their wills, as DH and I are both oldest kids and the executors of our respective parents estates. I do not, however, know their actual account balances. I could probably make a pretty decent educated guess as to each set of parents' net worth based on the information I do know, and my MIL made a comment a couple years ago that it was "impossible" to retire in the DC area with less than $X saved, so I assume whem my FIL retires, they will be at or above that threshhold. But that is about the extent of my knowledge.

Our parents know roughly how much we make, what we paid for our house, etc., but they don't know our account balances, either.

[Deleted]

I don't know specific about my parents' finances. But I'm planning on learning more about it so I have an idea what kind of help they would need in retirement.

No way will I discuss finances with anyone in my family (parents/sibs). I have mentioned salaries at some point because I was caught off guard when someone asked. But no one knows more than that. If they know details, I bet they won't stop dropping hints on providing support.  Ha!

[mrssavy42112]

Jan 23, 2013 11:38:09 GMT -5 mrssavy42112 said:

We both have limited knowledge. DH's parents live in the French West Indies & think we're very well off & we're not. My parents know that I work 2 jobs to support us & the % of income I bring in vs DH. They also know things are tight, but that's it. I know things have loosened a bit for my parents since I moved out & they have less expenses, but that's about it.

ETA: I guess I do know details like that my parents house is paid for, my mom's car is about to be paid for & my dad's car is a new loan. I know he has investment accounts at Fidelity & some stuff with a credit union. But details like how much they have in their savings, retirement or anything else...no. I just know of a recent inheritance my mom got that sits in a checking we both have joint access to. It's her 'omg, my daughter is having an emergency & I need to have the money to help her' account. Hopefully it'll never get used  

[Deleted]

My mother is our CPA and H is their financial planner.

So we all know a lot about each other, lol.

[mbcdefg]

My mom tells MH a lot more than she tells me, for some reason, but she doesn't share a lot of specifics. My dad was the same way. They offered us some financial help at various points in our marriage, but it never went beyond, "If you need help, let us know."

FIL has jack shit nothing, so there's nothing to discuss there.

[Deleted]

I assumed I was extreme. Neither of my brothers have any of this information.



I will admit it wasn't this extreme until their divorce. I had just graduated law school and they mediated their settlement, so I helped draft some of the QDRO for their pensions and 401ks, so it just branched out from there.



Once my children are grown, I will share just enough to reassure them that things are okay, but not all the details. This is way too much for one person to handle.

[drloretta]

Jan 23, 2013 11:41:09 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

I'd say you're on one end of the extreme. The rest of us are probably in the middle.

This.

I have no idea of the specifics of my parents' finances, but I know they are doing fine and that they have an excellent financial advisor to boot. If something happens to them, they recently had extensive estate planning. I know where the ginormous binder is with all of their information that we'd need.

We know that MIL is living modestly on her retirement in a VLCOL area. She sold a property a few years ago and we know where the $ went from that. She gave us a piece of paper with all of her pertinent information in the event something happens to her (DH is an only, so it would fall on us to figure things out).

My parents have a vague idea how much DH makes, know I bring in a little on the side with my freelance work, and have a general idea of our expenses (though it's more of a "they live in a HCOL area" idea vs "they spend X, Y, and Z on utilities, groceries, etc.") MIL probably knows less about the details than even my parents. But my philosophy, I guess, is that we're adults and there's no real need to share the nitty gritty.

[sosteadilygo]

Neither ILs or my parents know about our financial situation. My parents are significantly in debt and I know more than I should about their finances. My mom is awful with money and buys a new shirt, bag, etc. at least twice a week.

[halfpint]

We're not open with my parents at all. I occasionally tip toe around questioning if they're well-positioned for retirement. This is mostly because they both keep hinting at us having an in-law suite at our next place for them. I can't tell if they're serious or joking, and efforts to find out lead to statements like, "Of course we don't expect it, but wouldn't it be fun!" Also, we make significantly more than them, and I think conversations around our situation would be awkward.

We're pretty open with FIL - he's a retired CPA, and has given us a lot of advice at tax time, and around managing our finances. He has also lent us money at very low interest rates for larger purchases in the past.

[hilwithonelary]

My dad is a CPA and does our taxes, so he knows basically everything about our finances.  He does not discuss this information with anyone else, including my mom.  I think my mom has a vague idea of our finances just from conversations.  She knows stuff like we pay our credit card off every month and how much we paid for our house. 

I know only a little about my parents' finances.  I hope as they grow older, they include us a little more just for estate planning purposes.  I get the feeling that their finances are very complex, and I don't want to be trying to figure out a mess when they pass. 

My ILs are totally in the dark.  We are the same with them.  I doubt this will ever change. 

[genet313]

Jan 23, 2013 11:27:11 GMT -5 @vanndelay said:

I'm a newbie trying to become more active, so I am jumping right in. 

The discussion of parents' retirements yesterday made me wonder- how open are you with your parents about their finances and vice versa?

Both my parents (divorced) are an open book with me. Once a year, we sit down and go over all of the accounts and balances, so that I know exactly what is where. I know their salaries, 401k balances and have a general idea of all of their account balances at any given time. This is in part because I am the oldest and the named executor in both wills. My parents divorced 10 years ago and get along pretty well, so they never changed the beneficiaries on any of their accounts. They have discussed and neither of them have any concern about the money going where it needs to, but they just want me to know exactly what is where. 

DH and I are open with my parents and ILs. They know how much we owe on our houses, salaries, 401k etc. I send them a spread sheet every year with all the assets and liabilities in case something were to happen to us. We structured all of our stuff to have my family taking over the financial stuff if something happens to us, so I want them to know how much they have and how to access it. 

It's not that we all sit around and talk about our money, but we just don't see the need to keep the details private. Not to mention we discuss our investments and seek their guidance on some financial matters. 

My parents and siblings and I are all very open with money, discuss current investments, negotiating raises, etc.  My DH is more private, but he also discusses investing with my bros.  I frequently ask my parents/brothers for financial advice - most of my family is involved in the finance industry in some way, so we are all quite saavy.   I like being able to bounce ideas off each other and get suggestions.  

I do not know my parents' financial picture, although I do know they have been successful and are very comfortable.  I don't worry, but will have to have genuine conversations in the next 10 years, I would imagine.

My DH's family is much less open, and we don't discuss our finances with them - they know we work a lot, they think it's crazy (my DH's mom is a therapist, thinks my job is definitely unhealthy!)  They don't know how much we make, but they can probably guess from our apartment size/location, vacations, toys, etc.   I would like to have genuine conversations with them in the next 10 years as well, just to make sure retirement planning is on track.

[protozoa]

I have a general idea of my parents' situations (Dad = Bad; Mom = Pretty Good).

I did know MIL's in exact detail. But then she took out a HELOC to buy "something she wanted" and I got mad at her, so I've severed my advisory relationship with her. I wish I'd know more about their financial situation when FIL was alive; that was quite a shock when he died and we saw how little they had.

[maddiepaddy]

I work with my family, so I know a lot about my father's finances and he has a pretty good idea of where my H and I are at. I am on a few accounts (all business and some personal) and have a rough idea of other balances, assets, etc. My dad has always been pretty open with my sister and I in regard to 'family money' and estate planning, which is both kind of weird and reassuring at the same time.

He of course knows what I make, but doesn't know what H makes - so he has an idea of where out finances are, but not the whole picture. He is well aware of our major investments (stocks, house...) though.

My ILs are also fairly open but my H and I don't know exact balances, etc... But do know that they're comfortable and that they are planners, so they are well prepared for retirement. They have less info about us other than that we're doing alright.

[macmars45]

My parents and ILs don't know actual numbers because H likes to keep our finances private.

I tell my parents generalizations or that H got a 20% raise etc. Of course anyone can look up my income as it's public knowledge because I work for a public school district. I'm sure they never will look though.

H tells his parents generalizations but nothing specific.

[raangoli]

We discuss things in general terms. There are rarely numbers shared, and if they are, they are estimates.

[Deleted]

With my own parents (well my mom), pretty open. I know a lot about their retirement situation and they have a rough idea of what we make.



I don't know much about my inlaws' finances.

[SJ]

We are fairly open with my parents because we can be. They are MM disasters, and they come to me for advice quite often. They know roughly how much we earn. They are proud of us and it has never been awkward that we make more than they do.

We are not very open with IL's. They are nosy, ask us directly for details of our finances, and we are quite sure they will hold it over us. They think we are "filthy rich" and expect us to pay for everything.