My gender bending son

[2brides]

When the kids get happy meals (yea, I know) Grayson requests a 'girl toy' about 75% of the time - needless to say we have amassed a nice collection of My Little Ponies, Hello Kitties, and Strawberry Shortcake. Yesterdays "girl toy" was a pink star barrette with a frizzy mass of blue fake hair with glitter running through it. He asked me to put it in his hair, which I did gladly. He proudly wore it all evening (and I put it back in 100x since his hair is short.) I loved that no one in our house thought twice about it or gave him an ounce of shit for wearing it.

This morning he wanted to wear it to school, but since it was 15 degrees out, he needed a hat. So he stuck it in his pocket and off he went. While I was getting Carter situated this morning when we got to school, I looked over and saw he had it out and was showing it to his classmates. I am hoping that his classmates don't tease him - though I am inclined to think they won't since he is sporting a My Little Pony clipped on to his backpack. (heart)

See below - but the hair is not that smooth - it is a blue frizzy/glittery mess.

[twotrue]

Was he also the one that asked for pink clothing? was it boots? jacket? hat? I can't recall specifics. I think it's great! Heck, maybe he'll make it so cool that other boys in class will start to pick out girl happy meals. :-)

[twomoms2twins]

Love this - and It sounds like if someone does give him shit that he will just dismiss them or give em hell- something about his personality that i know from reading your posts.

[2brides]

They've both wanted pink stuff:

Carter got pink (hot pink) pajamas last year and wanted a pink hat
Grayson wanted a pink coat, but settled on a pink scarf.

But the hat/scarf was in PK and was really before there was strong gender identity among the boys/girls. Now, in first grade, there is definitely a thought that things are "boy" vs "girl" things.

[oliver]

I have mixed feelings.

On the one hand, he's just a kid, and it's not likely to have any effect on his gender outlook in his future.

That said, it will make him stand out in an easy-to-pick-on way. Depending on the way things go, it may establish him as an outsider, and doom him to a childhood as an outcast.

Having been on that side of things, I'd personally try to protect my kid from that kind of issue.

So... hopefully your kid goes to a school where the kids aren't complete douchebags

[hensmum]

oliver, it is customary to introduce oneself when joining a new board. A lot of the regulars here only post here, so are not necessarily familiar with your recent appearance all over gbcn

That said, of course there is concern about 2brides child, and any parent, anywhere's child. We are all concerned about our kids being teased or singled out at school. As a community of gay people, I think Every Single One of us has been made to feel less than at one time or another. It is a personal decision for parents when kids decide to buck gender norms. I know many mamas here have had a chat with their kids - "Some other kids may not think it's cool for you to play with My Little Pony, Johnny, but if that is okay with you, it's okay with me."

Throughout our lives, society
dictates what we "should" do according to our gender. There is value in empowering our kids to make their own choices about what is right for them.

We can't all stifle who we are in fear of standing out.

If you'd like to continue to post here, we are welcoming to newbies, who introduce themselves and their reason for wanting to hang out with LGBT families.

[ct]

Oliver - i have to respectfully disagree with you. as you reference, there are enough other factors in this world that will encourage our children to conform, i believe our job as parents is to support all that our children are and all that they do. Because the world will judge my child, I should too? No. I will give my child the widest wings possible so that, even as they are battered throughout life, he will still come out the other end flying.

2brides - I think it's awesome

[2brides]

Oliver - I appreciate your concerns. Of course, this particular situation (or any that my children are involved in) was not taken lightly. I know my kid. I know my kid's school. I know my kid's classmates. I know my kid's teacher. I felt 75% confident that no one would bat an eye, and if they did say something, he'd put it away and we could have a discussion when he got home about it.

I asked him last night at dinner how show and tell went (he was going to show it then) and what the kids said (I ask this about all show and tell items - including the very "boy" Skylander he took the day before.) His response? "Fine. Some other people said they had one too." I assume (though I shouldn't) that the girls were the ones who told him that. But there was no teasing, no chastising, and my son got to take something to school that he liked and wanted to show off.

If I had stopped him from doing so by telling him that he should because people might make fun of him, or say it was a girl toy, or whatever...what am I teaching him? Not to be true to himself? To change himself/his interests based on what others might think/say?

[oliver]

Jan 25, 2013 13:15:33 GMT -5 2brides said:

Oliver - I appreciate your concerns. Of course, this particular situation (or any that my children are involved in) was not taken lightly. I know my kid. I know my kid's school. I know my kid's classmates. I know my kid's teacher. I felt 75% confident that no one would bat an eye, and if they did say something, he'd put it away and we could have a discussion when he got home about it.

I asked him last night at dinner how show and tell went (he was going to show it then) and what the kids said (I ask this about all show and tell items - including the very "boy" Skylander he took the day before.) His response? "Fine. Some other people said they had one too." I assume (though I shouldn't) that the girls were the ones who told him that. But there was no teasing, no chastising, and my son got to take something to school that he liked and wanted to show off.

If I had stopped him from doing so by telling him that he should because people might make fun of him, or say it was a girl toy, or whatever...what am I teaching him? Not to be true to himself? To change himself/his interests based on what others might think/say?

I'm glad you live in a more tolerant area

I'm definitely not one for suppressing/changing oneself to conform to societal norms, however there's being yourself and then there's rubbing yourself into other's faces.


There's what the world should be, and what the world is. You can talk all you want about how the world should be, but you have to live in the world that is. Change comes slowly and in small increments.

Should a person be able to be openly gay without fear of repercussions? Absolutely. Is that the case everywhere? Not at all.

As a parent, you need to be aware of the general atmosphere of your community, and of what they will and will not accept. It looks like you are, and that your community is a good one