I am torn - WDYT

[sailorgray]

We have been casually looking to move.  We live in a HCOL area and everything we want is just out of our budget. Well, my IL announced they are selling their place and they casually asked if we may be interested. My H jokingly said we prob couldn't afford it. They hinted that they'd work with us. Their house is pretty much exactly what we want. It's a relatively new place (1997) and they just upgraded the kitchen, painted, carpets, new hardwoods, etc. It's in a VERY kid-friendly gated neighborhood with Easter egg hunts, parades, lots of kids and young families, etc. The schools are rated very high. There is a beautiful community pool with lifeguard, playground, gym, tennis courts and it's about 1/2 mile from a state park with a lake and awesome pool and splash pad.  The only downside? You can't fence in the yard. I know this was talked about before and many people, myself included, said it would be a deal breaker.  Now that I have the chance to maybe get a GREAT house without being house poor, I can't shake the feeling that we should consider it.  It does have a small yard that backs up to the other houses, but we wouldn't be able to fence it in and put up a swingset, like we have now. Also, we have a small dog.

WDYT? Would you just not consider it or would you maybe? I keep telling myself that it's not like we would be hermits. It has a deck and a patio and it is on a cul-de-sac, so they could play there, too. I am just torn b/c both my H and I grew up with big yards.

[emoflamingo]

Considering the gated, kid friendly issue, I would definitely consider it.

[emisi]

I'd do it. Everything else perfect, just no fence for the yard? Where do I sign? I don't have a dog, but could you tie him up? Or just take him for a walk, or get an invisible fence? And why not a swing set? Are they also banned, or would you just worry about your kids being able to wander out of the yard?

[Deleted]

It sounds like it's a great neighborhood with a lot of kid friendly activities and space, so you wouldn't necessarily need your yard.

BIL/SIL live in area much like you describe. They're "community center" is in the middle of the dev. with a pool, playground, gym, meeting space etc. They're always up there and never in their own yard. It seems to be where everyone they associate with hangs out anyways.

And you still have some yard to get outside. As long as you supervise your kids there, I don't think lack of a fence is a big deal.

The dog may be a different story, but I know nothing about the logistics of that.

[tarheels]

Who gives a fig about a fence with that sort of offer on the table? Why do you need a fence? Sure, it's nice to let the dogs out, but it's not that much harder to walk them.

[boiler717]

I wouldn't go for it with my ILs but assuming yours are cool I'd consider it

[stephm0188]

I love love love that not many people here have fences. My kid plays with the neighborhood kids, and they all kind of wander in a pack from one swing set to someone else's sandbox to wherever. I can still keep an eye on him from inside, but most of the time I'm out socializing as well.

I'd consider it. I love my social neighborhood.

[tarheels]

Jan 25, 2013 17:28:57 GMT -5 stephm0188 said:

I love love love that not many people here have fences. My kid plays with the neighborhood kids, and they all kind of wander in a pack from one swing set to someone else's sandbox to wherever. I can still keep an eye on him from inside, but most of the time I'm out socializing as well.

I'd consider it. I love my social neighborhood.

We have good friends who live in this type of neighborhood, and it sounds like what OP's getting a chance at.  I'd take a neighborhood with the kids roaming from yard to yard over privacy fences a million times over any day.

[mrs.jacinthe]

I'm trying to see a downside to this, unless the neighborhood HOA is ridiculous.

[Susie]

Why do you need a fence to have a swing set?

I consider fences nice to have, but not necessary.  I've owned a dog with and without one, and I grew up in a house (with a dog) where the HOA didn't allow fences.  We still deal with the no-fences there when we visit with our dog.

I chose to put up a picket fence at our house, but I don't think it's that enormous of a deal if you can't.  You adapt.

[ohjessica]

Our house doesn't have a fenced in yard and we have two kids and a dog. It's not fenced in because we can't afford to, not because we can't. I kind of hate that it's not fenced in, but that's only because we have a jerky neighbor who likes to randomly trespass in our yard by driving his tractor though it to cut through to go into the woods behind the house. Other than that, I don't think it's an issue. The only "eh" is that I also feel weird when we have parties because then our neighbors on either side can see everything that's going on and I feel like we have to keep everyone in our space and yell at the kids to stay in our yard. But we don't live next to kid friendly neighbors. However, with what you described, I think it would be great!

[emoflamingo]

We don't have a fence at the new house and while we may end up putting something small (just so we can have an area for a dog to run, I wouldn't fence the whole yard (we live on an acre lot lol). However, I'm happy we have no fence right now because, like steph said, DS can play with other kids now. It's not a "fence necessary" area like where we used to live.

[pitterwoo]

I think that it sounds like a great opportunity. I've lived without a fenced in yard for my dog in the past and we just went out for walks. I actually prefer that anyway because we both need the exercise and I don't like my back yard becoming a toilet.

If not a fence, are plantings or hedges allowed on the property line? One side of our yard is a hedge. It has some chicken wire at the base of it. You can't really see it, but it does ensure that little animals can't wriggle through. Even if it's not a solid barrier, I prefer landscaping that defines the space a bit vs just open sea of lawns.

[sailorgray]

Thanks so much for the replies everyone! I honestly thought you'd all say it was a deal breaker. We are so used to having a nice sized fenced-in yard. It's not so much for our doggie, but for the kids. It's great to let them play in the yard while I cook (watching them, of course) and we enjoy gardening and just being outside This, of course, is stuff we could still do without a fence. I do like some of the points you all made like all the kids playing together in everyone's yards and how the community center is where people see everyone. I hadn't thought of that. We could not put our own swing set in b/c of the HOA, but there is one right down the street.

Thanks again! Sometimes good deals tend to cloud my judgment, so I need to get other opinions.

[sailorgray]

No hedges can be added. My H just told me that you can't even have a garden out back. You can garden in the front, but we always have a small vegetable garden. My MIL does containers on their deck.

I think the HOA is pretty strict. My FIL rolled his about eyes about it, but said that he actually appreciates it.

[Deleted]

I grew up in a neighborhood like this and I really liked the no fence look.  I'm also not a fence person.

[ktzmoh]

Only you know your family dynamic. For me, it wouldn't be worth the potential guilt trips coming down the road if they sold me their house under market value. And then add in siblings who may have unpredictable reactions... Also, I guess I'd be worried that they might not ever respect the boundaries - like ti would always sort of be their house and never truly ours. KWIM?

But if they make you a deal you can't refuse and you are confident the family dynamic wouldn't be unbearable... then the yard/fence would not deter me for a second.

[alf17]

We live in that kind of community. No fences allowed. We have a small dog and have an invisible fence. Dogs do not run loose and we keep an eye out for her when she is out. In fact, in the town that we live in there are very few fenced in yards. I always find it funny that every show on HGTV that the buyers want fences. I think it is a great opportunity.

[sailorgray]

Jan 25, 2013 22:03:44 GMT -5 ktzmoh said:

Only you know your family dynamic. For me, it wouldn't be worth the potential guilt trips coming down the road if they sold me their house under market value. And then add in siblings who may have unpredictable reactions... Also, I guess I'd be worried that they might not ever respect the boundaries - like ti would always sort of be their house and never truly ours. KWIM?

But if they make you a deal you can't refuse and you are confident the family dynamic wouldn't be unbearable... then the yard/fence would not deter me for a second.

Lucky for us, my IL are pretty cool. My FIL made some pretty good financial decisions over the years, so they are in the spot to help us. H's family is probably the most drama-free family I know and his brother, who his parents also like to help out when they can, would be thrilled.  I also thought about boundaries and don't think it would be an issue. They aren't people who become attached to homes. I totally know what you mean, though, as I have seen bad things happen in these kind of situations.

Also, my IL would not be losing a lot of money.  They'd prob take into account what they'd save from not having a REA to pay and then prob would work with us to get the price into our new house budget.  It would prob be about 15k out of their pocket. It would be just enough to get us into a house that we normally would not be able to afford without being house poor. They also had previously expressed interest in helping financially to get us a house that we REALLY wanted and not one we would be settling for, kwim?

I did tell my H that I would feel bad going in and making changes, since they just made all of these changes and I've been oooing and aahing over everything for the past year. The truth would come out!

Thanks again everyone!

[pitterwoo]

not being able to add landscaping would bother me, but would not be a dealbreaker for me.

[sailorgray]

Jan 25, 2013 23:22:18 GMT -5 pitterwoo said:

not being able to add landscaping would bother me, but would not be a dealbreaker for me.

You can add it to the front, I think. I know that my IL have planted trees, flowers and hydrangea (my fave).  I am sure there are rules as to what you can and cannot do, but all of front yards are very pretty.