NHG-New Mom Friend - How to help? Moms Welcome

[MrsMB]

One of our couple friends just had a baby.

I was able to go to the hospital the night before they were discharged and bring them some homemade banana muffins for breakfast that next morning. Her DH was appreciative since they wouldn't have to run down and grab something in the middle of trying to discharge.

They're home now. I now feel I should drop some food by or something now that they're home. I've read up on some of the etiquette in regards to not keeping the stay super long, scheduling time to drop something by....etc. But I figured I would check with you ladies. Everyone around here does casseroles when people have new babies. Thoughts?

1. What was most helpful after you had your baby?
2. Any other suggestions of something I could do/bring?

[ohjessica]

I think that's a nice idea. Maybe check with her before you go over and see if she needs anything like milk, bread, diapers, etc that you can pick up for her. I know I would have found that helpful.

OR offer to wash/fold a load of laundry, do dishes, vacuum, etc. I know it was hard for me to find motivation to do all those little household things and if someone offered to help with the laundry, I would have gladly accepted.

[beanieweanie]

Jan 29, 2013 18:02:12 GMT -5 ohjessica said:

I think that's a nice idea. Maybe check with her before you go over and see if she needs anything like milk, bread, diapers, etc that you can pick up for her. I know I would have found that helpful.

OR offer to wash/fold a load of laundry, do dishes, vacuum, etc. I know it was hard for me to find motivation to do all those little household things and if someone offered to help with the laundry, I would have gladly accepted.

I agree - a grocery run would have been AWESOME. A meal too, although it's easier to get take out than it is to go food shopping, so I'd have found that more helpful. Although I think maybe household chores depend on the person - I wouldn't want anyone cleaning my house (I think I might be a little embarrassed!) although it would still be nice to offer.

[mrsemilys]

I would offer to make something and like you said schedule a time to drop it off. Then before you go I agree about the grocery run. Oh and def make dessert too b/c I was starving the first few weeks of BFing. You're a great friend!

[statlerwaldorf]

I would've loved a bunch of healthy snack foods. Anything that would be easy to prepare and eat when I up in the middle of the night with the baby. I really didn't want heavy meals for a while after DD was born. And some chocolate. I swear I had worse cravings postpartum than I did when I was pregnant.

[Deleted]

What you have in mind is great!
Everyone is different and you know your friend best though. Some poeple hate visitors, the intrusion, casseroles and general stuff around.
Other people (like me!) were begging for visitors and anything at all was appreciated. I did love the people most that didn't have an expectation that I entertain them/cook them an eight course dinner. If they wanted to bring a pizza and have a beer, that was great. If that wanted to stop by for coffee in the afternoon that was great. I was always fine with the simple stuff. Other people are overwhelmed by it all and need to ease into it more. I'd call first, gauge her reaction and go from there.

[SusanBAnthony]

Show up with food, go put it in the kitchen, and do all the dishes while you are in there. Honestly for us the best food to bring was cut up, ready to eat fresh fruit or veggies, or a big salad. We had a freezer of casseroles, we wants some green things!

Then go to the bathroom, and if they have cleaning supplies under the sink, clean it quick for them. Tell them afterwards, don't ask, bc they will say no. Just do it. Ask if they have a load of laundry you can run or fold, and don't take no for an answer. If you know where her vacuum is, just run it through the living room (if baby is awake or far enough away) or sweep her kitchen.

Then hold the baby for 2 minutes, only if it is awake but not nursing or crying (offer to change diaper or burp if relevant) then leave.

[candreco]

An offer to stop by Target or wherever on your way there, snack foods easy to eat one handed, and a Netflix subscription.

[MrsMB]

Thank you, ladies! Much appreciated. I'm SURE I'm over-thinking this. It's just my first friend here in town who has had a baby....and I'm excited to do something!

[mrslch]

Ditto the one handed meals! Simple meals that can be reheated easily and don't have to be hot to eat. I would also feel very weird if someone cleaned my house or did my laundry. Plus, I'm kind of particular about separating clothes and how much soap to use. Maybe bring some magazines?

[emjacobs]

Jan 29, 2013 19:43:20 GMT -5 SusanBAnthony said:

Show up with food, go put it in the kitchen, and do all the dishes while you are in there. Honestly for us the best food to bring was cut up, ready to eat fresh fruit or veggies, or a big salad. We had a freezer of casseroles, we wants some green things!

Then go to the bathroom, and if they have cleaning supplies under the sink, clean it quick for them. Tell them afterwards, don't ask, bc they will say no. Just do it. Ask if they have a load of laundry you can run or fold, and don't take no for an answer. If you know where her vacuum is, just run it through the living room (if baby is awake or far enough away) or sweep her kitchen.

Then hold the baby for 2 minutes, only if it is awake but not nursing or crying (offer to change diaper or burp if relevant) then leave.

This would not work for me.  I am funny about how my dishes are washed and if anyone other than my mother washes them, they get immediately rewashed.  We fold no clothes, everything gets hung up except socks and underwear so someone folding a load of laundry means I now have to unfold and hang / wrinkle release clothes because they are wrinkled. 

I have strange anxieties so someone walking into my house and just cleaning would make me very uncomfortable and feel very judged and I don't think the first few weeks with a new baby is a time that I would want to feel that way about my house.