Post your TTTC vents here

[bronxgirl]

I am so sick of giving myself a battery of shots every night.  I've gotten a lot quicker at it and overall it's not that bad, but it's still so annoying.  I can't wait until I'm done.  Hopefully it will be worth it.

[KaraOrNot]

bronxgirl - how much longer do you have to do the shots? What is the next step and when is it?

I am just sick of waiting. We don't have enough money to move forward, so we are just in a holding pattern. We keep trying every month, but it just feels pointless. And I still get disappointed every month when I get my period. Even last month, when we took a break and only had sex once during my FW.

Even w/ all that, I think that I am somewhat sabotaging our efforts. I should be motivated to save every penny, but I went crazy at Christmas and haven't really saved much this year. Plus, I really need to lose weight, but I have NO motivation to do so.

I think that I am just nervous about when happens when we have enough money.  Then we really have to make a decision (IVF, adoption, child free?). What happens if we do IVF and it doesn't work? What if we try to adopt and nobody picks us? Will we really be happy child free? Fuck me (actually, don't - I am not ovulating right now).

[bronxgirl]

Jan 29, 2013 22:25:17 GMT -5 KaraOrNot said:

bronxgirl - how much longer do you have to do the shots? What is the next step and when is it?

I am just sick of waiting. We don't have enough money to move forward, so we are just in a holding pattern. We keep trying every month, but it just feels pointless. But I still get disappointed every month when I get my period. Even last month, when we took a break and only had sex once during my FW.

Even w/ all that, I think that I am somewhat sabotaging our efforts. I should be motivated to save every penny, but I went crazy at Christmas and haven't really saved much this year. Plus, I really need to lose weight, but I have NO motivation to do so.

I think that I am just nervous about when happens when we have enough money Then we really have to make a decision (IVF, adoption, child free?). What happens if we do IVF and it doesn't work. What if we try to adopt and nobody picks us. Will we really be happy child free? Fuck me (actually, don't - I am not ovulating right now).

Hi Kara.  I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.  IF is so f'in hard.  I think I just have a couple more days of my current shots.  I go back to the RE tomorrow, but I'm guessing my ER will be over the weekend or sometime around then.  I think after I have the actual transfer I take progesterone shots.  I'm not sure for how long, but at least it will be just one.  I know what you mean about wondering if it will work.  It's so anxiety producing.

[Cheesecake]

Hugs to everyone. I'm having a super extra cranky jealous day I think.
A few months ago I posted about being sad/finding it so unfair that a friend got pregnant in 2 cycle trying, as she actually said 'well, with our jobs, really the only time that's convenient to deliver a baby is the last week of jan/first week of feb.
I secretly hoped the baby would come 2 weeks late and she'd have to be induced for that. Pity, I know, but really, if the absolutely super exact timing of stuff is that important, you might not have a child-friendly lifestyle. Best you find out you need to change stuff right away...

Well guess who went into labor on her own, water breaking by itself right as her very last scheduled shift before baby ended? Yep, her. She didn't even have to flipping rush to the hospital or anything, as she's a resident and could just walk to the other side of the hall and checl herself in.

Really, luck and babydust are definitely not spread out equally...

Sent from my phone, please disregard typos!

[discogranny]

Jan 29, 2013 22:25:17 GMT -5 KaraOrNot said:

I am just sick of waiting...

I think that I am just nervous about when happens when we have enough money.  Then we really have to make a decision (IVF, adoption, child free?). What happens if we do IVF and it doesn't work? What if we try to adopt and nobody picks us? Will we really be happy child free? Fuck me (actually, don't - I am not ovulating right now).

Hugs to you Kara. I really feel like the waiting and unsure times are some of the worst when it comes to IF. We planned to take some time off between our second failed IUI and IVF for me to lose some of the stim weight I had gained and to take a mental break. Instead we took about 20 days off before the looming IVF got the best of me and we started the cycle.

It's so so much easier said than done, but try to work through it one step at a time. Maybe set small goals like $XX saved in XX time or XX pounds lost in XX time, etc. I lost a large amount of weight during the first year of TTC (~70 lbs) and we saved money "for the baby" (which of course turned into "for OOP treatment"...damn IF) and that was literally the only way to get through it without going crazy.

My vent: We took out a smallish loan for our IVF meds and the next payment is due 2/1. It was so much easier to make when we had something to look forward to. Now it just really, really sucks.

[ilovecandy]

Kara- I am feeling like you. Just stuck.

]Why can't my body work right and get pregnant? Why? Bronx good luck with your injections I hope it works this month so you can stop!

[jewel]

I've gotten most of my initial test results back, and they are all perfectly normal. Yep, that's my vent. I know it sounds crazy, but I've really been hoping that *something* would come up as an issue, bonus if it is easy to solve with a pill or something. I hate feeling like nothing is "wrong" and there is no good reason why we can't get successfully pregnant. Maybe something questionable will come up on the HSG next week.....

[Cheesecake]

Jan 30, 2013 14:11:04 GMT -5 jewel said:

I've gotten most of my initial test results back, and they are all perfectly normal. Yep, that's my vent. I know it sounds crazy, but I've really been hoping that *something* would come up as an issue, bonus if it is easy to solve with a pill or something. I hate feeling like nothing is "wrong" and there is no good reason why we can't get successfully pregnant. Maybe something questionable will come up on the HSG next week.....

Not crazy at all. Of all the ways you can have any health related issues, unexplained is the suckiest of all. Hugs!!

[linz]

I just want it to happen, like yesterday. Everytime I see an announcement on fb I cry. It was especially hard around the holidays when it seemed like everyone was announcing!

My bff and a cousin of mine who I'm close with also just had babies. While I'm soooo excited and happy for them I'm also sad. I just want to be pregnant. Just know that it can happen.

[degal99]

I'm just so impatient with everything. Even waiting till next week for the big convo with the RE is driving me mad!

[ilovecandy]

Jan 30, 2013 14:11:04 GMT -5 jewel said:

I've gotten most of my initial test results back, and they are all perfectly normal. Yep, that's my vent. I know it sounds crazy, but I've really been hoping that *something* would come up as an issue, bonus if it is easy to solve with a pill or something. I hate feeling like nothing is "wrong" and there is no good reason why we can't get successfully pregnant. Maybe something questionable will come up on the HSG next week.....

I completely understand. We are unexplained and it sucks. I feel like if i at least have answer I know what to do but being unexplained there is nothing.

[genet313]

Jan 30, 2013 14:11:04 GMT -5 jewel said:

I've gotten most of my initial test results back, and they are all perfectly normal. Yep, that's my vent. I know it sounds crazy, but I've really been hoping that *something* would come up as an issue, bonus if it is easy to solve with a pill or something. I hate feeling like nothing is "wrong" and there is no good reason why we can't get successfully pregnant. Maybe something questionable will come up on the HSG next week.....

This is basically mine.  Now, even worse, I've started overanalyzing everything to try to find a problem to pinpoint. Oh, my TSH is 2.5, that's kind of high right?  Maybe it's that. Oh, my AMH is 1.1, that's kind of low right?  Apparently none of this is an issue.  

What's worse, is I f*ing feel myself ovulating every month (as in right.now.).  WTF body?  Why can't those eggs just get fertilized? 

Finally, I hate the rollercoaster in every cycle.  Miserable with AF, sort of hopeful with O, getting more hopeful post-O as I evaluate phantom symptoms, then bang, miserable with AF.  ARHGHGHGHGHGGHGHHG.

[kershnic]

Getting lapped by other people... One couple in particular got married three months after us and just announced pregnancy #2. That should be us.

[jewel]

Jan 30, 2013 21:01:05 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Jan 30, 2013 14:11:04 GMT -5 jewel said:

This is basically mine.  Now, even worse, I've started overanalyzing everything to try to find a problem to pinpoint. Oh, my TSH is 2.5, that's kind of high right?  Maybe it's that. Oh, my AMH is 1.1, that's kind of low right?  Apparently none of this is an issue.  

What's worse, is I f*ing feel myself ovulating every month (as in right.now.).  WTF body?  Why can't those eggs just get fertilized? 

Finally, I hate the rollercoaster in every cycle.  Miserable with AF, sort of hopeful with O, getting more hopeful post-O as I evaluate phantom symptoms, then bang, miserable with AF.  ARHGHGHGHGHGGHGHHG.

My TSH was 4.02. Does that sound high? They said normal range is up to 5.5. Don't make me paranoid

I know the roller coaster. I'm sure we all do. It's terrible. And the waiting.....ugh. It just sucks, all around.

ETA - Wait. PLEASE say my thyroid is off. My expert googling tells me that 2.5 or under is expected for TTC and 1st trimester. Maybe that explains my m/c too? Strangely, this theory is actually making me excited. Now I feel really crazy...

[KaraOrNot]

jewel - I would check with your doctor. My TSH was 2.9 and the RE put me on meds. He told me that it is best to be under 2.5, to decrease the chance of m/c.

[genet313]

Jan 30, 2013 23:34:59 GMT -5 jewel said:

Jan 30, 2013 21:01:05 GMT -5 genet313 said:

This is basically mine.  Now, even worse, I've started overanalyzing everything to try to find a problem to pinpoint. Oh, my TSH is 2.5, that's kind of high right?  Maybe it's that. Oh, my AMH is 1.1, that's kind of low right?  Apparently none of this is an issue.  

What's worse, is I f*ing feel myself ovulating every month (as in right.now.).  WTF body?  Why can't those eggs just get fertilized? 

Finally, I hate the rollercoaster in every cycle.  Miserable with AF, sort of hopeful with O, getting more hopeful post-O as I evaluate phantom symptoms, then bang, miserable with AF.  ARHGHGHGHGHGGHGHHG.

My TSH was 4.02. Does that sound high? They said normal range is up to 5.5. Don't make me paranoid

I know the roller coaster. I'm sure we all do. It's terrible. And the waiting.....ugh. It just sucks, all around.

ETA - Wait. PLEASE say my thyroid is off. My expert googling tells me that 2.5 or under is expected for TTC and 1st trimester. Maybe that explains my m/c too? Strangely, this theory is actually making me excited. Now I feel really crazy...

Ah, TSH.  My doctor says 2.5 is fine.  I actually had TSH tested in 2011 randomly as well, and that doctor said the same.  My acupuncturist says under 2 is best.  I've seen on TB people saying under 1.  Who knows. I don't think TSH contributes to a m/c, I think it has to do with TTC more.

[bronxgirl]

I know what you mean about the roller coaster.  That's how I feel, too.  The worst is week 2 of the 2ww when every hour feels like a roller coaster.  Ugh!

[mae141]

Jan 30, 2013 21:01:05 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Jan 30, 2013 14:11:04 GMT -5 jewel said:

I've gotten most of my initial test results back, and they are all perfectly normal. Yep, that's my vent. I know it sounds crazy, but I've really been hoping that *something* would come up as an issue, bonus if it is easy to solve with a pill or something. I hate feeling like nothing is "wrong" and there is no good reason why we can't get successfully pregnant. Maybe something questionable will come up on the HSG next week.....

This is basically mine.  Now, even worse, I've started overanalyzing everything to try to find a problem to pinpoint. Oh, my TSH is 2.5, that's kind of high right?  Maybe it's that. Oh, my AMH is 1.1, that's kind of low right?  Apparently none of this is an issue.  

What's worse, is I f*ing feel myself ovulating every month (as in right.now.).  WTF body?  Why can't those eggs just get fertilized? 

Finally, I hate the rollercoaster in every cycle.  Miserable with AF, sort of hopeful with O, getting more hopeful post-O as I evaluate phantom symptoms, then bang, miserable with AF.  ARHGHGHGHGHGGHGHHG.

OMG this is me, too. I just wish I knew what is wrong so I can fix it! It's so frustrating. 

[mae141]

Jan 30, 2013 23:34:59 GMT -5 jewel said:

Jan 30, 2013 21:01:05 GMT -5 genet313 said:

This is basically mine.  Now, even worse, I've started overanalyzing everything to try to find a problem to pinpoint. Oh, my TSH is 2.5, that's kind of high right?  Maybe it's that. Oh, my AMH is 1.1, that's kind of low right?  Apparently none of this is an issue.  

What's worse, is I f*ing feel myself ovulating every month (as in right.now.).  WTF body?  Why can't those eggs just get fertilized? 

Finally, I hate the rollercoaster in every cycle.  Miserable with AF, sort of hopeful with O, getting more hopeful post-O as I evaluate phantom symptoms, then bang, miserable with AF.  ARHGHGHGHGHGGHGHHG.

My TSH was 4.02. Does that sound high? They said normal range is up to 5.5. Don't make me paranoid

I know the roller coaster. I'm sure we all do. It's terrible. And the waiting.....ugh. It just sucks, all around.

ETA - Wait. PLEASE say my thyroid is off. My expert googling tells me that 2.5 or under is expected for TTC and 1st trimester. Maybe that explains my m/c too? Strangely, this theory is actually making me excited. Now I feel really crazy...

I asked my gyn and my regular doctor to check my thyroid. TSH was around 3.5 both times. I took that b/w with me to my first consult with my RE. The first thing he said was "so are you on thyroid medicine? You need to be." So I guess it was too high for him. When I ask him about it now, he says my TSH is fine, but it's some other number is off and that's what he's watching. 

[lola]

Jan 29, 2013 21:44:04 GMT -5 @starflower22 said:

FX for you!!

I was cranky and mean to my H tonight and now I feel bad. I need to stop googling and reading T-TTC stuff online, it makes me go from 0-10 on the worry scale.

I hear ya Starflower. I'm back from a few week break after the reading about TTTC stuff here just got to be too much for me. I'm in the midst of an enormous mind fuck where I find myself thinking, "It hasn't really been this long, right? I'm making this up??" But. I'm not.

Hugs, peeps.

[Deleted]

Jan 30, 2013 14:11:04 GMT -5 jewel said:

I've gotten most of my initial test results back, and they are all perfectly normal. Yep, that's my vent. I know it sounds crazy, but I've really been hoping that *something* would come up as an issue, bonus if it is easy to solve with a pill or something. I hate feeling like nothing is "wrong" and there is no good reason why we can't get successfully pregnant. Maybe something questionable will come up on the HSG next week.....

Same here. You're not crazy. Or, we both are

[aliciar6]

I am annoyed with my crazy cycles, they are all over 55 days, I have yet to have a regular one. I think the last time I was regular was when I was doing BC for 21 days and then letting myself have a period back in college (note I'm 33 now). Once I started seasonale, it messed it all up, my own fault since I wanted to get a period as few times as possible since they always hurt. Before I stared BC I was never regular. Being off BC has also made my cysts worse, I get them more often now. I got them so bad, it was part of the reason I was put on BC.

The OPKs have been nothing but confusing, I've even tried twice a day to verify what looks like a + and they are just all over the place. I'm tempted to start temping but I think it might just up my stress an anxiety which is already high enough because we are trying to sell my house and have been dealing with trying to evict a tenant ever since coming back from our honeymoon. In another month or 2 I might just splurge and by the fertility moniter.

While I was in seeing my GP for other reasons, I had bloodwork done just to check my hormone levels and they came back ok. He also was shocked at a sudden weight drop (120 to 108 in 2 months) which I think is due to stress making me not want to eat and taking time off from running.

I knew starting this that TTC wasn't going to be a quick process and even though we BD almost every day, hitting that fertile window, if I'm even ovulating at all, is a lot more tricky than I ever knew. I'm happy for those I know when I see a "I'm pregnant" FB announcement, but I can't help but be sad and jealous too.

[lola]

Oh, alicia, I feel your pain!

What kind of OPKs are you using? I started off with Wondofos and thought they were really hard to read. I'm using the Clear Blue Digital right now, and even though they're way more expensive it is worth it to me because at least I know what I'm looking at.

Like you, I held off on temping/charting for a long time because I was worried about my stress level. I think I was right in doing so, because it's definitely made me more aware, which makes me even more stressed. Here's my advice (purely anecdotal, so you know...). There are so many unknowns when TTC, and so much out of our control. For me, charting gave me a chance to take back a little bit of power. It doesn't tell me anything other than "Yup, there's a spike which indicated I actually did ovulate," but even that makes me feel better. I also feel more in control of the process because I feel like I am being proactive rather than sitting back and waiting for somebody to tell me something, if that makes sense.

I'd suggest starting to temp/chart for two reasons. First, in my experience OPKs can be wildly confusing. If you think about the fact that you might have only twelve ours between your surge and O, that's not a ton of time. Your day of O can also vary significantly. If you start charting, after a few months you should see a pattern. Maybe that pattern will be that over three months you've O'd on day 9 each time. Then you know that you can start using OPKs only on day seven or eight (whatever you're comfortable with) rather than on day six. Saving yourself two days of worrying about if you read it right, if you're ovulating and don't know it, etc. will be a big relief I bet.

Also, it will give you a clear idea (again, after a few cycles - no less than three) if you're not ovulating. The surge that is reflected on an OPK only tells you that your body is making hormones it makes when you should ovulate. It can't tell you that you actually did. By temping you can confirm that, which again will provide you some peace of mind.

The FF ap has been great, and it's very user friendly. You can track everything in there - weight, headaches, etc. I think it provides a really clear picture of what's going on with my physical self which always is helpful.

Good luck.

[aliciar6]

Lola, thank you!! Looks like a trip to buy a BBT is in order today. At least I do tend to wake up about the same time every day, so I can measure my BB temp at regular times.

I started with a some OPK strips from CVS (a generic brand), then got the Wondofos and have been using one of each during the day to compare how they read.

I am using the fertility friend chart and tracking CM with it as well, that's about as advanced as I can manage as of yet. I have no idea what "ferning" is. So far entering the data has been pretty addicting. I really do need a few more months to get some clue as to my cycles, ovulatoin, and what my body is doing. So I'm trying to be patient.

I think I'd be less annoyed if I could have shorter cycles. The fact that I can go 60 or so days in between AF gives me that hope that "just maybe" and then nope, BF-...but I think it will really help my sanity to be able to tell if I am actually ovualting.