NHG: parents I'm curious

[wawa]

Jan 31, 2013 12:10:15 GMT -5 mrslch said:

Ok, I'm not sure of your history with SIL, but we have a 22 month old and he is awful 90% of the time at restaurants. He doesn't want to sit in the highchair for longer than 10 minutes and throws food all over the place and wants to run around like a crazy person. So, we don't go out with him very often. It's also a huge PITA to pack up the diaper bag with stuff to entertain him and make sure we don't forget his sippy cup and god forbid he poops while we're out. For a lot of people, it's a big ordeal to run a simple errand and if you don't have kids, you can't really fathom that. It can be very stressful! I would suggest a sitter or be willing to stay in and get take-out.

Opening disclaimer: I am NOT judging your parenting.  NOT.  Just trying to get a feel for what to expect as I embark on this roller coaster of life with baby.

Does your son refuse to sit in a high chair and throw food and run around like a crazy person at meal times at home too?  Or does he just get wound up about being in public?

Is it like dogs where my pup will be a total angel at home - sits, stays, walks nicely on a leash, etc - but take him to petsmart to get his nails trimmed and he loses his damned mind?  (not to compare your toddler to a dog or anything...)

[Deleted]

Yeah, you maybe reading too much into.
That's something I'd say in an exchange and it has nothing to do with the kid.
More that it's the dead of January, it's cold, getting dressed, bundling myself up, driving to said restaraunt, waiting in line and driving back home doesn't sound fun to me always.
In fact my parents are headed here for the weekend and my mom asked if we wanted to go out and I responded, "I have porkchops and potatoes for Friday. We'll see about Sat. Maybe we can just grab take and bake."
Sometimes I prefer to socialize at home in comfy clothes over beer and a board game.

It is weird if she never gets out with her kid though. That's not healthy. BSC SIL was like that and it sent her over the edge. I guess I've never had that experience. H works a ton, I work enough. There's only so much time. I need groceries and papertowels. Sometimes Rubes has to come a long whether it's "easy" for me or not. I do understand a bit more now that it's cold. If I have a chance (read: grandma or the neighbor girl is available) I will leave Rubes home.

[sailorgray]

Jan 31, 2013 11:32:22 GMT -5 sierramist03 said:

 
I guess I don't understand how you change soo much because you have a kid.

Your entire life changes when you have kids. While we do go out some, it's Wendy's or Chickfila. Would you be okay going to places like that?

If I understand correctly, you are going to visit them? I can say with pretty much certainty that you will get to visit much more with them if you just go along with staying home and ordering in.  When out, most parents are preoccupied with making sure their kids don't act out. When at home, you can let them run around and not worry so much and your SIL and BIL will be much more relaxed..

ETA: I rarely am able to have a real conversation when out to dinner with people and the kids.  My kids are pretty well-behaved, too. I just am pre-occupied with ordering their food, cutting their food, picking up sippy cups, picking up food, answering their questions, telling them to be quiet, trying to get them to sit still for a little longer b/c when they are done they are DONE, etc.  Funny b/c that stuff doesn't happen at home. I'd cut your SIL some slack. It is def not easy to go out to dinner with kids.

[sjh722]

1. I think the issue here is really that you and SIL don't get along so whatever she does is going to bother you. (Based on a lot of previous posts like this.)

2. I would much rather eat pizza at a friends' house where their kids can run around/scream/go to bed on time than try to go to a restaurant past a kid's bedtime when you can't even visit because one parent is up chasing a toddler, walking around with them because they're bored, taking them out to the car, etc. Some kids are great in restaurants - other ones are not. If she's suggesting eating in, she probably knows their limits and that dinner out at 6:00 or 7:00 means no one will have a good time.

We have 5 nieces and nephews and typically do either dinner out with just adults or order in for now. It's too crazy to have that many children behaving simultaneously in a restaurant.

[TBM]

Sometimes ordering pizza is just easier than thinking about where to go for dinner, and we don't even have babies/kids any more. Your sil has had a fussy baby, and that can be exhausting.

You could offer to bring in food from somewhere....I am sure she mentioned pizza because they deliver and it is easy, and would be open to suggestions. Maybe something like 'we were thinking about getting dinner from somewhere like _____, since we don't have that here. Is there something from there that we can order for you?'

[emoflamingo]

Jan 31, 2013 13:13:01 GMT -5 sailorgray said:

Jan 31, 2013 11:32:22 GMT -5 sierramist03 said:

 
I guess I don't understand how you change soo much because you have a kid.

Your entire life changes when you have kids. While we do go out some, it's Wendy's or Chickfila. Would you be okay going to places like that?

If I understand correctly, you are going to visit them? I can say with pretty much certainty that you will get to visit much more with them if you just go along with staying home and ordering in.  When out, most parents are preoccupied with making sure their kids don't act out. When at home, you can let them run around and not worry so much and your SIL and BIL will be much more relaxed..

ETA: I rarely am able to have a real conversation when out to dinner with people and the kids.  My kids are pretty well-behaved, too. I just am pre-occupied with ordering their food, cutting their food, picking up sippy cups, picking up food, answering their questions, telling them to be quiet, trying to get them to sit still for a little longer b/c when they are done they are DONE, etc.  Funny b/c that stuff doesn't happen at home. I'd cut your SIL some slack. It is def not easy to go out to dinner with kids.

Well I can kind of see both ends of this argument. My life hasn't changed that much, but I wasn't the "clubbing til 3 am" type. I have friends with kids who are also a lot like me and haven't had their life flipped upside down.

And, on the other end, the flu pandemic, the stomach bug going around, plus RSV on top of being a new mom? She's probably scared her kid is going to catch something. So I can sort of understand that neurosis that she may have. (Speaking from a generalized anxiety sort of situation myself, I can get it.)

[pickle123]

Yes of course, it teaches good manners and patience. My son, 2, now knows how to behave in a restaurant, order his own food, please/thank you, etc.

[SusanBAnthony]

Jan 31, 2013 12:59:47 GMT -5 wawa said:

Jan 31, 2013 12:10:15 GMT -5 mrslch said:

Ok, I'm not sure of your history with SIL, but we have a 22 month old and he is awful 90% of the time at restaurants. He doesn't want to sit in the highchair for longer than 10 minutes and throws food all over the place and wants to run around like a crazy person. So, we don't go out with him very often. It's also a huge PITA to pack up the diaper bag with stuff to entertain him and make sure we don't forget his sippy cup and god forbid he poops while we're out. For a lot of people, it's a big ordeal to run a simple errand and if you don't have kids, you can't really fathom that. It can be very stressful! I would suggest a sitter or be willing to stay in and get take-out.

Opening disclaimer: I am NOT judging your parenting.  NOT.  Just trying to get a feel for what to expect as I embark on this roller coaster of life with baby.

Does your son refuse to sit in a high chair and throw food and run around like a crazy person at meal times at home too?  Or does he just get wound up about being in public?

Is it like dogs where my pup will be a total angel at home - sits, stays, walks nicely on a leash, etc - but take him to petsmart to get his nails trimmed and he loses his damned mind?  (not to compare your toddler to a dog or anything...)

The problem is the length of the meal.  At somewhere like Chipotle, where you sit down and eat right away, it is fine.  When they have to sit and wait for 20 min for the food to come, they start to get antsy.  Then you are likely feeding them snacks to keep them quiet and still while you wait.  Then their food comes, and they eat for 5 minutes, and then they are full.  Even if you don't feed them snacks ahead, they eat for 10 minutes and are done.  Meanwhile, the adults would like to finish their food, but the kids have now been sitting still for 30 minutes, and are DONE sitting still.  So lets say the grownups ate fast too.  Well, you still have to wait for the bill, wait to get your CC back, etc.  It is going to take 45 minutes at least at a sit down restaurant, which is about 30 minutes longer than your kid has to sit down at the table for dinner at home.

We went to kindergarten readiness night for DS last night, and for 5 year olds, they expect 10 minutes of sitting still focusing on an activity.  So imagine how that is going to go stuck at the table with an 18 month old.

Plus, norovirus.  I have no desire to eat any restaurant food for about the next month.  



 

[sailorgray]

Jan 31, 2013 13:55:13 GMT -5 emoflamingo said:

Jan 31, 2013 13:13:01 GMT -5 sailorgray said:

Your entire life changes when you have kids. While we do go out some, it's Wendy's or Chickfila. Would you be okay going to places like that?

If I understand correctly, you are going to visit them? I can say with pretty much certainty that you will get to visit much more with them if you just go along with staying home and ordering in.  When out, most parents are preoccupied with making sure their kids don't act out. When at home, you can let them run around and not worry so much and your SIL and BIL will be much more relaxed..

ETA: I rarely am able to have a real conversation when out to dinner with people and the kids.  My kids are pretty well-behaved, too. I just am pre-occupied with ordering their food, cutting their food, picking up sippy cups, picking up food, answering their questions, telling them to be quiet, trying to get them to sit still for a little longer b/c when they are done they are DONE, etc.  Funny b/c that stuff doesn't happen at home. I'd cut your SIL some slack. It is def not easy to go out to dinner with kids.

Well I can kind of see both ends of this argument. My life hasn't changed that much, but I wasn't the "clubbing til 3 am" type. I have friends with kids who are also a lot like me and haven't had their life flipped upside down.

And, on the other end, the flu pandemic, the stomach bug going around, plus RSV on top of being a new mom? She's probably scared her kid is going to catch something. So I can sort of understand that neurosis that she may have. (Speaking from a generalized anxiety sort of situation myself, I can get it.)

I'm not saying that my life was flipped upside down, but just going to the store changes once you have kids. You can't just bounce to your car, get in and leave. I honestly cannot think of a single thing that has stayed the same since having kids.  I am not at all complaining, it's just so different.  I truly enjoy going out to eat with my H and kids.  My H knows the drill. He knows what to expect. We share the duties. We can go 5 minutes without talking while tending to a baby and be fine with it.  We are used to talking over a loud 3 year old.  You bring others into the mix, esp. those without kids, and it's not so fun. One of you is trying to be good company and the other is tending to the kids.  Also, and I am sorry to say this OP, but it sounds like you may already be judging SIL a little.  You will probably be judging her a lot more if you are out and she becomes a pissed-off, embarrassed mom. I should add that it bugs me when people without kids try to diss on someone who has made a decision because of their kids, kwim? Like, seriously, why does it matter where or what you eat if you get to be with good company? Why can't you just suck it up and have pizza in with family? I know that sounds harsh. Sorry.

Oh, and FTR, I haven't been to a club in at least 10 years.

[ktzmoh]

I don't know about your relationship with your SIL, but if I had friends / family visiting, I'd MUCH prefer to eat in. It's just really hard to have a conversation when you're out. You spend lots of time entertaining or managing the kids. There really isn't much space left to catch up with the other adults.

On the other hand, routine meals out are no biggie for us- but it depends on thd kid, their current stage and how much energy the parents have.

[sailorgray]

Jan 31, 2013 14:01:15 GMT -5 pickle123 said:

Yes of course, it teaches good manners and patience. My son, 2, now knows how to behave in a restaurant, order his own food, please/thank you, etc.

Oh, yea. Mine did at 2, too. Then he turned 3.... God help us all.  He is actually a well-behaved guy. It's just that he's 3. He wants all of our attention on him. He likes to talk loudly and when he is done, he is done. At 2 my son was perfectly content watching the world go by. At 3, he wants to run. Doesn't make for a good time to have conversation with people visiting from OOT.

[Deleted]

Jan 31, 2013 13:40:25 GMT -5 sjh722 said:

1. I think the issue here is really that you and SIL don't get along so whatever she does is going to bother you. (Based on a lot of previous posts like this.)

2. I would much rather eat pizza at a friends' house where their kids can run around/scream/go to bed on time than try to go to a restaurant past a kid's bedtime when you can't even visit because one parent is up chasing a toddler, walking around with them because they're bored, taking them out to the car, etc. Some kids are great in restaurants - other ones are not. If she's suggesting eating in, she probably knows their limits and that dinner out at 6:00 or 7:00 means no one will have a good time.

We have 5 nieces and nephews and typically do either dinner out with just adults or order in for now. It's too crazy to have that many children behaving simultaneously in a restaurant.

SJH is wise. That is all.
Sierra I like you a lot. But you are making drama out of something that really isn't.  Your SIL didn't ask for the moon, she made a perfectly reasonable suggestion, I guess I don't see how you find that offensive and left your H to "handle" it. There's nothing to handle. If you REALLY wanted to all you had to say was, "Hey, H and I would really like to head out while we're there. Do you mind if we sneak away without you, can we bring you anything back?" OR, "Totally understandable. Anything local we can order in or any restaraunts you're okay with taking LO?"

And I have a feeling if your SIL would agree to go out, even if the baby is good, you'd be back here talking about how your dinner was ruined and SIL was rude because she was tending to the baby not having an intellectual conversation with you, kwim? We take Rubes out and she's good, but I wouldn't call it "relaxing." It's busy no matter which way I cut it.

[pickle123]

Jan 31, 2013 14:19:51 GMT -5 sailorgray said:

Jan 31, 2013 14:01:15 GMT -5 pickle123 said:

Yes of course, it teaches good manners and patience. My son, 2, now knows how to behave in a restaurant, order his own food, please/thank you, etc.

Oh, yea. Mine did at 2, too. Then he turned 3.... God help us all.  He is actually a well-behaved guy. It's just that he's 3. He wants all of our attention on him. He likes to talk loudly and when he is done, he is done. At 2 my son was perfectly content watching the world go by. At 3, he wants to run. Doesn't make for a good time to have conversation with people visiting from OOT.

I get that! He turns 3 next month, so we'll see. Also I LOVE your siggy.

[sailorgray]

Jan 31, 2013 14:50:20 GMT -5 pickle123 said:

Jan 31, 2013 14:19:51 GMT -5 sailorgray said:

Oh, yea. Mine did at 2, too. Then he turned 3.... God help us all.  He is actually a well-behaved guy. It's just that he's 3. He wants all of our attention on him. He likes to talk loudly and when he is done, he is done. At 2 my son was perfectly content watching the world go by. At 3, he wants to run. Doesn't make for a good time to have conversation with people visiting from OOT.

I get that! He turns 3 next month, so we'll see. Also I LOVE your siggy.

I should add that he is awesome at 3. It's like they become little people and not babies.  It's so much fun. I think I spend half the time scratching my head wondering where he came up with whatever he just did. They are funny little beings.  Oh, and yea, we needed more chevron around here...

[statlerwaldorf]

Jan 31, 2013 12:59:47 GMT -5 wawa said:

Jan 31, 2013 12:10:15 GMT -5 mrslch said:

Ok, I'm not sure of your history with SIL, but we have a 22 month old and he is awful 90% of the time at restaurants. He doesn't want to sit in the highchair for longer than 10 minutes and throws food all over the place and wants to run around like a crazy person. So, we don't go out with him very often. It's also a huge PITA to pack up the diaper bag with stuff to entertain him and make sure we don't forget his sippy cup and god forbid he poops while we're out. For a lot of people, it's a big ordeal to run a simple errand and if you don't have kids, you can't really fathom that. It can be very stressful! I would suggest a sitter or be willing to stay in and get take-out.

Opening disclaimer: I am NOT judging your parenting.  NOT.  Just trying to get a feel for what to expect as I embark on this roller coaster of life with baby.

Does your son refuse to sit in a high chair and throw food and run around like a crazy person at meal times at home too?  Or does he just get wound up about being in public?

Is it like dogs where my pup will be a total angel at home - sits, stays, walks nicely on a leash, etc - but take him to petsmart to get his nails trimmed and he loses his damned mind?  (not to compare your toddler to a dog or anything...)

This is pretty much how DD acted at Target when she was a young toddler.  Too much going on.  Too much to see.  She didn't want to sit in the cart, but she didn't have the self control to walk nicely on a leash (err...holding my hand I mean.)

How old is the kid?  Maybe she is uncomfortable breastfeeding at a restaurant?  Maybe she is worried about RSV?

[mrslch]

Jan 31, 2013 14:09:19 GMT -5 SusanBAnthony said:

Jan 31, 2013 12:59:47 GMT -5 wawa said:

Opening disclaimer: I am NOT judging your parenting.  NOT.  Just trying to get a feel for what to expect as I embark on this roller coaster of life with baby.

Does your son refuse to sit in a high chair and throw food and run around like a crazy person at meal times at home too?  Or does he just get wound up about being in public?

Is it like dogs where my pup will be a total angel at home - sits, stays, walks nicely on a leash, etc - but take him to petsmart to get his nails trimmed and he loses his damned mind?  (not to compare your toddler to a dog or anything...)

The problem is the length of the meal.  At somewhere like Chipotle, where you sit down and eat right away, it is fine.  When they have to sit and wait for 20 min for the food to come, they start to get antsy.  Then you are likely feeding them snacks to keep them quiet and still while you wait.  Then their food comes, and they eat for 5 minutes, and then they are full.  Even if you don't feed them snacks ahead, they eat for 10 minutes and are done.  Meanwhile, the adults would like to finish their food, but the kids have now been sitting still for 30 minutes, and are DONE sitting still.  So lets say the grownups ate fast too.  Well, you still have to wait for the bill, wait to get your CC back, etc.  It is going to take 45 minutes at least at a sit down restaurant, which is about 30 minutes longer than your kid has to sit down at the table for dinner at home.

We went to kindergarten readiness night for DS last night, and for 5 year olds, they expect 10 minutes of sitting still focusing on an activity.  So imagine how that is going to go stuck at the table with an 18 month old.

Plus, norovirus.  I have no desire to eat any restaurant food for about the next month.  



  This.

At home he does ok.  I don't put him in his high chair until dinner is ready and then he eats and can get back to playing within 10 or 15 minutes.  At a restaurant he has to sit there and wait to order, wait for drinks, wait for food, etc.  Plus, there's all the other noise and distractions of the other diners and staff.  His little brain wants to explode.