Can you please talk to me about this?

[Deleted]

I would suck it up. It's your H's father, and he wants you to be there with him. I know it won't be pleasant. (hugs)

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry this happened to your family


If it were me in this situation, I would go to support my H but I would shut my eyes when you get close to the body or keep them on the wall just behind him so you don't have to look too closely. Hugs to you and your H.

[ErinExpat]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Is it possible to go into the room with him, but not look. You can go in together, holding his hand, but stop short of the coffin.

Is that an option?

((Mekiakoo))

[lightbulbsun]

I'm so, so sorry that you and your H are going through this. But I think you really have to be there for your H right now, and if he wants you in the room you should go.

[underwaterrhymes]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it will be hard, but I do think you need to be there for your H.

They usually do a good job of making sure the loved one looks as good as they can, but that doesn't mean it will be easy. ((Hugs))

[BieberMyBalls]

Could you be in the room with him, but not go right up to the body? This is such an awful situation, I'm so sorry. Your H will probably be so grateful if you're there, its a nightmare seeing a loved one that way. Again, I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. *hugs*

[cuddlyevil]

Your H will need you. I know it will be really hard, but you need to suck it up and go. If you are not comfortable with going in the room, that's okay.


{{{{HUG}}}}

[mishap]

I am so, so sorry your family is going through this. And I'm so sorry that you have to be the strong one in the situation -- that seems like the world's toughest job.

If it was me, I would really try my best to go. This could be the hardest thing your DH will ever have to do, so I think you should be there for him to lean on. I'm sorry.

[hisno1girl]

I think you can go in and still not have to look. Walk in with your husband but maybe slightly behind him? Chances are he & his brothers will want to hold on to each other as they see their father.

When my MIL passed, that's what I did. It seems like DH & his siblings were standing side by side and all of the spouses were standing behind them.

You can close your eyes if you want to. I wouldn't want to see my FIL like that either.

Again, I'm so sorry for this. When I read this last night I just sat there, unable to believe what you had written.

I will lift you all up in prayer and hope that you & your husband's family can find some comfort and peace in your faith.

[shostakovich]

I'm so sorry you're having to face this situation, mekia. I think being there for your husband is the most important thing right now, even though it will be difficult for you. You can do it, though. My advice is to set an image in your mind of your FIL as you remember him, and keep thinking of that.

I'm not sure whether you should share your feelings with your H - normally I would say yes, but this isn't a normal situation, KWIM? Plus, it doesn't sound like your H is in a good place to process stuff like that right now.

[Deleted]

Oh I am so sorry you are going through this. Stay strong for your H as much as possible. I think right now you need to be there for him and save telling him how you feel for later. It sounds like he needs you to give him strength he may not have right now. Bless you both during this difficult time. Hang in there.

[dcannie]

if you truly can't go in the room, just let him know.

eta: and it is okay to share your grief with your h. my husband knew my dad for almost 11 years, so it would have been weird if he never broke down, never cried. we cried together, and that can be very comforting. 

[missyny]

Oh mekaikoo. Oxoxox. I want to. Hug you so much right now. I thought about you a lot last night.
So so sad for you and your family.

I know you're scared. I know you don't want to see him. If your husband wants you with him, I think you should go. You are all going to break down. And that is ok. He IS your family too. Yes....this is also about you too. Oxox. I know you're trying so hard to be strong for H but my God! This happened to all of you. I think its ok to break down in front of your husband if you have to. You two can do this...together.

Oxox...again...please know how very sorry I am for your loss and all that your family is enduring.

[luckyval]

I am so sorry you have to go through this mekia.

Do whatever you can to be there for your H. I would follow others advice to, if you go in the room, stop short of viewing the body. Right now, though, I wouldn't share your feelings with your H

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry mekia. You are being very strong through all of this, and I hope you are letting yourself grieve.
I think I personally would regret it if I made the decision not to go in with DH, so I would. I would want to be there with him in case he breaks down. But you shouldn't feel like you have to look at the body.
I just know that in the hard times MH and I have had, having each other to lean on, even when it was hard for the other person was so important and brought us closer together.

I've been thinking about you all day, I hope you can get some rest as well. ((hugs)) and lots of t&p

[ering1115]

I would go, and when the time comes to see him, make the decision then. You may be able to go in and avert your eyes or stay behind H.

You are family too. When you are seeing FIL you don't need to be strong for anyone. No one needs to be strong at that point. You can all fall apart together and it is okay. You loved him and you deserve to grieve.

[curtains]

I think it is actually comforting to the family to see you grieve as well. When my dad died I was devastated but it was a comfort to cry along with my in-laws who loved him too. If you truely can not go into the room than don't but I would think it would mean a lot to your H and ILs if you did.
It's ok to be sad - this is beyond terrible. ((((mek))))

[Deleted]

Jan 31, 2013 8:58:38 GMT -5 mekiakoo said:

I can't believe how much this hurts.

I will go with H. I would want the same if it were the other way around.

((hugs)) so so so many ((hugs)) 

You will get through this, all of you, together. 

[thedutchgirl]

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are going with him, which I understand. Could you simply avert or close your eyes?

[firedancer49]

I am glad you are going to go in with him, I'm sure that will mean a lot to DH. If you need to, let it all out here.

[runforrest]

(((((((hugs))))))))

I'm glad you are going with him, but like others said, it's okay for you to grieve as well. He was your family too.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[iheartvino]

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Ditto PP. It is ok to grieve - not just for yourself, but also for your H. My heart breaks for you and your H. ((hugs))

[fuckyourcouch]

i'm so sorry. i wish you weren't having to deal with this. i agree with others that i think you need to support your h and go with, but i don't think it's unreasonable to want to wait away from the body or outside the room.
and it's okay for you to grieve. you're all going to grieve together and help each other through it. you definitely don't need to feel bad or not entitled to mourn him.

[jssymom14]

(((Hugs))) I am agreeing with most pp in that you need to be in there with your H and it is ok for you to grieve with the family. You do not have to be the rock this whole time.

[Deleted]

Edit: just saw the other post. Didn't realize the circumstances. I'm so
Sorry.

You need to be there for your H. Just avoid looking directly at his body if you can.

[Deleted]

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this.

You just being there will be such a comfort to your husband, so don't worry about being stoic - you're grieving, your husband is grieving, his family is grieving, there's no need to hide your tears.

[bluetopaz]

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I will say though, that when the time came with our mother to sign the papers and discontinue life support, that the presence and support of our husbands was huge in getting my sister and me through the ordeal. I know it's not the same thing really at all, but I think the strength we got from our partners was immeasurable. I will be thinking of you and your family today, and truly do send big hugs.

[pantsparty]

I'm so sorry you all have to go through this. It will be tough, but you being there for your H will mean the world to him. (((hugs)))

[Waffles]

Again, I'm really sorry. ((hugs))
But, yes, you should be there with him if that's what he wants/needs. I don't think anyone would find it a problem or even notice if you don't look at the body, but I think you need to be in the room for your H.

ETA: how lovely of your parents, I find it really heartwarming when families come together in times like this. It will help, I'm sure, you might not know it now, but it will.

[cheeseandcrackers]

I'm sorry you and your family are dealing with this.
Good luck. (hug2)