Can you please talk to me about this?

[murdock]

Major T&Ps for all of your family.

This is just so hard. Ditto those who suggested staying behind your DH, or closing your eyes.

Just take one step at a time today.

(((hugs))))

[jamich]

(((((mekiakoo)))))

[Deleted]

I am so sorry that you all are going through this. I agree that you should go and be there for your husband. He needs you now more than ever and I think that you are stronger than you realize. 

How wonderful of your parents. I'm sure their presence will be a tremendous relief to you and your H. 

(heart) (hug) (hug2)

[sparkythelawyer]

You sick it up and go. You do whatever your husband needs of you right now. You can fall apart later. If the table was turned, he would do the same thing.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Its a crap hand you all got dealt, and none of you deserve it.

its my phone!

[mirandahobbes]

(((hugs))) I agree with all the PP that you need to go. I know everyone is different, but I actually found comfort in being with my dad's body before the funeral home came. He looked peaceful and content and I talked to him. It was hard, but everything about that time was hard. Maybe if you think of it that way - as something that will be so, so hard but worth it - it will be easier for you.

Also agree with PP in regard to your grief. It's ok to break down; you loved him.

[Deleted]

I agree with your assessment, if you turned the tables and it was your father, you'd want H with you. You are obviously a very caring, selfless person to think that way.
Don't feel like you have to be the "strong" one. This is very very sad. He was your family, too. You have every right to break down, cry, grieve, etc.

[sookiestjames]

I am so sorry your family is going through this.  Many hugs to you all.

[Deleted]

Jan 31, 2013 8:37:09 GMT -5 mekiakoo said:

Annie, I read your pm in the middle of the night. Thanks.

It always tears me apart seeing a body. Every time.

I don't know if I will be able to keep my eyes away from the body if I go in the room. I don't want the family to have to comfort me while this is their time to grieve. It's making me sick just thinking about this.

But I will do whatever H wants me to do. Do I tell him how I feel or say nothing?

It is your time to grieve also.  I think you should go, but yes tell him how you feel.  All of you guys are going to go through incredible emotions, you need to tell each other how you feel.   

[kellykapowski]

Hugs, hugs, hugs. I agree with the poster that said it will likely be incredibly comforting to see you have the same emotions that they are having about this loss. It's almost a wanted distraction sometimes. Don't feel like you have to be that stoic, just allow yourself to have the feelings you are having.

Go with your H, stand behind them if you can. Be honest with your H, but support him nevertheless.

You are in my thoughts. =(

[thebamker]

First of all, it's perfectly ok for you to have a moment where YOU break down and need some comforting too. please remember that.

Also - I don't think anyone should feel forced to look at a dead body. You know yourself, if you can't handle it - I wouldn't put myself in that position.

Your H's brother will be there with him. I would let them go in together and be there for him when he comes out.

If you do go in, perhaps it will help if you don't look too hard. I know that sounds kind of silly/weird, but it works for me with some things. Allow your tears to kind of blurr your vision and don't zone in on details.

when my dad died, it was very strange how I immediately separated him from his body. It was like he wasn't there anymore but this shell still was. Maybe that will help you too... I don't know.

I'm really, really sorry this entire thing is happening.

[annyong]

Hugs, mekia. I'm so sorry you all are going through this. You're so strong.

[karmasabiotch]

Can you go with him but keep your eyes on the floor? Hugs...

[mamasaurus]

Whatever you end up doing, I hope the support of your parents will make this grief easier to bear.

(hug)

[flamingeaux]

I'm sorry Mekia.

[Deleted]

Oh sweetie. I am so very sorry. I couldn't go near my grandma after she passed, so I understand. I think you've got some very good advice here. Please let yourself grieve though, you don't always have to be so strong. Lean on us if you need, we're here. (heart)

[malibu]

I saw that you've made the decision to go with your H.

Do what you can. If you get out of your comfort zone, step away. You are part of the family too, so you have to take care of yourself and do what you feel comfortable doing, and grieve the loss as well.

We are here for you. I am so sorry you and your H and his family have to go through this.

[glassofsyrah]

((mekia)) I am so sorry. This is kind of graphic but I just want to warn you... I went to a wake for someone who had hanged himself and they did not cover the bruises around his neck. I'm really sorry to be so graphic but I don't want that to be shocking to you, just in case.

[Deleted]

Jan 31, 2013 14:22:56 GMT -5 mekiakoo said:

Looks like they're doing an autopsy today and we can't see him until tomorrow.

I was ready to face it. But I guess I will have to be ready again tomorrow.

How are you and your DH holding up?

[pantsparty]

I'm so sorry, mekia

I hope you and your H are holding up. I am sure everyone is still in shock right now.

I don't know if this is an option, but just a few hours after my brother died I went to the doctor to get some Xanax. I didn't take a ton during the day, but it did help me sleep at night.

I have tears in my eyes thinking of what you are going through. I wish I could help. (((mekia)))

[cleo29]

Jan 31, 2013 8:25:58 GMT -5 mekiakoo said:

I have been up all night. Today we are going to see FIL.

I really, really don't want to see him. Especially if he isn't going to look good. But H and BILs want to. H says he would like me to be with him.

I know I am going to never forget the image and this will probably break me if I see him.

Do I suck it up and be with H and see him. Or do I go with him but not go in the room? I am afraid H is going to break down and it would be awful if I am not with him. I mean he pretty much collapsed yesterday and we all took turns holding him for a long time. He's a tender guy.

I don't know what I should do. I will suck it up if I need to, but this is going to break me. But this isn't about me, isn't it?

I would go in with him and I can understand their need to see him. again, I am so, so sorry for your loss.

[keyslover]

Jan 31, 2013 8:29:46 GMT -5 @lcap said:

I'm so sorry this happened to your family


If it were me in this situation, I would go to support my H but I would shut my eyes when you get close to the body or keep them on the wall just behind him so you don't have to look too closely. Hugs to you and your H.

Yes.

[sewpinkgal]

My heart is just breaking for you. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Big huge hugs.

[janegold]

Omg Mekia, I am just now seeing your other post. I am heartbroken for you, your H and your H's family. This is more than any family should be made to bear. Your H is lucky to have you to lean on. Many, many thoughts and prayers for all of you.

[macmars45]

Jan 31, 2013 8:29:46 GMT -5 @lcap said:

I'm so sorry this happened to your family


If it were me in this situation, I would go to support my H but I would shut my eyes when you get close to the body or keep them on the wall just behind him so you don't have to look too closely. Hugs to you and your H.

All of this. I'm so sorry you & your H (and his family) are going through this.

[Deleted]

i'm so sorry. my heart goes out to you and your H. you are a good wife.

[youbetcha]

Hugs to you both. Like others, I would go but try not to look.

[thebamker]

wow. how is your MIL doing?

[bcv513]

Oh mekia I'm so very sorry. I've been thinking about you all day. Please let us know if you need anything or if we can do anything

[stinkyfeet]

My heart breaks for all of you. I wish you comfort & peace in the coming days, weeks, months

[piaffe]

Many prayers for you and the family.