I wish we could just adopt a 5 year old...

[smiley]

and skip the whole baby / toddler phase.

DH's grandfather passed away this week and we have been spending all of our time with the extended family. There are so many little ones running around and it drives me nuts, of course since we don't have a child they expect us to watch my nephew so SIL can mingle. Being around him these past few days for hours on end makes me want to skip that whole phase and just adopt!

[curbsideprophet]

You could if you really wanted to.

[smiley]

yeah, I know we could adopt a five year old ... but then we would get an earful from family bc DH is the last man with the family name... We have been hearing how we have to have a boy to pass down the name since we married 3 years ago...

[drloretta]

Um, you can't pass on a family name to an adopted child?

Anyhoo, I actually really enjoyed the nb phase with DD, and the toddler phase hasn't been too horrible. My nephews were terrible at 5-ish. I'm so glad they're done with that.

[njohnson1972]

May 11, 2012 19:16:26 GMT -5 smiley said:

yeah, I know we could adopt a five year old ... but then we would get an earful from family bc DH is the last man with the family name... We have been hearing how we have to have a boy to pass down the name since we married 3 years ago...

There are so many things about this comment that irk me..

[livinitup]

Why are you expected to watch your SIL's child so she can mingle? That strikes me as so odd. Why in the world is that expected?

[Deleted]

I want to adopt a 25 year old. I want the relationship I have with my parents with my own child, sans 25 years of work & relationship building.

Why would you have to watch your nephew? That's some bullshit, not your kid means you can play with him if you want and hand him back to his mom when you don't.

[daisy]

le sigh

dude, wtf is wrong with you?

1. many 5 year olds are available. more so than newborns

2. what the fuck is this about a boy? my god, pass on the family name. like you are some a kennedy or obama or something. my god.

[jigsy]

I'd prefer to adopt a kid who was already able to make rational decisions and arguments. So...30ish? Also, they need to come with an endowment of something...kids aren't cheap.

[mudslide]

O.o

[Wines Not Whines]

Sometimes I wish I could give birth to an 18 month old, minus the size issue. I did not love the newborn stage and don't want to go through it again.

[smiley]

May 12, 2012 4:08:05 GMT -5 @kimbus22 said:

I do have some sympathy on the boy thing though. My husband was the last male with his family name until last year. His family is REALLY into family trees. I was glad we had a son so that his grandmother wouldn't badger me into having more children until a boy arrived. I'm quite sure I would have ended up with 7 girls and see my opinion on what baby girls turn into above

This will probably be us... we'll end up with a girl and then everyone will want us to have another but we will probably be one and done which they just don't understand... I don't know what it is about his family but it is expected to have at least two children and the pressure is on for the boy to past down the name, it's not DHs fault his parents only had one boy. lol

[smiley]

May 11, 2012 22:59:31 GMT -5 livinitup said:

Why are you expected to watch your SIL's child so she can mingle? That strikes me as so odd. Why in the world is that expected?

Because she has an infant so apparently she can't watch a 2 year old and an infant at the same time... I have no idea, but everytime he wanted to go outside and swing or play it was "go ask Uncle John to go with you" and then SIL was like well if you come inside you need to make sure he comes back in with you...

[liveintheville]

May 11, 2012 19:16:26 GMT -5 smiley said:

yeah, I know we could adopt a five year old ... but then we would get an earful from family bc DH is the last man with the family name... We have been hearing how we have to have a boy to pass down the name since we married 3 years ago...

I'm the one passing on the family name and I'm adopted. My brother doesn't have kids. I kept my last name when I got married and passed it along to my kids. So... This logic just doesn't compute.

[tardyfortheparty]

Besides the fact that you can adopt a 5 year old and you can (and should) pass the family name onto an adopted child....but whatever...

I'm a firm believer that parenting doesn't get easier as kids age. My great grandmother always said "Little people, little problems, big people, big problems." It would be great to adopt a 5 year old...but it won't make it any easier.

[smiley]

May 12, 2012 8:21:37 GMT -5 tardyfortheparty said:

Besides the fact that you can adopt a 5 year old and you can (and should) pass the family name onto an adopted child....but whatever...

I'm a firm believer that parenting doesn't get easier as kids age. My great grandmother always said "Little people, little problems, big people, big problems." It would be great to adopt a 5 year old...but it won't make it any easier.

We could pass the family name onto an adopted child but then it wouldn't have the same bloodline. There are several "adopted" grandchildren i.e. kids they count as grandchildren that are not from the bloodline but rather first marriages etc.

Parenting doesn't necessarily get easier with age but skipping the diaper stage and terrible twos would be fabulous.

[drloretta]

May 12, 2012 8:25:23 GMT -5 smiley said:

We could pass the family name onto an adopted child but then it wouldn't have the same bloodline.

Um, OK

[caramia17]

As an adoptee and someone who kept her parents' name when she married, I am all kinds of insulted by this level of stupid. Bloodline, my ass. What makes a family is the work and time and love you put in to make that bond. There is so much wrong with this post it is scary.

[MadamePresident]

Couldn't you just send the nephew back to his mom? Uncle John says, "go ask your mommy." You should not be responsible for someone else's kids, unless you just offer.

[miss1180]

May 12, 2012 8:25:23 GMT -5 smiley said:

May 12, 2012 8:21:37 GMT -5 tardyfortheparty said:

quote]

We could pass the family name onto an adopted child but then it wouldn't have the same bloodline. There are several "adopted" grandchildren i.e. kids they count as grandchildren that are not from the bloodline but rather first marriages etc.

Parenting doesn't necessarily get easier with age but skipping the diaper stage and terrible twos would be fabulous.

ok... this was enough for me to create my account here and respond. we're adopting a little boy from Korea. he'll be almost 2 when he comes home. We're white, so obviously he won't have our blood line... but that DOES NOT mean that we can't pass on our family name to him, and it DEFINITELY DOES NOT mean that he'll be less of "our" kid than a biological kid would be! We'll still have to deal with EVERYTHING parents with biological kids would- waking up in the middle of the night when he's sick, driving him around to soccer practice or boy scouts, making sure he does his homework every night, keeping tabs on him when he's a teenager, taking him shopping for his prom tux, picking him up in ht middle of the night when he car breaks down... ALL of that stuff is stuff ANY parents has to do, regarless of "bloodline" or not.
and, by the way, i was i could "just" adopt!!! we started the process 15 months ago. we've been waiting over 9 months for him to be able to come home and watching him grow up in the pictures we get from the agency. and we STILL have no definite idea when he'll be home. yeah... we "just" adopted. no big deal, it was easy

[Deleted]

Wtf? Are you really concerned about passing on the family name via a bio son who wouldn't disrupt the bloodline? Did Proboards glitch and take us back a few hundred years?

[barefootcontessa]

May 12, 2012 8:25:23 GMT -5 smiley said:

May 12, 2012 8:21:37 GMT -5 tardyfortheparty said:

Besides the fact that you can adopt a 5 year old and you can (and should) pass the family name onto an adopted child....but whatever...

I'm a firm believer that parenting doesn't get easier as kids age. My great grandmother always said "Little people, little problems, big people, big problems." It would be great to adopt a 5 year old...but it won't make it any easier.

We could pass the family name onto an adopted child but then it wouldn't have the same bloodline. There are several "adopted" grandchildren i.e. kids they count as grandchildren that are not from the bloodline but rather first marriages etc.

Parenting doesn't necessarily get easier with age but skipping the diaper stage and terrible twos would be fabulous.

I am thinking you probably should adopt an older child given your attitude, if that.

[Willis Jackson]

Is this the first flaming on the new board?

OP, are your ILs neo-nazis or something? What is all this bloodline talk?

[satama]

Wtf are you talking about? Sounds like you and your inlaws are kind of assholes.

[rubytue]

OP - do you really believe what you are typing, or is this what your ILs are saying? Because, its some crazy talk. And, as another adoptee, offensive and just sad that people think that way. Almost as bad as the guy who told me he would never adopt because all adopted kids have mental problems.

[caramia17]

May 12, 2012 10:37:57 GMT -5 rubytue said:

OP - do you really believe what you are typing, or is this what your ILs are saying? Because, its some crazy talk. And, as another adoptee, offensive and just sad that people think that way. Almost as bad as the guy who told me he would never adopt because all adopted kids have mental problems.

I once had someone tell me that they would not adopt because they could never love a child that was not theirs. I have a child and totally like her better than other people's kids (flameful!), but the kicker is that when you adopt, that IS you child. I had a birthmom in our group of friends thank me privately for saying something. Anddon't get me started on "real mom"...ugh!

I HOPE this is you ILs and not you. Please evaluate your thoughts and beliefs about parenthood before you become one.

[ilikedonuts]

You do know there is a good chance that you could end up with all girls? Or hell, (I hope this is not the case) that you could be unable to have any biological child?

[LauraMoser]

May 12, 2012 10:37:57 GMT -5 rubytue said:

OP - do you really believe what you are typing, or is this what your ILs are saying? Because, its some crazy talk. And, as another adoptee, offensive and just sad that people think that way. Almost as bad as the guy who told me he would never adopt because all adopted kids have mental problems.

I hope thus is not her opinion. I hope I am right in reading it as things her ILs have told her. I have family members that are ignorant like this as well. They are so backwards in their thinking. Seems to me like she's dealing with the same kind of people. Sorry OP that ILs are so overbearing.

[smiley]

May 12, 2012 10:37:57 GMT -5 rubytue said:

OP - do you really believe what you are typing, or is this what your ILs are saying? Because, its some crazy talk. And, as another adoptee, offensive and just sad that people think that way. Almost as bad as the guy who told me he would never adopt because all adopted kids have mental problems.

I do not have a problem with adoption at all. DH and I have talked about adopting a child since we are not sure I can carry a child to term.

It is his family who has these mindsets. They are set in their ways and we do not agree with them on most topics.

[5thofjuly]

I would certainly feel no need to kowtow to people like that. In fact, I'm not sure I would want my kids around them at all given their attitudes.