The impact of conflict on your family

[Wanderista]

This is a bit of a morbid subject for a Friday but I was talking with my SO the other night and I asked him if he lost any of his family in the war. We've discussed the war before but somehow, I had never thought to ask this. His father was originally an ethnic Croatian from Bosnia who left Bosnia long before the conflict, but yeah, apparently his father's entire family that remained in Bosnia was killed in the war. None of them who still lived there survived.

My great-uncle died in WWI but otherwise, my family has been relatively unaffected by conflict at least in the last few centuries. With the rising death toll in Syria and friends confessing that their grandparents were the only survivors of the Holocaust in their families, I can't help but wonder, how has conflict altered your family or those that you know?

I'm not asking that with any political agenda or context. I've known several lovely Serbians and I know that the war in that region was a zero sum loss for many people of different backgrounds there. It's scary to think though that my SO would not be here today if his father had decided to stay in Bosnia.

[ninjatofu]

My great grandfather was Boss Pendergadt of the Boston Mob. Does that count?

Otherwise no, as a Canadian I've experienced very little impact of war or conflict in my family (well, we've got some bat shit crazy members that have made international headlines for their poor conflict resolution skills), but otherwise, not really.

[Cheesecake]

As far as I know no-one in my family has died in any wars, but that doesn't mean there hasn't been any impact.

My grandma (officially stepgrandma) was a young German girl during WWII. She still cannot throw food away, nothing, absolutely nothing. If it smells bad, you just cook it a minute longer to kill the germs. The older she get (dementia) the more extreme she gets/reverts back into that pattern.
My grandpa on dad's side had to go into hiding with his 3 brothers. His younger brother was caught while walking his sisters dog and asked for his papers and when they saw his age, they demanded he'd report for workcamp 2 days later. When he announced that at home, they knew that if he would have to go, the other two boys would as well, and they all went into hiding. My grandpa isn't alive anymore, but his brothers still won't tell more about it than 'we used to play cards, we'd play cards for days on end'.
My mom's dad was the chief of police in a smallish town and they lived in the station. Obviously the nazi's took that over and kept their offices there. My grandparents risked their lives in the resistance, as this gave them the opportunity to try to listen in and sneak peeks at nazi intel. My other grandma and her sisters have told us about having to eat tulip bulbs, because that truly was the only thing there was.
DH's grandpa, maternal, was born Jewish (married a catholic, but still had the name) so his mom and her parents had to go into hiding as well. They were separated from each other for a few years, but fortunately were all able to reunite.
Despite the fact that WWII ended 67 years ago, it has still had a huge impact on all sides of my family. It probably will until everyone from my mom's generation is dead.

I know my family's story is absolutely nothing, nothing compared to people who actually lost family members or friends in conflict.

And it saddens me that since the break out of WWII there hasn't been even 1 single day that there wasn't a war or serious war-like conflict somewhere in the world.

[anna7602]

DH has no interest whatsoever to visit former concentration camps or even see the places in Russia, Lithuania and Poland where his ancestors were rounded up in Jewish ghettos. He never learned Yiddish from his grandparents (who miraculously survived the war when many of their close family members didn't) and has this whole mental block about anything that evokes just how closely his family's history was entwined with sad events all over Eastern Europe. When we were in Poland about 15 years ago, I skipped visiting concentration camps out of respect for his strong feelings, despite my feelings that memorials are important. I've been to Holocaust museums in DC and in Jerusalem on my own and when I went to Russia 5 years ago, it was without DH. His attitude about Russia was that it was a nasty, terrible place for his ancestors, what could he possibly find there for himself? He hates reading novels about Holocaust survivors, etc.

He's a total history buff and actually does a lot of general reading on WWII (as well as other periods) and we even went up to Normandy recently to visit all the D-Day beaches. But, it's weird because there is this whole really important part of the story of WWII that I have to keep quiet about in front of him because it's too personal for him.

(Sorry for the novel.)

[allibally]

DH's grandpa will not talk about the war. He gets emotional when it is brought up.

[wise_rita]

DBF's great uncle (very much a grandfather figure to him) was imprisoned for no apparent reason during the German occupation of Norway. He never talked about it and I would love to get the details behind it but, alas, it is now too late.

[Deleted]

My grandfather, who I never met, was born with a cardiac defect but was still forced into WWII. He died a few years later I complications occurred during the war. The whole family (this is my mom's side - a really numerous family) was anti-fascist and all the men were tortured by the fascists under Mussolini.

[clogged]

H's grandmother was in a camp for 2 years in Indonesia during the war. She lost her husband and father at that time. She moved back to the old country upon her release with her young son, who promptly died of illness (they came mid-winter). She does talk about it- she doesn't want people to forget. His other grandparents lived through the fear, rationing, and watching their neighbors suddenly disappearing during the entire occupation. I never met them but he tells stories of grandma scraping the teeniest piece of butter across bread, and the scolding at him eating a second cookie- what decadence!

My family lost one distant family member in conflict, that was it. Seems cushy by comparison. Rationing didn't even effect them.

[Wanderista]

Hehe, mob bosses count, the question is truly open to interpretation. I've got a few crazy gems in my extended family, the kind of people who say, "Don't say it to my face, say it to my lawyer." But no, it's really an open-ended question and impact really applies to anything.

My grandpa did fight in the Korean War but he was never in the front, he was at a desk working with the early version of computers. He came home, married my grandma and never left the US again. So I'd say that the impact was minimal overall in my immediate family.

Thanks everyone for sharing.

[blushing]

Not a death, but if it weren't for the Boer war in South Africa I would be British and not South African. My great grandfather went to fight in the second Boer War and never left. That's how most of my great grandparents ended up is South Africa.

[elenetxu]

Grandpa was in WWII on the Pacific Front. He never said a word about the war.

The grandparents in law were kids during the Spanish civil war. Given the fact that one side was on the fascist side and the other side were communists, it's quite the mix! GMIL 1 was sent to Belgium alone as a refugee, fleeing from the bombings and conflict of the Basque Country. She talks about it every now and then and really would like more information about where she was and the school she was at. I've been trying to help but can't find anything.

As for other, unofficial conflicts: FIL is involved with local politics in a big city in the Basque Country and his group of political buddies had to travel with bodyguards. Until someone told me the truth, I thought my FIL was really popular!

[clickerish]

The World Wars had a huge impact on the Dutch side of my family. My grandfather was in the resistance as was most of his family in the first one--by the time the second one rolled around, he was actively in the military. That is how he met my grandmother. My grandmother was in a camp with her whole family, and her uncle was in the resistance--for which he was tortured and killed. While I wouldn't exist today if it weren't for my grandfather liberating that camp, I think the psychological effects on both of them were pretty intense, because my grandfather was a really rough person. The camps, the people who died in them that were family members were like spectres in the family--always there subtly even though nobody would talk about it directly. We were trained from birth to have an intense respect for anything and everything having to do with the wars or with memorials thereof, and to protect anyone linked to Jewish heritage. We also had to read Maus, Anne Frank's Diary and so forth as kids, and visit memorials. And nobody ever brought home anybody who looked Japanese. Never.

[oneslybookworm]

My mom lost two brothers in Korea...one KIA and one still listed as MIA. My father was a sniper in the Marines back in the early 50s. He was sent to the ME on some unofficial conflicts. Mom said he came back a really changed man after that. My brother is currently in the Army but missed deployment to Afghanistan due to a back problem, and I have one nephew in Afghanistan currently, serving in the Marines.

Mostly, my family's experience in world conflicts has been from a military perspective. Both sides of mine, and DH's family, all seem to gravitate towards mitary service.

[popcorn]

My great-grandfather was a POW shot down not too far from where I'm living now here in Germany -- during WWII. He kept a diary about everything, but never told his family about it. No one found it until he and then later his wife died. It has a detailed account of what he went through. I haven't had the chance to read it yet, but my mom did and she also did a trip here to Germany completely focused on his mission (the Kassel mission).

I wouldn't say it's had a huge impact on our lives because there was so much we didn't know about it until recent years, but is certainly an interesting history.

My mom also met while here people who have scraps of my great-grandfather's plane -- collected them right out of the field. And the young daughter of the people who took him in at a farmhouse nearby is now an older woman living in Seattle (where my parents live!). She met her when she came back from that trip she went on about the mission.

I know it made me realize the importance of keeping a diary for future generations. Now if only I could keep up with one.

[popcorn]

Jun 1, 2012 12:00:51 GMT -5 Wanderista said:

Hehe, mob bosses count, the question is truly open to interpretation.

In this case I'll tell you also that I am directly related to the Mudds. My grandma's maiden name was Mudd actually. And by Mudds I mean Dr. Samuel Mudd who set John Wilkes Booth's leg immediately after he assassinated Lincoln. Yup, that's my heritage.

[Wanderista]

Jun 2, 2012 2:24:41 GMT -5 popcorn said:

My great-grandfather was a POW shot down not too far from where I'm living now here in Germany -- during WWII. He kept a diary about everything, but never told his family about it. No one found it until he and then later his wife died. It has a detailed account of what he went through. I haven't had the chance to read it yet, but my mom did and she also did a trip here to Germany completely focused on his mission (the Kassel mission).

I wouldn't say it's had a huge impact on our lives because there was so much we didn't know about it until recent years, but is certainly an interesting history.

My mom also met while here people who have scraps of my great-grandfather's plane -- collected them right out of the field. And the young daughter of the people who took him in at a farmhouse nearby is now an older woman living in Seattle (where my parents live!). She met her when she came back from that trip she went on about the mission.

I know it made me realize the importance of keeping a diary for future generations. Now if only I could keep up with one.

Wowza, that meeting in Seattle is incredible stuff. Hehe, it's not really related to conflict but in a similarly unlikely way (regarding being related to the Lincoln assassination), I'm apparently related to the loserish brother of Charles Dickens who begged money off of his famous brother his whole life and who died in a poorhouse in Chicago after Charles died and there was no longer a wealthy soft touch to take care of him. His four kids were sent off to live in a part of the Midwest where my grandma is from. My grandma's maiden name was Dickens but she was an illiterate housewife whose most cultured interest was watching Wheel of Fortune. Go figure.

I'm also related to one of the English kings who was a womanizer and had a lot of mistresses. I'm related to him via one of his mistresses who was described as "the merriest, baudiest wh... in England" at the time. Pure class. Funny stuff, none of that has anything to do with conflict though. That king did fight in a lot of wars but that falls into the "not for the last few centuries" category.

[Deleted]

Hey Popcorn, if it makes you feel better, I am very distantly related to John Wilkes Booth. Apparently my great great grandmother's maiden name was Booth or something and my grandfather knew exactly how we were related, but he's been dead almost 30 yrs and my father doesn't remember any details. I guess some family histories are better forgotten.

[popcorn]

Wanderista, that's a pretty funny story and you had me laughing with the part about Wheel of Fortune. Well, perhaps funny is the wrong word, but very interesting.

Jun 2, 2012 5:21:22 GMT -5 @myblue said:

Hey Popcorn, if it makes you feel better, I am very distantly related to John Wilkes Booth. Apparently my great great grandmother's maiden name was Booth or something and my grandfather knew exactly how we were related, but he's been dead almost 30 yrs and my father doesn't remember any details. I guess some family histories are better forgotten.

Meh, I'm not too embarrassed by it. You know, every family has crazies in their history and, thought I'm not happy Lincoln was assassinated or to be related to an accomplice, it does make for a kind of fun story. Perhaps if it were something more recent it would bother me more.

[crimsonandclover]

My family: They were mostly farmers, so they stayed home during the war, but my great uncle served in the Pacific. They were getting ready to attack an island when the war ended. Turned out they probably all would have died because the island was much better defended than they had anticipated. My uncle served in Korea, but as far as I know nothing happened.

DH's family: One grandfather lost an arm, maybe in Russia? I don't remember where, but he ended up dying from a heart attack that was likely a complication of the arm amputation when he was about 55. DH's other grandfather, a pastor, served in the navy. Several times he was ordered to shoot survivors from sunk Allied ships who were still in the water. I never met the man, but the story he told was that he and a few others would purposely shoot close to the soldiers but wouldn't actually shoot them. DH's grandmother, the wife of the guy who lost his arm, was recruited to be a telegrapher relatively late in the war, went through training, and then was sent out to Czechoslovakia together with another girl from her class. The girl's luggage got lost in one of the train transfers, though, so they had to go back to try to get it. By the time they actually arrived in Prague, the war was over and they were left trying to make it back home by themselves. They got separated, and the other girl got back to their hometown first and told DH's grandma's parents that she was dead. They had two children, and their son was missing in Russia (never heard from him again), so it devastated them. When she actually did show up, though, hitching rides on trains and in convoys, they were obviously shocked and elated.

That grandma is a huge supporter of Israel and the Jews, and I once asked her if she really hadn't known what was going on in Germany. She said that there was only one Jewish family in their small town, and when that family disappeared, everyone just figured they had moved away - they weren't the only ones to have done so. She said that at least for her, it really was only after the war was over that she found out what had been happening.

[Wanderista]

Thanks Popcorn and thanks everybody!