DH makes close to that and I SAHM so I thought I would comment. Most of our monthly budget is eaten up by responsible must pay expenses. Meaning that after mortgage, taxes, insurance, car expenses, life insurance, roth contribution, preschool, tithe, utilities, ect. We also budget for once a year expenses every month so when the expense happens we are prepared for it. We have very little extra money and wiggle room. Our flexible spending is groceries and eating out ($400/ month) and gas ($300 / month). We save a little to savings every month but this is really our slush fund in case we need some extra cash throughout the month. We do not have any debt besides our lawnmower (dumb DH, financing a mower) but it is at 0% interest.
I guess I said all that to say how much $ you have is probably in the eyes of the person with the money. DH makes good money for the area but because we use most of it for allocated expenses I tend to think we are less well off than we really are.
There is no way to tell. They may have debt or may just be doing what you **should** as in saving for retirement, college, emergency funds, a house down payment. If she says kids are expensive I haveno reason to think she'd lie about it. For us we have 3 (plus 1 on the way)...I pay $1500/mo on private school, $200/mo on music lessons, $200/mo on ballet plus I was paying up to $950/mo on tutoring for my dyslexic 7yr old. That's almost $3k/mo in "kid" costs not including food, bigger house, gifts, medicines, toiletries/diapers, college savings, hair cuts, shoes/clothes, etc. Honestly $75k isn't all that much after taxes, expenses, gas, utilities, maybe a Roth IRA for her & $1500/mo isn't dirt cheap either for a VLCOL rental. Life **can** be cheap but I wouldn't say it absolutely is even for minimums.
If anything, it's higher; part of it's not taxed. DH had his job a couple years ago and I don't quite remember. But yeah, I'm definitely sure about the ballpark.
I knew better than to post and run - you girls always go places that need a response
No, it's not healthcare. They don't pay a dime in healthcare costs. Ever. For anything. Open heart surgery to band-aids, it's all free. There's no deductible, there's no monthly premium. (No premium except in the abstract sense that his salary is lower than elsewhere bc the employer pays 100%.) It's the same healthcare we have - that's why I said we aren't worried about it either
No, the kids don't go anywhere - they're 2 and 3 yos and she SAHs. The only activity is ballet once a week for DD who's 3 and that just started last month.
The only time they go out to eat that I know of is doughnuts on Sunday morning. They're so rural, there's nowhere to eat out even if they wanted to.
Yes, she cooks from scratch regularly.
I've never heard them mention church, only this doughnut thing on Sundays, so I'm pretty sure they're not tithing lots.
They rent their ~1500 sq ft house for about $1k, so no taxes, no maintenance, etc.
The husband has a pension - one of the old-fashioned ones where you get a comfortable salary til you die. They could be saving for that, but they won't need to at the level most of you talk about. The pension includes healthcare during retirement.
...So maybe they're saving super aggressively for college. That makes sense and it's something I didn't think of. But seriously, if you're so broke you're flipping out over a $100 swing and lamenting how you're ever going to afford it, ease UP. There are student loans - your kids will survive.
And yall, $75k is BIG MONEY here. ILs are of course in their 60s and have been working all their lives and their combined household income is less than that after 40 years climbing their respective work ladders. You can buy a nice 2500 sq ft house on a couple acres in the country for $80k.
And I truly don't care how people decide to spend their money. But when I know so much about their situation bc DH had that same job a couple years ago and we thought there was plenty of money to spare, but she's going on and on about how tight things are, it just made me wonder if I was missing something about the costs of kids.
Yeah, with this followup I really don't know how they don't have enough money. I'm actually a little jealous of their healthcare, pension and LCOL.
I get being curious about their money. I'm naturally very curious about people's budgets. OK, I'm actually just nosy, but if I had a friend who complained all the time, I'd really wonder what they're doing with all of their money.
I just read your response! Is she whittling away money on little things for her kids? Even $8.00 generic toys add up fast and the cash is gone before you know. I know I've really had to watch myself doing that. Now I save cash to get her something good/long term she can play with grow into and try my damndest to cut the junky toys. I buy Rubes $10.00 dresses and sleepers at Sam's and Gymboree because I can and want to. However, I'm fully aware it adds up fast and that'd be the first thing to go if necessary. If we're saving for a big goal I cut back.
From you posted though, sounds like it's just her personality to save, save, save and like I said a bit early a bit mommy martyr.
I hear you on the 75K as well. That's big money here. I know people who make half that here and still manage just fine without extreme deprivation.
Yes to all of this.
Also, $75K annually is well over the national average HHI, and they're in LCOL. If this were my friend, I'd have to hold myself back from giving her some perspective.
I think she's just cheap. My mother-in-law is like this. She buys EVERYTHING on clearance. I have never known her to buy a pair of shoes or a piece of clothing or a purse that wasn't clearanced. In fact, I often joke with DH that she's going to go broke buying clearance items. We have a 22 month old. Our biggest expense is daycare at about $1,000 each month for four days per week. We live in a LCOL area and $75,000 is more than the majority of the people around us make. Unless they have some secret debt/student loans, I can't think of a reason they would be having trouble.
I also agree about the "mommy martyr" syndrome. If you don't have extra health insurance/daycare costs, it's not expensive to raise a kid IMO.
I will say there is something about being a SAHM that makes you worry about money. Every SAHM I know worries about it, budgets everything, and probably acts like things are more tight than they are. It just seems the nature of the beast. Most SAHMs I know seem to be the person in charge of the family budget and therefore more painfully aware of every penny. It can be very hard to decide where it goes and to apply it to yourself when you know your DH has work clothes he needs to appear professional, the kids have birthday parties to attend that need gifts, growth spurts require new clothes, an activity like gymboree, sports or dance that are a little pricey but give you sanity, etc. It is all a balancing act that I think some put out there for the world to see and others are better at making it look simple.
I think it's just how she is. Just like there are people who like to flaunt their money, there are people who like to talk about how poor they are. I have a FB who really doesn't have money and she is always posting how they can't afford this or that. While it may be true, it's very uncomfortable to always read. What do you even say?
I knew better than to post and run - you girls always go places that need a response
No, it's not healthcare. They don't pay a dime in healthcare costs. Ever. For anything. Open heart surgery to band-aids, it's all free. There's no deductible, there's no monthly premium. (No premium except in the abstract sense that his salary is lower than elsewhere bc the employer pays 100%.) It's the same healthcare we have - that's why I said we aren't worried about it either
Post by narockshard on Feb 5, 2013 20:49:51 GMT -5
I can't really relate to the having kids aspect because we don't have any yet, but I think I can see where she's possibly coming from. I'm a crazy budgeter and no matter how much more we make (and I'd say we're pretty well off right now), we always end up allocating it or budgeting for different things, like increasing retirement contributions, or giving to church, or starting some sort of emergency/savings fund, so it never seems like we have extra. Like the more we make the smarter we have to be with it...and I can definitely see things getting more intense when we do have kids. I often wonder at what point I'll not "worry" about money anymore, but I think it's kind of in my personality to do so, so I don't really foresee it changing.
Since they are renting, maybe she considers them not to have any extra money because they are saving everything extra for a down payment on a house, or to even buy one in cash? And maybe they're very goal oriented and have a plan to save X amount by a certain date, so to them there isn't wiggle room for anything else. Some of the things you mentioned about her just made it seem like they could be those kind of aggressive savers/pay off debt as soon as possible kind of people.
I think it depends on their situation. We live in NJ (apparently the 2nd most expensive state to raise a child) and although we have a decent combined income ($125k) on paper, by the time you deduct taxes, my student loan payments, our mortgage and other assorted bills, things are TIGHT. But I believe in splurging for myself every now and then so I don't feel deprived. Even though things are tight, I learn to balance and work with what money we have left over...
I knew better than to post and run - you girls always go places that need a response
No, it's not healthcare. They don't pay a dime in healthcare costs. Ever. For anything. Open heart surgery to band-aids, it's all free. There's no deductible, there's no monthly premium. (No premium except in the abstract sense that his salary is lower than elsewhere bc the employer pays 100%.) It's the same healthcare we have - that's why I said we aren't worried about it either
Geez, what does he do for such great healthcare?
I have 100% covered healthcare. I pay nothing. Ever. My boss pays the premium, and gives us 1/4 of the deductible every quarter on a reloadable card that we use for RX, doctors visits, etc.
I work for a small software development company with ~10 employees, I'm senior management but even still I'm not making $75,000 / year. It just so happens that my boss really cares about awesome benefits, our 401k match is 200% of the first 6% that we put in (I put in 6%, they put in 12%, if I put in 12% they still only put in 12%).